The 5 Best Damn Horror Movies For Christmas

In 2010, when I was still writing like a mad man and trying to get myself out of another bout with depression I wrote about the Top 5 Christmas horror movies, and it was received well enough. People thought I was wrong and people thought I was right. You could read that post right here, but today is not about the past it’s about the present and the future. It’s with that in mind that I’m going to drop a bomb today, and no I do not mean another bowel movement.

Today, for your consideration, like an episode of “Are You Afraid of the Dark” is none other than the best damn horror movies for Christmas. Of course these are not for children, and no they aren’t pornographic although Dracula XXX comes highly recommended by me and Ron Jeremy. I think he was in it, I haven't seen it in a long time, not that I'm advocating pornography directly.

So here you go, all 2 of you that still read this site, my picks for the best of the best. If you agree, disagree, or have some comments, let me know what's up.

5. Santa’s Slay

Bill Goldberg plays one hell of a character here. It doesn’t end very well and it takes on a laughable premise, but for the most part, this horror Christmas entry is one that is well worth looking at. I must also admit that the best bit of performance art was had by this former NFL and WCW powerhouse. His match with DDP at WCW’s Halloween Havoc in 1998 is still one of the most impressive feats of professional wrestling, fake or not, they danced in a very grand way. Now that I’ve lost my readers, I can say that this movie is one of the best examples of a movie that wasn’t meant for theaters and still manages to deliver a high production value. The gore is ramped up at times, and the opening sequence alone is star studded and brings out some fun. Santa’s Slay may not be a serious movie, but it most certainly delivers on the horror aspect. It’s fun, not scary, so don’t give me slack.

4. To All A Good Night

The 1970s were a hell of a time for movies. There seemed to be a willingness to be uncensored, and work with the ratings in a much harder way. There was also a great deal of creativity thrown to the box covers of videos. To All A Good Night is one of those movies that slips by a lot of people, but is worth scoping out. It is the story of a group of teenagers that are partying and are being slowly picked off by a maniac in a Santa Claus suit. Pretty basic, and quite a throwback, even if the pacing is a bit on the slow side. But hey, a killer Santa Claus nearly 10 years before the other famed one? Yep.The 1970s produced some sick movies, and this may not be the sickest of all the releases, but it is definitely a good one that many people move over in favor of Christmas Evil, Black Christmas, and even some older options that are just boring as ever.

3. Chopping Mall

Chopping Mall is insane. It has one of my favorite movie posters and really is one of the coolest concepts. A mall closes down and to protect the place, a killer robot is dispatched. This may not be a 100% Christmas tale, but it’s all about shopping or rather Chopping! It features an incredible head explosion before CG started to be everywhere. It’s a good entry into this list and one that is well worth your time to seek out. The next time you’re at the mall, just think about this movie and how you could be next! Remember the Simpsons episode? That was good. I remember the first time I saw this, it was a double feature for me with Sleepaway Camp. The horror movie video boxes were 100 times more intriguing than anything that is seen now. I am definitely a big fan of these things, and wax nostalgic about it too much, or not enough.

2. Gremlins

Horror comedy that isn’t scary? Well Gremlins pushes on a lot of comedic elements, but still maintains a good creep factor that gives you enough of a treat. This is not an all-out onslaught of the senses, and it is not a slasher, but the horror elements, hard drinking, smoking and more makes this one quite compelling. Gremlins fans will be upset that I didn’t put this at #1 but come on, it’s more comedy than it is straight laced horror, right? Whatever. A small town gets hit with crude Gremlins! What’s not to love? This movie is definitely the better of the two releases that bear the name Gremlins. Also, don't confuse this for Critters or Ghoulies. I love Ghoulies though, and remember that one time that they went to college? There's a lot of Critters movies too, they had cool posters.

1. Black Xmas (remake)

There are going to be a lot of people upset about this. No, Silent Night Deadly Night doesn’t get start treatment here. Why? Because Black Xmas came out swinging and completely obliterates the 5 movies that were just awful. The first one had a Santa Claus rape and murder sequence, so it loses on the premise of just being horrendous. Ok, it’s a favorite of mine, but still, this one ramps up the brutality, production, and sound design. A group of sorority girls get stalked by a psycho around Christmas. The ending is brutal as ever, and the sound design makes this one my top pick. It’s a good watch, and eliminates the need to watch many others. If you don't like this one, then it's most likely because it's too brutal. I admit, it  has some moments that will make you cringe, but like Wes Craven reminds, it's only a movie, it's only a movie.

There you have it, Scary Film Reviews best of Christmas. Oh and if you think I’m a hack, I spent 3 consecutive years reviewing only Holiday Horror movies in the month of December, so go back into the archives and see why they aren’t on this list here. Ok, I admit, I am a hack. Pick these up with the appropriate links below and help a brotha out, it’s Christmas!

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Werewolf Hunter Review

When it comes to finding good movies, I tend to judge the cover. I know, they always say not to, but I can’t help it. I’ve found some of my favorite movies and books have the coolest covers ever. Maybe it’s because I’m a graphic designer (bachelor’s degree), or maybe it’s because I’m a man and visual stimulation comes naturally to me in some way, I just absolutely love cover art. When I saw the cover art for Werewolf Hunter, I was definitely intrigued and thought it would be a good overall flick. What ended up turning out was a moderately successful werewolf movie that left me wanting something else. The movie is a Spanish one that was originally titled Romansanta, but for this review it’s called Werewolf Hunter, the proper name.

The movie is an interesting one, it is based on true events, and it’s not completely implausible. The plot revolves around a man that seduces women and then eats them. He then takes their fat and makes soap. When many women start disappearing a small town starts a hunt for all wolves, thinking it’s merely a wolf that is doing the damage. After some time, we are introduced to a hunter that claims he has been turned into a wolf and now must hunt his nemesis in order to once again become a man. The whole thing is tied up to a folklore tale of a man that claimed he killed many people but wasn’t to blame, because he was a werewolf.

