The Babysitter Review

The Babysitter (2017) Poster 

I’ve seen my fair share of babysitter movies, and no, I don’t mean porno. But this is not the same thing that you are going to get from the 1980s adventures, or the mid 1990s babysitting movies or sitcom shows. This is a rated R horror movie and it is perhaps one of the best horror movies to come out of any studio in the year 2017. I know high praise, right? But for whatever reason the Netflix people were able to pull off what many mainstream studios haven’t been able to put together, and that’s a solid horror movie with a lot of elements that make sense, rather than getting to the nonsensical route. I’m not going to say that this is ultra realistic, but there are enough elements to make you think twice about nominating another movie as the best of 2017.

The movie is simple enough, starring Samara Weaving as a babysitter, and Judah Lewis as the pre-teen that is in love with her. The two have a good chemistry together, and are friends. But things go awry when he comes out of his room to see the babysitter and her friends doing a cult satanic ritual. They figure out that he saw something, and they want to kill him because he’s a virgin, and that’s where things take a turn. He’s not going to play dead, he’s going to fight back, and as the teens try to kill him, he turns the tables and while “Home Alone” had funny moments, this takes those funny elements and kills off the villains one by one, until the finale leaves your jaw on the floor, because this is not your average horror movie. It has consequences, and those consequences are absolutely thrilling at times.

The gore is turned up. This is not a kid’s movie. The villains get brutally taken care of, and our main character is not without punishment either. He gets beat up a bit, he’s slapped around, but the villains aren’t nearly as smart and end up getting beat up a lot, and eventually, man, you have to see the movie because there’s a sick stunt at the end to really make you question where McG and Brian Duffield came up with this idea.

All of the movie’s elements are well thought out. You get explanations for most of the movie, and when the thrills go down, they are filmed with a precision that only McG could bring forth. He throws in a lot of action that is very well done, giving this a killer production line, and a stellar focus of driving, burning, and gun play. Oh, did I mention the gore? Holy crap, this is a hard R if it were to be rated for theatrical release.

Overall, “The Babysitter” is perhaps the best horror movie that I personally saw in 2017. It has everything you want, without going with gratuitous nudity which is the only reason I won’t say that this is a perfect movie. Other than that, this is a great romp, fun, and comedic, with incredible stunts and a story that actually makes sense overall.

I would recommend that you get this on Blu Ray or something, but it’s only available on Netflix streaming. A service that I’m going to have to buy again, because the company keeps putting out some stellar horror and other stuff.

I do want to shout out Stay Still Reviews, as I was looking through images and found their blog, and it's awesome, go read that!

5 Novels Scarier Than Most Horror Movies

As I type this a molar is fighting my gums, and trying to get out of the burial of my jaw. Why are wisdom teeth extractions cosmetic? It hurts, but what hurts more is the fact that “Covered California” should’ve helped me get this taken care of, but instead, nope, they have frozen me out of getting coverage. That’s ok, I’m here with another illuminating post about scary stuff. Here are 5 novels that are scarier than most horror movies, but then again, I’ve read the Bible so that ranks top in my view. What? You don’t like non-fiction? What? It’s fiction too? Allegory maybe, but that’s not for debate here, what is for debate is whether or not these novels are scarier than hell or rather just another sad sack list of horror movies or rather books to ignore.

Terror by Dan Simmons

It was negative 8 degrees in Moscow, Idaho. I mention that because that was during the winter before my divorce in which I read this book. This is a dense historical fiction, and it is one of the toughest books to read when you’re freezing to death. I was so cold my bones hurt, and I didn’t find enough warm clothing to help, which made for a great deal of ambience amidst the 1845 Franklin Expedition that this book talks about. Going to the Arctic Circle 2 ships get stuck, and what they find is that it isn’t just space where no one can hear you scream, it’s here on earth, in the coldest of weather. Great horror fiction and historical fiction done right, but again, this is a dense book full of description up front. If you can pass the slow parts, you are going to get hit with a horrific story that will definitely pair well in cold weather.

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

For some reason I was thinking of Wanda Jackson, but this is not the same person or the same genre at all. The Haunting of Hill House runs up a grand story of, well, a haunted hose. Better than the movie adaptations, this is a creepy book that peels away your skin slowly. It ramps up the horror in a very nuanced manner, and you are not going to get all the answers as something bad happens at every turn of the page. Jackson’s novel still bears more horror than the latest in cinema, that’s for sure.


The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty

To this day, a modern tale of horror has enough gusto to pull your guts out. Forget what you’ve seen in the movies, this novel still gets a lot of people scared. If you’re a religious person, then there are going to be pages that you are going to absolutely be afraid of, but as you progress through this somewhat detective horror story, you are going to definitely enjoy yourself. It’s stronger than the original film, and your imagination can work wonders to scare you during the day and the night.

John Dies At The End by David Wong

David Wong has found a way to make absurd horror stories, and yet still pull you into the 1980s splatterpunk genre. Wong’s book was translated into a pretty cool movie, but as you turn the page, it’s incredibly different and dare I say harder hitting than the movie. There’s just so much going on here, as if R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps series grew up and married Barker’s nightmare landscapes. Wong has a way of shoving you into a seriously comedic romp, while still tugging at the gore levels and horror elements that made movies like “Nightmare on Elm Street” famous. This may have a mixed bag, but at the core of the book and Wong’s second book, horror reigns.

