Friday, December 30, 2011

The Best of Scary Film Review 2011

Here is an interesting thing for you to look at, while you're nursing your hangover for New Years. The following list is essentially the best of Scary Film Review for this year. I reviewed a lot less this year because I got a divorce and was screwed over financially. The new year is looking good though, so we'll see how that all works out, but for now, this is an interesting look at the past. I hope you enjoy the list, check out the reviews, and for goodness sakes, please buy something from Amazon.

Lunopolis Review
Mad Rons Prevues From Hell Review
REWIND: Top 5 CHRISTMAS Horror Movies
Fear Itself - Eater Review
Mans Best Friend Review
Rage Review
REWIND: Virginia Creepers Review
The Return of Scary Film
Advertise on Scary Film Review
Red State Review
It’s Only A T-Shirt
The House On The Edge of the Park Review
Smash Cut Review
NIghtmares in Red White and Blue Review
Camp Hell Review
Death Note Review
Marshmallow Ghosts - Corpse Reviver no.2 Review
Scream 4 Review
Throne of Blood Review
Top 5 Cannibal Movies
Top 5 Dracula Movies
Lair of The White Worm Review
Second Opinion: The Hunchback of the Morgue Review...
The Hunchback of the Morgue Review
House of Fallen Review
3 Reasons To Shop At The Official Star Trek Store
Club Dread Review
Robo Geisha Review
Hobo With A Shotgun Review
Donations Now Accepted
Who Can Kill A Child Review
Final Destination Review
Cobra Review
Killer Granny Pledge
Black Cobra Review
Sleepaway Camp Screening Tonight at Midnight
The Dead and the Damned Review
Mad Dog Killer Review
Martyrs Review
The Netflix Scare
Retroactive Review
Sleepaway Camp Midnight Screening July 29 Join Sca...
Robo Vampire Review
Seven Deaths In The Cat's Eye Review
Changes Coming
Ricco The Mean Machine Review
Satan's Blood Review
Prom Night 4: Deliver Us From Evil Review
Prom Night 3 Review
The Maze Review
My Most Hated Genre
Heathers Review
Where Is Sir Jorge
Killer View AKA Snuffed Review
REWIND: Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives Revie...
Satans Slave Review
The Transitional Champion
A Virgin Among The Living Dead Review
The Rat Man
Rabid Dogs Review
The Return Date
A Blade In The Dark And I'm Coming Back
REWIND: Monkey Shines Review
No Review For My Birthday
The Top 5 Urban Horror Movies
Poltergeist II: The Other Side Review
Bachelor Party At The Bungalow of the Damned Revie...
Puppet Master 2 Review
Top 10 Horror Camp Movies
Shredder Review
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan R...
End of the Month Death Toll January 2011
Top 10 Horror Movies of January 2011
Best Worst Movie Review
Tales From The Hood Review
Def By Temptation Review
Howling III: The Marsupials Review
Bear Review
Night of the Creeps Review
Weekend Double Feature Next Week
Jason Goes To Hell Comic Books
Witchfinder General Review
Night of the Demons 2009 Review
The Lost Boys 3: The Thirst Review
Misery Review
The Twilight Zone Season 2 Review
Friday The 13th 4: The Final Chapter Review
Total Recall Review
The Book of Eli Review
Top 5 Horror Television Shows

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Lunopolis Review

lunopolis
I’m late on reviewing this, so my apologies go out to the media group that sent me this dvd, but I have been given a little more extra time, simply because I am broke and my freelance gigs aren’t exactly streaming in like before, so I’ve been viewing a lot more horror lately. So here goes, my attempt to make sense of this science fiction film entitled Lunopolis.

This pseudo-documentary grips you right away with a strange newscast and a strange phone call that reminds me a lot of “Coast to Coast AM”. The caller talks about lunar people and conspiracy theories, but when the call gets cut short as someone seems to snuff the caller out, the film starts to take an interesting turn. The documentary style filming was quite interesting, and we shift from the caller to a couple of filmmakers that are reviewing a box of materials that showed up at their offices.

The two filmmakers go on a quest that features everything you could possibly want with this type of movie. There are moments of suspense, wonder, and yes-even boredom. The boredom lasts only a few moments here and there, and really doesn’t amount to much, as the pacing starts to get better towards the climax of the film. The film touches on a lot of themes that some swear by, conspiracy theories and all. It skewers religion, science, fiction, and so much more.

Lunopolis is an interesting movie that starts slow, and then rushes through some “Blair Witch” style moments before crashing into your screen. I liked it enough to watch it and recommend it to those that like pseudo-documentary style films. This is a work of fiction but it’s like talking to someone like Alex Jones. You’ll like it if you like conspiracy theories, otherwise, you’ll most likely get bored. I love the style, and had to remind myself that this is not a true story, but man, does it work well.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Mad Rons Prevues From Hell Review


When it comes to compilation discs, I tend to stay away from reviewing them, but then I caught wind of this one and had to review it as it was one of my favorite vhs tapes, and now is one of my favorite dvd’s. This is quite the epic preview disc, it features 47 movie trailers, and in the middle of the set ups is constant yammering from Nick Pawlow and Happy Goldsplatt. The ventriloquist act is funny, and the dvd is not just pure trailers, as it has some great comic relief here and there featuring the duo and even Mad Ron!

The trailers are from what appears to be the original previews from grindhouse era films. You most likely have already seen the trailers, mostly splatter flicks, 70’s horror, and lots of gore. The hisses and pops that you would normally get at the movie theater in the 1980’s are all found here, and the trailers are not edited or censored. They feature all that you would have seen in the previous years, and it’s done with some care. Unlike the 42nd Street series, this is more than just a random collection, it’s got a story to it and the whole thing is just a classic.

I hear the vhs version is hard to find, ut with this dvd set up, you have it all! Mad Ron’s Prevues From Hell comes highly recommended by yours truly, and it’s the perfect thing to watch the day after Christmas.

Friday, December 23, 2011

REWIND: Top 5 CHRISTMAS Horror Movies

What? Another Rewind? Yeah, I thought this update was appropriate. We are 2 days away from Christmas, and I haven't had much luck in the way of financial success, forcing me to seriously consider possibly filing for bankruptcy. We'll see if I can get a job in the new year, it's been nearly 3 years since I've had a job that paid more than $5 an hour, but I hope the new year helps. If not, well, I don't know. At least I get to pretend to bee cool for a few minutes every few days with updates on this website. Check out this rewind, and Merry Christmas to Jervaise and all other readers!

I don't do a lot of Top 5 lists, simply because I don't spend a lot of time thinking about horror when it's not time to sit down and review. I know, that's going to stun some people, but it's true. When I think of horror, it's a very specific time and frame of mind, although there are exceptions. I did think about how awesome it would be to do a podcast with jervaise, me and jervaise, oh man, the horror movie podcast world would implode and of course someone would get sued for bashing the British film industry, truth or not.