The plot moves slowly, although there are some nice visuals. You get a sense for the time and place, with great costumes and beautiful women. Yes, there is nudity, so score one for those looking for a little Spanish boob action. Other than that, the movie feels like a Shakespearean play, as there is high drama throughout the film. By the time you get to the killing, it’s subdued and boring. There is a quick transformation scene that is kind of cool, but other than that, this felt like a made for television romp than anything else.

Werewolf Hunter is not a good movie, if you’re looking for horror. It’s a good piece of dramatic film making, but outside of that, it’s just not for scary film review fans or anyone that wants to have fun at the movies. I started to fall asleep towards the end, which is an awful sign. Not every movie can be a winner, but then again, my girlfriend liked it, so maybe it’s good for some, not for others. Wow, how awful are my reviews getting? I’ll have more reviews coming sooner than later.

Red: Werewolf Hunter Review

For today’s review I wanted to look at a little made for television movie about werewolves and boy did I find one that I didn’t hate, and was pleasantly surprised with. SyFy channel made this movie in 2010 and it starred some halfway decent acting mixed in with some interesting story telling elements and while it looked like it could be a straight to dvd feature, it still had elements worth noting that were far beyond the campy norm that usually plagues movies of this nature. Red: Werewolf Hunter takes the traditional route with horror, but there is enough to please just about anyone.

The movie revolves around the plot of Little Red Riding Hood, as she and her family are now hunters of werewolves. The first sequence of this film really hooked me. We get to see grandma get torn to pieces by a wolf, and while this moment was really harsh, it would not live up for the rest of the film, as this is the most violent scene you get without the aid of computer graphics. Grandma doesn’t live and through the floorboards of the attic a young Red watches on.

We are then moved forward to a new day, a new home and a couple visiting the woods to grandmother’s house. There we meet the werewolf hunters all in line with “Red” and there are some laughable moments in the introduction of each character, but you just live with it. The problem that plagues the family is a new breed of werewolf that can morph whenever they want, which means that outside of the full moon, the family will now have to fight.

When the fiancée of “Red” gets bitten, all hell breaks loose and the family has to fight the new villain. The villain named Gabriel is awesome, in my view, mixing elements of “Prison Break” with something a bit more macabre. If you don’t get behind the family of hunters, you will get behind this villain, as he owned the screen whenever he was on. Outside of that, the rest was just a bit bland.

The movie goes through the same elements that you would expect with any other horror film in this genre with people dying, the body count rising and the ultimate showdown between hunters and hunted. In the end, you get a favorable ending and that’s about it.

Red: Werewolf Hunter had some great moments. I liked the fighting for the most part, and did enjoy the movie more than I thought I would. I think SyFy is getting better with these pieces as the movie had a certain element of budget that is often times lacking. I didn’t like the graphics of the wolves, but I guess I can live with them. Overall, this wasn’t half bad, and would recommend it. It’s not great, by any means, but it’s far better than you’d expect.

Mom Review

Today we are featuring a film that came out in 1991. It is one that flew beneath the radar of millions of people, and only a select few ended up watching it. I saw the posters for it when I was a kid, but I never did venture forward to see it. That is, until last night when it was time once again to watch another werewolf spectacular! Today, we will be discussing the horror comedy named Mom.

The movie starts out interesting, with a loner at a bus stop waiting to head towards Los Angeles. He is in the darkness when a woman tries to befriend him. When she offers him a drink, he obliges by opening up her blouse and killing her wolf style! This kind of weird “rape” scenario really didn’t do too much in the way of introducing the character as more than a rapist, until the flash of the full moon offset the initial shock.

The plot fast-forwards to the present where an old lady and her family are enjoying Christmas and another year gone by. Things are normal, until our drifter ends up wanting to rent a room inside grandma’s house. When she tries to cook the man a nice dinner, he doesn’t want to eat, and then he attacks! The makeup here is fast, and no transformation scene is shown, but we get a full wolf style mask and jowls to prove that it’s a wolf.

The kicker here is that the werewolf is blind and states that he’s immortal and can turn grandma into a flesh-eating wolf. This transitional stage and process isn’t really shown, and the movie moves into a more buddy-style movie where the older lady (mother) is being groomed to become a full-fledged werewolf by the super villain. Of course the wolf plays blind, but we all know he can see.

When the old lady’s son, whom also is a reporter for the news station, finds out that his mother is eating the flesh of homeless people, he decides that the stranger needs to go and goes on attack, and this of course is where the movie starts to derail for everyone.

The movie throws a wrench into the werewolf lore. Forget about silver bullets, or anything like that, our main villain is killed by a fire, that’s it. He’s set on fire and he goes away into the dust. That leaves grandma (mother) with the vice of eating human flesh, so the son locks her away, and this of course starts an odd kind of “trapped” movie.

Billed as a comedy, “MOM” was supposed to be an interesting taking the werewolf lore; instead it proves to be a slow moving romp through lackluster jokes, and interesting problems. You start to wonder whether or not you’d let your mom kill to survive or would you kill her and save humanity? There are some moments where this movie becomes far too dramatic for its own good, and I found myself wanting to fall asleep.

I don’t necessarily recommend “MOM” unless you absolutely have to see every werewolf movie out there. It’s a bad example of the wolf lore, but it’s not terrible. It has a few shining moments, and an ending that will have you either applauding or simply laughing, you decide.



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Werewolf Reviews From The Past

When it comes to reviewing werewolf movies, I often times think about what I’ve already done on this website. I’ve been reviewing movies for several years now, and have posted over 700 posts on this blog. I did not just show up overnight and start wanting to talk about horror, and to showcase that love, I wanted to share links to the past reviews that I’ve done.

The werewolf movies that I’ve reviewed have been a toss up over the years, and before I move into publishing thoughts on more wolf movies, I wanted to relive the past one more time.

Check out the following links, and tomorrow we begin another round of conversations about werewolves.

Howling III Review
An American Werewolf in London Review
The Wolfman Review
Full Eclipse Review
The Curse of the Werewolf Review
976-Evil Review
Silver Bullet Review
Howling Review

Check out the above links to reviews I've done on this site in the past. They go back all the way to 2008, so enjoy.

