Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Night of The Demons 2 Review



Before diving into this review, I'd like to request that you visit amazon and pick something up, I'm an affiliate. If you're going to shop, click here, and pick up some horror stuff, it helps me keep watching, reviewing, and what not. Thanks.

When I was a kid, “Night of the Demons” was one of my favorite horror movies. It had everything you could possibly want from a scary movie. It had sex, drugs, classic cartoonish characters, and crazy death sequences. With the sequel, we get a lot of the same, only done a bit more comedic and well, there’s just some more outlandish fun in this 1990s sequel. “Night of the Demons 2”, is not going to win awards, and it may not even be for everyone, but as a sequel it works on the same or at least similar premises from the first, and does so with gusto.

This movie is set 6 years after the past party ended. We get thrown into a catholic school and get to see a few people’s lives go through the boredom movement that is private education. Along the way you get introduced to a cast of characters that are stereotypical in horror. The cool guy, the sex obsessed guy, the shy virgin, and more. For fans of nudity, you’re going to get hit with a lot of breasts while this movie is setting up. It’s gratuitous to say the least. As you get through the casting, you realize that the story is going to go back to the Hull House.

One of the main characters brings about a demon through a book that he has, and while he’s a nerdy getting bullied here, he’s definitely an anti-hero. As the movie gets going, a bunch of kids that are punished and isolated to their bedrooms gang together to go and party off campus. It’s there that they are greeted by Angela, the demon, and she wants to kill her sister (the shy virgin) so that she can live again? When the priest and main nun realize that the kids are gone, they spring into action, alongside the demon summoning kid to take on Angela and her dangerous elements.

Overall, the premise is a bit convoluted, but it works here. The makeup effects are amazing at times. There is little to no computer graphics or animation here. There’s some stop motion, but it’s a lot of latex effects that really make this awesome. The holy water trope is all the same as you’d expect, and religion plays a role in defeating her, but the story gets overly comical over time.

This isn’t exactly the most compelling or scary of movies, but there’s enough cheap gags, nudity, and fight sequences to make this one a solid sequel. If you liked “976-Evil”, then you’re going to love the direction that this takes. I found it to be funny, and somewhat gruesome at times. I recommend checking this one out, and perhaps doing a marathon with the original, this one, and part 3 in one night! “Night of the Demons 2” is solid horror fare, and I recommend picking it up.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Death Race 3 Inferno Review


Death Race 3 Inferno DVD

I ate the worst burrito in the world today, and then fell asleep. When I woke up, I had a headache and one thing on my mind, Death Race 3. This movie is the third of the sequels that came through with the remake featuring Jason Statham, only this is straight to video and stars Danny Trejo, and Luke Goss. This time around the formula is similar, but has been thrown into a washing machine, because you’re going to find it to either be very boring, or quite fascinating towards the end. I found it tedious to start, but then things really took a turn for the better, and this started to make a lot more sense.

The movie centers on Luke and his pit crew getting sent to South Africa to start racing for a new prison warden. The warden is taking things international, and he’s throwing out the old policy of freedom after winning 5 times. Frankenstein is on the verge of winning big, but now he’s stuck trying to fight back and he’s not going to get any leverage. Meanwhile, he reveals to his crew that the person under the mask is none other than Carl Lucas aka Luke. The gang hates him, but oh well, he then reveals the real reason they are there.

As you expected, there is some racing here. However, the Ford Mustang is gone. Goodbye mustang and hello some dune boogie piece of crap. The rest of the cars are all retrofitted for the sands and dunes of this desert prison area. I don’t like it, but then again, it works for what it is. As the movie progresses, the teams race and things go in order as you would expect. There are minor details here and there that makes this more of a combat movie, then things explode into a frenzy towards the end of the film.

In the third act you start to realize that Frankenstein is not going to win, he has other plans. With a stroke of genius, or perhaps luck, this whole things blows up in the favor of Frankenstein when he and his crew escape the prison with the help of an insider and a new guy changes places with him. This is very much like the first movie, and it goes in line with the notion that the monster can be replaced by any idiot. As you start to wonder why this is all going down the way it is, you’re given the full reveal. The movie bounces back to where Lucas was giving away his “truth” and you realize this was the plan all along.

Death Race 3 Inferno is not a great movie. However, if you’ve invested in the first two, you might as well finish this one. I found it to be slow at first, but there’s enough action and a good fourth act to really get into it. I actually didn’t hate it that much, and that’s saying a lot. Tanit Phoenix is hot, and waiting for a nip slip is about as crazy as you’re going to get here. I liked the grindhouse style, and I do appreciate the continuity, but overall, this is not as good as the first, and that’s not exactly “Citizen Kane” or anything. Overall, if you’re going to get this, get it as part of the Death Race Trilogy or don’t watch it. Then again, buy something, I need the money, and you need to add another dvd to your collection, so how about it?

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Death Race 2 Review



I remember when I first saw the remake of Death Race. I was living in Seattle and was at a mall. While walking through the mall, I noticed that a jean company was giving away movie tickets for trying on pants. I was curious, so I went in and tried on a pair of pants and afterwards was given a certificate to use for the movies. Since nothing was really out, I decided to look into Death Race, the remake, and was surprised with the film itself.

Fast forward 5 years or so and I finally sit down to check out this movie. While it’s not a horror film, and it’s not meant to be, there are some nice moments that remind me of grindhouse cinema, especially the way the gore gets ramped up towards the mid-point and end of this movie. Death Race 2 is a prequel to the Death Race series and goes into looking into “Frankenstein” the mythical driver. While I appreciated the original, and liked the remake a bit, this is one that really grew on me. I didn’t like it at first, and really thought it suffered from horrendous plotting, and terrible acting. However, Luke Goss sold me on it towards the middle of the film and Ving Rhames definitely adds some character. The movie has some sick driving at first too, and I’m a huge fan of the Cobra Mustang, so seeing that run through the action was good.

