Saturday, August 4, 2012

3 Things Wrong With The Total Recall Remake

My girlfriend (Amanda) and I went to scope out the new Total Recall remake, since the previews made it seem like a worthwhile romp into the not so near future. The movie is set up quite like the original, only this time it’s trumped up to 11 in terms of realism, if you can call it that, compared to the old one. There are few old gags left in this film, and the Internet will most likely buzz about the three-breasted lady that appears in full nipple glory at one point. If a chance at seeing 3 breasts in full frontal glory is your main reason for living, this movie is going to be your final destination.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I usually like science fiction tales, but when there are blatant wrong points, you start to gather up your belongings as a fan and walk away. That’s how I felt about this one, even though it did have some entertaining moments, and I didn’t feel like it was a total waste of money. Considering the time frame, and how I saw it, I’ll have to preface this by saying that I fell asleep at one point, but that’s because the Hard Rock CafĂ© made me a sick drink that knocked me on my ass.

3 Things Wrong with Total Recall

Realism Overdone – The realism in this film is overdone, even for science fiction standards. Every little detail has to be drawn, produced, and shot on film. You get a sense of scale when the final sequences only amass to a small scope of a larger city. In the original, you didn’t feel this huge sense of scale, most likely because it was on Mars etc. This Earth story is interesting, but the immense and complex city structure made for a “who cares” moment when the climax hit full gear.

Villain Problems – When you cast the main villain to be the same guy from “Malcolm in the Middle” and “Breaking Bad” you get a bit of both sides coming through. I appreciated the villain to a certain extent, but he’s a wuss, and I mean that. You’ll see why when you watch the movie. Now, as for the opposite end of the spectrum, Kate Beckinsale can really kick some ass, and she proves it again here. I couldn’t believe how far they put her in the film, far more than Sharon Stone ever had in the original. The villain becomes superhuman at one point amidst a robot army that just seemed like overkill to me.

Light on Story – The story this time around takes the original and makes it even lighter. The story is so light that you spend a great amount of time in high-speed hovercraft chases and lots of reaction shots. This makes for a somewhat boring movie, especially if you don’t have something like Imax to make you feel like you’re dropping with the characters. It relies heavily on this cat and mouse thing that worked in the first film because of Arnold’s constant shifts from running to calmly moving forward to the main plot points. This has two or three plot points and then the rest of the film is running.

The movie is fast paced, holds your attention, but when it comes to the original, it’s forgettable at best. I’d still recommend it for a movie night with your main squeeze, it was worthwhile.

Remember to leave a comment, to be entered to win Total Recall on Blu Ray. Winners will be announced at the end of the month.


  1. jervaise brooke hamsterAugust 8, 2012 at 6:24 AM

    I want to bugger Kate Beckinsale (as the bird was in 1991 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously), even if the bird is British garbage.

  2. jervaise brooke hamsterAugust 8, 2012 at 6:30 AM

    I want to bugger Jessica Biel (as the bird was in 2000 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously). When that bird was 18...WOW...what an incredible bird, one of the most unbelievable birds of all-time, no doubt about it ! ! !.

  3. jervaise brooke hamsterAugust 8, 2012 at 6:32 AM

    I want to bugger Sharon Stone (as the bird was in 1976 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).

  4. jervaise brooke hamsterAugust 8, 2012 at 6:34 AM

    I want to bugger Rachel Ticotin (as the bird was in 1976 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).

  5. jervaise brooke hamsterAugust 8, 2012 at 6:44 AM

    Sir Jorge, have you seen that amazing bird who poses in the porno movies who does indeed look exactly like an 18 year-old version of Jessica Biel ?, i dont know the birds name but you must`ve seen the bird being buggered senseless in any one of hundreds of porno movies on the internet over the last couple of years, the lucky sods who get their knobs up that birds incredible arse-hole in those movies dont know how lucky they are ! ! !, they`re bumming-off an 18 year-old version of Jessica Biel ! ! !, THOSE FUCKING LUCKY BASTARDS ! ! !.


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A writer first, cat lover second, and some other stuff too. Human, with lots of faults, and terrible communication.
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