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The Beast of Bray Road Review

For those of you that are new, or haven’t really checked out my site for a while, you’ll be glad to know that November 2012 is Werewolf month, and I will be looking at only werewolf movies. That’s roughly 24 – 30 movies related to t he evil creature.

Today’s pick will be our first entry into the genre. The movie is a 2005 horror movie that was based on a true story, or so they say, and features a creature so scary, that it most likely haunted a small town for a long period of time. The movie I’m talking about is The Best of Bray Road.

The movie starts off a bit slow, setting up the characters that are involved. We have the classic police force made up of locals in a small town with one transplant from the big city. He gets a lot of crap for being a “city” boy, and he has to deal with the attitudes of the town’s people as well as the department. He stumbles upon a missing person and he then starts to get notices that people are getting mauled by what appears to be a monster. It’s at around the third or fourth report that we get the inside story of what is going on, that a werewolf, the beast, is out there and has come back to seek revenge on the city that once took it out back in the 1800s.

The movie doesn’t really have much in the way of a transformation scene, nor does it do much for the genre, it just throws you (the viewer) into a small town in Wisconsin that is having problems with a werewolf and it’s up to the sheriff from out of town to stop it.

The monster is terrible. It’s absolutely obvious that there is someone in a wolf suit and it’s painfully obvious that the budget wasn’t spent on creating the monster suit, however, I didn’t expect greatness from a straight to dvd movie. The movie moves forward relatively slow after a few gorey death scenes, and by the time you’re ready to tune out the men in the audience get treated to some boobs. The skin and sin is short lived as our hero and a few helpers take their guns to the woods and try to hunt down the creature.

What seems like a straight up horror movie turns into a murder mystery in which you’re left guessing who the wolf really is. The contemporary rulebook on wolves and horror gets thrown out the window, and you have to just go with whatever is fed to you on this one as the movie dives off the deep end in the later parts of the film.

Overall, not a terrible movie, but not one of my favorites by far, but it shouldn't be a surprise since it's a straight to dvd film. It’s interesting to see what a low budget can get you, and you do get some decent acting out of Sarah Lieving and Tom Downey, but B-Movie mainstay Jeff Denton didn’t really do much to push his acting abilities. Then again, the whole movie isn’t exactly award winning. I thought it had its moments, especially with a few jump scares that even Hollywood steals from time to time. Check out the Beast of Bray Road, if you’re an ultimate fan of werewolves, otherwise, wait for something far better.

More Holiday Movie Madness

Second verse, same as the first, and we're going to round out our year of holiday-themed horror films. So hang on tight as we continue our parade of fright throughout the year.

Memorial Day: 'Memorial Day' (1999)

Now this makes some sense, in a strange way. A holiday that is about honoring the dead would of course result in a movie in which people become dead. On Memorial Day, a group of youths return to the spot where one of their friends died as they partied. Three years later, they find themselves in peril as they are chased down by a masked killer. Grab a beer and a burger and enjoy!

Fourth of July: 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' (1997)

After winning a beauty pageant, a group of friends go out to celebrate. On their return trip, they hit and apparently kill a man, and then dump the corpse into the ocean whilst making a pact to never speak of the incident again. Well, if horror films taught us anything, it's that the past always comes back to haunt and sometimes even kill.

Day of the Dead: 'All Souls Day: Dia de los Muertos' (2006)

Go south of the border and celebrate this Mexican holiday with some bottles of Corona and watch this film about a group of American travelers who get stuck in a Mexican ghost town that becomes overrun by zombies on the Day of the Dead. Think of it as “the running of the corpses” rather than the running of the bulls.

Veteran's Day: 'Deathdream' (1972)

You know the story. A veteran returns home after a long and troubling time on the front, twitching and telling stories about how he took out fifteen enemy combatants with plastic spork. The same scenario occurs in 'Deathdream', but instead of telling stories, this veteran sits in a chair all day and then at night attacks people and drinks their blood to stave off decomposition.

Thanksgiving: 'Blood Rage' (1987)

Todd and Terry are twins, sharing all aspects of the other save for one thing: one of them is a murderer. After the brutal murder of a teenager at a drive in, Todd is accused and found guilty and sent away to an asylum. Years later, on Thanksgiving, news arrives that Todd has escaped and in a twist that could be seen a mile away, the killer is not who everyone thought it was.

All Holidays: 'Tales from the Grave, vol. 2: Happy Holidays' (2005)

Sequel to the popular 'Tales from the Grave” series, this film's collection of vignettes cover stories that focus on the holidays, including St. Patrick's Day, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and Christmas all in one handy package for anyone who like value with their movie selections.

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Scary Movies For Children on Halloween

As we 20-and-30-somethings start to settle down, pursue relationships, and eventually begin families, lots of things in our lives change. The things we enjoyed in our youth, like splatterfest horror films, become a thing of the past as we make concessions for the toddlers that have taken over our lives. You find yourself unable to find a babysitter so you can go out and see the newest installment of the “Saw” franchise or pop in “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” into your XBox, but you have a need, no, a burning desire to get your freak-out on. What do you do?

Easy. You find kid-friendly scary films. Sure, there could be drawbacks to sitting down with your kids, but a little fear never hurt anyone, right? Here are five films rated PG-13 and under to consider when you want to scare your kids to sleep (or into behaving).

Poltergeist (1982)

It's a relate-able story: a normal, every day family out in suburbia confront a malevolent force that just can't take a hint that it's not wanted. The film takes the “monster-under-the-bed” and “monster-in-the-closet” childhood frights and runs with them, but producer and co-writer of the film, Steven Spielburg, adds just enough playfulness and family friendliness which is typically unusual in this genre.

Gremlins (1984)

Nothing says lighthearted like having an adorable little mascot critter for this scary comedic franchise. Your kids will fall in love with Gizmo. That is, they see what happens when you feed your sweet, innocent mogwai after midnight or get him wet, spawning the wicked and titular gremlins whose pranks turn deadly.

Arachnophobia (1990)

A cautionary tale about why bringing non-native species home is a bad idea. Spiders are scary in their own right, add in an arachnophobic doctor whose house becomes ground zero for an infestation of a rare and venomous spider, hijinks ensue.