The preliminary set up for this movie is that criminals are fighting to the death via pay per view or internet streaming. That goes so far and eventually the whole thing is turned into a race to the death around Terminal Island. It’s within that realm that Luke gets burned alive and creates the template for Frankenstein!

Overall this movie is not great. However, there are some really good elements in it, and I couldn’t stop staring at Lauren Cohen’s cleavage. Wow! I’m just saying, what an amazing, never mind. The movie flows through the same elements you would expect from the previous incarnation, and you get some nice driving sequences. However, you’ll have to turn your brain off for this one, there are loopholes everywhere and it’s completely unbelievable at times.

Death Race 2 has some nice driving, some good action, and it sits well with me. Danny Trejo’s involvement sold it for me. With all that in mind, you’ll want to check this one out as a way to unwind and really not think about anything important. It has an ok soundtrack, some good driving sequences with the Mustang, and Laruen Cohen’s cleavage. Solid release, and a start to something more compelling, I’m sure. Rent it, buy it, do something.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Horns Review



Joe Hill can write. For those that aren’t familiar with who that is, you should know that he’s a stellar writer and he’s the son of Stephen King. My dad was a soccer player, a professional, I can’t kick a soccer ball without falling on my face. I wonder what happened to me? Regardless, Hill wrote a bestseller called “Horns”. I purchased the book in hardcover for my girlfriend when it was released. I found the book at a dollar store in the giant pile of books that no one else wanted to purchase. One dollar well spent, and now the movie is here and it’s relatively close to the writing and I’m impressed with the adaptation.

Sold as a horror movie, this is much more sinister than just straight horror. I looked into the budget and apparently it wasn’t very much. That’s my only major gripe with the film, it looks as though they didn’t have enough money and production was somewhat limited. Other than that, there is some strong components to this film, and it has a lot of layers to unravel. It feels like a coming of age tale at times, and then it goes insane with the notion of the horns that grow from Ig’s head.

Overall, the movie is not as much a horror movie as it has supernatural elements. This is a mystery film and really does well to push the devilish elements that were present in the original book. It’s a solid performing thrill ride as you unravel the pieces and start to realize all that is going on. Daniel Radcliffe’s performance is good, it serves the purpose and he does well through the transitions between scorned lover and serious devil. I liked it.

At the end of the day, this is not a horror movie, it’s lacking some elements. However, it is a deeply disturbing picture that features some horror elements. At one point the gore gets turned up to 11 and you get a nice mix of action thrown in with the drama of love, loss, and more. Overall, the concepts work well enough, and the movie is worth checking out, however, I was a bit disappointed with the lackluster cinematography at times, and pacing. It’s better than most things I’ve seen recently, and definitely worth picking up for cheap.

Pick up Horns by Joe Hill here, and check out the blu ray here.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Cabin Fever Patient Zero Review



One of my personal favorite movies is “Cabin Fever”, and while I say that, I do not mean that the sequels are my favorite. In fact, this is a hard one to watch at times. The beginning of this movie made me want to sleep, and it was just a hard one to start with. The second film in the series at least gave me hope as Rider Strong was in it, and that is something well worth investing time into. However, aside from that cameo, I didn’t find the second film to be grand. This one however, is a far cry from the original with a few exceptions here and there.


Sean Astin is by far the best part of this movie. He plays Porter, a man who is trapped in quarantine because of a medical experiment gone wrong. He drives the main plot of getting the virus that infects the people in the movies. He wants to get out of his quarantine and devises a plan to get out by attacking the nurses and doctors. Meanwhile a bunch of young adults are headed to a remote island for sex, drugs, and sex. The group end up stumbling on the medical facility, and through swimming in the water contract the disease.

The movie itself is filmed with shoulder cams or something because it’s really shaky at times, especially when it shouldn’t be shaky. There’s an obvious lack of depth here, but you kind of let it go to watch what happens. Through the midpoint of the film you’ve either invested in the story enough to watch it to the end or you have given up. I found myself pushing through because I knew I wanted to review it for the site.

The best part is the gore that comes through the infection as it’s far worse than the original film. The latex and gore effects are tremendous here and that’s what really sold me on the movie. The story line is lackluster, but the effects are not all CG, which I really appreciated. There was a lot of blood spilled through the movement in the second and third acts. As Astin’s character escapes and nearly dies thanks to a rogue scientist, we get treated to a cycle of violence on a boat that encapsulates the whole series quite nicely.

At the end of the day, this is not an iconic film. “Cabin Fever Patient Zero” is a laughable sequel, but it’s better than the second to me, at least for the tying up of the backdrop of the virus. That being said, it’s not as good as the original, and it shouldn’t be expected to be as good, right? I wouldn’t recommend this one to everyone, but if you liked the original, you might as well invest in it for your collection to have the trilogy together. If you’re going to buy “Cabin Fever” go blu ray, and get it here. Otherwise, watch it on streaming or at a friend’s house. I don’t know.

I wanted to give a quick shout out to our sponsor The Boneyard. They have some sick movies for you to check out, so click here and do so or click the banner above. Thanks to The Boneyard for helping this site stay afloat. If you want to donate, help the cause, or just get me to write for you, use the sidebar, buy a dvd, and help keep this site going. Thanks.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Buy More Horror Movies

Yesterday was Halloween, and while millions of people were in the streets, I was not. I was at a bar, then I was at a book store and realized that I’m getting old and have no friends. It is what it is, but I did find myself looking through a lot of horror novels while drinking coffee and thinking about the future of this site. I have opened up the doors to advertising, and am working on finding other options to help build some sort of interest here. One option that is never going to go away is to buy more horror movies from amazon.

