Monday, January 5, 2009

Troll 2 Review

Troll 2 Dvd

I don’t make it a point to trash horror movies at all, even though some of them really deserve it for putting out such stupidity. However, there are some films that I can’t stand behind and try to come up with legitimate reasons for them to be scary or for them to be worth more than a verbal beating. This will definitely be one of the cases as I try to make the best of what is one of the worst sequels in horror movie history. I present for your reading consideration, Troll 2.

Troll 2 is the supposed sequel to the horror film Troll. The two films have no connection, and the movie was originally titled Goblins, which would have made more sense, but in the United States they just called it Troll 2, because they were dumb.

The movie is about a family that decide to take a vacation to the country, and they visit a town called “Nilbog”. Yes, I am aware what it spells backwards, but I won’t go into that right now. Along the way there is a subplot that has a different set of teenagers chasing the family, because one of them has a crush on a girl from our initial family. They of course are the second and subsequent story arc outside of our main story of the family going on vacation. In this small town they meet up with weird towns people trying to make them eat some weird stuff to become Goblins, and they meet also a witch that is overtly sexual in nature, but pulls back when it’s time to have intercourse. I kid you not, this is all a part of the film. The only help the family gets is from their long dead Grandfather who is visiting the youngest member of the family in visions and eventually helps fight off the evil onslaught by going to hell and back, spiritually. It’s really a lackluster concept, trust me.

Here is a trailer for Troll 2:

This movie sucks. I’m sorry, but this movie is a terrible piece of horror, fantasy, and writing. The actors don’t even deliver their lines well, and it’s terribly shot. If that isn’t enough, the movie really follows the most predictable, terrible path you could imagine. The family is comprised of the dumbest people, and the goblins are not really that convincing. They are simply wearing masks, these are masked little people, and they are supposed to be scary.

The Grandpa that is supposed to be dead, somehow freezes time at one point! If that wasn’t enough later on in the film there is a part where you think things are going to get hot and heavy, but instead the movie takes an absurd turn for the worse. During what will commence as a sex scene, a witch puts a corn on the cob into her lovers mouth and popcorn fills the RV that the lovers are in, and this is just hilarious and stupid. Almost as stupid as the “Corn on the Macabre” remark from Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers movie, which for your enjoyment is featured below:

You really have to suspend belief when watching this film. The movie is straight forward in its approach and it is terrible. The film really feels like a made for television, afternoon special for young teenagers. It is just a sad attempt at horror. Even if it wasn’t a horror movie, but more of a horror comedy, it is just terrible. I kid you not, this film is one of the worst things to happen to 80’s horror ever. Oh wait…it came out in 1990!

Troll 2 Goblins

I don’t mind horror comedy, and I don’t mind bad horror movies in general, but this movie really tried to jump a shark by calling attention to itself by titling the movie Troll 2. The original Troll movie wasn’t the greatest movie ever made, but it is way better than this piece of junk horror film.

For it’s inherent camp value, it is not half bad. I like it on a comedic sense and it is a great movie to share with your friends, if they like to laugh at camp horror movies. Even if you can convince them to sit down and watch this train wreck, you will be hard pressed to garner any respect for this series. If Troll 2 wasn’t enough horror comedy for you, they made a third film, and rumors have it that there will be a reboot done sooner than later. Troll 2, in some minds, might be the best worst movie ever, but you probably won’t enjoy it unless you’re within the company of friends who like bad horror movies. Mystery Science Theater should’ve dedicated an episode of their show to this film. Troll 2 is not a highly recommend film, but it manages to make me laugh, so I gave it a review. I can’t recommend it on any other level or even consider any portions of this film scary. Even Nickelodeon would be hard pressed to run this film on Halloween, as it is that bad.

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  1. hahahahaha! :-)

    I have never seen this one [though I probably should] as the 1st one didn't really impress me.
    I wasn't even aware there was a 3rd. . .

    It's hard to believe there is such a huge cult following of this film!

  2. The directors were Italian and spoke no English. The leading man was a dentist with no acting experience. They are in the process of doing a documentary about the making of this surprisingly successful disaster!

  3. I'm down with the low budget crap like this so yeah I do own this double feature..never saw the second one though.

  4. This one is terrible, and owning it scores you some good points.

    Sad thing is, there's a third...terrible.

  5. jervaise brooke hamsterDecember 11, 2010 at 1:49 PM

    Isn`t this the movie thats often sited as being even worse than "Plan 9 From Outer Space" ?!, well i`d still rather besmirch a saturday night with the atrocious trash that is "Troll 2" than any British made pile of garbage that you might care to name.

  6. Plan 9 had a certain appeal, and yes it's worst. There is a kid peeing on food at one point, there's a popcorn scene so ludicrous, ah nevermind.


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A writer first, cat lover second, and some other stuff too. Human, with lots of faults, and terrible communication.
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