Ghost Busters (1984)

A pioneer of the horror-comedy, Ghostbusters and it's sequel is a classic that caters to all ages. This film about a group of oft-mocked scientists that form a supernatural extermination squad is a pop culture classic that enjoys popularity even among today's youth culture that includes a cartoon-spin off sure to please the kids on Saturday mornings.

The next time you find yourself wanting to initiate junior into the wonderful world of scary films without terrifying them into next week, keep these films in mind!

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Holiday Themed Horror Insanity

Halloween, Christmas, even Mother's Day and Father's Day, all easily have horror films centered around them, but what about the other holidays that fill up our calendars? Here are some selections that best suit the more neglected holidays throughout the first part of the year!

New Year's Day: 'Terror Train' (1980)

In the days before the Party Buses, college kids apparently rung in the New Year by hopping on a party train to celebrate. Weird. The story revolves around a prank they committed years before that comes back to haunt them when a Groucho Marx-masked killer hunts them down one by one. "Either he's dead, or my watch has stopped!"

Valentine's Day: 'My Bloody Valentine' (1981)

Ah, Valentine's Day. A day of romance, love, and obligatory chocolates and expensive gifts to represent affection. But what could be more romantic than watching a love story about a man and his love of killing others? Romance comes in many forms, my friends. Some are just not as socially accepted as others.

St. Patrick's Day: 'Leprechaun' (1993)

Assuming you're not too busy drinking green beer, singing Irish drinking songs, or punching strangers on the street for not wearing green, this campy classic about a leprechaun set loose from a trap after ten years to discover his precious pot o' gold has been taken turns into terror as he hunts down any who get in his way from reuniting with his gold – including a young Jennifer Aniston. They're after me lucky charms!

Easter: 'Easter Bunny Kill! Kill! (2006)

The Easter Bunny at the mall is already nightmare fuel enough, what with those soulless eyes and that menacing smile with two razor sharp teeth jutting from it's always-smiling mouth. Take a film where a pair of men abuse a mentally challenged boy get chased by a killer in an Easter bunny mask with power tools? I think I'll forgo the egg hunt, and take up rabbit hunting instead.

Mother's Day: 'Rosemary's Baby' (1968)

What starts as an idyllic glance into the married life of the titular Rosemary and her husband Guy after they move into a creepy Manhattan apartment turns into a nightmare. Rosemary gets pregnant after a bad dream in which a horrible creature makes love to her and nosy demon-serving neighbors help take care of her in order to sacrifice the baby to help her husband's burgeoning career. Only Roman Polanski could make being a mother more horrifying.

Arbor Day: 'The Happening' (2008)

I know what you're thinking. Arbor Day? Seriously? Well, this M. Night Shamaylan film teaches about what happens if you do not respect nature and nature finally gets pissed off enough and fights back. Death by shrubbery is possible, and The Sixth Sense direction shows us how.

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Coming this October

We are at the headed towards the halfway point of the month, and I wanted to take this moment to once again remind anyone that reads this that you can win a Kindle Fire HD by leaving a comment here on this page, or visiting sirjorge.net. In fact, please visit sirjorge.net and support my main website, it’s less horror, but I need the traffic.

This October I’m going to be doing something special for Halloween.

BASED ON A TRUE STORY

You’ve read it, you’ve heard it, you’ve always wondered, and this October 2012 I will concentrate on reviewing and talking about only REAL HORROR. You will see reviews of movies that claim they were based on a real story. I’m not going to dive into whether or not they are real, or anything like that, but I will make sure to be fair. Some stories, no matter how people swear up and down they are true, are obviously going to be false, but I’m not one to judge.

If you have any suggestions, drop me a line. I’m going to try and review 100% new movies, so that I’m not putting out the same old stuff.

Anything horror related and Based on True Events, True Story, and the likes will be featured on this blog in October.

Until then, I’ll continue to review random crap and good stuff. Drop me a comment, and please support my other site sirjorge.net, it is slumping in terms of readers and subscribers. Thank you and goodnight.

Remember to leave a comment, to be entered to win a KINDLE FIRE 2. The winner will be announced at the end of the month.

5 Best Movies Dealing With Demon Possession

Today I was thinking about demonic possession. I used to belong to a church that was a cult, well it was a very strict kind of place, and once I broke free I got into a lot of studying. I read a lot about every religion, and ran into several books on the matter of demonic possession. It seemed like the movies had some things right and some things wrong, but more often than not, I found myself fascinated by the dark side. When I finally came to my own decisions as to what I wanted to believe and whether or not I was going to profess that, I realized that a lot of these things have no control over us. Is it possible to be possessed? Yes. Is it likely? No. Like I always say, the prince of darkness and his demons aren’t hanging out with a couple of fat Goth kids playing D&D in some basement, just saying.

With that in mind, consider this post, as a very scary post, the top 5 best movies dealing possession! You can purchase the movies from the links provided, and help a brotha pay the bills, otherwise, leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Remember, you could win a Kindle Fire 2.



Constantine (2005) Buy it Here – One of my favorite comic books is Hellblazer. However, at the time that this movie was released, I didn’t know that yet. I caught this movie as a very cool film that involved a character that was beyond repair broken, and knew it. The demonic moments here really outshine the rest of the movie, with some insane moments. It does get a bit “cartoony” but you have to read the comics to fully appreciate what they did with the movie, which is as good as you’re going to get when comparing source material to the end cinematic result.



Prince of Darkness (1987) Buy it Here – John Carpenter has made two of my favorite movies ever, and no one really talks about them when they make lists. This creepy investigative story involves all the things you could think of when thinking ghosts, demons, and possession. It has a lot more atmosphere than story at times, but it’s still worth checking out, especially for the awesome gore points and awesome liquid evil, as some would put it.



Night of the Demons (1988) Buy it Here – I remember this was a hard to find horror flick for a long time, and I finally got it because my girlfriend at the time saw it at a Fred Meyer in Anchorage, Alaska. This folks, is one of my favorite films as well. A Halloween party goes awry when a demon/witch possesses the group and makes them do evil things, causing all hell to break loose. One of the few movies to feature the “black guy” winning in the end, proves positive that there’s a reason why this is one of my personal favorites, and hopefully yours too.



