Open Graves Review

I don’t usually take so long between posts, but I have been without a computer for a while. I recently purchased a new option, and have some time on my hands. With that in mind, I decided to jump into the pantheon of horror again and start reviewing. Today, we go back to 2009 and we look at the movie “Open Graves”. This is a horror movie that fell under the radar for me, and only recently have I circled back to check it out. It’s a movie that I had no idea existed, then boom, it comes to streaming and I decide to check it out.

The opening is a little fast, and you are taken to medieval times where someone is being tortured. Their skin and organs are made into a game, a board game that is given a curse, that will be the crux of what the movie is about overall. The movie then moves to modern times, showing a great deal of surfing to begin. Surf fans will like this, but I’m not sure why the movie spent so much time with surfing, as it doesn’t need to be there as much as it is, so I guess it’s fine.

After we get to present day, we meet up with a group of friends that are on vacation and are tourists in a new town. One member finds a weird store that has oddities, and once he goes in he is given a game by a man in a wheelchair. The game, however, is not what it seems, and much like you saw in “Jumanji’, something sinister is afoot. You see, the game is simple enough, if you win you get a wish, but if you lose, you will die in the manner that the game states.

The friends begin to play and they progress, only to have some lose. As people lose, they start to leave the house for various reasons. When they leave their house, however, they end up dealing with sinister issues. They end up dying as the game foretells, and the movie shifts gears to where our main character Jason, has to keep playing and hope that he can win to get a wish to bring back his friends.

“Open Graves” stars Eliza Dushku, and Mike Vogel, and it’s 100 minutes long. It isn’t too bad, it speeds through, and then really kicks into full gear when our main hero decides to fight back and try to win the game. The movie was filmed on a low budget, and it somehow overcomes that. Mix “Final Destination” and “Jumanji”, and you get a feeling for what “Open Graves” is all about.

Not all is good with the movie, mind you There is bad CGI, there are some grotesque moments, and overall its comedic to see how things work out. I didn’t hate the movie, but it definitely has some holes in the presentation. Overall, however, “Open Graves” delivers on the premise, without hand holding, and it’s a strong movie to watch. I liked it. Check it out streaming today.

Crush The Skull Review

It’s always nice to see independent horror movies get funded. I didn’t know that this was a movie that had a kickstarter, and well, with the budget that they pulled from that site, the crew of “Crush The Skull” was able to create a horror movie that pushes the limits without going too overboard with the gore, then sets up a final twist that you may not see coming. While some people will think that this movie has a bit of derivative elements, it’s far greater than the sum of the parts. The reason why is simple, the acting and direction is handled very well, and I for one am impressed with the editing and some of the shots that were pushed through for the final result. “Crush The Skull” is a horror movie that may seem like another indie movie, but it has a few gripping moments, including a starting line that I didn’t see coming at first glance.

The movie is simple enough, a group of veteran thieves break into a house and think that they are going to ransack the place. But when they enter, they end up getting locked up, because this house has been rigged to not only capture them, but to torture them. While it doesn’t have the same kind of frenetic pace as “Saw”, this is a movie that holds you through dramatic components, and a focus on the tension between the party, escaping, and the next turn of the proverbial screw.

There’s not much gore here, and the gore that is found has a great deal of blood that is computer generated, or taken off screen. If you are looking for another horror movie that has a lot of gore in it, this is not for you. “Crush The Skull” is not meant to have that, it’s actually a bit more tension filled, and at times reminds me of “The Collection” more than it does “Saw”. Although, I’m sure that people will be throwing their opinions in the direction of the other trapped gore filled series.

As the movie unfolds we lose characters, and there’s a lot of classic one liners, comedic attention, and a focus on the coming storm. Throughout the course of the movie, the tension builds and builds into one hell of a finish, which gives you a satisfactory element, including a classic line about crushing the skull to make sure someone is dead.

“Crush The Skull” is highly recommended, and if you’re a horror fan, then you’ll appreciate the work that Viet Nguyen and his cast put together in this one. I was impressed with the visual design, and the tension filled horror that comes with this interesting premise, and execution.

You can purchase this movie online by clicking HERE, and seeing why I recommend it greatly.

Shadow of A Doubt Review

"Shadow of A Doubt" (1943) Blu Ray 

Turn back the clock to 1943, and you will have a different view of Hollywood. Movies didn’t always rely on explosions and cheap tricks to get you entertained. They featured strong performances from actors, great lighting, camera tricks, and professional writers that knew what they were doing. Of course this is a classic in many people’s views, and it was nominated for an Academy Award because of it. "Shadow of A Doubt" is a movie that was directed by the master of suspense and horror, Alfred Hitchcock. It stars Teresa Wright, Joseph Cotton, Macdonald Carey, and Patricia Collinge.

The plot of this one is simple, Charlotte Newton is stuck in a boring town, and gets the news that her uncle is going to come to town. Set in Santa, Rosa California, this seems like a simplistic plot. A young woman is getting a visit from her uncle and that’s it, right? Nope. Her Uncle is hiding something, but what? It turns out that he is a slasher, and she worries that she may be his next victim. Over the course of the 108 minutes of this movie, she unravels a case against him, and eventually confronts him.

The movie here is going to be boring to many. Remember, this is 1943 in which the film was released and you are not going to get the modern fast paced story telling. There’s a lot of dialogue and push forward to give a sense of suspense. Even though there are some marks of horror, you’re going to find that this is a straightforward thriller, with a slow progression that tightens towards the climax. The final moments carry over into an epilogue that has a sense of finality, but overall, you find a standard suspense film. Is Uncle Charlie a killer? Is Charlotte just worried for nothing? You find it through the sequences that Hitchcock masterfully puts together.

Visually this movie is good, with cinematographer Joseph A. Valentine doing a great deal of work to make this story come to life. I find it refreshing to see Charlotte as a strong female lead, and not just running around screaming for her life as a killer is on the loose. She has resolve, and is a feminist heroine that most people skip over when thinking about horror and suspense.

Overall, this is an instant classic. You have to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy it, however. It’s in black and white, it’s somewhat slow to start, and definitely requires your full attention to get the work that Hitchcock pushes through. You may not like it. However, if you’re a fan of the classics, this is a great one to sit back and enjoy. They remade this one as “Step Down To Terror” in 1958, but this one is better, in my opinion.