The Shining by Stephen King

Sure, Stephen King may think of himself as the “Big Mac and Fries” of literature, but this is not afternoon picnic. “The Shining” translates well to supernatural horror, madness, and isolation. It speaks volumes through prose that the movie failed to capture. At the same time, it creates enduring characterizations, fights demons, and aspires to be the greatest horror novel ever written, and does so by throwing Bram Stoker and Mary Shelley into a closet and setting them on fire. Not a vampire tale, not a monster lurking, but rather the human mind, spirituality, and a cold snap that will break your fingers as you turn the page. The “King” of horror definitely pulled your eyelids off when this book was released and it still gets praised for it.

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5 Horror Movies That are Completely Over Rated and Continually Get Recommended To Me By The Masses

The horror movie genre has some stinkers. I know this because I’ve sat through more horror movies than anyone else I know. I also have no friends. Ok, I have 3 friends, a girlfriend, a sister, a pseudo-friend in Stockton, a friend in San Francisco, one in Arizona, one in Seattle, oh never mind. The point is that I spend a lot of time alone with my thoughts and I also watch a lot of movies, so I’ve seen terrible. I mean completely horrific messes, and out of all of those I have seen some seriously over rated tripe.

You will most likely disagree with me on this list, and that’s fine. I hate these movies, and more so I hate how much people tell me that they are so good, when in fact, they are nothing but drivel. I would rather eat a cement sandwich, than have to watch these again, even though I’m sure I’ll catch them one day when I can’t sleep, due in large part because I have sleep apnea and no money to buy the equipment (hint hint, buy stuff from amazon via my links).

5 Terribly Overrated Movies

Sam Raimi is responsible for a lot of great movies in the horror genre, and outside of it. However, he put out a brick on this one. A loan manager is cursed and a demon comes to essentially drag her to hell? The simple plot aside, this movie was rated pg-13 when it came out, relies a lot on CGI for the scares, and is acted out by a junior high drama class. It’s awful. Was this supposed to be a comedy? Because I was laughing at the ridiculous nature of how bad this was. I revisited it recently and can confirm that this is heavily over rated, so stop telling me to see it again. I quit. Prove me wrong, buy the blu ray and review it yourself, I dare you. But first, buy it from my shop. I kid. Use it as a coaster.

I hate these movies. I hate them all. These movies suck and showcase the worst of society. Not only do the characters treat themselves terribly, the movie relies heavily on jump scares without little to no real substance. They made 4 or 5 of these schlocks, and people go to see them in droves. I can’t stand the tedious nature of these movies and how boring they truly are. In the time it takes you to watch one of these movies, you could easily knit a sweater and have a hot dog. The movies are terribly boring, slow moving, and are just not worth watching. I’d rather watch a cuckold theme porno movie than see this. Speaking of which…I’m about due…never mind.

The book is something, this movie though? I don’t know. I go back and watch it and it’s just laughable in a lot of ways. I understand the history, and I get the fear that it struck. I even wrote about this stuff in the past and how good this is to watch, but come on, it’s not that great. It’s overrated, even though it’s a guilty pleasure, it’s not as great as people think it is. The sequels and prequels are worse, and some of them go into pure comedy. Does this stuff really happen? I met a lady in Los Angeles that swears on it and is part of an exorcism group. I don’t know, but I will tell you this much, this movie and the sequels are overrated, but I’d still watch them. I’m a sucker for these things, but on a comedic level, not a serious one.

The first movie in this entry is awful. It’s boredom at its finest and it’s a lot of hype with little delivery. However, the sequel is awesome and creates more of a disturbance than this one. I remember my girlfriend refused to watch this, and one day I managed to coerce her into seeing it. She saw it and asked “that was it?” and that’s how you sum up just how overrated this movie is. Face it folks, it’s not that grand and it’s just internet and other media hype. I love the sequel though, as it featured more gruesome points of interest. This one, however, it’s just not that good.

The number one overrated horror movie of all time is Weekend at Bernies. You see, two friends have to keep a dead man looking alive through 90 minutes of…what? This wasn’t a horror movie? But they made a sequel, and the sequel made money. But it has a dead guy, and he’s rotting and still getting chicks and stuff. You mean to tell me that Chud II was better? Ghoulies Go To College was better? You’re out of your mind, Weekend at Bernies FTW!

I was tired, sue me. What about your picks? Let me know, drop me a line, find me on facebook, or buy some stuff and prove me wrong!

King Kong Review

buy the dvd here

Of all the monsters that you may come across in the world of horror movies, you will most likely remember the influential early characters and villains of modern cinema, including Dracula, The Wolfman, and the Mummy. But one of my personal favorites, and one that you just can’t top, is that of King Kong. There have been several iterations of the monster movie, but when you boil them all down, you have one giant ape that stands tall among a lot of others that have tried to take his crown, and he’s upset. That’s why I wanted to make a review of the 1933 classic, monstrous, KONG!

By this point, you should know what the story is. A movie director is out searching for his next project and uncovers something incredible. He uncovers Kong, and hatches a plan to try and bring him back to show him off to the world. His crew catches the beast and brings it back to New York. Putting it on display things go wrong, and the beast creates havoc and all hell breaks loose. He even grabs a woman and starts an epic climb to the top of the tallest building, at the time.

It’s up to the human race to come together and stop the beast, but alas, he has feelings, right? Who cares, it’s onward to slay the giant beast, but he’s not going down without a fight. That in a nutshell is the amazing and powerful narrative that plays out in this 1993 film. The movie is awesome, and holds up well, if you don’t try to think too hard. Yes, you can easily factor in that this movie has a lot of problems, but think about today versus then. They did a lot to create the story, and if you read into the production you will realize that this was no easy feature to produce.