The Amityville Horror (1979) Buy it Here – The novel might have been scary enough, but this piece of horror and demon possession really pushed the limits at the time. It takes a while to set up, but the rails fall off of this creepy mess in the end with some crazy moments of a true story. You got to believe that this could be the epitome of possession films, that is if another didn’t already win.



Demons (1985) Buy it Here – I had a hard time deciding where to finally land on this as my number one demon possession movie. The movie involves a theater going audience that unlocks a pseudo zombie possession mask and all hell breaks loose. This is an awesome movie featuring a lot of gore, fast paced action, and sickening violence that makes up the best of the Eurotrash genre.

I think the above are the best in terms of the pure demon possession category. Now, I do like Exorcism movies and the likes, but that’s a whole different genre if you sit to think about it.

Remember to leave a comment, to be entered to win a KINDLE FIRE 2. The winner will be announced at the end of the month.

My Top 5 Dario Argento Films

When it comes to Italian Horror there are many names that come to mind, but none other than Dario Argento strikes fear into my heart. Ok, so I am no longer scared, but when I was a kid a lot of the movies that he made were translated into Spanish and shown on Latino television. I saw a lot of the movies uncut, and they were wicked in many ways. Today, since I had to work a lot more than usual, and didn’t have time to settle in with some popcorn, I wanted to post my favorite 5 movies from Argento. These are in no particular order, and if you agree or disagree let me know. Drop me a line, or buy the movie and review it.



The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970) Buy it here – This one really fascinated me when I was a kid. The whole mystery of who’s calling and why is a weird bird noise the only thing that is audible? Not only that, I’ve always been fascinated by writers, so when the protagonist is a writer with writer’s block, I bought into the story. The cool part about this film is the consistent use of first person views for set up to the kills. You see black gloves; a weapon and then you get the blood. I’ve always liked the over the top blood used by Argento and it runs plenty here. The film was and is an instant classic, with lovely ladies, and cool backdrops, leading to a climax that can only be a work of this Italian director, if you ask anyone.



Opera (1987) buy it here – This was a very stylish and sinister film. A young woman is cast in a new Opera role and all is going well, until a killer is let loose and a stalker is chasing her. Set to an interesting backdrop of singing and stage production, this movie really grabs a hold of your jugular and doesn’t let go. Before “Saw” made it big, this was an ultimate torturous volume in which our protagonist is forced to watch a lot of sinister things going on, or else dies. The contraption of putting razor spikes on the eyelids so that you have to keep them open is spot on sinister and something that you’d expect from Jigsaw. Only this movie came long before that iconic series. In a classic reveal we see the true nature of the killer in the end, but not until we get some awesome kills, thrills and blood spills.



Inferno (1980) Buy it here - A strange book sets up the viewer for an interesting romp through mystery and terror. The movie is the ultimate jump scare and sinister movie with hauntings going throughout. I love the cover, and have always loved the skull. The story moves through some awesome points, with some stiff and sick kills, even though it’s a bit of a long setup at first. You will get classic Argento screams, over saturated blood colors, and lovely Italian actresses that I’d love to say hello to, but wouldn’t know how to bed. This movie is a mixture of Argento’s trademark pictures, with a lot of cool music to balance out the hauntings and killings.



Suspiria (1977) Buy It Here – Who knew that the ballet could be so frightening? In one of my all time favorite horror movies, Argento moves the camera to an all-new beautiful level. The art, framing, and photography here are immense as well as the scares that you receive through the film. This Avant-garde type of European horror is insane by comparison to anything you’d see today. It has a great deal sinister motives from start to finish. You’ll fall in love with this one as I did, as it is mind numbing in many ways.



Tenebrae (1982) Buy it here – My all time favorite film by Argento is an interesting tale about a writer who seems to have a problem. The problem is that the author’s books are coming to life and there is a serial killer that is killing women and stuffing pages of his books into their throats! When I first saw this movie, I wasn’t at all impressed, but then I recently saw it again, and realized how awesome this one is. You get all the suspense of a modern movie, with the Argento framing and interesting concept, all the way until the final reveal that will blow you away. I absolutely loved the ending; especially the way things just don’t seem to add up. Check it out; it’s by far the best from Argento!

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Top 5 Hammer Horror Movies

The Hammer Horror studio is best known for putting Christopher Lee in the role of Dracula time and time again, and while some people absolutely loathe the movies that came out of the studio, others find the films to be awesome, especially those that mixed exploitation and horror quite nicely. Admittedly, some of the movies are horrible, and boring, but there are some shining gems amidst a lot of the movies that were continually being pushed to the public. Here is my list of the top 5 Hammer Horror movies.



The Brides of Dracula – The Brides of Dracula put together sex and vampires together long before HBO decided to throw it all together. This film from the 1960s has that classic old school feel and while the pacing can use some work, the blood and artistic viewpoint of the Dracula myth is all presented quite nicely. The brides come out of their graves to become the antagonists of this gothic horror picture, and while we get another shot at Peter Cushing in his infamous rolls with Hammer, it’s Baron Meinster that really gets the credit here. I love it, and you might enjoy it too.



Dracula Has Risen From The Grave – The year was 1968 when this movie came out and Christopher Lee played Dracula, in one of the better interpretations of the original tale. When you see this movie you will feel as though you are on set, or watching a stage play, the way the camera moves, the way the costumes are meticulously made, the way the acting draws you in. The whole time you are not sure whether to cheer for the vampire or to cheer for the hero, because Christopher Lee makes the old bastard look so cool.



Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed – A year after the aforementioned film, Peter Cushing reprised his role of an evil Baron, only this time he isn’t a protagonist, he is all bad. This guy is pure evil and he is out to somehow get his way and create a monster that will do his bidding. While some people will be mad at me for including this film in this list due to the strong rape scene, I will say that it’s just a movie and a Hammer movie at that. Grow up, it’s not making it “cool”, ok. Peter Cushing and his monster get the #3 spot, even though Frankenstein must be destroyed!