Pick up “Shadow of a Doubt” on Blu Ray if you know what’s good for you. Otherwise, stay in the dark and never learn just how good Hitchcock was as a director.

The Lazarus Effect Review

The Lazarus Effect is Available Here

Well, what a slick movie we have here. “The Lazarus Effect” came and went fast, but I didn’t see it on the silver screen. I missed it, like I usually do. However, I was able to catch this one recently on Blu Ray, and was actually impressed with some of the elements of this movie. However, like many other science fiction, horror flicks, it really starts to fall apart about midway through the movie, and of course, the ending, oh boy the ending.

I was expecting Donald Glover’s character to die fast, within the first 10 minutes. If you had bets on this, nope, it didn’t happen as fast as you’d think. The movie was a matter of animating death. When a group of scientists find a serum to bring back animals to life, they think that they are going to make billions. What happens next is what usually occurs with corporations. As soon as someone has a break through, they come in and shut things down. The scientists go rogue, and try to do another experiment to ensure the future of the serum, only one of them die. That’s when they go from reanimating animals, to going for humans, fast, and easily.

But the undead, well, are undead!

“The Lazarus Effect” is a fast paced, easy to watch horror flick. It is not full of gore, but it has some good overall cinematography. There is a darkness cast on the whole thing, but the explanation of life, death, heaven, and hell are laughable. If you turn off your brain a bit, you will at least be entertained by how the movie progresses, with some above average acting.

What really struck me here was the language of the science in this movie. The science of things are fast paced, and the classic tropes of science fiction were found here. From the comedic effect, timing of stupid decisions, to the embracing of unethical momentum for the purpose of the greater good, there are some great elements overall. This was ok. It wasn’t great, but it had some good moments. As far as a modern horror movie, this presses heavily on the “be careful what you wish for” type of navigation.

“The Lazarus Effect” is predictable. But it is not boring. On Blu Ray, the sound design is good, there’s a creep factor going through, and the visuals are great. Check this movie out for a slick popcorn horror movie. Not half bad, if you ask me.

Ex Machina Review

When I first saw the trailers for “Ex Machina” I told my wife that I was in. We agreed to see it, but we were in transition. We moved to Indianapolis, and well, we never got around to catching up with this movie at the time. However, I finally got to sit down and watch this one. I liked the style of the trailer, the colors, the language, the visual design flow that was throughout the trailer and of course the editing, wow. I was sold.

The plot of this one revolves around an interesting premise. A computer programmer wins the trip of a life time, to spend a week with the company’s CEO amidst a secluded area. This is like going to Jurassic Park to meet the owner, but without the dinosaurs, and it’s tremendous how they showcase it. I imagine it’s kind of like going to Skywalker Ranch or something. Anyways, the programmer meets the CEO named Nathan and he’s a cool dude. He has a huge estate, gives Caleb the rundown and he is to perform a test with one of the robots that is on premise. The robot has an AI feature that may be evolving to a point of being self-aware.

The movie progresses in the way that you’d expect “Ex Machina” to go. Is the android self-aware? Who is the mystery woman showing up and cleaning? What is really going on? As the movie progresses Caleb’s testing turns into a sinister point in which he starts to lose his mind, as the robot seems to be aware, and Nathan’s been lying to him. Or has he? The movie turns a screw very well, and you never get bored. You are given ample time to digest the movie, and by the time you realize what’s going on, things break loose.

This is a very good work of science fiction. It has a true emotional connection, and there is a lot to see here. I found myself asking questions that were answered by Nathan and Caleb’s discussions. There’s a lot to this movie. You will have a lot of layers going through the motions, trying to pick up what’s going on and you end up in a positive arena throughout, although this takes you into some deep, dark territories.

There’s a certain scary element to it, something about human nature and the need to create. There’s a point where playing God is discussed. But it’s given to a larger vantage point, and by the time Caleb realizes what he’s doing, Nathan’s already two steps ahead, or so he thinks. It’s a back and forth cerebral movie that doesn’t have bells and whistles that you are expecting. There’s no big explosion here, there’s no padding, no slapstick, as the movie progresses into a more philosophical realm. Whereas “Elysium” had a lot more entertainment, this strips down to just the story elements, the science, and the bigger questions.

It’s thematic, it’s sexy, it is gloriously filmed. There’s a lot to this one. It has the best visual style that I’ve seen in a science fiction release up to this point. With a limited budget, and attention to editing, dialogue, and story, “Ex Machina” easily has my vote for best movie to come out in the last year. It gets my highest recommendation. With a limited cast, and a serious touch here and there, you really get involved with the characters, as it doesn’t pull away from being smart, savvy, and entertaining. The use of color, the set design, the science, and the real world touches make this one a must see on Blu RAY.

I highly recommend “Ex Machina”, and you can pick it up on BLU Ray by clicking here. Do it.

5 Killer Zombie Movies You Probably Saw But Don’t Remember Much About

I hate zombies.

They give me the creeps.

Ok, that’s not true, I just think that the genre is stale for the most part. While many people will try to argue with me, those people don’t have a blog that has been reviewing horror since 2008, do they? My eyes were burning today, and therefore I decided to call my day early, and this thought crushed my mind, “what are 5 killer zombie movies you would recommend?”, and of course 5 came to mind. Honestly, about 50 came to mind, but I narrowed down the list to just 5 killer zombie movies that you probably saw, but don’t remember, or haven’t seen, or you just want to see because you’re awesome and you want to actually oblige my humble request to buy something via the links provided. Whatever the case is, here are 5 killer zombie movies that you should have seen, should see, or maybe you have forgotten about, as chosen by me, the guy that is still pounding the keyboard like there’s no tomorrow.

Juan of the Dead

This zombie movie came out in 2011, and it’s absolutely a great little gem. It’s a movie that is in Spanish, so it has a soft spot in my mind. The movie is like taking “Shaun of the Dead” and filming it in Cuba. What else can I say? This thing has everything you’d expect from a zombie movie, only done with a Spanish edge. There are a lot of gags here, and some great visual effects. From practical effects to digital elements, there’s a lot to look at here, with some great nods to the classics, and some great elements of new material. The name is funny, the characters are hilarious, and you know? It’s one of those movies that you either saw and loved or you saw and forgot about. It came out in 2011, it’s been a few years, have you seen it? No!? What do you mean no? Maybe it’s on Netflix, I don’t know, I don’t subscribe to the service. Juan of the Dead, it’s a “killer” zombie flick, man.