With the Holidays upon us, and everyone talking about crap, here is my picks for top 5 Holiday Horror Movies of all time!

How The List Was Compiled

Last year around this time I did a whole month of watching just Christmas related horror movies. The year before I did the same thing, but I didn't document it on this site as much. I even spent a lot of time at work watching these movies with my coworkers. We watched so much horror that some of the movies just fell flat, but this year, I started to go back and watch all the Holiday related horror movies that I could. I even purchased some vhs tapes from ebay for the sole reason of watching them for review. I'll review those later, but for now, I compiled my 5 favorites. You might agree, you might disagree, and I'd love to hear your thoughts, because I probably am not going to pick your #1.

I'd also like to mention that I'm NOT putting these in order of best, I'm just randomly throwing out a top 5, so don't go crazy when you don't see your favorite as #1. It's all relative. These are my top 5 holiday horror movies, your list will be different, but hook it up with some comments.

THE TOP 5 CHRISTMAS HORROR MOVIES

blackxmas

5. Black X-Mas 2006 - This film knocked me out when I saw it. It really wasn't all that good on paper. A bunch of random chicks in a dorm house getting knocked off instead of knocked up? I'll buy it, but I'm not liking it unless there's a bit more slashing, and boy did the film live up. It is brutal, and boy is it brutal. I do not throw that term around lightly, as there are some sick death sequences, and the ending is so good so poignant, and so "Christmas" related. I think the final sequences stole a little from Argento's "Suspiria" but whatever, it's still classic. I didn't give this movie a fare shake when it first came out, but once I saw it on dvd, I realized that I missed out on watching it on the big screen.

Speaking of the big screen, I wanted to mention the fact that I do NOT own a big screen, flat screen or anything. I watch movies on my old UHF analog television, which sucks, but when you're broke, you're broke.

chopping mall

4. Chopping Mall - Sure it might not be a full Christmas movie, but what goes synonymously with the holidays as much as Shopping does? I mean, the poster even says it nicely, "Where Shopping Can Cost You An Arm and a Leg". For horror and science fiction fans that hate robots in general and are scared of what they are supposedly going to do in the near future, this is further proof of their rebellion. The premise of this one is simple, a group of idiots want to stay inside the mall after it closes, and when they do, they end up meeting a Robot security guard that goes rogue! There is an awesome head explosion scene at one point and it's just awesome.

It's interesting to note that The Simpsons did a tribute to this notion when Milhouse and Bart go into a mall after it closes and there is a robotic animal loose. Or wait, is it a real animal? I forget. Whatever the case is, there's a little throwback, whether it was intentional or not, that's another story altogether.

santas slay

3. Santa's Slay - Bill Goldberg vs DDP at WCW's Halloween Havoc is my favorite WCW World Heavyweight title match. That being said, this is my second Bill Golbderg moment. Santa's Slay is an interesting horror movie that is not only rated R, not only straight to dvd, but full of greatness. From the opening segments this film is a hard R and features a lot of gore. It has some great overall kills, Santa does NOT look like an anti-hero, and the ending is so stupid that you'll swear R.L. Stine wrote this crap. It's still worth checking out and it's one of my personal favorites.

childs play

2. Child's Play - This interesting piece not only has a great overall supernatural feel, it was one of the first horror movies that I personally kept renting from the Korean video store near my house. I wore out the vhs from renting it so much because I thought it was rad. 20 plus years later it's the #2 Christmas horror movie. This movie features a present gone completely wrong and boy does it go bad. The movie spawned several sequels and it was sick. I know, it's easy to dismiss the killer since it's just a doll, but it's more than that, it's a killer freaking doll with the soul of a....never mind. It's just a good one.

On another side note, remember that evil Krusty doll on the Simpsons? That was great.

silent night

1. Silent Night Deadly Night - The number one movie is none other than this one. Since I was a kid, I loved this film, and I loved the gore. I loved every aspect of this film so much that when the sequel came out, I bought it. You have to remember that in the 80's if you bought a vhs tape it was not $9.99 it was $29.99 and it sucked. I bought the second one because the first one didn't get a full release because some parents thought it was too harsh to have Santa Claus looked upon as a villain and a vile villain. The story is about a young boy who witnesses the rape and killing of his parents, and hates Santa Claus. The first of the series is quite good, better than the rest, and has been restored digitally with juxtaposing clips of the old vhs transfer to show you how advanced the dvd truly is.

The film features everything you could want in a horror movie, not just a holiday horror movie. It has gore, it has sex, it has boobs, it has teenagers getting their heads chopped off, and Santa Claus getting punched out. Oh and there's this weird sex scene at one point that is followed up by a nun whipping the crap out of them while screaming "NAUGHTY". I still think it's the greatest Christmas horror movie ever made, but that's just me.

So there you have it folks, a little killer list for you guys to enjoy on this Christmas holiday. If you haven't read my previous holiday themed reviews, you can read them here. If you want to help out this blog you can advertise or you can leave a comment and buy dvd's from the links I provide.

Be sure to let me know what horror and non horror movies you like to watch during the holidays and also if you haven't subscribed via RSS feed, go for it, you might enjoy it better than coming back here all the time.

I'll return with more reviews and more scary stupid crap. I'm going to go and read my Christmas Zombies Comic Book, and that's that.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Fear Itself - Eater Review


I discovered that the full series of Fear Itself is available online with Netflix, so I decided to start reviewing the series one by one, giving us a chance to explore certain elements and self contained stories that are found with each episode. The first one that I watched was titled, Eater.

The story seems simple enough, a prisoner and serial killer is placed into a maximum-security prison cell to be watched by a group of police officers. As the night progresses each officer ends up getting killed one by one and our main heroine has to save the day, albeit she begins to find that things aren’t exactly what they seem as there are elements of ghosts, possessions, and well…cannibalism running throughout this episode.

The thing that got me right away was the high production values of this episode. The lighting, the acting, the way the camera moves, all is great. The director, Stuart Gordon really plays on the nerves and fears of the viewer by allowing a variety of spooky things to happen before we get the final situation that is quite gorey for television. The gore really surprised me in this one, as cannibalism isn’t really a topic for regular primetime television, and well, it got into the forefront of the viewer in this one.

Eater is an interesting modern take on cannibalism, and ends like a freight train falling off the tracks. I thought for sure I had this one figured out until the very end when this all unraveled before my eyes. While it wasn’t the most creative of plots, it had enough gusto to keep me watching, even if I immediately fell asleep after the climax…. which is usually the case anyways…never mind.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Mans Best Friend Review

mans best friend
Just when I see one of the best movies of the year, I go back to the doldrums of reviewing terrible movies, and one such instance is this one, Man’s Best Friend. The 1990’s film stars a hot Ally Sheedy and badass Lance Henriksen amidst a cast of idiots that I don’t care to name, in a dog eat man world. Except for J.D. Daniels, he was in the Mighty Ducks, which is quite awesome, if I do say so myself. In this science fiction horror movie, we get to see what happens when science and terror meets head on!

