Monday, July 27, 2015

Why Watch Movies Then?

Recently I had a conversation with a so called movie fan. It reminded me of the time I made fun of Vincent Price and someone decided not to be my friend over it. There’s a lot of movie fans out there, and then there are some that deliberately want to make you feel as though you’re wrong for liking something. Furthermore, they want you to know that they are SO sure that the director and the cast are “blow hards” and are trying too hard.

They say that they are “bored” and they keep watching. They want you to join in their misery and try to shoehorn the notion that you’re an idiot if you disagree. But they do so in a passive aggressive manner, to the point where you ask yourself:

“Why watch movies then?”

Seriously. If you’re bored, if you hate the director, if you’re going to call someone pretentious, why not look in the mirror? Where is your movie? Honestly, if you’re such a grand critic, where is the movie you made?

Oh? You didn’t ever make one? You’re an entitled viewer aka a consumer? I hate movie buffs. Those that don’t even know what they are talking about because they haven’t seen half of the things that they think they have, or should. They’ll wax poetic about nonsense, and then when you ask if they have seen anything remotely interesting, they clam up or move onto something that they are an expert. Obscure television movies? Yeah, I can’t see them, but you have? And you’re an expert so you want to make the world feel bad for not doing so?

Screw you.

I’m glad I have this blog, and I’ve made some claims. But at least I back them up with a lot of effort. I have been in the business, I have made movies, I have ghost written, and I have spoken with so called “blow hard” directors. I have tried my best to see past the idea of pretense. But I’m wrong, right? I’m just a dude, that is supposed to let it go.

My apologies for the rant. I’ll get back to watching and reviewing horror movies, of course, I’m a critic but at least I’ve tried my hand at movie making. My apologies for the negativity I’ve shown in the past, I try to watch and love everything, sometimes it’s just hard to sit through the latest schlock fest, though. You can, you can love it, but don’t trash the efforts of the artists, maybe they are trying really hard because it’s their passion. Why piss on the passion of others and call people out personally? You don’t even know them?

Sorry. I’ll shut up now.

Simmer Down!

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Deep Blue Sea Review

I know I promised to talk about the Leprechaun series, but I have been having a hard time transitioning. I moved from Los Angeles to Indianapolis, and my hopes of meeting new people, and having a different life has really been thwarted by the same issues I’ve always seemed to have. If you want to help me out in any way, make sure that you use the Amazon options that I recommend to pick up movies. Each sale helps me out a little bit. That’s partially the reason why I am not writing as many reviews, as I don’t have a way to watch more movies, now that I do not have Netflix. I did manage to catch “Deep Blue Sea” so here I go, giving you another shot in the arm from the longest running horror blog that I know of, because I don’t know about a lot of others!

This movie takes the concepts that you may have seen in first person shooters and takes on “Jaws”. There’s a secret lab where scientists are working with sharks, helping them get smarter, in order to cure human disease. However, during the course of their work, they have caused a great deal of problems. Mainly, the sharks are now getting mad and know how to fight back, or whatever. The movie doesn’t really take off until the sharks starts to go mad and traps a research team. The team must escape, and overcome their own personal issues to rise through the flooded research center.

Pick up “Deep Blue Sea” BLU RAY, or other horror films by clicking here!!!


So while this movie isn’t scary, it has horror elements that are supposed to “thrill”. It’s listed as science fiction, and it truly does put on a showcase. I can see this as a pulp novel, and it truly works well in that regards. The characters are all archetypes. Thomas Jane, Michael Rapaport, LL Cool J, and Samuel L. Jackson are the stand outs, especially the ultimate death scene! The biggest death scene here is of course Jackson throwing down an amazing speech, only to get eaten by a shark! I loved it, you loved it and the internet meme’d the crap out of it.

Breaking down this film into anything other than just a throwaway blockbuster is disingenuous. I can’t really say that this is a bad movie, because it’ not “bad”. But it’s not exactly great, or good either. It’s a nice romp through a very isolated area. It’s nice to get a throwback to that classic science fiction style that made the 1960s so grand. However, outside of some shining lights from Jackson and LL Cool J, this is a trope that is so predictable, you get tired.

You either love “Deep Blue Sea” or you don’t, it’s that simple. I found it to be funny, and enjoyable. However, it may be fueled by the fact that I’m having a hard time financially, so it was nice to have a distraction for a couple of hours. You can pick up “Deep Blue Sea” on BLU RAY here, or don’t, no one ever listens to me anyways.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Jurassic World Review

I just moved to a new city, a new state, and hit the reset button on this website. I was told that Amazon links aren’t going to work within the frames, so the archives are going to get a little bit of a shift. However, from what I know about these things, most of you aren’t clicking on anything, or buying from the links, so who gives a flying you know what. This weekend, as I settled into a new city, I went to the movies to see what the hype was all about with the new Jurassic World movie. It turns out, it’s a big pile of trash.