The Curse of the Werewolf – This wasn’t exactly a great one, but after repeated viewings this movie is actually not half bad. The movie has a lot of slow points, then really picks up in the third and fourth act, with the wolf going nuts and getting beaten and shot. The cool thing here was the mutation scene, which was far better than the Universal Monster movies. Although, my favorite wolf transition happens in The Howling, this one is kind of cool, even though it was from the early 1960s.

Now, at this point you probably are wondering what I would pick for the number one spot, and when you see it, you’ll understand, especially because the poster is so rad.



Dracula 1972 – One of my favorite movie posters is also my favorite Hammer Horror movie. This film updates the story of Dracula and places him in the present (well at the time it was the present), and with an all-new updated cast of cronies to help him. We also are introduced to the descendent of Van Helsing with Jessica Van Helsing, and Johnny Alucard. (Alucard is not a descendent, but teams up with the girl) The movie is a bit dry, but it has some awesome moments with Christopher Lee once again playing the role of Dracula and making it hard not to cheer for him.

There you have it, 5 of my favorites from Hammer Horror, what are your favorites? Drop me a line.

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Top 5 Best Selling Horror Blu Rays Right Now

In my quest to bring the horror, I also want to make sure that you guys are actively participating in the genre by purchasing movies and blu ray releases to help the continuation of the genre. After all, if you aren’t purchasing anything, the companies will eventually stop making the products. This is why many companies shut down like say, Cannon. Anyways, here are the top 5 best selling horror blu rays right now, pick them up with the links provided and please have a nice day.



Halloween 4 Blu Ray $19.99 – The Return of Michael Meyers is finally on blu ray and it looks amazing. The sequel to the original has more of a surreal gothic feel to it, and it is ramped up with gore and violence. This is a far cry from the second and third films in the series, and I for one am excited to see it released now.



They Live (Collector’s Edition) Blu Ray $19.99 – Roddy Piper breaks down the door of the science fiction world with this John Carpenter classic in which aliens are taking over. Paired with ammo and a pair of trusty glasses, he makes sure he’s kicking ass and chewing bubble gum.



The Cabin In the Woods Blu Ray $33.99 – This is the epitome of original horror movies in these modern times. More people were bugging me about this one than any other film in the last few years. I have yet to review it, but it’s on the old “to do list”. If you get your copy reserved now, you save a little coinage. Get it, and find out why this might be the best horror movie of the year.



Grimm: Season One Blu Ray $32.99 – I’m not a big fan of the show, but it is selling like hot cakes. This show takes the Grimm Fairy Tales and blows them out of the water with sinister twists and turns. I do recall liking a story arc involving a wolf…but I’ll leave it at that.



The Walking Dead: The Complete Second Season Blu Ray $48.99 – It took me a while to finally like this one, but wow, it really picked up in Season 2. The zombie genre is going to have a hard time trying to top this shows stories as it continually punishes the mind with both beautiful imagery and sickening gore.

If you are a fan of horror, pick up the above blu ray releases, and help support this blog’s mission to review all things scary, science fiction and horror. Thank you.

Remember to leave a comment, to be entered to win Total Recall on Blu Ray. Winners will be announced at the end of the month.

5 Underrated Horror Movies to Watch One More Time

One of the things that I can’t stand about horror movie reviewers, and I do it to, is we trash the genre so bad that no one watches the movies. I know there are some bad movies that should never be seen for pleasure, such as Ax’Em, but there are a lot of movies that are actually better than what people say. These bad movies might not sit well the first time, but after watching closer, and seeing the story unfold again, you start to like certain aspects, nuances, and images from the movies. You start to realize that despite the cash grab at times, there is substance to the movie that is worth checking out one more time. That’s why I decided to write this post, 5 underrated movies to watch one more time, just in case you start to like it, after another viewing. This is a hard list to write, but it’s a necessary one.



Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2 – The second helping from Rob Zombie was met with a lot of sighs from the horror community. Even I thought it wasn’t that great when I finally sat to watch it. However, it is actually harder and faster than the original films. Looking at this one more time, I realized that there is some prowess to the directing, and while the plot seems laughable and there are moments that I didn’t really care for, the movie still has impact as far as a scary movie is concerned. It punches you in the psyche hard, and it really does play on your emotions, for better or worse. It’s a hard movie to watch, and not because it sucks, because brutality is turned up to 11, making it a far more underrated movie than people are willing to admit.



House of Wax – People want to focus on the fact that Paris Hilton was in this movie, but you know what? The director and writers let her in there and didn’t let her mess things up. She actually gets trashed bad, and the joke was totally on her, and the audience cheered for it. When the long end of a stick impales her face and a green-lit camera makes the gore seriously sick, you start to realize that this is not just another horror film. The twin aspect isn’t played up right away, but we realize that there are 3 people involved, and this movie starts to get seriously scary towards the end. The thing that made me think twice about the movie was the way the main heroine is treated, she’s not unscathed, she gets pummeled and even a finger cut off for her troubles. This movie is harder hitting than you might realize, and while it’s not the greatest, it is far better than critics said it was.



Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows – The soundtrack made this one better than the first, and the story really turned into a ghost movie rather than a pure Blair Witch movie. This sequel was a cash grab, we all know that’s the main reason why they made this, but you know what? It doesn’t suck as bad as you might think. The movie is a strong ghost story with a killer soundtrack, and while there are some cheesy moments, there are some hard lined ghost points that I find scarier than any of the Paranormal Activity movies.



Black Xmas (Christmas) 2006 – This movie did not get a lot of good reviews at all. It’s a sad thing to see such good remakes get swept under the rug with some of the other bad movies that are in fact terrible. That’s not the case in with this one; this movie showcases what good can happen when horror remakes are treated with care. This film is brutal, this film is gorey, it’s everything you want in a themed, rated R, horror movie. It’s not particularly scary, but it’s got some great twisted moments. You’ll be surprised how good it holds up, and how much better it is than the original film with the same name.



Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation – I’m tired of reading and hearing people say this movie sucked. No, my friends, no critics, you SUCK. This movie is one of the hardest hitting editions of the series. The movie features some moments where you swear the actors have crossed that line between acting and reality, and that’s what you get here. Renée Zellweger gets her ass kicked, and Matthew McConaughey pushes the boundaries of acting and looks as though he’s legitimately choking someone out. Go back and watch this one, and you’ll be surprised how hard this movie was, and how great it is, even if there is some cheese involved.

There are always going to be movies that get trashed by us critics, but taking a second look, and watching closely again will reveal a great thing after the fact. It’s a matter of taking the time to pay attention to things you might have missed the first time. Remember, the links in "red" will get you to where you can purchase the movies, help me by checking them out there.

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Top 5 Stephen King Movie Adaptations to Watch Again

They call him the master of horror for a reason, he is the most prolific American horror writer in history and he continues to put out classics each time he settles in for a writing session. While many people will argue that his recent works aren’t as good as some of the classics, it is fun to read and watch the stuff that has come out of his brain and delivered from the hands of others. In this list, I’m going to give you a top 5 of Stephen King Movie adaptations that I feel are the best ones. There’s a ton to sift through, but I’m comfortable with this top 5.



#5 Pet Semetary – The concept of bringing back your dead son at all costs, is a notion that pulls at the heart strings of all parents. I’m not a parent, but I know some that have lost their children due to illness, or miscarriage or even as teenagers, and it’s just a sad state. There are no words to comfort them, and all you can do is stand by. Well, in this movie, that is not good enough, and we get treated to what happens when the dead come back, even if it’s a child! This creepy adaptation works on many levels, especially if you lose yourself in the premise, and are a parent. They made a sequel, but this initial romp is an instant favorite. You can always read the novel if you really want to get into t he story more, but the film is adequate in my view.



#4 The Mist – Thomas Jane puts on one hell of a role here, and the story is so bleak, so terrifying that it certainly deserves a moment in the spotlight of my list. The Mist is about a town that is covered in a deep haze and there is something happening that is killing people. We don’t see all of the evil, but we see how humanity always turns into a sinister and godless place. The ending is so bleak that many people think the movie should have an alternative, happy ending, but no can do boss; this one ends with a…well…bang.



#3 The Dead Zone – This movie starring Christopher Walken really pushes you to the limits, and it’s quite good. A man sees the future by touching others and he sees that there is going to be an assassination attempt on a big time official, so the main character must try to stop it…or does he? This awesome look into what being able to tell the future is like really sits well with me, as I’m not exactly thrilled with the notion of being able to find out what happens next.



#2 The Shawshank Redemption – Ok, this is not a horror movie, but hear me out. There are some scary moments, specifically in the heat of passion where you are caught up and subsequently put into prison. Prison is no joke, as you might know, and this film really plays on the mind in such a way that you only get hope at the end of the film. All the things leading up to it is just savage, specifically the escape.



#1 Misery – I read this book on my first trip to Alaska and it blew me away. The book is sinister enough, but the movie just blew everyone away. One of the hardest things to watch, to this day, is the scene where James Caan gets his ankles blown away with a sledgehammer. This tedious thriller is seriously scary, especially for those that aspire to be great writers, entertainers, or even bloggers. What if your #1 fan trapped you? That’s the premise that we get to run with in this one and it works on so many levels it, well, hurts.

There you go, 5 of the better ones. There's been a lot of crap adapted from the works of Stephen King, which is why lists like these are necessary, if you ask me.

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5 Favorite Episodes of Tales From The Crypt Season 2

When it comes to horror on television, you can definitely include Tales from the Crypt as one of the standout shows. The HBO series really put things into perspective with a long run of stellar 30-minute shows, and of course spinoff movies that featured all the things you’d expect from the macabre. I recently sat down and watched Season 2 and wanted to highlight my 5 favorite episodes from that season, which included guest starts like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Demi Moore, and many others. So here you go, 5 favorites from season 2!

#5 The Ventriloquist’s Dummy – In this awesome episode you get a stellar performance from Don Rickles. Not only is he himself in many ways, he transcends his comic styling by acting really well. We see a washed up comedian and entertainer, idolized by a youngster and the reveal ending that will have you laughing, crying, and probably freaked out. The young child in the beginning of the story turns out to be none other than Bobcat Goldwait and he pulls in one hell of a performance here. He can really act, making this episode one of the better ones, even if the premise of the dummy being a Siamese twin is a bit much. I loved this one, especially with the one-liners that probably didn’t appear in the script from Rickles.

#4 Judy, You’re Not Yourself Today – Carol Kane is so dreamy, I love her acting, and well, she’s hot too. Either way, in this episode a door-to-door saleswoman changes places with our main character, turning her into a class A bitch. However, in the course of the show several changes have to be made back and forth and in the end the Husband must shoot/kill the fake one…but the moral of the story is something more along the lines of gun control than anything else…you’ll see. Did I mention Carol Kane is hot?

#3 Four-Sided Triangle – Patricia Arquette makes a stunning role here as a farmhand where she is nearly raped, then falls in love with a scarecrow. An old pervert figures this out and then tries his luck at sleeping with the young lady, only to get a fork full from his wife. A very interesting, yet odd story that played well in the end for everyone involved.

#2 Fitting Punishment – This story tells a creepy tale of child abuse gone wrong. A funeral director punishes his new-orphaned grandson and cripples him. Then he wants to get rid of him so he does that too, only to get a return from the grave in a nightmare world where the punishment truly does fit the crime. This all African American cast really puts a great show on, and I loved the ending, even if continuity has to go out the window. This is by far one of the better episodes of the show ever!

#1 For Cryin’ Out Loud – First and foremost Katey Sagal is hot, wow! A crooked rock promoter wants to get away with a lot of money, but is trapped by a seductress. However, he finds a way to knock her out, and run, but his conscience won’t let him. His conscience is none other than, SAM KINISON! OHHHHH OHHH OHHHH!!!!! Sam drives our protagonist crazy until he finally goes to the electric chair. Sam Kinison makes this a great episode, and the expressions of our crook are priceless in comparison.

There you go, 5 great episodes from Season 2 of Tales from the Crypt. Personally, this season is probably the best there is of the show, but that’s just one humble idiot’s opinion.