The movie starts up quite swiftly; a lab where animals are being tested on gets broken into by a rogue team of investigative reporters. Amidst their journey into what should be a more closely guarded plant, they let loose one of the horrors of the building, Max. Max is a mutated dog that has the powers (I know, it’s insane) of a leopard, an owl, a snake, and a monkey! The dog forms a bond with one of the reporters and then the movie really goes nuts when she takes Max home.

The movie is laughable at first, then gets even more insane as things go on. Max, for the most part is a sympathetic animal in this film, being abused and having to deal with life away from his natural habitat, which I’m not sure exists. Being a composite of all the other animals in order to be a living weapon makes him the villain, at least to me, especially after he attacks a poor defenseless mail man….whom just happens to shoot Max in the face with pepper spray. Max goes forward with some interesting points, mostly killing people, burying them or eating them, and Lance Henriksen has to try and chase him down and catch him, or kill him!

The movie moves from a sad dog story to a cat and mouse type of film where the whole town (including the police) are chasing this super dog. The film progresses and the final showdown between badass Lance and the dog come to full frame. The two should’ve charged each other to a freeze frame like in the Rocky movies, but instead we get some of the most ludicrous moments. I didn’t know who to cheer for, so I just started to root for all characters dead. I got half a wish in the way the film ends, and then abruptly flashes to dark and the credits roll. Oh right, before setting up what seems to be the most impossible of sequels, and something I hope doesn’t exist.

Man’s Best Friend is one of the worst movies to come out of 1993, but the face pacing and constant blood shed made for a watchable experience. I don’t recommend this one, but then again, I don’t’ recommend much. I liked it enough to see it yet again, and while it doesn’t look that old, it definitely isn’t the better of “dog” based horror movies.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Rage Review

rage
There are a lot of movies that I’ve seen for free, and many of them don’t really live up to any of the hype that I read about them. But for once, I can truly say that a screener has really lived up to all the awards and accolades that they’ve received from around the film festival circuit, which is rare. I’ve seen a ton of Italian, British, and Spanish horror movies this year, and while most of them were ok, nothing gripped me quite like this American offering. Whoever said modern horror was dead or in shambles, didn’t get to see this one. It has all the makings for a horror classic, if only more people would watch it. My first review back from a small hiatus is none other than the psychological horror film Rage.

Rage deals with an emotional situation, compounded by mystery and set to a thrilling pace. You’ll meet a man who’s cheating on his wife but is now ending it. After ending it all with her, he is chased down by a mysterious biker who terrorizes him by beating him up, scratching his car, and chasing him through the downtown areas. After a long day of suspense, he goes home, and all is safe…or is it!

The film immediately grabbed me in an interesting fashion, simply because the quality is high. The film looks higher quality than most straight to dvd type films. In fact, the quality is so high that I’m surprised this wasn’t released by a larger studio like Lionsgate. I was impressed not only by the film quality, but also the editing and cinematography that is shown throughout. Some of the frames are perfect, and reach a boiling point of suspense that is often times just used for scare tactics in larger films.

The human emotion involved with both anger, and what appears to be a karma driven experience is quite interesting to see. I found the elements working well together, especially when our main character shifts from hero to villain and back again thanks to the outlaw biker. (Remember those magazines? I wonder if they are still around)

The pacing of the film is fast, throwing you into the story and giving you just enough background information to get you trusting in the director’s narrative. The film moves from heavy-handed horror to softer paced thriller and suspense. I felt the emotions through even though the actor’s were unknown to me. AT times this film was completely brutal, and at other times it was poetic in a way, but whatever the case is, Rage had me compelled throughout the entire process.

Rage is not for everyone; it has some really disturbing moments, some of which will find critics cringing as a result. I recommend checking this film out, it’s probably one of the best things you’ll see all year, and that’s saying a lot, because I’ve seen quite a bit of films this year. This one takes the hat in a lot of ways…geez.

Monday, December 12, 2011

REWIND: Virginia Creepers Review

I was supposed to review a new film, but got caught up with Breaking Bad Season 4. So instead, here is a rewind.

Virginia Creepers Review

I was given a copy of this cool documentary, that is quite fascinating. Virginia Creepers is a documentary about late night television that was a major part of many a child hood. Much like Elvira and others, there were a bevy of horror movie hosts that would beckon people to tune in and watch cool film. I love it.

I grew up with horror hosts, and these horror hosts would introduce b-movies, horror movies and so much more. I always wondered who would come up with these things, and why it is that the format worked.

This documentary focuses on the Virginia television side of things and not necessarily the rest of the country, but it's poignant. Between commercials and movies came a cool batch of skits and comedy angles.

I'm not too used to reviewing documentaries, simply because I focus more on horror film and the likes, so You'll have to excuse my review for not being incredible, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't check out this amazing piece of history.

For those of us that grew up with horror movie hosts at Midnight or later, tihs is a rare gem. I didn't see the characters they showcased in this documentary, but rather I grew up in Los Angeles where we had a different kind of host.

I miss it.

Television is not the same, and for whatever reasons no one has revived this long standing tradition of cool horror characters. You owe it to yourself to visit this film and documentary and look at how awesome it was to be a horror movie fan yesteryear.

Here's a mini-doc, and some clips from the documentary.





For those that are not familiar with the horror host shows, consider the movie Fright Night, as they have a portrayal of that. Also, see the Simpsons episode where BOOBARELLA is on. Similar stuff.

This documentary is really cool. Despite the name and regional focus, it has a broad stroke and exploration of television and why the format has passed away in a sense. HBO tried to do Tales From the Crypt with a host, but it's nothing like the old days, that's for sure.

I loved this documentary, and it was a nice change of pace from watching the traditional horror movie that I see here.

Get more info on Virginia Creepers by visiting the official website. You owe it to yourself to watch, and learn. this is a good one, and I'm not just saying that.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

The Return of Scary Film

I have to admit, I've been burned out on horror for quite sometime. I spent 4 years reviewing horror movies, trying to make a few cents, and spending a lot of my own money to fund this site's continual rentals and purchases, and have really hit a plateau. I don't have a lot of money, and no one buys with the links I provide, so I had to decide whether or not I wanted to continue with this site or not.

The short answer is, YES.

Starting Monday, I'll be posting far more reviews than you've probably ever thought I would. I will be reviewing anything and everything and from time to time the posts will be longer than usual. I'm open to comments, recommendations, and donations in the form of purchasing things from Amazon for your own good.

This is how it works:

YOU CLICK on AMAZON links, buy something for yourself, and they let me wet my beak. I get 4% of the sale, you pay no extra. It's that easy. Tell your mom, tell your dad, help a brotha out.

Monday, it all begins again.

Support this blog by visiting the Scary Film Web Store here.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Advertise on Scary Film Review

For quite some time now, Scary Film Review has been accepting offers for advertising, editorial reviews, and much more. The offers are usually accepted on a private email basis, and are scrutinized heavily. Well, we are opening up the gates for more advertising. Scary Film Review will now open up advertising opportunities to anyone that needs to advertise their website, promotional goods and more.