Seriously, Buy More

If you’re going to spend any money via Amazon, you should check out the links that I have in the reviews and through the sidebar. When you shop for more horror movies via amazon, the site gets a small kickback. It’s very small, but it helps me keep writing and keep watching horror movies.

If you like what I’m doing, and you want to support the cause, you can either shop via the links, or you can visit fiverr.com/sirjorge and order a $5 gig. When ordering just write in the details that it’s a donation for Scary Film Review, it’s that simple.

More reviews are coming, but for now, why not buy more horror movies? It can’t hurt to ask right? Click here and see what’s available. There’s a TON of blu ray discs out there, so go for it while I get to the reviewing and writing of more movies.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Elvira Mistress of The Dark Review



As much as I wanted to review every film of the 13 Day of Elvira showcase on HULU, I found myself not being able to meet the demands. The main reason is that I’m a freelance writer and just didn’t get to everything I wanted to get to. However, amidst all of that, I was able to check out the 1988 cult classic “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark” in which we get a bit of horror, a lot of comedy, and some good acting chops in this movie about the tv host with the biggest….hair.


This movie came out in 1988, and Elvira is the main character, played by Cassandra Peterson. She takes on the role and goes behind the scenes of sorts, in which Elvira has had enough of the sexual harassment of her show. She quits when she realizes that she’s going to be rich when her aunt has died and left her something grand. So with that in mind she ventures off to Massachusetts, where small towns bring about small minds. It’s there that we get the main plot point, Elvira has to sell off the house given to her and hope to get enough money to get her showcase on Vegas going. It’s through the plot that we learn there’s an evil uncle that is trying to get his hands on a book of spells to take over the world. That starts off an incredible push that ends up turning more and more impressive as you watch the movie.

Like most horror movies, you get the villain that will stop at nothing to get his hands on what he desires. Meanwhile, Elvira’s antics are played up as she plays aloof to the constant attention that is given to her by the town’s people, and teenagers. Her cleavage shows as usual, and there are moments where comedy overtakes horror, as it should with this type of movie. In the third act, the rails fall off of this and you get a more comedic approach to everything and it’s hilarious to watch. Elvira hams it up as she runs away from her uncle’s satanic influence and fights back only to win in the end. With a little help from her punk rock poodle, she overtakes the bad guys and wins in the end.

This is a straightforward story, fast paced, and full of clichés. If you’re a fan of Elvira than this is a classic for you to watch. However, there are moments where you might find yourself a bit bored. If you haven’t seen this in a while, then you should know that it hasn’t aged very well. Elvira has though, wow, but the movie is not how I remember it. It’s funny, there are some great gags, but it’s not this grandiose thing. Perhaps it’s because I’m older and things that I missed before are now in my face, or perhaps I’m just tired. I’m not sure.

Overall, “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark”, is a cult classic that deserves your attention. On this Halloween, why not buy it, watch it, rent it, or dress up as her? I know I will. Or rather, I will just search for Cassandra Peterson’s adult magazine spread and sit alone in the dark, as I usually do. Until next time, unpleasant dreams!

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Cannibal Women in The Avocado Jungle of Death Review – Elvira’s 13 Nights of Horror Edition

Hulu and Elvira Team Up 2014

Hulu is running 13 Nights of Elvira and I have been watching, but haven’t had time to sit and review all of them. But low and behold, here I am with another review of the movie and the comedic antics of Elvira on this latest and greatest release. I still pine for the days that I stayed up late to catch her show, and while I did appreciate the boobs, I loved her quick wit, and that’s what you get here.

This time around in the creature feature, we get an absurd horror comedy
“Cannibal Women in The Avocado Jungle”, and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen this one. Bill Maher’s role in it was hilarious, so you know, but the premise of the story is beyond anything I’ve ever seen, and it’s just absurd. I grew up in Los Angeles, and the things mentioned in this movie are just insane. The script is about as good as my favorite porno movie “Sex Commandos”, which tells you how deep this one is. I did however appreciate Shannon Tweed. She is absolutely beautiful here, at least in my opinion. I love the “smart” woman cliché here, and of course the Karen Waldron as “Bunny” is also a funny take on the bimbo in college. I sometimes wish my college years had a “Bunny”, but instead I got a sausage fest at art school when all the ladies dropped out and left me without any sort of engagement opportunities.



Right, back to the movie. The movie has a professor being asked to go into the jungle to find a feminist leader that has gone lost and perhaps may have been taken by cannibal women. When Dr. Margo Hunt is asked to go in, she takes on a young student and seeks out a bounty hunter named Jim to go into the jungle and rescue the lost feminist doctor. The trio move into San Bernardino, California (where there is no jungle), and encounter topless females and lots of action. Ok, no action, no sex, just topless women and Bill Maher’s one liners and stupid bandana on his neck.

The movie flows well enough and at every chance Elvira’s notes come up like “pop up video” and she comes through in full video and sound a few times. She’s more absent here than in the “Hobgoblins” movie, but she’s still featured readily. The movie progresses with a fight to the death between Dr. Hunt and Dr. Kurtz with Jim nearly getting sacrificed by the Cannibal Women. Kurtz of course has become the leader of the feminist cannibal tribe, and Dr. Hunt wants peace between another tribe that is in the region. All in all this gets convoluted and tiring to really watch and explain, but Shannon Tweed and Bill Maher’s constant back and forth made it watchable.