Cockneys vs. Zombies

This is a personal favorite of mine. It’s another UK zombie film, and has a great amount of humor. Some of the humor is done with “one liners” and some of it is done through physical language. I love the characters, and love how things progress from bad to worse. The old guys in this movie are absolutely wonderful, and make me wish I grow up to be a badass Englishman, instead of a tired old Mexican. It falls through the same tropes that you would expect from a zombie movie, only it has cockney language, and, well, zombies. I don’t know what to say about this one, it’s fun, it’s fast, it’s a grand standing UK gem if you ask me, which you didn’t.

Night Life

This movie came out in 1989 and it was most likely panned. If you didn’t catch this one out, then I’m going to question whether or not you love horror movies or not. This is a horror movie that features a great deal of comedy, and some nice visual effects overall. This movie features a bullied teen, a zombie uprising, a pretty girl, and a fast paced plot. It’s equal parts undead, equal parts sex comedy, equal parts horror movie. Scott Grimes puts on a classic with this one. I don’t see it mentioned much, so here you go, a shot at watching a classic from the close of the 1980s.

Zombie

Ah, the 70s. The 1970s brought on a lot of great movies, and this is one to not miss. Lucio Fulci put on a showcase of all things schlock, gore, and fun with Zombie. This is a part of a series that doesn’t always translate so well. If you’re into Italian horror, then you are going to love the gore here, which has a lot of cool elements. You even get a killer moment where a zombie takes on a shark! The undead here are funny at times, the practical effects are great, and you know what? The Italians can really put on a good horror showcase. Zombie is a great little movie to track down.

Dawn of The Dead (2004)

This remake was absolutely hardcore. It’s bleak, very bleak. It took on a whole new meaning when Zack Snyder took a classic and reworked it. It has gore, it has taboos, and it holds up surprisingly well. This is a fast, gut wrenching movie with a lot of action. It’s speedy, and it doesn’t pull any punches. Just when you think you got this thing all sewn up, you realize that no one is going to get out alive. It’s a sickening, twisted, and dare I say humorous romp. There are some points of contention, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a killer zombie flick that you should go back and watch again. Released in 2004, it has a tremendous amount of gore, and visual design elements to keep you grounded in all things zombie.

There you have it, a collection of 5 zombie movies that you probably saw, forgot about, or just don’t want to revisit. I did. I love them. I love horror, and I’m just going to get back to my queue of movies that I have to watch, because I’m an idiot still writing a blog that no one reads. Woot?!

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones Review

I grew up in the projects of Culver City. My sister’s nanny was Latina and she had a couple of kids my age. That meant that 90% of my time away from school was spent in the hood. In that hood I met a lot of interesting people, some of which are carbon copies in this movie. I hate the other Paranormal Activity movies, I don’t like them at all. I think they suck, quite honestly. But the makers of the series found a way to get to me, and you know what, they did it well. This movie is awesome in my book, and it’s because it hits home to my childhood and the things my people say, do, and well act like. Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones has a healthy mix of fear, and I for one loved it.

The movie tells the story of recent Latino graduates. They live in a small apartment complex, and they have a camera that they are recording everyday life with. As they start to investigate their neighbor, they realize that there’s something going awry. They find out that she’s in “Santa Muerte” and things start to spin out of control when the main character, Jesse, finds what appears to be a bite on his arm. Of course this comes after a black magic, voodoo, black mirror thing ends up happening in an abandoned church. I may be glossing over things, but whatever, it’s coming from memory.

As the movie progresses, things really start to get insane, and we push through to a story that is gut wrenching. I haven’t felt a twist in my stomach until Jesse turns super evil, and his friends have to try and save them. Hector running through a sequence in the Coven and Marisol falling out the sky did it for me, and the movie really pushed my buttons. Perhaps it’s the Latino influence, perhaps I was just lucid, but there were moments in this movie that made me root for the good guys, even though they brought this whole thing on themselves. Scooping fire into their laps turned out to burn them like hell, no pun intended.

Altogether, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is a frenetically wound scary movie, and it had me amazed. I liked the found footage story telling here, and appreciated the nod to my culture in a way. There’s a lot to this movie, and something that I will definitely watch again. I haven’t seen a horror movie in a long time that I truly liked, and this is one of them. It’s powerful, and while it’s not perfect, it’s definitely one of my favorites from the past few years. There’s a sick sense of terror that permeates through the actions of this movie, and something that all good horror movies do. There's something for everyone here, and if you're at all familiar with Mexican, Latino culture, you may have a bit of a soft spot for this movie's central characters and themes.

The real dirt here, buy this one on blu ray, wait for nightfall, light some candles and get scared. I loved it. Yeah, I said it. There's more to this than just my attempt at an explanation, so go see it or figure out how to get it (below).

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5 Recent Horror Movies You Should Go Back and Watch Again

I’m a lazy horror movie fan. I don’t always see everything that comes out, and that’s sad. I’m working on changing that for this year, however, and am pushing through a lot of different recent movies. To start off the New Year, and get more interests in what I’m doing, I wanted to drop a quick top 5 of sorts. This will get you jazzed about movies that came out recently, and are worth taking another look back, no matter what anyone of your idiot friends says. Here are my 5 recent horror movies you should go back and look at again.

 Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D

When this came out, I went to the cinemaplex to see it. I saw it with a lot of “urban” youth, and it was a fascinating experience. I saw a lot of horror movie sites trashing the movie, and even though I didn’t initially think it was grand, I went back and saw it, and you know what? It’s worth it. The movie flows fast, and the fact that Trey Songz gets it, is definitely worth looking into. I love the franchise, even the missteps, and this was a good one for me, so why not? Go back and see it again, it has some stellar points and some laughable moments, but that’s what you expect with horror right? It’s hit or miss. It's not as good as my personal favorites, the 90s update and of course part 2, but hey, it will have to do as a modern representation of the horror genre. It's fast paced, it has gore, it's clever, and people get mopped up. I liked it.

John Dies At The End

This movie is insane. It’s beyond insane, and the book it’s based on is somewhat better from what I read. I loved this one, and the idea of channeling all sorts of baddies ala “Phantasm 2” is something worth checking out. The budget was slim here, but the actors that show up definitely do it justice, and it’s an out of this world horror romp that is equal parts noir film, horror film, and thriller. It’s “fun”, that’s all you need to remember about this one. If it had more money, it may not have been so good, if you ask me.