There are several options to explore in regards to advertising here on this site.

The following are options:

1. Text Link – You can have a text link pointed to your site from the home page. Currently we are a page rank 4/10 website, and it falters from time to time, but we continually strive to provide editorial updates and reviews weekly to ensure that the numbers remain high. This link type can be purchased in 30 days, 3 months (roughly 90 days), 6 months (180 days), and 1-year increments. Email for pricing.

2. Banner Ads – If you want to place banner ads on the site, we can do that at a price. The price is a monthly charge, much like text links are, and can be discussed within budget via email.

3. Editorial Reviews – You can purchase reviews for your dvd, movie, television show, movie trailer or just about anything you could think of. If you are promoting a horror movie, you will not necessarily be promised a “good” review or positive rating, however, you will get a fair chance. Most often I review movies for free and will continue to do so, but if you are looking for promotional consideration beyond my time frame of reviewing, you’ll have to pay for expedited service. These reviews will be in line and stay on the site for the life of the site.

4. Press Releases, Trailers, News – I am open to any ideas that you might have. You can email what you have in mind. I do not post these things unless I'm paid, sorry. There's just too many out there and too many people asking.

The price for the above 4 options are negotiable. I will work with any sized budget that is out there. I’m not looking to get rich, but as it stands, I make minimum wage and work 50 – 70 hours just to get by. I would like to continue to do this site, but the costs are starting to creep up in life.

The Numbers

Scary Film Review receives the following numbers according to Google analytics:

10,673 Page Views a Month

83% Search Engine Traffic
10% Direct Traffic
6% Referring Sites

There are 583 Posts, with roughly 500+ horror movie reviews. The updates range from 3 times a week to 6 times a week depending on financial matters.

The rest balances out to other stuff.

The main page gets hit the most, and subsequent pages are hit and read often. The sidebar is seen on all pages, so if you get a link on page 1, you’ll be on every page.

Contact

If you’re interested in advertising on this page, you can email me at sirjorge at gmail dot com with your ideas.

Thank you.

Red State Review

red state
I like Kevin Smith, but I wasn’t so sure about his plans to make another film, this time ditching the notion of comedy and going for horror. His film wasn’t exactly going to break ground, as the details started to roll out, and when it was finally time to see it, I knew I wasn’t going to like it. Red State finally came out to a variety of venues, and mostly online and dvd. The famed director did a lot to promote his film and auctioned it off to himself, and even ranted and raved about the industry as a whole, then he threw a wrench into the machine of the Hollywood pictures game….and in my opinion, losing. Not many cared about this film, and those that saw it were split in regards to reviewing the film, I will try my best to talk about this one, but I tell you, it’s not my favorite.

The film is about a cult in a small town, and juxtaposes their insanity with a small town group of youth trying to get laid. When things go awry for a group of teens trying to get some action, the movie goes into high gear and involves some more heavy-handed cinema that you don’t always see with these types of films. As the film continues, and the craziness of the cult starts to rise to epic levels, a shootout ensues with authorities and church parishioners. At one point one of the kids is nailed to a cross, or rather they try, and at another moment bloody fights happen with gunplay being at the helm of the direction of the film.

There are several ups and downs in this movie, one minute playing to Kevin Smith’s old comedic roles, albeit unintentionally, and then moving to something far more serious for ware. I got tired of seeing the problems continually arise with logic, then somehow resolve themselves with a quick flip of the proverbial switch. The ending was interesting, seeing our antagonist in jail, but it wasn’t the most satisfying.

Red State was marketed as a horror/thriller, but it really left me bored and wondering when I could see Dante and Randal get back to the silver screen. Clerks 3 would be nice, because this film and Cop Out were terrible. I don’t recommend this at all.

It’s Only A T-Shirt

I recently received an email about this awesome limited edition t-shirt company called “It’s Only A T-Shirt” and it kicks ass! The first of their limited edition shirts comes with a full vhs tape of the original Australian exploitation film “Patrick” from 1978! That’s right, if you pick up their first shirt, you get the vhs tape free!

As far as horror fan merch is concerned, this t-shirt company is quite good.

Check out “It’s Only A T-Shirt” here.

I for one am getting one...if I can afford it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The House On The Edge of the Park Review


Ah yes, the Italians, they sure know how to make a quality slasher flick and exploitation film. The House on the Edge of the Park, however, is not a great quality film in any right, even if the main character was in the Wes Craven classic of similar name. The movie is one of the most boring pieces of exploitation cinema, but features a few saving graces, especially when the revenge is set forth and we see a bit of mercy from the cast of idiots…I mean actors.

The film starts off with a very disturbing scene. A very deranged man chases a woman and then cuts her off, forcing her to stop her car. She then rolls down the window to see what the man is doing, and he forcefully takes her into the backseat and rapes her. This is a harsh one, and sets the tone for the rest of the film, even if we don’t see much violence until the end.

The rest of the film really plots along slowly, with our main character and his buddy going to a villa and playing cards, getting sexually frustrated, and ultimately starting to take over with sinister urges. The two start to assault the homeowners, but over time, one of them starts to realize that it’s wrong, and starts to pull away. As the main character (Alex) decides to start killing, he is defeated and the whole film turns upside down. The main characters launch revenge, and end up leaving the main character lying in a pool (swimming pool) of blood.

The film is slow moving, as aforementioned, and has no major saving graces at time. Sure, if you’re a fan of nudity, you’ll find that there is some great stuff here. Outside of the nudity and deliberate crotch shots, the film is an uneasy one to watch. If you can get past the initial rape scene, you’ll be on a slow burning ride through hell. The House on the Edge of the Park plays on a lot of fears, if you’re rich, and really doesn’t climax that well. I found myself bored of the banter and camera movements within the first two acts, and my girlfriend didn’t even make it to the final acts. I don’t recommend this one, unless you’re a diehard fan of Italian horror, David Hess or Ruggero Deodato. You have better things to do then watch this one, I’m sure of it.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Smash Cut Review



The world of horror doesn’t always allow for lenient reviews, and that’s showcased by my many different updates with terrible information and lackluster enthusiasm. My attempts of making sense of many movies have long gone passed me. Part of the reason is because of my divorce, and part of the reason is because most movies suck. Then rare gems hit me, and I realize that there is hope in the world of horror; this movie didn’t do that for me. Smash Cut started out quite interesting, with a small time movie director making a horror film, and then quickly dives into the world of chaos and serial slaying.

The film looks like what a B-movie would be like in modern times. I know, that sounds odd, but consider the fact that when you see classic cult cinema, it looks a certain way. If you can somehow understand what I mean by that, you will realize that this film is a modern day tribute or sorts, pointing specifically to an era that had to work in 10 day shoots, rather than years of work for one film. This movie is very much a “B” if not “C” level film, and at times has the production value of a porno.

