Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Bear Review

bear

One of the things that I loved about the old video stores (usually owned by a Korean couple) was that I could easily be fooled by the cover art of a vhs tape. If there was gore on the back, or a hot chick on the front, I was in. If the box was over sized and resembled a porno, I also was in. Fast forward to modern times, and I'm not usually fooled simply by box art, because I used to have a job where I made the dvd sleeves for many a movie. Despite all my talent, I never got paid well, and now look at me, I'm broke and have no job! That's all beside the point because here we are, another tale of me, getting screwed over by the modernity of awesome box covers and terrible movies inside, only back in the day, people actually tried to make their movies good, now they just want the box cover and dvd menus to look good, and for this film, it can't be truer> i will try my hardest to write a few things about the film, BEAR.

First and foremost let me say this much, there is no nudity, there is no gore, and the bear rarely interacts with the humans. The film completely relies on the old trick of cutaways and assumed scariness, as well as what I believe is a guy in a bear suit. The plot of the film revolves around a mini van full of idiots trying to go somewhere, but stuck in the woods and guess what? They are attacked by a bear! The bear starts to try and get to them, and well, eventually gets to maul someone and it's not even shown, because it's all fake, which is fine by me, but they edited the movie to cutaway and look so unrealistic, that it was stupid.

Secondly, THIS IS NOT ANYTHING LIKE GRIZZLY! If you're a fan of the classic b-movie or ANY b-movie for that matter this is NOT the movie for you. It really made me punch my skull a few times because I felt stupid for watching this.

Lastly, when this film finally finishes off you feel like you've just wasted your time, and that's the worst part about watching horror movies for me. I'll give credit where credit is due, this movie was made, someone actually spent time working on a film and created one. That's more than I can say about myself, and that's more than most critics can say. That doesn't excuse a bad movie, but I'll say that it is a movie, and well that's gotta be given some credit. So If I was giving star ratings, I'd give 1 star for at least trying to make something. I know, this might not be as bad some British horror films, but seriously, sit down and watch this, just do it, and then tell me it's not the worst you've seen in a long time. I'd figure with the new digital era, we'd get some solid b-movie or indie film for horror...and it just never works. Bear has a cool color, great menu design, and TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE execution, and that's not a pun!

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