The Evil Dead

I didn’t like it at first. I went back, and you know what? It’s fun. It’s a fun revamping of an old movie and it’s done right. I like the forward progression of horror as time goes through the film, and it’s one franchise that I didn’t mind getting into again. I like the idea, I like the original, and this option definitely works well again. I didn’t think that it was grand the first time around, but that’s because I’m an idiot.

The Conjuring

My fiancée loved this one. I think I took my sister to see it too, I don’t remember. This haunting movie is based on a true story, or at least some books and ideas from the Warren clan. Ed and Lorraine Warren were demonologists, and exorcists that somehow found a way to conjure up all kinds of scares through their work. I found it interesting enough, and at first glance it didn’t catch my attention, but now that I’ve had time to rewatch it, I can say that it’s absolutely worth checking out one more time. It’s creepy as hell, especially that doll….although it’s far more over the top at times than I’d hoped for.

We Are What We Are

A slow moving troll of a movie, but when it’s all said and done, it leaves you unsettled. The cannibalism and sexualized elements found in this movie stick with you long after you see it. I haven’t really thought about it past my review, but you know what? It’s still a good flick. It hit under the radar and has a lot to offer in terms of horror, gore, and drama.

There you have it, 5 movies that you should revisit that are recent and should definitely give you a few jump scares worth noting. If you’re going to scare yourself with these movies, pick them up through Amazon here, and help a brotha out on this site. If you shop there, and you go through the pages that I recommend, they give me a kick back, which isn’t much, but it would help me get more horror movies.

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Death Race 2 Review

I remember when I first saw the remake of Death Race. I was living in Seattle and was at a mall. While walking through the mall, I noticed that a jean company was giving away movie tickets for trying on pants. I was curious, so I went in and tried on a pair of pants and afterwards was given a certificate to use for the movies. Since nothing was really out, I decided to look into Death Race, the remake, and was surprised with the film itself.

Fast forward 5 years or so and I finally sit down to check out this movie. While it’s not a horror film, and it’s not meant to be, there are some nice moments that remind me of grindhouse cinema, especially the way the gore gets ramped up towards the mid-point and end of this movie. Death Race 2 is a prequel to the Death Race series and goes into looking into “Frankenstein” the mythical driver. While I appreciated the original, and liked the remake a bit, this is one that really grew on me. I didn’t like it at first, and really thought it suffered from horrendous plotting, and terrible acting. However, Luke Goss sold me on it towards the middle of the film and Ving Rhames definitely adds some character. The movie has some sick driving at first too, and I’m a huge fan of the Cobra Mustang, so seeing that run through the action was good.

The preliminary set up for this movie is that criminals are fighting to the death via pay per view or internet streaming. That goes so far and eventually the whole thing is turned into a race to the death around Terminal Island. It’s within that realm that Luke gets burned alive and creates the template for Frankenstein!

Overall this movie is not great. However, there are some really good elements in it, and I couldn’t stop staring at Lauren Cohen’s cleavage. Wow! I’m just saying, what an amazing, never mind. The movie flows through the same elements you would expect from the previous incarnation, and you get some nice driving sequences. However, you’ll have to turn your brain off for this one, there are loopholes everywhere and it’s completely unbelievable at times.

Death Race 2 has some nice driving, some good action, and it sits well with me. Danny Trejo’s involvement sold it for me. With all that in mind, you’ll want to check this one out as a way to unwind and really not think about anything important. It has an ok soundtrack, some good driving sequences with the Mustang, and Laruen Cohen’s cleavage. Solid release, and a start to something more compelling, I’m sure. Rent it, buy it, do something.

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Cannibal Women in The Avocado Jungle of Death Review – Elvira’s 13 Nights of Horror Edition

Hulu and Elvira Team Up 2014

Hulu is running 13 Nights of Elvira and I have been watching, but haven’t had time to sit and review all of them. But low and behold, here I am with another review of the movie and the comedic antics of Elvira on this latest and greatest release. I still pine for the days that I stayed up late to catch her show, and while I did appreciate the boobs, I loved her quick wit, and that’s what you get here.

This time around in the creature feature, we get an absurd horror comedy “Cannibal Women in The Avocado Jungle”, and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen this one. Bill Maher’s role in it was hilarious, so you know, but the premise of the story is beyond anything I’ve ever seen, and it’s just absurd. I grew up in Los Angeles, and the things mentioned in this movie are just insane. The script is about as good as my favorite porno movie “Sex Commandos”, which tells you how deep this one is. I did however appreciate Shannon Tweed. She is absolutely beautiful here, at least in my opinion. I love the “smart” woman cliché here, and of course the Karen Waldron as “Bunny” is also a funny take on the bimbo in college. I sometimes wish my college years had a “Bunny”, but instead I got a sausage fest at art school when all the ladies dropped out and left me without any sort of engagement opportunities.

Right, back to the movie. The movie has a professor being asked to go into the jungle to find a feminist leader that has gone lost and perhaps may have been taken by cannibal women. When Dr. Margo Hunt is asked to go in, she takes on a young student and seeks out a bounty hunter named Jim to go into the jungle and rescue the lost feminist doctor. The trio move into San Bernardino, California (where there is no jungle), and encounter topless females and lots of action. Ok, no action, no sex, just topless women and Bill Maher’s one liners and stupid bandana on his neck.

The movie flows well enough and at every chance Elvira’s notes come up like “pop up video” and she comes through in full video and sound a few times. She’s more absent here than in the “Hobgoblins” movie, but she’s still featured readily. The movie progresses with a fight to the death between Dr. Hunt and Dr. Kurtz with Jim nearly getting sacrificed by the Cannibal Women. Kurtz of course has become the leader of the feminist cannibal tribe, and Dr. Hunt wants peace between another tribe that is in the region. All in all this gets convoluted and tiring to really watch and explain, but Shannon Tweed and Bill Maher’s constant back and forth made it watchable.

“Cannibal Women in The Avocado Jungle of Death” wasn’t meant to be taken too seriously, and it shows. It’s a laughable movie at best. I would’ve rented it as a teen because it was boxed in an “18” and over box and it promised or at least looked as though there would be more nudity than there was. I didn’t hate it, but I definitely didn’t love it. Elvira’s quips made it watchable, and Maher is funny with his random rants. The slapstick humor here is classic, including Disney jokes, sex jokes, and the whole bar scene where mercenaries were just randomly hanging out was great too. A good romp, worthy of this season and beyond.