The sound design is ok, but the ridiculous comedic soundtrack really makes for some stupid scenes. The “porno” music style is just not fitting to the film, even if Sasha Grey is the selling point of the movie. That being said, Sasha is not a great actress here, as she delivers her lines in the most unenthusiastic manner possible. I find her facial features attractive, but I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want to fantasize about her, as she is not attractive in a sexual manner, at least that’s my humble opinion. She detracts from the film, as everyone around her out acts her.

The gore is turned up to eleven in this film, and while there isn’t a lot of nudity, this film deserves some praise for the idea of a serial killing director, looking to make mince meat out of anyone in his path. But wait, there’s more! The rogue private investigator allows for a bit of balance, even if he’s very odd.

The climax of the film really does play on a lot of cliché, but it works out well. I liked the film enough to sit through it and review it, but the ending was weak. I liked the gore, I liked the idea, and when Sasha Grey isn’t trying to deliver any lines, she’s cute in a way. Smash Cut is not going to win any awards, but it will suffice as a modern cult classic in many ways. I am not sure it will garner much attention at the moment, but give it a few years, and I think it just might be a good option.


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

NIghtmares in Red White and Blue Review

nightmares

I don’t often times review documentaries for this website, but I watched one worth mentioning last night. The film is called Nightmares in Red, White, and Blue and the focus is on the American horror film. It’s a special type of history lesson that follows various styles of the American genre of film, although it starts with the German expressionist side of things.

Throughout the film, it showers information on the viewer about the different decades that have passed in regards to horror cinema. I found it interesting at first, then fascinating, and as it built a story line of horror cinema and juxtaposed it with the generational studies that have intrigued me for years, I was glued to my television set. Consistent looks into the separate films of the past have really garnered a lot of attention as of late, especially on television, but this film is quite different than the others.

The film is a nice narrative of sorts, but it doesn’t try to be an encyclopedia of horror film. Sure, there are different genres covered, and the basic bullet points involved, but you will not find the complete story of all things horror in America. I found that at times they skipped over certain aspects of the 1970’s and 1980’s, but still managed to find some interesting points to consider, all the way through the 2000’s and what some call “torture porn”, two words I hate.

I really liked the presentation found on this documentary, the clips were poignant, and the narration, directors speaking, and insight given to several different films, was definitely worth the time spent watching. Nightmares in Red, White and Blue will not win any awards, but it’s an interesting documentary on the genre that I dedicate this site to. I recommend it greatly.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Camp Hell Review



I always get fooled into getting horror movies that have cool covers. Once again, I was fooled into getting one all based on the cover. This time around, I’m going to try and talk about Camp Hell, even though it wasn’t anything like the cover made it out to be. The cover has a picture of Jesse Eisenberg from “Zombieland” fame, and it’s rather disturbing how much he is NOT in the film. This is classic post-Hollywood career marketing. It happens a lot in horror film re-releases. If you’re looking for more of that actor, you’ll get nothing for your trouble here, so stay away if the only basis of your viewing is in regards to this.

The film revolves around a community of Christian campers that are out in the woods. They are separated by male and female, and they are just enjoying the fun. That is until one of the campers starts having weird dreams, and then starts to see manifestations of satanic influence. As the movie progresses, our main character with the dreams has sex with a girl camper, and then all hell breaks loose. There is a sequence of demon possession, blood flowing from odd areas, and a nice little sewn up ending to boot.

If ever there was a way to make “Christian” horror movies, it’s this one. The majority of the film is a very “preachy” kind of cult film, that tries to manifest itself as right, then when the horror sets in, talks about how maybe it’s not for everyone. It’s a dichotomy that makes the tension work for the title. The film isn’t terrible, but it’s not that great either. There are some moments that are genuinely interesting, but with so many subplots, weird cameos, and lackluster production, the film suffers from bad pacing, too much going on, and lackluster results in the end. I’m not sure whether to cheer or to hate the characters, but one thing is for sure, Camp Hell is nothing more than a cash grab for the fame of the star of “Adventureland”. I don’t recommend this film, but then again, I don’t recommend much these days.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Death Note Review

dt

There are some movies that slip my memory because they are terrible. Then there are movies that I don’t ever want to relive because they are beyond the scope of terrible, and that’s what happened with this one, I totally forgot that I watched it, fell asleep, and then finished it later on. Death Note is a film that has an interesting premise, and is based on an anime of the same name. I will try my best to create some sort of review of this movie, but don’t blame me if I give up mid-way.

The film revolves around two students at a university, one of which receives a killer notebook. He writes a name in it, and they die. The other tries to stop the deaths by trying to reason with the student, while our killer goes insane with his list. The full motion devil character makes for one of the worst pieces of this film, and fully makes me cringe at the memory. Not since I saw the PBS Frankenstein film did I completely laugh at the screen in a horror film.

dtn

The film is boring, it offers a certain level of interest with a detective sub plot, but other than that, this film sucks. I got tired of it right away, and would rather not sit through another viewing or even the sequel. A notebook that upon writing in it kills people? Yeah, I would rather just read Goosebumps again. Sorry.

Another bad film to add to the pile of crap movies I’ve seen this year.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Marshmallow Ghosts - Corpse Reviver no.2 Review



On a recent chilly October night, after putting my reviews on hold for too long, I decided to give ‘The Marshmallow Ghosts - Corpse Reviver No.2’ a shot.

Now, granted, I had never listened to them before, nor did I know anything about them. Which makes this all the more genuine of a review in my opinion.

Side “A” is a CD of the eerie and mellow music that I personally enjoyed while cruising the city streets of LA late at night. I am personally fond of “The Hearse Song” - which reminds me of singing the childhood rhyme for “the worms crawl in . . . “

Side “B” is a full-length music video collection of the songs found on side “A”. This starts out with a young girl taken for a tour in a hearse around the seemingly small town and is told ghost stories by the driver. Each story at the end pans into one of the dark and beautifully done music videos.

I was not too fond of the dialogue with the driver and the young girl. The girl was very bland and almost not even noticeable at times. The driver, although I did enjoy his voice in the mic, bumbling around and his somewhat unprepared mannerisms in the hearse did not seem to fit in with the premise of the video. This may have been what they were going for when they made the video, but I did not care for that part.

The videos were amazing and well done. Very dark and nostalgic in the shooting style you see, you will be brought back to another time. There are a few that are comparable to being in an art gallery with animated paintings. The styles vary from early 1970’s horror style all the way back to an art nouveau and Victorian style. Some of which even creeped me out a little bit. The pig man and the girl in the coffin, for example, gave me a genuine case of the willies.

I can definitely say that while The Marshmallow Ghosts may not be on a constant rotation in my mp3 player, they will for certain be a go to when I am hosting my Halloween party or throwing back a bottle of Merlot and searching my darker artsy side.

That is all for now. Thanks for reading.

Dollface

***Bonus Content***

I have to admit, out of all the screeners I've received, I'm going to have to agree with Dollface's review here. The music and visuals found on this cd/dvd combo are incredible. Some of the finer musical tones I've heard in a while, and one of the more ambient and dark musical numbers that I've listened to.