The remake of Kong from the 70s was ok, but the latest updated version was monstrous and really took away from the quality of cheese that you get with the original. King Kong is not a scary movie, but it’s iconic. It’s where the monsters begin, and something that you can go back and watch as part of history. It may not scare, but it most certainly thrills, especially when you’re feeling jaded by the cinema of today. It’s always nice to go back and watch the classics, and King Kong is definitely an instant classic for anyone that watches it. I recommend it, go back and watch, you’ll love it.

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5 Horror Movies Based on True Events That Will Scare You To Hell

Ah yes, the greatest marketing ploy in the history of movies is that of true events. No, I’m not talking about documentaries, I’m talking about the classic biopic, and the horror movies that are all too real for some viewers. I once had an argument with a woman about how some of the iconic movies in horror really happened, and she told me that it was impossible. She was half-right, as some stories are never going to make it to the silver screen, and are reserved for books, magazine articles, and the kindle that never seems to arrive at my front door. (sadly)

After getting a backhanded compliment from a former client about how bad my writing is, I decided to take a step back and write for my passion, which has always been blogging. So here is a list to settle in before I dump 5 or 6 more movie reviews on you, my 2 or 3 readers still waiting for an update. You may be surprised at what I pull out of the proverbial hat, that’s for sure.

Here in no particular order are 5 horror movies based on true events!

From Hell

Jack The Ripper’s detailed and intricate story may not be easy to quantify in a biopic, but in this movie we get a whole lot of myth and fact. The story of Jack The Ripper as a part of a larger cult, may work out for the movie, but it’s the gruesome and iconic storytelling that gets this one a nod in my list. Despite the fact that I can’t stand Johnny Depp, I found his portrayal quite fascinating, and the story compelling enough to reel me in. The visuals are shocking, the story is intrepid in terms of what may or may not have happened in reality, and if you are a Ripper historian, you may want to check this one out. Even if it is cartoony-like at times, it has a good narrative flow that will definitely find a home with just about any horror fan. I liked it, even though it gets a tad bit long at times.

The Entity

Ah yes, horror movies in which women are molested by ghosts. Sounds more like something you’d find in a porno, and in fact I recall purchasing one long ago starring Asia Carrera and…oh never mind. The point is that this movie is one that was based on real world investigation. In the early 1970s a team of investigators looked into the case of Doris Bither, a woman who swore up and down that she was being tormented by a ghost, and was even getting beat and sexually assaulted on a regular basis. Well the investigation turned up some strange happenings in the house, and maybe a ghost like object on film, but other than that, is up in the air as far as I’m concerned. The Entity tries to shoehorn that notion into film and well, it works well enough.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Tobe Hooper and his crew made one of the lasting impressions of horror ever when they were able to make Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This 1974 classic is alive and well today, but the events depicted in the film are similar to that of Ed Gein. There were several situations that occurred in Wisconsin in which visitors ended up a part of a sinister plot. The crazy thing about it all was the story of Gein’s arrest. Investigators at the scene reportedly found a heart on the stove of the psychopath, which goes into the same kind of thing that was alive and well for the crew in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I prefer the sequel, which didn’t happen to have true events, and a dancing leather face.

Eaten Alive

Tobe Hooper makes it twice on this list. This classic for me came out in 1977, and it features some awesome moments. The crocodile death sequence from the trailer comes to mind, but the whole movie is just a cool concept with hacked execution. The story is about a Texas psychopath that feeds anyone that crosses him to his croc. The inspiration was a guy by the name of Joe Ball. The serial killer ran an Inn and happened to enjoy feeding people to crocodiles. If you recall the dramatic television show Nip/Tuck, you will recall that feeding people to these reptiles is nothing new of a concept. I you haven’t seen this one in a while, check it out sooner than later, it’s well worth a look or two. Hooper really punched up the gore on this one, on his way to making more and more horror movies.

Every Exorcism Movie Ever!

I was trying to narrow down the list a bit, and ran into a wall. There’s so many movies that feature exorcisms and all of them claim that it happened in real life. So I’m not going to fight it, just go and pick up any movie about hauntings, exorcisms, and the likes and you will most likely run into a film that has been listed on someone else’s top 10 or 13 or 5 list. For this blog, I will just say this much, I hate exorcism movies, plain and simple.

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5 Best Killer Dolls in Horror Guaranteed To Give You The Creeps

Or the willies, or the heeby jeebies, or whatever it is you want to call it. I’m not tremendously freaked out by a lot of things, but I know a lot of people that can’t stand any sort of puppet, muppet, or variation on the classic marionette. I like “Pinocchio” specifically the tale of a father searching for his son, to the point of risking his life in the high seas. My father didn’t do anything like that, and for all I know he’s forgotten about me and my little cozy life I’ve made for myself. That’s neither here nor there, but I don’t find these things to be that scary.

However, I am not the measuring stick. You and the millions of other fans of horror are, and with that in mind, we are going to look into the absolute sickest, twisted, and most intrepid dolls that want to kill anything that moves and practically gets away with it in each film. For the sake of argument I picked from a serious list, exhaustive even, and narrowed down what I find are my top 5. If you have a differing opinion, bring it, and drop a comment, it’s why there’s a comments section, even though it is lacking in a lot of ways.

Magic (1978)

The 1970s were insane. Some of the best horror movies came through in those years and this one from 1978 pushes the envelope in a lot of ways. It stars Anthony Hopkins, which means that the acting is top notch. It is a psychological horror film with a lot of moments that are going to completely stun. The best thing here is that the dummy here is the real crazy piece. Called “FATS” he is the catalyst of the horror, even though it seems as though Corky is really in control. Every little element here is made to stun, and it’s not necessarily what you think. Burgess Meredith does well here, and the horror comes from the mind and the doll, even if the doll is not possessed. Magic is creepy, and this movie really does well to scare anyone that doesn’t like a dummy. Even Hank Hill would hate Fats, or should I say Bobby Hill…remember that episode? Never mind.