Cockneys vs Zombies Review

Not another zombie movie, I thought to myself when my girlfriend decided to play this the other night. I’m a jaded horror movie fan, and it’s been a while since anything has caught my eye. Then the movie progressed, and I was hooked. Cockneys vs Zombies is not your traditional zombie movie, although there are a few things that you will definitely catch in the same light that you will from other movies. I found the beginning to be somewhat ok, but it’s the sum of the parts that really bring this movie to the top of my list of zombie creations in the recent years.

Some construction workers unearth a seal that brings about an outbreak in the East London area, and things really go south from there. Meanwhile, a group of young adults hatch a plan to rob a bank and save their grandparents from uncertain doom that will befall them when their retirement home closes down. That’s when we are introduced to Ray, the former gangster and one of the most badass characters ever concocted in zombie movie lore. Ray is awesome and I hope to be as badass as that character when I am an old dude. Sadly, I’ll probably be a stain on the underwear of old dudes, rather than some badass granddad. Heck, I don’t even have children.

The movie goes back and forth between the robbery, the group of friends, and the retirement home. Equal parts “Shaun of the Dead” and “Day of the Dead” this movie picks up fast, and doesn’t let you go. There’s some light hearted moments, and there are some harsh moments. The gore is amped up, the sequences are suspenseful, and there’s plenty of zombie madness to enjoy throughout this British horror film.

I found the movie to be entertaining, fast flowing, and definitely worth your time. I didn’t think it was the best production, but the characters were enough to hook me, especially the character of Ray and his old friends. I loved the nuances found between hardcore gore and CG effects which were done really well at times. For this being a lower budget film, it really did take on the best of the mainstream, and I enjoyed it greatly.

I highly recommend Cockneys vs Zombies, as it is a fun romp. It’s comedic at times, it’s predictable at others, and it is just overall an entertaining horror comedy. I can’t say enough about it. It’s the first movie I’ve seen in a while that really grabbed me, and that’s a great thing. Pick up the movie by going to amazon here, or whatever it is you do to see movies. I don’t know.

We Are What We Are Review

Jim Mickle directs this cannibal movie in a very artistic manner. “We Are What We Are” is based on a Mexican horror movie, and I only saw this one, not the other one. The film is a slow moving drama, until you realize that there is something sinister going on with the Parker family. They seem to be in need of food, and the only thing that will wet their whistle is human flesh. The movie takes a lot of time setting up the full reveal, with a lot of points that just seem unnecessary.

As far as visuals, this movie is interesting. You get a lot of artistic shots across the board, where nothing is left to chance. You will not find a shot that is not meant to reveal something or push the story forward, even if the dialogue is barren. It’s definitely an artistic and imaginative picture, but one that can seem tedious to trudge through. You aren’t given the tension boiling of “Ravenous” or the pay off, but you do get some very creepy moments here and there.

The movie ramps up the gore through the end, and when you finally want to shut it off, the director takes a major turn, leaving you with your jaw on the floor. The turn was definitely out of the blue for me, as I didn’t expect it to grab my attention at the end. I had given it a fair chance, and it most definitely paid off in an absolutely horrific way. I’ve seen a lot of on screen violence and gore, but this one had some components that were just cringe worthy.

Overall, the movie is good, but it’s slow paced. If you like slow moving pictures with artistry in the way they are filmed, check this one out. If you love cannibal movies from the 1970s and 1980s, this is not for you. It’s far too nuanced and dramatic for your tastes. This is not a Troma film, and it shows. “We Are What We Are” is available through streaming, or you can pick up a copy here. It will stay with you, but it takes a lot to stick with it, it’s a bit boring at times, at least in my opinion.

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5 Horror and Science Fiction Movies Where The Future Sucks To Live In

For literary fans, you’ll already know that the future is not fun. Whether you choose Bradbury or Asimov, or just about any writer that talks about science fiction, the future is going to be awful. Then there is the mighty cinema world, and you’ll find that the horror movies, and stories that are lifted from the science fiction world as well, point towards a future that just isn’t fun.

There are a lot of movies that deal with the future, and I have even been toying around with making my thesis fit the mold. When cycling through movies to watch, and you want to set a theme, there are a handful of movies that you have to watch in order to get a feel for this notion that the future is going to be grim.

The following horror movies and cult classics show a future that is not good, but that’s ok, because there’s hope for a brighter future in iconic characters, killer sets, and pure frenzy. You think “The Purge” had some screwed up moments, check the following movies for absurdity, or perhaps a future that is just not worth living in. (Don’t do anything drastic, this is just a blog)

Escape From New York (1981)

Oh no, the president is trapped on an island that has become a prison! Kurt Russell not only introduced Super Bowl teams and drives a sick ride in “Death Proof”, he is none other than “SNAKE”. He is the only man that can go into Manhattan, which is now a prison island, and rescue the president. Not since “Bad Dudes” have we seen such a badass premise. The movie holds up well, and the future world here is a cesspool that becomes awful, thanks to World War 3. No, not the WCW ppv where 60, yes 60, professional wrestlers are involved in a single battle royal. It’s 3 rings, it’s 60 superstars, and the winner gets a shot at the title or it gets the title themselves. There was even a point where a bit of controversy happened. You know, when Macho Man won the title and it was supposed to be Hogan. A visibly upset Hogan protested but it was Macho that one. Anyways, “Escape From New York” is an incredible cult classic that showcases Kurt Russell’s ass kicking persona, after he wore tennis shoes and was a computer. Oh man, where’s Little Dee Dee Ramone? He’d find this funny. Too bad you can’t bury the hatchet with someone that has gone missing. I’ll digress. They made a sequel, but this remains an insane piece of cinema, and one that you’ll have to see. The movie was set in the far off year of 1997! Oh no! Those damn dirty Apes….what? Wrong movie? Right.