“Cannibal Women in The Avocado Jungle of Death” wasn’t meant to be taken too seriously, and it shows. It’s a laughable movie at best. I would’ve rented it as a teen because it was boxed in an “18” and over box and it promised or at least looked as though there would be more nudity than there was. I didn’t hate it, but I definitely didn’t love it. Elvira’s quips made it watchable, and Maher is funny with his random rants. The slapstick humor here is classic, including Disney jokes, sex jokes, and the whole bar scene where mercenaries were just randomly hanging out was great too. A good romp, worthy of this season and beyond.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Hobgoblins Review – Elvira’s 13 Nights of Horror Edition


Hulu is running 13 Nights of Elvira in classic slapstick horror glory. I didn’t see anyone else reviewing these, so I decided to take it upon myself to deliver on the promise of good old fashioned reviews. We start with the first movie I saw from this series and it’s Hobgoblins!

First, let me start by saying that I love Elvira. I always have, and used to stay up late when I was a kid to watch the scary movies on channel 13 here in Los Angeles. Back then it was called KCOP and it was the only channel that played late night horror schlock and I loved it. Her show and subsequent airings of “Tales From The Crypt” were awesome, as well as “Twilight Zone”. This time around, she seems a bit older (because she is) but her iconic slapstick humor and timing is all there, alongside with her breasts that just make you want to motorboat, even though it’s probably unbecoming of us civilized gents, right?

WRONG.

To the movie!

This one is a rip off of the movie “Gremlins” and it shows. Released in 1988, this horror movie is really bad, and not in a good way. There are some moments that are somewhat compelling, but you’re going to be banging your head against the wall when most of this plays out. The story is simple, a night watchman and warns the new guys on the crew not to open a vault, and they go ahead and do that. When they do, outcome the Hobgoblins and they make everyone feel as though their dreams are coming true, and that only poses major issue.

The majority of the movie involves characters that are not even B-movie quality running around with slapstick sex jokes, and trying to play straight for the camera. The goblins run around and terrorize, and it all culminates in one man becoming the hero of the day.

Intertwined with the movie is Elvira’s jokes and random moments, mostly in the moments where you’re going to fall asleep. There’s some good humor here, but without the commercial breaks where she talks, it’s a bit forced.

As for the movie itself, there’s only one major awesome moment and that’s when a band plays one song before chaos reigns in the night club that the young people find themselves in. The band reminded me of The Cramps, but alas, it was not the band.

Overall, Hobgoblins is a bad movie. Bad enough to be honored by Elvira and Hulu this time around. However, if you really want to get this movie in all the glory it was meant to be seen in, get the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Edition of this movie. Otherwise, get yourself on Hulu and watch it with Elvira’s two cents thrown in for good measure. I found it to be a nice change of pace from the normal crap I have to watch. You’ll love it, if you like Elvira, otherwise you’re not missing much with this one.


Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Most Underrated Horror Movie Series Ever

As a horror fan, I've seen many horror movies go unwatched, untouched, and generally panned by critics and so called "fans" alike. These movies are not as bad as people think they are, and they are generally below the radar, and/or mistaken for something else. This is exactly the case with a series of films from the 1980's that rivaled any camp movie out there to date. The series in mind is none other than the infamous: Sleepaway Camp series!

First and foremost, the original film can be a little annoying, with its slow pacing, and its lack of clear cut gore or explanation for some of the dream sequences. The film follows a hard line of boredom, until after the turning point that is marked surprisingly enough by a long winded game of baseball! That's right, in the middle of the film, to mark the turning point, the director decided to have a full three or four innings of baseball! This was a bad idea, but it did make the movie a little longer, and therefore a full length release at the time of showcase. The movie followed along a mysterious plot of killings in the camp grounds, and it all came down to a shocker of an ending that is still talked about to this day. The reason why this film didn't make it to most homes and horror fans is because it was panned as a knockoff of a similar film at the time: Friday the 13th, which also featured a killer in the midst of a camp setting. It also boasted a young Kevin Bacon, and that doesn't seem to hurt.

The second film, had a grown up serial killer that was played by Pamela Springsteen, in another romp through the campgrounds. This time around, more people seemed to take notice, but the comparisons to similar films was rampant at time of release. The vhs cover featured the Freddy glove, and the Jason Mask, so the film makers and distributors saw a potential revival on vhs, and it did quite well in video rental circles.

The third installment of the film featured some cleavage on the cover, and a more distinct artist rendering that took horror fans by surprise, considering that by the time of its release more established brands had already begun to use full character models for their covers. One might make the argument that there was a saturation of horror sequels flooding the market in the late 80's and this one fell by the wayside in the midst of more prominent, household names. The film quality on the third one was surprisingly good, but the story and plot were so thin that the gore made up for any sort of length problems.

Underrated films exist in all genres. This is just one series that seems to be seeing a lot of recent press, but more on the lines of a remake and restructuring of the original story. We have seen this done recently by Rob Zombie and the Halloween franchise, and it's a winning formula in many senses. The most underrated films in my opinion usually revolve around similar stories in the genre. Sleepaway Camp could not get away from the constant comparisons to Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, even if the series was making a good attempt at breaking ground with a woman as the main killer. It just didn't sit well with the over saturated market. Underrated films usually don't get much attention until years and years after the release.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

5 Must Have Items For Zombie Apocalypse

It’s coming, you know it’s coming, the zombie uprising is going to happen and when it does you could either be ready or you can be lunch. I’m a huge Walking Dead fan, and when I caught wind that Man Crates was coming up with a zombie survival box right around the time the new season of the big show was starting, I had to take a look. They have some good stuff, but I got to thinking about my own box. What would Scary Film Review’s box of insanity contain? I need 5 definite items.

Item #1: Military Helmet

Why a helmet? Simple, you can’t eat brains through a helmet. I can charge forward and at least get a good push in before I attack a zombie. Of course they can try to grab me and reach for other parts, but if I’m head-butting people with my helmet and knocking zombies over like bowling pins, things are looking good for the bad guy (that’s me).

Item #2: Machete

I don’t need a gun. Guns run out of ammo. I need a strong machete, and I am going for gusto with one. Henry Rollins was right, “This thing doesn’t run out of ammo”, and that’s what I’m going to have going for me. It’s light, it’s easy to use, and it can go straight through a neck and give me an edge moving forward.