Doll Master (2004)

Why is Hollywood so afraid of doing good horror movies? South Korea once again pushes the envelope of horror with this one. Doll Master takes on a whole new meaning in this terror filled entry. The mix of religious themes, dummy movements, and possession all make for a hectic story that fuels a lot of suspense. Piece by piece you will start to completely become afraid of porcelain dolls, and making a woman mad. Or rather, making an artist mad, because it’s here that you start to get thrown into a cycle of terror featuring some elaborate set pieces. South Korea is hard to mess with when it comes to scary movies, and they prove this point yet again with this one. It’s beyond creepy.

Saw (2004)

This tricycle riding doll is the mouthpiece for what we now know as Jigsaw. In the original film, he didn’t have a cool slasher name, and this doll was simply known as Billy. This little creepy doll is an interesting take on the whole robotic ventriloquist angle that many 1980s movies touched on but never used it in such a macabre way. It got a lot of parodies, but it’s still one of the more creepy options that you’re going to find in today’s frenzied horror world. Is the name really Billy? I don’t know, someone behind the scenes apparently called it that, but I don’t recall. I just remember that this little tricycle and suit with bowtie is beyond creepy. The doll isn’t killing, but it’s most certainly scary, and scared audiences upon first seeing it come into frame in the original Saw film.

Dead Silence (2007)

Saw was such a hit that the director and writer got another shot at making horror movie magic. They came up with a tale about an old lady that didn’t have any children at all. She just had dolls and they were her children. It was an incredible story with some serious prop pieces that will stun and amaze even the hardest of critics. The main doll “Billy” really pushed the envelope, and was very much like you would expect from a serious adaptation of the “Goosebumps” book series. R.L. Stine must’ve loved this, because it was most definitely a grown up version of his story. Dead Silence is an underrated movie with a doll that is not only killer, but he definitely possesses an epic secret and can creep out with just one eye roll. Go back and watch this one.

Child’s Play 2 (1990)

For my money, the Child’s Play franchise peaked with the second film. This movie had a lot more to offer than the first, it had better pacing, and Brad Dourif as Chucky once again creeped the crap out of everyone. I saw it in movie theaters, and this one had a lot of moments that continues to creep people out. The reason why this film takes a better note than the first, and the sequels is simple, BAFTA award winning actors and veterans of the industry. They do a good job acting here, and the story flows naturally through the final epic scene. The final sequence is one of my favorites and definitely didn’t allow for a sequel, even though we got one with Child’s Play 3. A dumb move, but hey, that’s horror for ya.

There you have 5 of the best killer doll movies, even though it seems as though they are more dummy’s than dolls. Perhaps I should’ve talked about Dollman, Killer Dolls, Puppet Master, or others, but then again, those were just puppets, right? No? Wait. Oh who cares, I’m going to go find some Cap’n, yeah I said Cap’n Crunch and tear the skin out of the roof of mouth and gums. Why? Because it’s on sale right now and it’s all I can afford to eat. So there.

Want to help the site? Want to see less advertising and more writing? Help me hire writers by ordering stuff via amazon with the links provided. Trust me, I’m trying to get writers, but I can’t afford them. Until then, you have me, and my banter. No Crunch Berries, by the way, I prefer the yellow crunchy and no soggies, but I don’t like the milk afterwards, so toss that. Anyways, me and the Cap’n make it happen!

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The Purge Review

The premise that was brought with The Purge was incredible. The marketing and the ideas at first were insane, and showed a lot of footage of humanity being as awful as Raas Al Ghul said it was in Batman Begins. The idea of this movie is that all crime is legal for one full 12 hour period. That’s right, all is fair, including killing, stealing, and jaywalking. With that in mind, Rod Serling most likely was spinning in his grave, as this feels a lot like the twists and turns that would make The Twilight Zone a spectacular showcase of fear.

In fact, the whole marketing campaign felt like a lead in for one of the classic episodes from that show. If you recall them, they were all about how the suspension of crime would be handled. I didn't get to see it in theaters, but my sister did and she thought it was cool at first. She told me the ending sucked, but I didn't want to believe, and well, unfortunately, she was right for once. Just so you know, she's never right!

The Purge Starts Well Enough, But Falls Off A Cliff In The End

The start of this movie is classic, with an obvious twist that is coming and is revealed in the second act. It’s also there that we are introduced to a dilemma. A stranger shows up and then all hell breaks loose. Within the first and second act, death comes to an otherwise secure stronghold, as a security system salesman and his family are targeted for being nice to a homeless man.

This movie really starts to go off the rails in the third act, where the terrorizing group jumps and breaks through the secured home and starts to seriously cause havoc. You think everything has gone to hell and there is no hope, as each person is systematically picked off by the father (Ethan Hawke). The movie feels harder than any other movie I’ve seen in a long time. There are some dimwitted moments, but not before a lot of revenge happens. I’m sure gun nuts will love this, as it has self-defense written all over it.

The Purge is a good enough movie, through the first few acts. Then it starts to falter, and eventually comes to a halt with a twist ending that you see coming a mile away. I didn’t care for how it turned out, and really didn’t like the way it all gets sewn up in a way that a sequel is all but ready. It’s not a great movie, it has its faults, but I will say that this is not a soft movie. It’s hard, and it blows away the pg-13 crap that has been floating around the genre for some time.

I loved the premise, and I liked the way it began, but I can’t seem to find greatness in the ending. I didn’t like it, but I still think this is a strong horror, revenge flick. It reminds me of the Kevin Bacon movie where he gets revenge for the murder of his son. Perhaps The Purge on Blu Ray features better supplemental footage. Check that out and see if it’s worth your time.