Nonsensical Decision Making

First and foremost, the characters all make and say the most asinine things, without any form of continuity. Sure, there are some that may argue about duality, or split personality or rationale, but there are some concrete elements that aren’t very good. For instance, the owner of the park wants to push the legacy of Hammond (the old guy in the original), but later doesn’t want to kill a serious threat to the safety of the park’s visitors because they’ve invested far too much money. This sort of dichotomy doesn’t make any sense, considering the character’s role. Oh, and of course, he dies by his own foreshadowing. This is not just him, there are several rash decisions. Not only that, why are villains just villains? There’s no storytelling, no reasoning, no greed, no back story, just stupidity. At one point the hero punches another for NO reason, none at all. Just because? Why? No explanation, we just have to accept it.

A Monster Movie None The Less

Let’s not fool ourselves. This is not an epic movie. The sweeping, and empathetic elements of Jurassic Park, the original are gone. This is a void piece of garbage. The cash grabs for Starbucks, Mercedes, Jamba Juice, Dairy Queen, and lots of other sponsors blatantly in the film doesn’t add up for me. The sweeping shots of the Mercedes emblem is far pushier than the original. Not to mention, the characters play absolutely dumb one minute, than smart the next, and even genius level when two kids miraculously know how to put an old Jeep Wrangler together after it’s been sitting idle for at least 20 years.

See Carnosaur Instead

Overall, Jurassic World has a good premise, but it’s a far cry from the intelligence of the original novel, and even the movie. If you hated Jurassic Park 2 and 3, then this is going to be right there with them. This movie was NOT needed, and plays with your logic worse than any horror movie I’ve seen in a long time. I would not recommend spending $34 to see this. That’s my total and I struggled to stay awake with this terribly plotted, ridiculous movie.

Then again, dinosaurs are cool? At least Carnosaur didn’t have the pretense. Jurassic World is the “hipster” of dino-monster movies. Yeah, I said it.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Tusk Review

Kevin Smith made one of my favorite movies. When “Clerks” came out, I was 11. I didn’t know that just a few years later I would fall in love with being a video store clerk. To this day, I wish I was jocking a counter instead of being an idiot. I loved every minute of it. However, today, is not about the past, it’s about the future, or rather present, or something. Today I will be trying to make sense of a movie that my wife decided to nearly throw a shoe at. “Tusk” is a movie that will divide your senses as you perceive it as a dark comedy, or a horror movie. Whatever the case is, this is one hell of a narrative.

The setup is simple. An abusive, idiot of a douche played by Justin Long is on his way to interview an internet sensation. He has a podcast that talks about weird people, and things. He ventures to Canada where he finds himself at a loss. The interviewee dies and he’s left without someone to interview. Told through flashbacks, however, is his life with his girlfriend and friend. It turns out he’s not such a good guy and you start thinking that he deserves whatever is coming to him. What he ends up moving forward with will have you creeped out, especially after you realize that this concept is based on a story that Kevin Smith came up with after reading Craigslist ads.

The movie moves towards horror in the mid-section. Our interviewer meets an eccentric old man who literally turns the guy into a walrus. That’s right, gore and all the dude turns his victims into walruses, and that sparks his friends to come search for him. Well, that leads to a midpoint of boredom. Johnny Depp shows up as a detective, although his story takes too much time to explain, and nearly forced me to sleep.

All in all, “Tusk” is a horror movie with comedy elements. There are some sick moments, some absolute twisted elements. However, there are also comedic disjointed positions. Overall, it’s a movie that fills the time with “what if”, and then launches you into a “Twilight Zone” level production. The end result is one of my favorites, seeing as this movie appears to be more related to a grindhouse film than anything else. It’s slick, it’s done well, it lags a bit here and there, but in the end, you go full Walrus. I loved it. I recommend “Tusk” as an oddity of horror and comedy. I think Troma should’ve done this one, but that’s just me. Smith does well here, and it shows. Check it out on blu ray today.

Friday, April 17, 2015

The Leprechaun Is Coming

Just when you think I left, I come back with a slew of reviews. First up, Tusk, then I’m coming to hit you guys with the Leprechaun series. If you have been following my website for some time, you will know that I only reviewed 1 Leprechaun movie, and therefore we’re going to have to take a trip back in time to first look at that. Then come back with a compelling slew of reviews for all 2 of you that remember this site.

In the meantime, please visit this link here to ensure you catch my review of the only Leprechaun movie I reviewed on this site. I’m coming with more reviews shortly. Tonight I may catch “Unfriended” that’s for sure.

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