Item #3: Duct Tape

Why duct tape? Simple. I am going to need to tape my sleeves, gloves and any exposed area of skin that I can. I want to be able to traverse areas of blood without having to worry about anything getting on me, and that’s where the duct tape comes in handy. I guess I could use waiters, but that’s hard to run through. Duct tape will help, and it will give me leverage and grip for some sweet brass knuckles or makeshift bats if I find them. I know, this seems too obvious, but honestly, it's one of the best things you can have with you. You never know when you'll need to tape your fists and go for the ultimate in zombie payback.

Item #4: Backpack

A back back is going to be key to moving forward. It will hold my granola bars, water bottles, and med kit. Those things are of course part of this bigger package, but it’s important. I need alcohol too, just in case I need to disinfect a cut or a stiff drink.

Item #5: BMX

What’s this? A kickass ride? That’s right, nothing is more versatile than a BMX. Sure, you could have a car or a truck but when that runs out of gas, you’re a lame duck. A bike of this size can be easy to carry, easy to fix, and can get me flying, jumping, and tearing through all sorts of terrain. It’s light weight enough to chuck if I need to, and I can customize it to allow for some protection if I get hit by a swarm.

Of course, this is all conjecture, as I don’t know if the zombies will be fast, thinkers, or slow. Whatever the case is, I have a weapon, backpack, sweet ride, and tape ready for action. Until then, Man Crates has a good set up going.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Top 5 Japanese Monster Movies of All Time

Japanese monster movies have a life of their own. They are not just one sided, and they are not just based on Godzilla. Some are laughable, some are grand but no matter how you want to label them, you’ll find that the influence they have made on Hollywood is extraordinary. You may find that even today, the thrill of the mega monster movie is alive and well, and that’s not just because Godzilla just pulled $93 million at the box office over the weekend. Compiling this list was not easy, but hey, someone’s got to do it right? It’s with that in mind that I present to you the top 5 Japanese Monster Movies of all time! You can purchase these by visiting Amazon HERE, otherwise miss out on the biggest and the best.

King Kong Escapes (1967)

Dr. Who has created a mechanized monster that looks exactly like King Kong and is looking for Element X. It is found deep in the caverns of the North Pole, and fails due to the cold. At that point the mad scientist goes to Mondo Island to capture the beast known as Kong. The plot thickens and it’s like a poorly constructed version of the 1933 movie, only with robotic Kong as the villain and the Tokyo Tower playing as the backdrop for an epic battle. This one had me laughing, and I love the parody, even if it wasn’t intentional. This was just cool, I don’t know what else to say about it, and even the poster is cool. Watching Kong take on a metal counterfeit is pretty cool, and this one has a lot more appeal than just the poster, so watch out for it. I should've positioned it higher on my list, now that I think about it.

Matango (1963)

I saw this when I was a kid, thanks in large part to VHS and it’s awesome. A shipwreck lands a group of people on a far off island, and there they find wild mushrooms, but that’s not all, they discover Mushroom People! This iconic horror film is more comedic in nature, and on par with “Plan 9 From Outer Space”. There are some bleak tones, and themes that are beyond the imagination of average horror and fantasy movies. The weird science fiction elements play well with the mad scientist idea that comes at the beginning. This may not be the pinnacle of monster movies, nor is it going to sit well with many, but I think it’s a fine monster flick from Japan.

Goke (1968)

Goke is also known as Body Snatcher From Hell and other titles in the United States. The movie features a mix of vampire lore, and monster movie moments. Some people compare the movie to “Lost” but I find it more on par with a vampiristic type of horror movie. The survivors here face a fate worse than death, as they must fight to live amidst what very well maybe the best vampires coming out of Japan. There’s a lot of little things that make this one a classic, more than I can really talk about in a quick blurb here. Over time it has become one of the cult classics that has seen numerous releases, and lots of praise from more fans than just my pesky list.

Gamera 3 (1999)

I was in high school when I got a bootleg copy of this movie and it’s one fine monster movie. Gamera returns from the edges of lackluster film, and brings about one of the best comebacks ever. So much so that the critics and most fan boys agree that the special effects and story found in this one is top notch. Some critics even noted that the movie plays on an “X-Files” note, and it really does do more for the genre than most other movies that mimicked the success of Godzilla and the original Gamera. Some people don’t like this monster, but I’ve always liked the notion, perhaps it’s because I like turtles. Gamera is badass in this movie, just simply badass!


Godzilla (1954)

The mother of them all, right? Godzilla’s initial movie came out in 1954 and sparked incredible interest from all over the world. The movie presents a lot of science fiction tones, and can be seen as funny at times, but it’s quite the accomplishment for movie making. The plot involves a giant monster that ravages Tokyo with heavy devastation not unlike World War II. The special effects were top notch, the critical reception was grand, and it has changed the face of the monster movie in a lot of ways. Sure, King Kong from the 30s was grand, but compared to the rampage that Godzilla brings out, Kong is outmatched. This is the #1 monster movie from Japan, hands down.

There you have it, 5 of the best monster movies that have come out of Japan ever. If you are going to go back and see these iconic pieces of cinema, please purchase the dvd or stream them from Amazon here. It will help me get this site more reviews and possibly get a prize for you 3 or so readers still interested in what I do here.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Cockneys vs Zombies Review

Not another zombie movie, I thought to myself when my girlfriend decided to play this the other night. I’m a jaded horror movie fan, and it’s been a while since anything has caught my eye. Then the movie progressed, and I was hooked. Cockneys vs Zombies is not your traditional zombie movie, although there are a few things that you will definitely catch in the same light that you will from other movies. I found the beginning to be somewhat ok, but it’s the sum of the parts that really bring this movie to the top of my list of zombie creations in the recent years.