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Invasion of The Body Snatchers Review

The year was 1956, and before most of my constituents were born a movie was unleashed on the general public that would serve as a propaganda piece and illustration for communism, religious takeovers, and just about anything you wanted to portray as a dichotomy. Invasion of the Body Snatchers has some of the coolest posters in promotion of the film and has been remade time and time again. It’s one of the classics of horror, and it’s perhaps one that hasn’t aged very well at all. You know things are bad when you remember watching the movie in high school during History 101.

This edition of the film was directed by Don Siegel and it has some gripping moments. Kevin McCarthy and Dana Wynter do a fine job in Superscope here, but the pacing is just awful. It’s definitely not meant for our modern minds, or perhaps we’ve been replaced?

The plot is familiar to those that like horror and it is all about a community that has found that something has gone severely wrong with their loved ones. While investigate, a doctor takes note that something is in fact going on, and like a twist out of the Twilight Zone uncovers the fact that everyone is being replaced by creatures from another dimension. Pods are found and escape is futile.

The monsters are interesting on both sides of the coin here. The family members that are scared and the pod people as well. The pods are definitely a soap box of sorts, pushing the ideas and boundaries into political arenas but I like to think of this as nothing more than a science fiction classic.

Yes, it’s classic, and far from scary, but it’s an example or even a holding place for cinema of the past. We have come a long way, and despite my gripes with the pacing and the fact that it’s used as an educational tool in History/Humanities classes, it still holds up on the premise that you may never truly know that special someone in your life. Invasion of the Body Snatchers is not going to be watched over and over again in my house, and if it is, I know the aliens have taken over. Lord knows that the idiots have already taken over, but that’s another story for another time. I’m not sure what else to say, this is classic, this is a review, and this is me trying to keep the pirate ship afloat, so buy something already. Until next time, I’m going to write about kung fu on another site.



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Black Sheep Review

Black Sheep is a movie that came out to a lot fanfare. In fact, I saw a lot of ads in horror publications small and large. I didn’t get around to watching it, until recently, which means that I’m far behind on my movie reviews. This came out in 2006, and it really is the best thing to come out of New Zealand since the last time I remember writing about a movie like this. I honestly, don’t remember.

The movie revolves around what you may think, killer sheep! That’s right, move over “Silence of the Lambs” here comes something that trumps you in a very annoying way. The movie is a classic tale of a young man that leaves his home for the big city, only to return to the farm and find out that something seriously wrong has occurred. In this time, Henry (main character) returns to a farm that he thought he would never come back. While he was gone his brother has been working on creating a Frankenstein of sorts, and it has gone all wrong.

Take the insanity of “Planet Terror” mix in sheep, and then throw a little Jaws in 3-D and you have a mix of movies and genres that completely obliterate your senses with pure terror. Black Sheep does a good job of punching you in the nuts, or ovaries, and doesn’t let go. It’s a fast moving horror film that doesn’t make sense, but most certainly combines shock value with incredibly stupid scenarios. Common sense gets completely trampled like a father getting a toy for his kid during a black Friday rush….I’m reaching here, my apologies.

All the classic foils that you would expect in horror are here, only done to a comedic level. From fart jokes, to insane zombie moments, you get everything you could want from a cheeseball horror movie and a little bit of levity to throw you off. By the time you realize that there is hope, something goes wrong yet again and you have our heroes fighting to save their dog, save the farm, and stop an onslaught of sheep.

Mary may have had a little lamb, but she didn’t expect this! I think the cheese has melted into my psyche by this point in the review. Overall Black Sheep is an insane movie, one with some slow moments, but it is ok, the frenetic pacing in the third act and the giant explosions that ensue from the same gag that “Beavis and Butthead Do America” had, is well worth your time. I liked it, it’s not my favorite, but it’s better than most foreign movies that I’ve seen in recent months. So check this out and see what the hype is about. It very well may be the best movie with Sheep in the title, that is not a porno.



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Curse of Chucky Review

When they announced a new Chucky movie, I was definitely excited. Then I heard it got thrown into a nightmare world of movies. The ones that don’t end up getting a lot of fanfare at the theaters, and end up on dvd and streaming. I didn’t catch this on a streaming account, because I do not subscribe to the internet options. Instead, I had to wait for the real thing to arrive and I have to admit it caught me by surprise. This somewhat linear sequel jumps across a lot of the plots you’ve heard before, but lands somewhere in the lore of the world of Child’s Play. Remember, the original movie was NOT called Chucky, but rather a Christmas tale about a killer and a doll. Curse of Chucky pushes a lot of buttons, but may not be the excellent option that you remember.

In this movie you will find that a young woman and her mother are stalked by a killer doll. That doll is an updated version of our favorite friend, and I’m not a fan. The over polished look and feel was not great, but the movie does a good job in revealing why, but I won’t say more to that effect. Aside from that, the movie has our little buddy sounding a lot like Brad Dourif, because he’s in it! The movie moves forward with your traditional plot of murdering family members in a house, and you aren’t sure why.

By the third act you are revealed another backstory, and one that kind of makes sense. The buildup is tense, and right when you think this one is going to be over, it kicks off into overdrive. A woman in a wheelchair becomes our hero, and she is badass, until taking one hell of a spill, in which the doll we thought was real, isn’t real at all. Curse of Chucky plays with the emotions of longtime fans, and then drops them into a cornfield, and drives away. That may not make a lot of sense, because that’s how I feel about the movie. It tries too hard to make something new, when I already have 5 movies of remembering the characters.