You can find more information via GraveFace Online Here.

Here is a VIDEO for the Track Hearse Song:

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Scream 4 Review



Earlier this year I was trying to see this film, and just couldn’t get myself to see it. I tried to take a few people, and they kept telling me no, and instead of going alone, I just waited for something out. The movie is the fourth film in the Scream franchise and it brings back a lot of the original cast, and really packs a good punch, even though I couldn’t stand some of the highlights. Scream 4 is a film that will most likely pick up steam later on than now, and while Wes Craven is getting older, he can still create a visual feast, especially with some of the use of lighting, sound, and make up effects.

Scream 4 starts with a few pieces of comedy, making fun of itself and movies of the horror genre in recent years. You will enjoy the writing, and you’ll see the greatness early on, but then the brakes get started. We get thrown into modern day Woodsboro, and our original hero Sidney Prescott is back again. She is on a book tour and has to hit her hometown, and when she arrives, things have changed, but others have stayed the same. We catch up fast with Dewey and Gale, which is quite interesting and sews up swiftly before we get into the main plot point.

The body count isn’t as large, but it happens fast, and it’s interesting to see the use of gore, even if I’m on the fence as to whether or not it was CG or not. The blood and guts found here are fast, and the killer is obviously fast, but not as strong as previous incarnations. You also see that it’s more than one from the beginning. The film then starts to derail towards the mid-point, before it jumps fast and starts taking out anyone that moves. No one is safe here, and we see some sick moments with stabbings going for broke and even the Sidney gets it. My girlfriend didn’t quite nail the villains, and I was completely wrong, but you will find a lot of red herrings here before you get the death.

Scream 4 is somewhat boring at times, but it picks up in the final act. The twist ending was quite good, and I liked it a lot. They don’t pull punches in the final acts, and you’ll be amazed how things pan out, and the final acts are insane, even if it’s a bit extreme. I was just happy that there was no “identity” crisis ending.

Could there be another one in the pipeline? Probably not. This film sums up the Scream series, and it doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for anything else. If Wes Craven makes another Scream, it will have to deal with something outlandish, because at this point, there’s nothing left to be said about the characters in the series. Is it the best in the series? No. I think the second one is best, but the first is an instant classic, and I remember when it first came out, so it has a nice place in my heart. I recommend Scream 4, it is a quick moving horror slasher, and it works well in a sea of PG-13 BS that we get fed on a regular basis.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Throne of Blood Review

throne of blood

I thought that this film was a more straightforward horror film, just because of the name, but as it continued to display on screen, I realized that this film is nothing more than an adaptation of the Macbeth play. Throne of Blood is not necessarily a scary film, but it is a very good morality tale with lots of twists and turns, set in Feudal Japan.

The story revolves around a military battle. The battle ends up being played out often off screen with much dialogue coming through to tell of what has happened. Two warriors are trapped in a forest and amidst the density they find a woman who predicts great things for one and not so great things for the other. Meanwhile the two end up rising through separate areas, one of which is pushed to take over the Emperor, the other becoming the emperor and this film goes off the rails midway through.

The movie really is played out nicely by the actors and the screenplay, acted out with entertainment, yet with a nostalgia look that is uncanny, gripping the viewer with emotional swiftness, and making it quite intriguing to watch. There is no major gore, the black and white tone doesn’t really allow for much, but the use of fog, cold, shadow and more, really made for some spooky settings at times.

I found this film to be far better than other Shakespeare adaptations, and the dark themes really pushed the envelope to more of a scarier version than anything you might see stolen by Disney. While this is not a horror film, I found it horrific, in the way it juxtaposes emotional discord in ancient Japan with how modern thought is. If you can connect the dots of intellectual nuances, you will find this to be a thrilling piece of cinema, even if it does seem a bit slow at times. Sure it’s not horror, but man doe sit have a few moments that are so tense, you can feel it in your soul.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Top 5 Cannibal Movies

I was taking a shower yesterday and it hit me, I want to compile a list of the best top 5 cannibal movies ever made. Now, this is going to cause some controversy, especially for those that are either purists or just don’t like the genre. Here is a list that I had to fight over to consider writing and making into a list. These moves are hardcore, and not for the faint of heart.



5. Cannibal Holocaust – This Italian film is the go to film when you want to throw a cannibal viewing party. The film was made for roughly $200,000 and it has to have made the money back by now. It was released in 1980 and then came to video stores all over the world in the mid-1980’s. The insanity was banned, censored, and edited for content. The movie is still one of the more controversial films simply because of the subject matter. It’s got some sick gore, but the pacing lacks luster, which is why this is #5.



4. Jungle Holocaust – Based on a true story? Yeah, the title card says this really happened, but who knows if it really occurred? This jungle film came out in the late 1970’s and it is just as poorly paced as the other films in the genre. This Italian film featured a lot of animal violence and was censored until now. While Peta is not going to enjoy seeing wild animals trampled, severed, and killed, many purists will say it’s nothing more than anything that you’d see on the National Geographic channel. This film features lots of weird nudity, and well, cannibalism. It’s a bit better than the more famous later film.



3. Cannibal Apocalypse – Some call this Euro trash, others just call it what it is, a straight up zombie/cannibal film. I thought this film was actually one of the best options coming out of the Italian horror films. The movie features graphic brutality, and it’s not just cannibals, its police force, wild doctors, hospitals, and so much more. I love this film, and love the poster, and it’s really worth checking out. Mix zombies, cop films, and even a little military action, and you’ll see why this one is awesome.



2. Eaten Alive – While this isn’t a pure sick film, it features some amazing pieces of gore. The film features Crocodiles and Cannibals and well…is an interesting take on the gore filled shock flicks of the 1970’s. The most important thing to remember here is that Robert England stars! Before he was Freddy, he was in this low budget B cannibalistic, monster flick featuring killer crocs!



1. Ravenous – My favorite cannibal film is not something that most people have seen. This film is about a cowardly military officer that gets punished and sent to a remote campsite in the dead of winter. When a mysterious man shows up to the campsite, things start going awry, as we find out that cannibalism has taken hold of everyone, and this thing goes off the rails. It features one of the best endings, and wow, what a way to go out.