Some construction workers unearth a seal that brings about an outbreak in the East London area, and things really go south from there. Meanwhile, a group of young adults hatch a plan to rob a bank and save their grandparents from uncertain doom that will befall them when their retirement home closes down. That’s when we are introduced to Ray, the former gangster and one of the most badass characters ever concocted in zombie movie lore. Ray is awesome and I hope to be as badass as that character when I am an old dude. Sadly, I’ll probably be a stain on the underwear of old dudes, rather than some badass granddad. Heck, I don’t even have children.

The movie goes back and forth between the robbery, the group of friends, and the retirement home. Equal parts “Shaun of the Dead” and “Day of the Dead” this movie picks up fast, and doesn’t let you go. There’s some light hearted moments, and there are some harsh moments. The gore is amped up, the sequences are suspenseful, and there’s plenty of zombie madness to enjoy throughout this British horror film.

I found the movie to be entertaining, fast flowing, and definitely worth your time. I didn’t think it was the best production, but the characters were enough to hook me, especially the character of Ray and his old friends. I loved the nuances found between hardcore gore and CG effects which were done really well at times. For this being a lower budget film, it really did take on the best of the mainstream, and I enjoyed it greatly.

I highly recommend Cockneys vs Zombies, as it is a fun romp. It’s comedic at times, it’s predictable at others, and it is just overall an entertaining horror comedy. I can’t say enough about it. It’s the first movie I’ve seen in a while that really grabbed me, and that’s a great thing. Pick up the movie by going to amazon here, or whatever it is you do to see movies. I don’t know.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Hell’s Ground Review

The Middle East is not known for their horror movies. They just aren’t. That’s why “Hell’s Ground” is so special, it’s straight out of Pakistan. That’s right, it’s a Pakistani horror movie and they do something that shocks your senses, even if the story is somewhat derivative. I’m not familiar with the culture there, but there are some notes in the movie that seem to point at the fact that the characters are getting what they deserve.

The story revolves around a group of teenagers or young adults, as they travel across their native land to check out some awesome rock music. Along the way the dead rise up, and they are victims of a treacherous, zombie like invasion. Mix equal parts slasher flick and zombie movie, and you get a sense of what you’re going to be getting with this one.

Gore is turned up to 11 here, and you’re going to get hit with it at all different sides of the proverbial coin. The kids are constantly asked why they aren’t doing more beneficial things instead of questing to see a band. This definitely points to the fact that the culture doesn’t necessarily appreciate the notion of rock and roll, and therefore the characters are going to get gutted for their “sins”.

“Hell’s Ground” is not an amazing movie. If you put it into context, however, you see something special. It’s a novelty horror movie at best, but one that is definitely needed in the cluster of terrible movies we’re seeing coming out today. It came out in 2007, and it holds up somewhat well. It’s a good flick to check out, whenever you’re out of movies to see. Chances are, no one in your party has seen this one, so buy it and enjoy the schlock. I give it thumbs up, and all that jazz.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

We Are What We Are Review



Jim Mickle directs this cannibal movie in a very artistic manner. “We Are What We Are” is based on a Mexican horror movie, and I only saw this one, not the other one. The film is a slow moving drama, until you realize that there is something sinister going on with the Parker family. They seem to be in need of food, and the only thing that will wet their whistle is human flesh. The movie takes a lot of time setting up the full reveal, with a lot of points that just seem unnecessary.

As far as visuals, this movie is interesting. You get a lot of artistic shots across the board, where nothing is left to chance. You will not find a shot that is not meant to reveal something or push the story forward, even if the dialogue is barren. It’s definitely an artistic and imaginative picture, but one that can seem tedious to trudge through. You aren’t given the tension boiling of “Ravenous” or the pay off, but you do get some very creepy moments here and there.

The movie ramps up the gore through the end, and when you finally want to shut it off, the director takes a major turn, leaving you with your jaw on the floor. The turn was definitely out of the blue for me, as I didn’t expect it to grab my attention at the end. I had given it a fair chance, and it most definitely paid off in an absolutely horrific way. I’ve seen a lot of on screen violence and gore, but this one had some components that were just cringe worthy.

Overall, the movie is good, but it’s slow paced. If you like slow moving pictures with artistry in the way they are filmed, check this one out. If you love cannibal movies from the 1970s and 1980s, this is not for you. It’s far too nuanced and dramatic for your tastes. This is not a Troma film, and it shows. “We Are What We Are” is available through streaming, or you can pick up a copy here. It will stay with you, but it takes a lot to stick with it, it’s a bit boring at times, at least in my opinion.

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Friday, April 4, 2014

The Troop by Nick Cutter Getting Serious Press


There is a lot of hype around “The Troop” by Nick Cutter. The front cover of the book touts a recommendation from Stephen King. Every review that I’ve read makes mention of that, with the exception of industry insider’s that talk about the bulk of the story. The story centers around a group of boy scouts on a trip in the woods. They encounter a man who has a deadly disease and while the scouts are ready to help, they end up discovering something sinister about the stranger, he’s part of a larger problem, a victim of a disease that is very much like “Cabin Fever”.

People are calling this book old school horror. The reviews are mostly positive so far, and it’s interesting to note. The cover is interesting, not too complex, and features something kind of boring to say the least. Fearnet.com mentions that this is classic set up that you’ve already seen 100 times, and I can see how some may be turned off by that. They gave it a favorable review, and many other sites are pushing the same notes, that it’s an isolationist horror film.

“The Troop” by Nick Cutter is on my list to read right now. I haven’t bought it yet, and I’m debating getting the paperback when it comes out. I keep seeing it on trips to bookstores, and I just haven’t picked it up. However, the reviews are favorable, the sales are solid, and I may in fact invest. I recommend looking in this one, it’s getting hyped as an instant horror classic.