Perhaps the best thing about the movie, and subsequently the worst thing about the movie is the ending that ties things together past, present, and future into a new world. One where the last movie is made insignificant, but then again, so what? Right?

Curse of Chucky is a far cry from the original Childs Play, but it’s not half bad. There are some logical moments, and a lesbian subplot that I swore needed boobs, but other than that, this isn’t half bad. I found it tense, and in the tradition of the original series, but with a new twist. I didn’t like the ending, nor did I really know where it was going, but overall, it’s a fun entry. One that I would probably see again, just not necessarily soon. Check it out, it’s kind of cool to see our little friend back in action.



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Bride of Chucky Review

I recall seeing this movie and the sequel in theaters a while ago, but I never sat down to review it, and therefore I am going to talk about it a bit. Today we will be dealing with the movie that brought back the doll of horror known as Chucky into the big screens and away from straight to dvd hell like so many others had to deal with. Bride of Chucky puts our little antihero in an interesting and sadistic realm with all the trimmings that you would expect from the classic horror franchise that started in the late 1980s. Gone are the slow moving plot points and lackluster scenarios and in comes a fast paced, black comedic horror film.

The movie looks great, and holds up quite well in the visuals department. Jennifer Tilly is quite the actress, and I couldn’t stop staring at her…..eyes. She has some assets that gets played up a lot here, and there are moments where some of you are just begging for a nip slip. But unlike the celebrity tabloids, the puppies are all covered up, even though they are bursting from her wardrobe at times. The cleavage is so much that one starts to wonder whether or not it ends up being a factor when she is playing poker in the World Series, but then again, it’s a matter of skill and not necessarily luck, right? I don’t know, I’m getting off topic.

The kills are brutal, but at times played up for comedic effect as Chucky is brought back by a former love. Chuck doesn’t like how he’s being treated so he kills his lover in a bathtub and gets her soul to get trapped in a doll and the two run amuck on a quest to find the original body of the soul so that they can get an amulet. This all moves along a road trip plot with two lovers that are the next serial murderers to gain fame for being a deadly couple.

Overall, Bride of Chucky is a guilty pleasure that is not really scary, but really does drum up some nostalgia here and there. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, and does a lot to entertain, make fun, and present the whole series as one big joke. I like it, and found the inside jokes to be awesome, and the ending, well the ending is just another classic moment in horror history.

John Dies At The End Review

There are a lot of horror movies that come out on a regular basis and no one sees them. This is one of those many releases that no one cared to see in theaters, but alas the world of dvd and streaming can be glad to have another movie to watch and review. I myself finally caught this one, and after I wrote about the release of David Wong’s other book and of course this book as well, it’s about time. Clumsy sentences and bad reviews aside, I found myself watching this one in wonder, as it is truly an original take on a not so original genre, the horror one that is. John Dies at the End is the focus of this review, although I’m a bit tired from making less than minimum wage, applying at jobs that don’t call me back, and wondering where my life started to tailspin in terms of getting ahead in a career path. Heck, I have no career, who am I fooling?

The film is a complex and winding tale about a couple of friends that have found a drug that makes things come to life in a way that Hunter S. Thompson would be proud of. The whole movie weaves around a guy telling a reporter about what has happened to him in the past, and how he came in contact with this insane drug known simply as soy sauce. It is killing off anyone that comes in contact with it, but not before extreme hallucinations and other off setting problems happen.

Throughout the film gags of all types happen and you get to see a great deal of gore as well. In an effort to hasten the pace, you get a lot of intertwining elements, none of which seem to make sense and the whole pay off does a poor job with revealing what the hell is going on. I had more questions about the plot and where it was going than I usually do, and by the time things started to make a little sense, a giant eyeball was eating people. John Dies at The End is definitely a movie worth watching, however, it is not worth asking any questions because you will receive no major answers.

When it comes to finding original horror movies, this is definitely a good one, so make sure that you venture out and watch it, then try to figure out what is going on. The ending will come out of nowhere with an epilogue that is fitting, all things considered.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter Review

I was supposed to be working on Chemical Burn stuff, but their ROKU app decided to quit, and I haven’t had time to look into their screeners that were sent out, so I’ll have to settle for this update, or rather you will have to settle.

There are a series of novels that are essentially rewritten historical accounts of the lives of iconic people and places. This altered history happens to throw the 16th president into the role of a vampire hunter and while most people may not be so quick to say the premise works, the movie does a good job of making the basis for the novel, quite compelling to say the least. With that in mind, the following review is of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

The movie does a good job setting up the hero with the death of his mother at the hands of a vampire, than subsequently goes through some years of his training at the hands of another bloodsucker and the story starts to really move into a fast paced actioner, although it has horror elements. The movie plays more like an Asian cinema Kung Fu epic, but still maintains a certain sense of creep factor here and there. The muted and goldenrod filter on the cameras is a bit annoying, but otherwise, you get a full framework of what could have been a biopic done right. Of course the sensationalized action is something that probably never was a thing for Lincoln to deal with, but then again, his favorite sport was professional wrestling, so maybe he did see some action of this nature.

Overall the film has a good sense of humor about the whole thing, while maintaining serious tones for the slaying of vampires here and there. The slow motion is somewhat distracting and the constant computer graphics and design is not my favorite. However, the producers did a good enough job to get me to forget that and start thinking about whether or not some of the fight sequences were in fact possible. I had to remind myself that these things are NOT reality and are part of a horror-action movie, so maybe they did a good job after all.