There you have it, my 5 top cannibal movies. They are hardcore, they have gore, nudity, and only now are they presented uncensored if you buy them. You'll enjoy them if you like the harder side of cinema. These aren't movies to watch with your children or parents, so make sure that you set aside a few hours for just these things.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Top 5 Dracula Movies

There are a lot of genres in horror that have been done to death, and one of those genres is vampirism. There are so many vampire movies, that it’s hard to throw a rock in the horror section of any (if they are still open) video store and not hit a vampire movie. It’s hard to say which of the many films are the best, especially since there are so many good ones out there, but alas, I thought about the granddaddy of them all, Dracula. I wanted to compile a list, and here goes a list that will spark a few arguments here and there. Here are my picks for the top 5 Dracula films of all time.

nosferatu

5. Nosferatu – This film follows the original Bram Stoker novel quite closely. The silent film is a visual feast, and the sound is not bad either. This German expressionist film is still one of the best ever. The shadow, lighting, and overall themes were horrific for the time, but now, they seem very tame. This 1922 film should be an instant classic for anyone that hasn’t seen it this day.

horror of dracula

4. Horror of Dracula – This 1958 film from Hammer really took over the genre for many. While the sequels are terrible, with the exception of Dracula 1972 A.D. this genre really took an interest turn. Hammer’s studio lent a good place to recreate the story into a new world. The sets are gothic and cool; the blood is rad, and all natural breasts? Oh yes, you got to give some love to this old school classic. Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee unite to make Dracula and Van Helsing worth checking out for years to come. Hammer might not get as much love from everywhere, but I give it love whenever I can.

blacula

3. Blacula – This 1973 Blaxploitation film is one of my favorites. It showcases that Count Dracula is really an asshole, as the whole point of this film revolves around his decision. An African Prince asks Dracula to stop the slave trade, and instead of helping, the Count turns our Black Prince into a vampire and locks him up. Fast forward to the 1970’s and we see an all new world, and our Prince now he’s got to get his love back and feed on blood. While this is not strictly a Dracula film, it is worth noting as my #3 because of his direct involvement in the first plot point of this movie. Plus, I couldn’t resist adding a Blaxploitation film in here.

bram stoker

2. Bram Stoker’s Dracula – Whether you loved it or hated it, this early 90’s film is a complete visual feast. The film might not have the best cast, but you still get some stellar performances, and you get to see a sort of “love” story unfold, where there might not have been one intended by Stoker. The colors are so vivid here, and the book really comes alive in a modern way, even if it takes full notes from the setting of the book. If you haven’t read the book, read it, then watch this film, they are somewhat close, if only by visualization of the images, which are lavishly presented for viewers to see.

spanish dracula

1. Dracula – During the 1931 filming of the Universal classic, a Spanish Language version of the film was being made by George Melford, and it was better than the American version. Many people will disagree, but once you sit down and watch it, you’ll understand that this classic is quite good, even though it deviates from the source material a little bit. The difference here is noticeable with better lighting, more movement of the camera, and a richer cast in many ways. This version should be the one shown more often, but alas, Lugosi is a great vampire, so it’s hard to pick this one ahead of the other.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Lair of The White Worm Review

lair of the white worm

Ah yes, I’m back again with another review, and this time around it features Hugh Grant. Remember him? He’s that guy that got in trouble for banging that hooker here in Los Angeles. Too bad he was dating Elizabeth Hurley at the time, man I’d love to hang out with her…but I’ll digress. Lair of the White Worm is the film that I’ll be talking about today, or at least I’ll try to talk about it.

This film is about an archeologist that discovers a rare skull and turns out is a large snakehead. The snake is of a mythical creature that was worshiped there for centuries. Now when an immortal priestess catches wind she steals the skull and then sacrifices it to her god…or so she tries.

The film switches between the nerds and this really hot woman played by Amanda Donohoe. She’s like a snake vampire, and takes out a few people before she kidnaps a young woman and is about to feed her to what is now discovered as a real creature, the White Worm!

That’s about as simple of a plot point I can bring up. However, the film has some strange turns in the middle. There are some weird dream sequences, highly sexual innuendo featuring a ballpoint pen, stewardesses fighting, orgies featuring a snake, the crucifixion, Roman soldiers and so much more. The film goes off the rails so much that by the time you realize that this is a tongue and cheek horror film; you don’t really care any longer.

The film is based on a novel by Bram Stoker and I thought it was British, but I couldn’t find it. It might be Scottish, it might not be, I don’t know. The film was slow moving; the gore was laughable, except for a sick eyeball gauge, which was cool. The white worm effects were quite good, and the vampire/snake woman that gets eaten alive was awesome.

Lair of the White Worm is a cool movie, with some strange dream points. I didn’t really find the acting good, and some of the scenes were stupid. However, there was enough gusto here and there to keep me watching, and the ending was quite good. I loved the White Worm that looked like a penis flying out of a butthole, and sucking up a vampire/snake woman. Yeah, this movie was not a great one, but heck, I didn’t expect much from this 1988 film starring Hugh Grant. The last shot of the film was cool though, even if the rest of the film lacked something.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Second Opinion: The Hunchback of the Morgue Review


And now a second opinion, written by Dollface.

The Hunchback of the Morgue is a Spanish film directed by Javier Aguirre, from 1973, and as you might know was watched by Sir Jorge, and myself; Dollface.

Set in a small German village with people of an incredibly asshole like in nature and a hunchback that works in a morgue, which they enjoy tormenting on a regular basis. This film is for anyone who enjoys movies so horrible, that they become hysterical.

Full of ridiculous fake blood, and unnecessary, yet amusing bondage scenes between women in a hospital, a badly made monster costume that looks comparable to what South Parks “Mister Hankey” would look like as a walking turd, and (what I believe to be ) an ass kicking hunchback with severe separation anxiety and sexual frustration, you won’t be dissapointed.

Oh, and that’s not forgetting this was a movie made overseas, so, it has HORRIBLY funny voice-overs of every stereotypical American accent you can imagine.

My opinion?

If movies could be based on cheese? This one is Kraft. Its the cheesiest!

Friday, September 23, 2011

The Hunchback of the Morgue Review


There are a lot of Spanish movies that I just don’t get, and then there are some that boring throughout, then throw you so much gore and stupidity, that by the end of the film you’re not sure what you saw. The Hunchback of the Morgue is one of those films that has you somewhere in between. I fell asleep at one point, but woke up long enough to see the ending.

The film is about an outcast that works inside a morgue. His hunchback makes him a target for bullies, and when his only friend dies, he vows to bring her back from the grave. He starts this vow by killing two orderlies and spilling guts all over the place. The bright red goo is a sight to see, and brings the R rating straight to the forefront of this film.

After the initial body parts, you have to sit through a Frankenstein type of story where zombies are being made by a mad scientist, and then things get out of control. The film ends up with a weird finish and the hunchback doesn’t seem to get the victory in the end, nor do I think he was supposed to.

Gotho (the hunchback) is a sad moronic character that has some retard-strength. The Frankenstein mix up was kind of interesting, and the zombie twist wasn’t something I saw coming. The movie was boring, it had bad pacing, but it did have a lot of red in between a few more less than prominent points of interest. I don’t think the film is worth it, but my girlfriend thought it was rad and recommends it. I was too tired to care. 1973 wasn’t a great year for horror, but hey, Spanish cinema has some terrible movies to offer, this isn’t one of them. I didn’t like it that much, but it’s worth checking out just for sheer premise alone.

Friday, September 9, 2011

House of Fallen Review


Every now and again a movie will try to bring the bible to life and will completely lose most of its audience. This is one of those movies, and it completely lost me and I’m a biblical scholar. The movie House of Fallen is supposed to be a movie about or rather loosely based on the Book of Enoch, and wow, it is a slow moving film through stupidity.