Robocop (1987)

Detroit is a mess. More so than it is now, in the future the police force becomes a private affair. A libertarian’s dream, the police becomes privatized, and we get a super cop. No it’s not Jackie Chan as inspector Lee, it’s a man they call “Murphy”. No, not “Beverly Hills Cop”, but “Robocop”. In the future, ultra violence and overkill becomes a standard. You’ll recognize Red Foreman as one of the villains, long before he was threatening to shove a foot in his teenage son’s ass, he was tearing up the mean streets of New York. According to the internet, the ultimate source for misinformation, Robocop is set in 2043 or 2044, and the way things are going, it very well may be right. Before you go and see the new movie, get a group of friends (or in my case, no friends, just 3 cats) and watch the trilogy again. Released in 1987, this ultra-violent movie was probably one of the coolest movies my parents let me see when I was a kid. I was 4 years old when this one hit theaters and my dad let me check this one out in the grindhouse theaters of East Los Angeles. Classic double features, I don’t remember what this one was paired in.

Time Crimes (2007)

I’ve never been to Spain. Perhaps it’s because I’m Mexican, but Spain doesn’t always get the romantic symbolism that the rest of the world gives it. That has nothing to do with this entry, but I thought I would try to say something about it, because I want to create more word count, or “fluff” as some article marketers blame me for. You try writing 500 words on trampolines, and then tell me you can’t put fluff in it. Yeah, it’s not easy. Especially when the client gives you a picture, and you’re supposed to create 1,000 words from it. Anyways, Time Crimes is a Spanish film that is incredible. It is the first movie that I found to be a mix of horror and science fiction within a very good time lapse. This movie follows a man that is being chased by a man in a mask. However, as the story unfolds, more and more time paradoxes are created and the story starts to unravel so many points of view that you’ll be asking question after question. Some may find Hector to be a stupid main character, others will see this as a smart, killer science fiction movie. Only after writing a great deal of this, did I realize that this is not a future shock movie at all. Actually, it kind of makes me wish for the future, because it’s not half bad.

Judge Dredd (1995)

Quite possibly the worst movie on this list, which immediately makes it the BEST movie on this list, right? Stallone’s iconic poster is incredible, at least for me. The movie is set in the third millennium, and the Earth is horrible. Left to waste away and die, essentially, the justice system is no longer what you may think. The police is now judges (very much like the Bible), and street justice happens all to many times. When a serial murder escapes, the Law has to chase down the culprit, but not without introducing Judge Dredd aka Stallone. This movie may be awful to most, but it went on to make 113 million dollars, proving yet again the critics are stupid and don’t showcase any sort of intelligence. This is a legitimate action film, but features dystopian qualities, and has nothing to do with horror. Ok, maybe a small thing to do with it, or perhaps I’m just reaching here. Yeah, I’m reaching, but that’s because I can’t remember every single film that has a dystopian view point, maybe “Book of Eli” should’ve been in here.

Soylent Green (1973)

The 1973 film “Soylent Green” features a future in 2022. It is an awful place, where poverty, global warming, overpopulation, and oh crap it’s already happening! This movie features an interesting premise, where the food supply is pushed onto the world with a whole new sense of appeal. Soylent Green is a food ration that is supposed to save the planet, only it’s being made of a very strange substance….or perhaps not so strange! Should I ruin it? No, just go and watch the movie and see why Charlton Heston makes a compelling character. This is a cool film, that features a future that is completely scary. It’s a slow moving, somewhat boring movie, but it is still an iconic tale of a future that may not be so far off. The future definitely sucks in “Soylent Green”.

You can always come up with other movies, like Alien, Book of Eli, Generation Doom, Tank Girl, and so many other movies that could easily fit in this category. I didn’t want to focus just on dystopia. However, movies that are set in the future and fit the category of horror is tough. I guess I could’ve talked about The Omega Man, but eh, by the time I got to this I stopped caring about the title and even the grammar, citations, and more. I guess that’s what happens when you are a sole writer, editor, and sometimes reader of this site. Want to help? Buy a dvd or two from the links provided.

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Review: Death Wish 4 Is The Premier Charles Bronson Movie

My dad was a huge Charles Bronson fan. I don’t know what it was, but there was something that he loved about him. Perhaps it’s the fact that Bronson looked like a European version of my father. Then again, I think my dad looks like the Mexican Jackie Chan. Whatever the case is, I was introduced to the Death Wish series with installment #4. I saw it on VHS and it was classic. My dad let me watch whatever I wanted, so thanks to him this website even exists. The dude ditched me at age 8, but every now and again I’ll hear from him and he’ll tell me he’s proud or something else. I don’t know. It’s been a while.

That’s not what I’m here to talk about, I’m here to talk about an architect turned vigilante. Paul Kersey is a man that is going to take the law into his own hands. Directed by J. Lee Thompson “Death Wish 4” completely blew me away and still is awesome. When Kersey’s girlfriend’s daughter dies of a drug overdose, he has to take down some serious drug trade kingpins and he does so with brutality and NO MERCY!

Once you mess with Paul Kersey, you’re going to die, and not just die, but you’re going to get completely made fun of after the fact. In this movie he takes down a lot of bad guys, and if you pay attention Danny Trejo makes an appearance as “Art Sanella”. The ending of these movies really gets publicity, and this one is no different. Not only is Bronson’s on screen love killed, he exacts revenge with a grenade launcher right at the bad guy, and ridiculous explosions ensue.

This movie is another instance where Cannon creates exploitation glory. The movie is fast paced, and you know what is going to happen. Long before we had a “Jigsaw” killer, there was one man taking the law into his own hands because the police couldn’t help him. That’s what you get with Death Wish and that’s what you get with this 4th installment. It’s a classic, and it’s not necessarily a horror film, but it’s an example of the grindhouse cinema style that inspires many creative film makers to pursue the dream of making movies.

Then again, maybe it just makes people like myself wax poetic about bad acting, extreme violence, and skateboard companies named after a cool series. Death Wish 4 is NOT available on Netflix, those bastards, at least not streaming, so I had to track it down on my own. I recommend it, because it’s Charles Bronson and it’s Death Wish, a big part of my movie history. Check it out for free, or buy it by clicking here.

The Purge Review

The premise that was brought with The Purge was incredible. The marketing and the ideas at first were insane, and showed a lot of footage of humanity being as awful as Raas Al Ghul said it was in Batman Begins. The idea of this movie is that all crime is legal for one full 12 hour period. That’s right, all is fair, including killing, stealing, and jaywalking. With that in mind, Rod Serling most likely was spinning in his grave, as this feels a lot like the twists and turns that would make The Twilight Zone a spectacular showcase of fear.