Abraham Lincoln battled zombies before, he battled slavery, and most likely enjoyed some of Hulk Hogan’s favorite matches. (Seeing as though Hogan is sooo old, eh? Eh?) I liked this outing, even if it did have some slow motion fighting, but I liked it none the less. I thought it was interesting and it kept me awake, which is something that many other movies haven’t done in a long time. I’d suggest watching it and reading the book too.

The Jaded Horror Movie Fan

Every get jaded on horror?

The same things happen a lot, the same decisions made and we’re supposed to just dig in. I am not a fanatic, I’m just one man with opinions on the genre that I grew up with it. My parents allowed me to start watching horror when I was a child and would often times leave me at home alone and to this day I find the genre to be quite interesting. There are a lot of complexities that are pointed out within the confines of this type of cinema, but there are moments when even the best horror movie doesn’t really hit home.

I’ve been struggling to find a connection with the movies that I’ve seen in recent years, and more often than not find myself falling asleep instead of paying attention. That doesn’t bode well for readers of this site that have been with me longer than my marriage lasted. I’m in a new relationship and things are going well, and with that comes a new set of responsibilities and ideas. I have been fortunate enough to be pushed a little to watch and review horror movies that I have mustered enough of an opinion to write about in recent weeks, but things are going to change yet again.

In the coming weeks, I’ll be adding more content as I have a new found love for horror movies that transcends understanding. Instead of negativity, I’ve found some positive things to denote in a lot of the movies that I have seen recently. Heck, Sinister was a slow moving opus, but you know what? It was creative and it had some good moments. With that in mind, I will be updating the site with all new content sooner than later. Just stay with me, as I move things around and get rid of the annoying background image that messes up my phone whenever I visit my own website.

3 Scary Movies That Will Keep You Guessing

When it comes to scary movies, you probably assume cheese or at jump scares. While that is a great proponent of many classics, that is not always the case when trying to find the best of the genre. When looking for the best, you will have to look a bit below the surface, and find horrific happenings in some of the more interesting of ideas. The following list will have you second guessing the genre of horror and will get you thinking about possibly watching again, for the first time. The list contains 3 scary movies that will keep you guessing until the very end.



Audition

What’s so crazy about a man that wants to meet a woman for the purpose of dating? At first glance this film is quite tame, until you start to get a closer look at what really is going on. There are several clues sewn throughout the film that will have you guessing, but not everything is fully explained. You will even get a second guess in the end, and you will be wrapped up exactly where Takashi Miike wants you to be. This film is one of the creepier movies you will find. There are moments of brutal terror that relies heavily on only the sound design, which is something you will not necessarily understand the first time you see it.



Frailty

What if God told you to kill the evil ones? Well, that premise is taken into some strange moments with this film. This is one of the gems that you will have to see to believe as there are some super natural elements, slasher, and horror themes that will definitely have you second guessing until the last moments. Is it real? Is it fake? What is really going on with this small town man and his two boys? Is it the devil? What is going on?! Frailty rocks hard and will send sheer horror up your spin.



Seven

David Fincher does something right, and it still has people guessing. Two detective have to solve a string of cases that are deeply rooted in the deadly sins of the Bible. Turn after turn the two get closer to solving the case until they figure it all out, but the villain is the one with the last laugh as he plays one hell of a trick on the police. If you were to make this a Batman film, it would beat out all incarnations of the character, because it is tightly wound and horrific all in the same.

For those that have seen all 3 of the preceding movies, you know exactly what it’s like to venture forth into movies that will keep you guessing, and for those that haven’t seen them, rent or buy these today, they will definitely be worth your time.

New Light on Scream 4

Scream 4 Poster

I changed my mind on the horror franchise.

The other night I decided to watch Scream 4 again, my previous thoughts on the movie were dry, and devoid any sort of spark. I was in a different place back then, financially better off, just starting to blossom as a grad student, and now look at me! I’m broke, beyond belief, and can’t even afford to keep the lights on in our home. Well, I take that back, they haven’t shut off our lights or other utilities, but it’s headed that way unless this site starts kicking in, so if you have a little bit of money drop me a line sirjorge at gmail dot com and help me literally keep the lights on, I wish that was a joke.

Scream 4 is one of the many movies that I wanted to see in theaters when it came out, but instead found myself sitting on a red painted curb smoking a clove cigarette. I wouldn’t say that I’m an addict, but I miss spending time smoking, it relaxed me. Why is it that such a terrible vice calmed my nerves? At least there’s other smoking options that do the same in these modern times, but that’s for another conversation. Back to the movie, I wanted to see this in person and never did. I finally rented it while I was living in Koreatown and a new relationship was blossoming after my divorce and things in the horror world seemed boring to me. That’s why my review of this film previously didn’t ring true to what I think now.

Suffice to say that I love this movie, far more than I do the original sequels. Now, don’t get me wrong, the original movie is awesome and showcased a revival for Wes Craven after making some cheese ball movies. Albeit, my favorite is still SHOCKER, even though I am alone in thinking that. I found this movie to be stellar on the second viewing and for a lot of different reasons, actually.

I Know That Actor!

That’s right, the actors on my first go around were not that recognizable, at least not the ones that were introduced for this movie. However, that’s not the case now, I definitely spotted people I knew, included TODD from that Canadian cult show about the book of pure evil, and many others. It was then that something started to click, and the popcorn started to pop. This movie is far more entertaining than I originally thought.

The overall movie is interesting on many different levels, with our main character coming back to town in order to sign and market a self-help book on how to get over traumatic events. We then get a struggling writer and now sheriff involved in trying to resurrect her career when serial slayings start to occur. That’s not before getting a lot of self aware rants and raves about the current landscape of horror. All in all the movie flows far better than the previous incarnations, and I absolutely was thrilled with the stellar moments, and even the not so hot moments where Craven decided to pull the camera away for dramatic effect.