I wanted to like this movie, mainly because Corbin Bernsen is in it, and I like him on the show Psych. However, even his acting can’t save this film at all. The movie follows a group of people that start a war with fallen angels, and you get to see it through a thriller/slasher style.

There’s nothing worth noting about this film. It feels like a made for tv film, it is really boring and quite possibly one of the worst attempts at a horror movie I’ve managed to sit through a very long time. I’m not usually put to sleep by the selections I get for this site, but this one did it. I managed to go back and watch it, but wow, what a terrible film.

I don’t recommend this one. I don’t want to talk about it or review it anymore. Just don’t see it, walk away.

3 Reasons To Shop At The Official Star Trek Store


You can find geek goods all over the Internet, but you won’t find the best products just anywhere, you have to go to the official stores for some of the better options. For instance, if you like Star Trek, you should definitely check out the official Star Trek Store to find the best overall selection and style.

If you’re not familiar with the prowess of this ecommerce solution, consider the following 3 reasons why you should shop at the Official store rather than a third party option.

1. Free Shipping – Spend just $80 and you can garner free shipping on your whole order. You’ll be hard-pressed not to spend this amount, especially since you can find a wide selection of options to invest in. Whether you’re looking for the complete original series on DVD, the Animated Series, or any incarnation of the show, you’ll find it all here at a discounted price.

2. Action Figures – If you’re an action figure collector, you’re going to find a great deal of options to choose from. The site boasts one of the largest collection of toys and games as well as action figures. You can even pre-order some of the most desirable of options, things that won’t hit stores, and so much more.

3. Laser Etched Goods – One thing that is interesting about the store is the amount of limited edition props that are completely laser etched to showcase authenticity and stand out amongst lesser costing options. Among some of the cooler options include a Starfleet Assault Phaser for $449, a Communicator & Phaser 2-Pack for $59.99 and a Starfleet Division Badge Collector’s Set at $49.99. You can’t go wrong with all sorts of real props from the show and expertly crafted replicas found online.

Whether you’re shopping for a friend, or you’re looking to invest in some collectibles, your best option has to be the Official Star Trek Store. You will not find another store that has the best selection of goods from this mighty science fiction program.

Sure, you could always shop around on the big sites, and get third party goods, but why invest in subpar wares? Invest in the official merchandise and have it delivered to your home or office at a low cost. If you’re interested in purchasing anything from the Official Star Trek store, check it out here, and enjoy the show like 1.8 million fans have already done via Facebook.

Club Dread Review


Leave it to the guys at Broken Lizard to create a parody of a slasher flick, and make a totally awesome horror movie along the way. Unlike Scary Movie and other films that try to play up the comedy angle, this one does it in a way that actually does quite well in terms of staying true to the 1980’s ridiculous horror movie cliché. I liked it, and therefore here is another attempt at a review for this horror movie website.

A private island resort opens up with a guy named Coconut Pete and his group of idiot mates. The Pleasure Island crew gets a mash up of faces that you might be familiar with from the Club Dread comedic troupe and as we are introduced to each one all over again, we start to see where this film could end up going. The jokes are quick one-liners and random situational comedy moments until a killer starts taking out people to the tune of one of Coconut Pete’s tunes.

The murders on the island are sometimes comedic, but more than anything they are gorey, and far more than just played up for the comedy, especially in the case of some of the ones that end up running away. The natural course of slasher cinema takes its toll here and we see a lot of great points of interest including the old “who’s the killer” swerve that is often times the focal point of these films. Right when you think it’s one person, the plot kills them off and we start all over again.

Towards the end of the film, everything starts to unravel and we start to see the true nature of each remaining crewmember, and even Coconut Pete has some skeletons in the closet. The film runs into some ridiculous moments, then as the crew starts to flee the island, we get the ultimate death sequences where people have to fight of the real killer, only he doesn’t want to die! He comes back several times, which is great for comedy and horror things.

The movie is supposed to be a comedy, but I found the slasher elements far more amusing then just the sex jokes, the constant homage to Jimmy Buffet and other funny moments. I found the plot swiftly moving forward, even when I was getting tired of the subplots involving Jenny and Penelope but whatever. The film takes some interesting turns here and there, and looks great on blu ray. I enjoyed it a lot, even though I should’ve been laughing more. I liked this one, and amidst a lot of horror movies that just don’t get the slasher movie formula quite right, this one does it well enough to get a passing rating by me. Check it out, it’s not for everyone, but it’s still worth a shot.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Robo Geisha Review


Well, what do you know? I’m back again after a little break to talk more horror movies. I didn’t go to the movie theater and watch anything, because I can’t afford it. My donation button is on the right hand side if you feel generous, otherwise here is another cheap review from the man that brings you bad reviews from time to time. This time around we are focusing on the 2009 film Robo Geisha, yep.

The film opens up in a weird kind of way. We get an odd fight sequence and kidnapping from some sick looking Power Ranger chicks with noses that are obviously dildos. They plow through enemies with hilarious skin and latex effects and then blow (no pun intended) through different pieces while what we can only presume is the “robo geisha’ tries to chop up a senator. As the story goes we see that there is a steel company that is steeling people and turning them into soldiers. Among these are 2 kidnapped Geishas that are sisters and are the future of the assassination group.

The movie then turns into a sappy drama between two sisters that just want to “love” each other. I couldn’t stand these pieces of information. I was bored watching the two-trade sympathy and insults. Even though it was an attempt to humanize an otherwise gore fest, this was odd to me. I didn’t care about the sisters, and I highly doubt anyone in the audience cared either. After these scenes there were some sick moments with chopping people in half, shooting people with guns, stars and other crap. The gore levels weren’t quite as much as the previous 2 films from Noboru Iguchi, but I can’t complain too much.

The gore fest continues throughout the film as an uprising of anti-steel company parents fight to get their children back, only to get killed themselves. As the film continues we get a second plot point and a third, all of which is just tiresome. There is a huge robot that is trying to blow up Mount Fuji at one point, and well, there is an opening for a sequel, that’s where I’ll leave it.

Robo Geisha is an interesting concept, but honestly, I’m tired of these gore movies. The plot was weird, and I didn’t like the constant “sister I love you” type stuff thrown in the mix. I do enjoy the hilarious kill sequences, but the “CG” is getting to be a bit much. I can do without all that, but then again, this is a Japanese B movie and not exactly a contender for the Oscar.

I don’t find this movie scary, but I don’t know if I want to recommend it to everyone. My girlfriend loves it, and still can’t stop raving, but me? I thought it lacked luster in a lot of ways. I didn’t get the same impact I did when I first saw Machine Girl, and that’s what I wanted here. Among the Japanese gore movies, I think Tokyo Gore Police wins out. But I’m sure there’s more to come, as there’s always more to come.

P.S. If you have extra scratch donate. I’m a starving writer.


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