In fact, the whole marketing campaign felt like a lead in for one of the classic episodes from that show. If you recall them, they were all about how the suspension of crime would be handled. I didn't get to see it in theaters, but my sister did and she thought it was cool at first. She told me the ending sucked, but I didn't want to believe, and well, unfortunately, she was right for once. Just so you know, she's never right!

The Purge Starts Well Enough, But Falls Off A Cliff In The End

The start of this movie is classic, with an obvious twist that is coming and is revealed in the second act. It’s also there that we are introduced to a dilemma. A stranger shows up and then all hell breaks loose. Within the first and second act, death comes to an otherwise secure stronghold, as a security system salesman and his family are targeted for being nice to a homeless man.

This movie really starts to go off the rails in the third act, where the terrorizing group jumps and breaks through the secured home and starts to seriously cause havoc. You think everything has gone to hell and there is no hope, as each person is systematically picked off by the father (Ethan Hawke). The movie feels harder than any other movie I’ve seen in a long time. There are some dimwitted moments, but not before a lot of revenge happens. I’m sure gun nuts will love this, as it has self-defense written all over it.

The Purge is a good enough movie, through the first few acts. Then it starts to falter, and eventually comes to a halt with a twist ending that you see coming a mile away. I didn’t care for how it turned out, and really didn’t like the way it all gets sewn up in a way that a sequel is all but ready. It’s not a great movie, it has its faults, but I will say that this is not a soft movie. It’s hard, and it blows away the pg-13 crap that has been floating around the genre for some time.

I loved the premise, and I liked the way it began, but I can’t seem to find greatness in the ending. I didn’t like it, but I still think this is a strong horror, revenge flick. It reminds me of the Kevin Bacon movie where he gets revenge for the murder of his son. Perhaps The Purge on Blu Ray features better supplemental footage. Check that out and see if it’s worth your time.



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Invasion of The Body Snatchers Review

The year was 1956, and before most of my constituents were born a movie was unleashed on the general public that would serve as a propaganda piece and illustration for communism, religious takeovers, and just about anything you wanted to portray as a dichotomy. Invasion of the Body Snatchers has some of the coolest posters in promotion of the film and has been remade time and time again. It’s one of the classics of horror, and it’s perhaps one that hasn’t aged very well at all. You know things are bad when you remember watching the movie in high school during History 101.

This edition of the film was directed by Don Siegel and it has some gripping moments. Kevin McCarthy and Dana Wynter do a fine job in Superscope here, but the pacing is just awful. It’s definitely not meant for our modern minds, or perhaps we’ve been replaced?

The plot is familiar to those that like horror and it is all about a community that has found that something has gone severely wrong with their loved ones. While investigate, a doctor takes note that something is in fact going on, and like a twist out of the Twilight Zone uncovers the fact that everyone is being replaced by creatures from another dimension. Pods are found and escape is futile.

The monsters are interesting on both sides of the coin here. The family members that are scared and the pod people as well. The pods are definitely a soap box of sorts, pushing the ideas and boundaries into political arenas but I like to think of this as nothing more than a science fiction classic.

Yes, it’s classic, and far from scary, but it’s an example or even a holding place for cinema of the past. We have come a long way, and despite my gripes with the pacing and the fact that it’s used as an educational tool in History/Humanities classes, it still holds up on the premise that you may never truly know that special someone in your life. Invasion of the Body Snatchers is not going to be watched over and over again in my house, and if it is, I know the aliens have taken over. Lord knows that the idiots have already taken over, but that’s another story for another time. I’m not sure what else to say, this is classic, this is a review, and this is me trying to keep the pirate ship afloat, so buy something already. Until next time, I’m going to write about kung fu on another site.



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Black Sheep Review

Black Sheep is a movie that came out to a lot fanfare. In fact, I saw a lot of ads in horror publications small and large. I didn’t get around to watching it, until recently, which means that I’m far behind on my movie reviews. This came out in 2006, and it really is the best thing to come out of New Zealand since the last time I remember writing about a movie like this. I honestly, don’t remember.

The movie revolves around what you may think, killer sheep! That’s right, move over “Silence of the Lambs” here comes something that trumps you in a very annoying way. The movie is a classic tale of a young man that leaves his home for the big city, only to return to the farm and find out that something seriously wrong has occurred. In this time, Henry (main character) returns to a farm that he thought he would never come back. While he was gone his brother has been working on creating a Frankenstein of sorts, and it has gone all wrong.

Take the insanity of “Planet Terror” mix in sheep, and then throw a little Jaws in 3-D and you have a mix of movies and genres that completely obliterate your senses with pure terror. Black Sheep does a good job of punching you in the nuts, or ovaries, and doesn’t let go. It’s a fast moving horror film that doesn’t make sense, but most certainly combines shock value with incredibly stupid scenarios. Common sense gets completely trampled like a father getting a toy for his kid during a black Friday rush….I’m reaching here, my apologies.

All the classic foils that you would expect in horror are here, only done to a comedic level. From fart jokes, to insane zombie moments, you get everything you could want from a cheeseball horror movie and a little bit of levity to throw you off. By the time you realize that there is hope, something goes wrong yet again and you have our heroes fighting to save their dog, save the farm, and stop an onslaught of sheep.

Mary may have had a little lamb, but she didn’t expect this! I think the cheese has melted into my psyche by this point in the review. Overall Black Sheep is an insane movie, one with some slow moments, but it is ok, the frenetic pacing in the third act and the giant explosions that ensue from the same gag that “Beavis and Butthead Do America” had, is well worth your time. I liked it, it’s not my favorite, but it’s better than most foreign movies that I’ve seen in recent months. So check this out and see what the hype is about. It very well may be the best movie with Sheep in the title, that is not a porno.



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Curse of Chucky Review

When they announced a new Chucky movie, I was definitely excited. Then I heard it got thrown into a nightmare world of movies. The ones that don’t end up getting a lot of fanfare at the theaters, and end up on dvd and streaming. I didn’t catch this on a streaming account, because I do not subscribe to the internet options. Instead, I had to wait for the real thing to arrive and I have to admit it caught me by surprise. This somewhat linear sequel jumps across a lot of the plots you’ve heard before, but lands somewhere in the lore of the world of Child’s Play. Remember, the original movie was NOT called Chucky, but rather a Christmas tale about a killer and a doll. Curse of Chucky pushes a lot of buttons, but may not be the excellent option that you remember.