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Thursday, April 3, 2014

5 Horror Movies That are Completely Over Rated and Continually Get Recommended To Me By The Masses

The horror movie genre has some stinkers. I know this because I’ve sat through more horror movies than anyone else I know. I also have no friends. Ok, I have 3 friends, a girlfriend, a sister, a pseudo-friend in Stockton, a friend in San Francisco, one in Arizona, one in Seattle, oh never mind. The point is that I spend a lot of time alone with my thoughts and I also watch a lot of movies, so I’ve seen terrible. I mean completely horrific messes, and out of all of those I have seen some seriously over rated tripe.

You will most likely disagree with me on this list, and that’s fine. I hate these movies, and more so I hate how much people tell me that they are so good, when in fact, they are nothing but drivel. I would rather eat a cement sandwich, than have to watch these again, even though I’m sure I’ll catch them one day when I can’t sleep, due in large part because I have sleep apnea and no money to buy the equipment (hint hint, buy stuff from amazon via my links).

5 Terribly Overrated Movies



Sam Raimi is responsible for a lot of great movies in the horror genre, and outside of it. However, he put out a brick on this one. A loan manager is cursed and a demon comes to essentially drag her to hell? The simple plot aside, this movie was rated pg-13 when it came out, relies a lot on CGI for the scares, and is acted out by a junior high drama class. It’s awful. Was this supposed to be a comedy? Because I was laughing at the ridiculous nature of how bad this was. I revisited it recently and can confirm that this is heavily over rated, so stop telling me to see it again. I quit. Prove me wrong, buy the blu ray and review it yourself, I dare you. But first, buy it from my shop. I kid. Use it as a coaster.


I hate these movies. I hate them all. These movies suck and showcase the worst of society. Not only do the characters treat themselves terribly, the movie relies heavily on jump scares without little to no real substance. They made 4 or 5 of these schlocks, and people go to see them in droves. I can’t stand the tedious nature of these movies and how boring they truly are. In the time it takes you to watch one of these movies, you could easily knit a sweater and have a hot dog. The movies are terribly boring, slow moving, and are just not worth watching. I’d rather watch a cuckold theme porno movie than see this. Speaking of which…I’m about due…never mind.


The book is something, this movie though? I don’t know. I go back and watch it and it’s just laughable in a lot of ways. I understand the history, and I get the fear that it struck. I even wrote about this stuff in the past and how good this is to watch, but come on, it’s not that great. It’s overrated, even though it’s a guilty pleasure, it’s not as great as people think it is. The sequels and prequels are worse, and some of them go into pure comedy. Does this stuff really happen? I met a lady in Los Angeles that swears on it and is part of an exorcism group. I don’t know, but I will tell you this much, this movie and the sequels are overrated, but I’d still watch them. I’m a sucker for these things, but on a comedic level, not a serious one.


The first movie in this entry is awful. It’s boredom at its finest and it’s a lot of hype with little delivery. However, the sequel is awesome and creates more of a disturbance than this one. I remember my girlfriend refused to watch this, and one day I managed to coerce her into seeing it. She saw it and asked “that was it?” and that’s how you sum up just how overrated this movie is. Face it folks, it’s not that grand and it’s just internet and other media hype. I love the sequel though, as it featured more gruesome points of interest. This one, however, it’s just not that good.


The number one overrated horror movie of all time is Weekend at Bernies. You see, two friends have to keep a dead man looking alive through 90 minutes of…what? This wasn’t a horror movie? But they made a sequel, and the sequel made money. But it has a dead guy, and he’s rotting and still getting chicks and stuff. You mean to tell me that Chud II was better? Ghoulies Go To College was better? You’re out of your mind, Weekend at Bernies FTW!

I was tired, sue me. What about your picks? Let me know, drop me a line, find me on facebook, or buy some stuff and prove me wrong!

The Howling 2 by Gary Brandner Review

I recently picked up this book from an online used book store and I first thought it was like the movie. Howling 2: Your Sister’s a Werewolf is one of my favorite movies in horror, so I immediately thought that this was the source material. It is noted that it has nothing to do with the movie, so that’s what piqued my interest.

The story takes place in Seattle, Washington and it follows the aftermath of the first film. Karyn Beatty has set up a new life in a new place and doesn’t want to remember the things that occurred in the first novel (Set in California). In fact, this book starts with a news flash, a fire has hit California and her husband is missing, and many are dead. Fast forward to the present, and Karyn has to deal with a nightmare that is returning, her ex-husband, and werewolf!

This book is a small one, and much like a lot of horror books, it has gone through a lot of republication. My copy is from 1978 and has a cool metallic green cover design with some fangs coming through. I love the artwork, and the book is well paced, fast moving, and features some nice touches of gore.

The Howling 2 by Gary Brandner may be an older novel, but it’s still a classic werewolf tale and one that you have to check out. It’s not going to take you long to read it, and if you buy an older edition, you can get the really cool artwork that I mentioned. It’s a good cheap read, and it’s part of a greater werewolf tradition well worth exploring.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Jeepers Creepers Review

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Another entry from 2001, the movie Jeepers Creepers came out to a lot of fanfare. I didn’t catch it until after it was popular, and in fact, I didn’t remember to pick it up until I had moved to Seattle in 2007. The movie is a classic monster movie and it’s done very well, with a lot of emotional ties to the characters involved, without making it a drama filled boring loop. The movie has a solid little niche, and while it doesn’t have a huge cast, it still works out well, much like “House of Wax” did, the updated version that is.

The movie centers on a couple of young adults that are trying to get home from college. They get run off the road by a seriously bad guy and then uncover that he may be dumping bodies and doing far worse than just driving people off the highway. When they uncover that this is in fact a serious murder mystery, they get thrown into a cycle of hell that drives up the suspense a whole lot.