All in all, Scream 4 is one of my favorite horror movies to come out in recent years, and that’s say a lot, because I am usually jaded about all of these things. But not today, even though I am a few months away from being homeless, with no career to speak of, I found that this movie let me stop thinking about thing for a few hours. It gets my recommendation, even though no one will agree…so I say. Drop me a line if you have thoughts on the mater, and please, donate by purchasing items through amazon or directly through paypal, I absolutely am in need right now, thank you.

Top 5 Hardcore Revenge Horror Films

When it comes to certain genres of horror films, many people start to question their validity as pure entertainment. For instance, many people can’t stomach certain scenes in cinema that depict sexual situations that are of a “forced” nature. To put it bluntly, rape. There is nothing entertaining about that in the real world, yet the horror genre likes to put a spin on it, allowing viewers to see the atrocity in full view then come back with a punch to the balls of anyone that found it funny or even remotely entertaining. How do they do it? Simple. They introduce a revenge plot in which the raped woman or male in certain instances gets full revenge in the most cartoonish of ways, or in some cases the most atrocious of ways.

When thinking about hardcore revenge horror films, 5 stand out as some of the best and worst in many different ways. That’s why today we will be briefly spotlighting 5 of those movies that made me cringe or at least open my eyes wider as revenge is a dish best served piping hot full of shi……never mind.



#5 I Spit On Your Grave (1978) – This controversial movie came out with a brutal premise, but it doesn’t just go from bad times to bad times, there’s a reversal of roles and no sin is left unpunished. Well, unless you count the sin of low budget cinema and production flaws, but it was 1978, a different era in movie making, right? Anyways, this movie was remade, but lacked the substance and style of this original. If you are into genital mutilation revenge plots ala “Ricco The Mean Machine” then you have to look at t his one as one of the best examples of revenge!



#4 Last House on the Left (1972) – What was it with the 70s? Some of the most violent and disturbing images came out throughout those damn hippy years! Whatever the case is, Wes Craven proved to shock the movie world with a revenge kidnapping plot that had some more, well genital mutilation. This one is still worth checking out after all these years. Once again the remake doesn’t hold a candle to the original.



#3 Last House on the Beach (1978) – Eurotrash fans will love this classic tale that turns into a swift revenge plot. Teenage girls alone at a beach house are brutally messed up by thugs, and when one of the girls is skilled, our main heroine decides enough is enough and it’s time to get REVENGE!



#2 Northville Cemetery Massacre (1976) – Touted as one of the ultimate biker flicks of all time, this movie features a mix of all things exploitation film and all things revenge. You get a sense for violence where there are no heroes, and when the law rapes a young woman, it’s the lawless that have to man up and lay down, well….the LAW!



#1 Thriller: A Cruel Picture (1973) – This is the ultimate of all of the revenge films you’re going to see in regards to the premise of hardcore. This one takes the cake in a lot of ways. If you get the unrated version, this movie turns into a XXX romp; with a slow motion pop shot that is not only disturbing, but also very stimulating for those that like to see that sort of thing. One girl, one eye, one shotgun, and that’s all you need to know!

If you like revenge films, these are your #1 stunners, and they are definitely worth purchasing for your collection. If you’re going to buy anything from amazon, please click here to visit there and bookmark the page. It helps me keep writing about this stuff and it costs you nothing extra. Thank you.

5 Horror Movie Reviews You Missed

I’ve been hard at work writing this website for about 5 years now. It has lasted longer than most of my other attempts at writing on the web, with the exception of my WWE review website that I still have up and update from time to time. My love for horror movies started a young age and through my years I have made sure to write commentary, reviews, and all sorts of things online about them.

Since today I didn’t have time to review a full movie, I decided to talk about 5 horror movie reviews that you’re missing out on. With 750+ reviews done on this site, it can be a daunting task to read everything that I have posted. In order to compensate for that, here is a quick 5 horror movie reviews that you’re missing out on that you might want to look into.



#5 Jack Frost Review – It’s that time again for the wintertime, and you better believe I did reviews on a variety of holiday horror movies. I did it two years in a row looking for only that type of movie to talk about. Jack Frost is one of the better ones that I found, but that’s not saying a whole lot.



#4 LIfeforce – Today you can get this movie in a variety of different ways, but when I first wrote about it, that movie was hard to find and wasn’t going to be easy to get a hold of. Now, you can even find it through Netflix. Oh well, the review was up and is up rather, and my writing suffers when I am tired.



#3 Chaos (2005) – This rare out of print movie is the hardest movie I’ve ever seen at the time. However, a Serbian Film tips the scales because that movie is just pure evil. This one though, is hard to watch on a variety of levels. It’s probably one of the hardest non-pornographic movies I’ve seen ever.



#2 Basket Case 3 – I’m one of the few bloggers that wrote about this out of print movie long ago. I’m sure it’s now in print, but I remember having a poster on my wall of this film in High School, and always loved the premise of having a Siamese twin in a BASKET! This one is outlandish, and reminds me of a better time in horror movie history.



#1 Death Note – An under-appreciated film that really didn't live up to the hype, but maybe I should give it a second chance...I don't know.

Click through those 5 reviews from the past, and remember leave a comment anywhere and you can win The Walking Dead Season 1 and 2 on Blu Ray.

One last thing, if you’re gong to shop on Amazon.com please click here to visit that site and support the writing, blogging and career of yours truly. At the time of this writing I do nothing else but write for a living. I would prefer not to go back to the 9 to 5 world, but might have to if I can’t make these things work. So if you are going to shop at amazon click here, or visit the Best Horror Movie site here. Thank you.