In this movie you will find that a young woman and her mother are stalked by a killer doll. That doll is an updated version of our favorite friend, and I’m not a fan. The over polished look and feel was not great, but the movie does a good job in revealing why, but I won’t say more to that effect. Aside from that, the movie has our little buddy sounding a lot like Brad Dourif, because he’s in it! The movie moves forward with your traditional plot of murdering family members in a house, and you aren’t sure why.

By the third act you are revealed another backstory, and one that kind of makes sense. The buildup is tense, and right when you think this one is going to be over, it kicks off into overdrive. A woman in a wheelchair becomes our hero, and she is badass, until taking one hell of a spill, in which the doll we thought was real, isn’t real at all. Curse of Chucky plays with the emotions of longtime fans, and then drops them into a cornfield, and drives away. That may not make a lot of sense, because that’s how I feel about the movie. It tries too hard to make something new, when I already have 5 movies of remembering the characters.

Perhaps the best thing about the movie, and subsequently the worst thing about the movie is the ending that ties things together past, present, and future into a new world. One where the last movie is made insignificant, but then again, so what? Right?

Curse of Chucky is a far cry from the original Childs Play, but it’s not half bad. There are some logical moments, and a lesbian subplot that I swore needed boobs, but other than that, this isn’t half bad. I found it tense, and in the tradition of the original series, but with a new twist. I didn’t like the ending, nor did I really know where it was going, but overall, it’s a fun entry. One that I would probably see again, just not necessarily soon. Check it out, it’s kind of cool to see our little friend back in action.



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The 5 Best Damn Horror Movies For Christmas

In 2010, when I was still writing like a mad man and trying to get myself out of another bout with depression I wrote about the Top 5 Christmas horror movies, and it was received well enough. People thought I was wrong and people thought I was right. You could read that post right here, but today is not about the past it’s about the present and the future. It’s with that in mind that I’m going to drop a bomb today, and no I do not mean another bowel movement.

Today, for your consideration, like an episode of “Are You Afraid of the Dark” is none other than the best damn horror movies for Christmas. Of course these are not for children, and no they aren’t pornographic although Dracula XXX comes highly recommended by me and Ron Jeremy. I think he was in it, I haven't seen it in a long time, not that I'm advocating pornography directly.

So here you go, all 2 of you that still read this site, my picks for the best of the best. If you agree, disagree, or have some comments, let me know what's up.

5. Santa’s Slay

Bill Goldberg plays one hell of a character here. It doesn’t end very well and it takes on a laughable premise, but for the most part, this horror Christmas entry is one that is well worth looking at. I must also admit that the best bit of performance art was had by this former NFL and WCW powerhouse. His match with DDP at WCW’s Halloween Havoc in 1998 is still one of the most impressive feats of professional wrestling, fake or not, they danced in a very grand way. Now that I’ve lost my readers, I can say that this movie is one of the best examples of a movie that wasn’t meant for theaters and still manages to deliver a high production value. The gore is ramped up at times, and the opening sequence alone is star studded and brings out some fun. Santa’s Slay may not be a serious movie, but it most certainly delivers on the horror aspect. It’s fun, not scary, so don’t give me slack.

4. To All A Good Night

The 1970s were a hell of a time for movies. There seemed to be a willingness to be uncensored, and work with the ratings in a much harder way. There was also a great deal of creativity thrown to the box covers of videos. To All A Good Night is one of those movies that slips by a lot of people, but is worth scoping out. It is the story of a group of teenagers that are partying and are being slowly picked off by a maniac in a Santa Claus suit. Pretty basic, and quite a throwback, even if the pacing is a bit on the slow side. But hey, a killer Santa Claus nearly 10 years before the other famed one? Yep.The 1970s produced some sick movies, and this may not be the sickest of all the releases, but it is definitely a good one that many people move over in favor of Christmas Evil, Black Christmas, and even some older options that are just boring as ever.

3. Chopping Mall

Chopping Mall is insane. It has one of my favorite movie posters and really is one of the coolest concepts. A mall closes down and to protect the place, a killer robot is dispatched. This may not be a 100% Christmas tale, but it’s all about shopping or rather Chopping! It features an incredible head explosion before CG started to be everywhere. It’s a good entry into this list and one that is well worth your time to seek out. The next time you’re at the mall, just think about this movie and how you could be next! Remember the Simpsons episode? That was good. I remember the first time I saw this, it was a double feature for me with Sleepaway Camp. The horror movie video boxes were 100 times more intriguing than anything that is seen now. I am definitely a big fan of these things, and wax nostalgic about it too much, or not enough.

2. Gremlins

Horror comedy that isn’t scary? Well Gremlins pushes on a lot of comedic elements, but still maintains a good creep factor that gives you enough of a treat. This is not an all-out onslaught of the senses, and it is not a slasher, but the horror elements, hard drinking, smoking and more makes this one quite compelling. Gremlins fans will be upset that I didn’t put this at #1 but come on, it’s more comedy than it is straight laced horror, right? Whatever. A small town gets hit with crude Gremlins! What’s not to love? This movie is definitely the better of the two releases that bear the name Gremlins. Also, don't confuse this for Critters or Ghoulies. I love Ghoulies though, and remember that one time that they went to college? There's a lot of Critters movies too, they had cool posters.

1. Black Xmas (remake)

There are going to be a lot of people upset about this. No, Silent Night Deadly Night doesn’t get start treatment here. Why? Because Black Xmas came out swinging and completely obliterates the 5 movies that were just awful. The first one had a Santa Claus rape and murder sequence, so it loses on the premise of just being horrendous. Ok, it’s a favorite of mine, but still, this one ramps up the brutality, production, and sound design. A group of sorority girls get stalked by a psycho around Christmas. The ending is brutal as ever, and the sound design makes this one my top pick. It’s a good watch, and eliminates the need to watch many others. If you don't like this one, then it's most likely because it's too brutal. I admit, it  has some moments that will make you cringe, but like Wes Craven reminds, it's only a movie, it's only a movie.

There you have it, Scary Film Reviews best of Christmas. Oh and if you think I’m a hack, I spent 3 consecutive years reviewing only Holiday Horror movies in the month of December, so go back into the archives and see why they aren’t on this list here. Ok, I admit, I am a hack. Pick these up with the appropriate links below and help a brotha out, it’s Christmas!

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