The movie twists and turns through suspense, and leaves the gore out at times. It is more of a mystery or a thriller than it is a straight up horror movie. It has supernatural elements which are nice, and the effects are good for what they are. Justin Long does a good job here, far better than that crap from Raimi that was pg-13 a while back. I don’t even remember the name, something about going to hell or whatever, it sucked, and he sucked in it. (Terrible writing, I know)

We get some nice thrills, and a good duality angle that involves law enforcement, but this is not going to be as memorable as some of the other entries into the 2000s horror line up. It still has some solid acting, good timing, and narrative that isn’t too terrible. It spawned a sequel, but this original is a solid entry point for anyone that wants a horror movie that isn’t all gore and splatter. I liked it, and I think it deserves a second shot for those that haven’t seen it in a while. Jeepers Creepers isn’t going to win awards, obviously, but it has a certain cult like status in my book so scope it out today.

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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Ginger Snaps Review

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Ginger Snaps is a movie that I saw while working as a video store clerk in Culver City. It was my favorite job, and the movie was part of the late night movies I would play before closing up shop. It came out in 2001 and spawned a few sequels. The movie centers on werewolves in a whole new way. It takes the notion of going into womanhood and flips the tables, pushing new life into a tired genre that is still hard to do today.

The plot follows a couple of sisters that aren’t exactly in the popular crowd. As one turns into a woman through her menstrual cycle, a beast comes out of the blue to attack. She then begins to change slowly, turning into a monster, and while at first she thinks the urges are sexually based, they are for much worse, complete and utter chaos and rampaging beastly things.

There is a good sense of gore in this movie, but it is obvious that there wasn’t a huge budget. You don’t get the transformation scenes that the 1980s had, and you don’t get that compelling narrative that was in “Silver Bullet” and “Howling” but you still get a good werewolf flick. There’s nothing cute about the movie when it gets going, even though you sympathize with the characters at first glance. It’s when Ginger turns into fully beast mode that you start to really get a feel for the characterizations and in some way punch the validation card on the movie.

Ginger Snaps is a solid entry into a genre that has been done to death. It is not my favorite in this genre, but it’s a powerful movie with a lot of deep seeded meaning if you so choose to explore. Forget the 1980s, this is an updated version of the wolf lore that is definitely better than some of the mainstream releases that were put out before and after. I like it, you may like it, and it’s well worth the few bucks to get it. Ginger Snaps is a solid horror flick, and Katherine Isabelle as well as Danielle Hampton play their roles to perfection.

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Saturday, March 29, 2014

The Witch’s Revenge Brings On The Horror With Spirituality Mixed In

I’ve been catching wind of a lot of horror novels, and one that recently came across my desk is “The Witch’s Revenge”, which is an incredible piece of work that mixes several genres into one compelling story. In a small village, a family lives and thrives amidst friends, family, and a true sense of community. The set up here is nice, as you get a glimpse of the family before you start to unravel the terror that is coming soon.

The story brings a sinister plot twist as a stranger moves in next door, and you get into a horror narrative that is similar to that of “Fright Night”. The neighbor is definitely not there for just any reason, and the story moves forward when evil starts to cloud the area. There’s a good balance between scare points and fighting back for the good of the community. Odato really does well in bringing forth some serious noise amidst the chaos, and you’ll definitely get a good sense for the manifestation of the sinister villain.

One of the highlights of the novel is that spirituality comes to the helm. There is a nice mix of spiritual ideals and faith, especially when the terror truly starts to create trouble for the community at large. There’s an incredible amount of power found in the words here, even if you don’t have a spiritual background. You’ll appreciate the setup of the family, the villain in place, the battle of good and evil, as well as the tremendous effort to create something that doesn’t just rest on the jump scares of cinema, but rather the deep rooted fear of what very well may be close by. This is a good horror story, one that should get a broader audience, I recommend it. Check it out via amazon here. Also check out more from the author on his official page here.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

King Kong Review

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Of all the monsters that you may come across in the world of horror movies, you will most likely remember the influential early characters and villains of modern cinema, including Dracula, The Wolfman, and the Mummy. But one of my personal favorites, and one that you just can’t top, is that of King Kong. There have been several iterations of the monster movie, but when you boil them all down, you have one giant ape that stands tall among a lot of others that have tried to take his crown, and he’s upset. That’s why I wanted to make a review of the 1933 classic, monstrous, KONG!

By this point, you should know what the story is. A movie director is out searching for his next project and uncovers something incredible. He uncovers Kong, and hatches a plan to try and bring him back to show him off to the world. His crew catches the beast and brings it back to New York. Putting it on display things go wrong, and the beast creates havoc and all hell breaks loose. He even grabs a woman and starts an epic climb to the top of the tallest building, at the time.

It’s up to the human race to come together and stop the beast, but alas, he has feelings, right? Who cares, it’s onward to slay the giant beast, but he’s not going down without a fight. That in a nutshell is the amazing and powerful narrative that plays out in this 1993 film. The movie is awesome, and holds up well, if you don’t try to think too hard. Yes, you can easily factor in that this movie has a lot of problems, but think about today versus then. They did a lot to create the story, and if you read into the production you will realize that this was no easy feature to produce.

The remake of Kong from the 70s was ok, but the latest updated version was monstrous and really took away from the quality of cheese that you get with the original. King Kong is not a scary movie, but it’s iconic. It’s where the monsters begin, and something that you can go back and watch as part of history. It may not scare, but it most certainly thrills, especially when you’re feeling jaded by the cinema of today. It’s always nice to go back and watch the classics, and King Kong is definitely an instant classic for anyone that watches it. I recommend it, go back and watch, you’ll love it.

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