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3 Things Wrong With The Total Recall Remake

My girlfriend (Amanda) and I went to scope out the new Total Recall remake, since the previews made it seem like a worthwhile romp into the not so near future. The movie is set up quite like the original, only this time it’s trumped up to 11 in terms of realism, if you can call it that, compared to the old one. There are few old gags left in this film, and the Internet will most likely buzz about the three-breasted lady that appears in full nipple glory at one point. If a chance at seeing 3 breasts in full frontal glory is your main reason for living, this movie is going to be your final destination.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I usually like science fiction tales, but when there are blatant wrong points, you start to gather up your belongings as a fan and walk away. That’s how I felt about this one, even though it did have some entertaining moments, and I didn’t feel like it was a total waste of money. Considering the time frame, and how I saw it, I’ll have to preface this by saying that I fell asleep at one point, but that’s because the Hard Rock Café made me a sick drink that knocked me on my ass.

3 Things Wrong with Total Recall

Realism Overdone – The realism in this film is overdone, even for science fiction standards. Every little detail has to be drawn, produced, and shot on film. You get a sense of scale when the final sequences only amass to a small scope of a larger city. In the original, you didn’t feel this huge sense of scale, most likely because it was on Mars etc. This Earth story is interesting, but the immense and complex city structure made for a “who cares” moment when the climax hit full gear.

Villain Problems – When you cast the main villain to be the same guy from “Malcolm in the Middle” and “Breaking Bad” you get a bit of both sides coming through. I appreciated the villain to a certain extent, but he’s a wuss, and I mean that. You’ll see why when you watch the movie. Now, as for the opposite end of the spectrum, Kate Beckinsale can really kick some ass, and she proves it again here. I couldn’t believe how far they put her in the film, far more than Sharon Stone ever had in the original. The villain becomes superhuman at one point amidst a robot army that just seemed like overkill to me.

Light on Story – The story this time around takes the original and makes it even lighter. The story is so light that you spend a great amount of time in high-speed hovercraft chases and lots of reaction shots. This makes for a somewhat boring movie, especially if you don’t have something like Imax to make you feel like you’re dropping with the characters. It relies heavily on this cat and mouse thing that worked in the first film because of Arnold’s constant shifts from running to calmly moving forward to the main plot points. This has two or three plot points and then the rest of the film is running.

The movie is fast paced, holds your attention, but when it comes to the original, it’s forgettable at best. I’d still recommend it for a movie night with your main squeeze, it was worthwhile.

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Twilight Zone Tuesdays: The Grave Review

The Grave is the episode we are going to be talking about today in our supposed trivial postings on Tuesdays about the Twilight Zone. This episode aired in the 3rd season of the show and was quite interesting as it played on a lot of old lore. The show featured a shootuout where a town ganged up on one villain, shooting him to death. Later, a hired gun came to town and was basically called a coward for not doing the job himself, and that the last words from the villain were that he was a coward and wouldn’t face him. Then a challenge went out, for the cowardly gunslinger to go forward to the grave site of his rival and meet him face to face…or else.

So the episode is free and clear an interesting little conundrum about death and what happens. The story continues and our gunslinger goes to the grave where he is met face to face with what we can only assume is the grim reaper! He is killed, and the town is left to speculate as to what happened.

Originally aired in 1961, this creepy tale about death and burial is quite interesting. The cast had a singular set with only three different areas. Lee Marvin, James Best, Lee Van Cleef and Strother Martin round out the cast of this one, and it leaves the viewer guessing as to what really happened at the grave, was it heart attack? Or did the gunslinger finally meet his match? You’ll have to tune in to the show yourself.

In Time Review

First and foremost, I have changed the titles back to what they are, reviews. I tried to add different stylized titles, but they didn’t seem to work for the desired effect, so the review moniker is back again. We begin this week with a review of an interesting piece of science fiction starring a few people that you wouldn’t guess were in this film, especially if you only saw the original trailers. That being said, you absolutely knew that Justin Timberlake is the star of this movie, but what it was all about? Well, that was a bit of a mystery. The movie we are trying to review is In Time.

The film starts with a dystopian society, which is how a majority of great writers view the world in the future. I don’t think I’m quite as pessimistic but alas, I’m not a great writer. The future is quite difficult, where people must work for time, no longer money. In fact, the only currency is time, and makes anything else obsolete. This kind of worldview makes for an interesting conundrum for those that are living day-to-day, and literally only have 24 hours. We are introduced to characters on the sad part of the world, and they just want to be in the rich areas.

Much like the problems in economics today around the world, we are placed into a science fiction world where time is monitored by police, and there are banks that only cater to the rich, and loans that charge 30% interest on time. It’s an interesting world, but the lackluster futuristic options got to me. For instance, there are scenes where keys are used instead of any sort of high tech gadgetry. Even in 2012 we have keycards for hotels etc. Keys? How archaic. Not only that, a great deal of “futurisms” are placed into the backseat and we must just “believe” that the world that is presented is a plausible future. I don’t buy it, but that’s ok.

The movie flows fast, with our main hero looking more like superman than an average desperate person. He goes through the highs and lows in this very formulaic ride through what may or may not be in our near future. (of course it’s not in the near future, death has a 100% ratio of success) Visually the show is great, with lots of fighting, and interesting moments, but the attempt at being some sort of James Bond is lost on me, even though Timberlake tries really hard to fit that role. I didn’t really like the overall imagery, but there were some highlights in the way the director of photography framed the images. A lot of the backgrounds, colors, and actions were vivid, making for a lavish display of beauty amidst a lot of chaos.

Science fiction has a way of molding several genres to make their point heard. This film makes for an interesting take on currency, economics, and much more. I enjoyed the overall premise, but by the 4th act, I had already given up on the whole thing. I tried to rationalize it all instead of enjoying the show. Science fiction does that to me a lot; it will start with a great premise, then turn into a mess in the end. The end is a mess, and maybe that’s the whole point. In Time is a cool flick; I recommend it for its visual design, not the plot. The plot falls flat, but the visuals are somewhat great overall.