When it comes to watching everything, I am the one and only person that I’ve ever met that takes that to heart. I’ve seen movies starring celebrities you don’t care about, I’ve seen handheld footage of perverse things, including “The Hotty and the Notty”, so when people come up to me and ask for my favorites, I usually start with the worst of the pile. There are a lot of bad movies out there, and I’ve seen most if not all of them. Today, instead of a review, let me tell you 5 boring horror movies to watch and then see if you are one of the chosen few, the few that will watch just about anything.
The Blair Witch Project (1999) – One of the most boring movies to ever be marketed as the scariest film ever has to be this one. This movie was all shot on handhelds, long before shaking the camera became a fad. This movie featured a lot of dialogue, and a lot of suspense, before you got hit with something so boring and menial, that it would become parodied by just about anyone that was in the comedic industry. From the Wayans’s Brothers to Pauly Shore, everyone made fun of this movie, because it was that bad and boring. The sequel is better, but that’s not saying much.
Paranormal Activity (2007) – If you want to write a script of jump scares, go for it, because you can make some serious money. I for one can’t stand these movies, they are fluff, they are boring, they are stupid. Then again, the jump scares are ok, and I’m always down to see a ghost story, but does it have to be so tedious?
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) – When they announced a remake of this cult classic, and they weren’t going to use Robert Englund, I nearly lost it. How could you make a movie without the icon? The guy they cast to play him was sinister, ugly, and made the character stand out, but the movie was so tedious and boring that most people I saw in the theater walked away near the halfway point. This movie has some problems, and despite a polished look, it’s well…boring.
Drag Me To Hell (2009) – Everyone kept telling me how great this one was, and the hype was not and is not good. I don’t like it. It’s a boring, tedious movie that is so predictable it hurts. Sam Raimi is a good director, don’t get me wrong, but this movie was just boring. I didn’t like the CG and I thought the story was just too simple, then again, so are many of the horror movies I revere. It’s not that great, and it’s rated pg-13…no horror movie rated that is worth its salt.
Cursed (2005) – How can Wes Craven screw up his legacy? By making half-assed cash grab with werewolves. This fast paced horror flick is one of the worst examples you can get in regards to wolf movies. I thought for sure this would at least be appealing, it has a good overall cast, and I’m a sucker for a good werewolf pick, but nope, this one is mighty boring. Although, there are some moments worth noting, like Joshua Jackson’s reveal…but I won’t get into that.
The above 5 are still worth checking out, even if they are boring pieces of horror cinema. You might actually like them, but from what I remember, they weren’t that good, and aren’t that good, but if they are on at midnight on a Friday night, I’m fair game.
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My girlfriend (Amanda) and I went to scope out the new Total Recall remake, since the previews made it seem like a worthwhile romp into the not so near future. The movie is set up quite like the original, only this time it’s trumped up to 11 in terms of realism, if you can call it that, compared to the old one. There are few old gags left in this film, and the Internet will most likely buzz about the three-breasted lady that appears in full nipple glory at one point. If a chance at seeing 3 breasts in full frontal glory is your main reason for living, this movie is going to be your final destination.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I usually like science fiction tales, but when there are blatant wrong points, you start to gather up your belongings as a fan and walk away. That’s how I felt about this one, even though it did have some entertaining moments, and I didn’t feel like it was a total waste of money. Considering the time frame, and how I saw it, I’ll have to preface this by saying that I fell asleep at one point, but that’s because the Hard Rock Café made me a sick drink that knocked me on my ass.
3 Things Wrong with Total Recall
Realism Overdone – The realism in this film is overdone, even for science fiction standards. Every little detail has to be drawn, produced, and shot on film. You get a sense of scale when the final sequences only amass to a small scope of a larger city. In the original, you didn’t feel this huge sense of scale, most likely because it was on Mars etc. This Earth story is interesting, but the immense and complex city structure made for a “who cares” moment when the climax hit full gear.
Villain Problems – When you cast the main villain to be the same guy from “Malcolm in the Middle” and “Breaking Bad” you get a bit of both sides coming through. I appreciated the villain to a certain extent, but he’s a wuss, and I mean that. You’ll see why when you watch the movie. Now, as for the opposite end of the spectrum, Kate Beckinsale can really kick some ass, and she proves it again here. I couldn’t believe how far they put her in the film, far more than Sharon Stone ever had in the original. The villain becomes superhuman at one point amidst a robot army that just seemed like overkill to me.
Light on Story – The story this time around takes the original and makes it even lighter. The story is so light that you spend a great amount of time in high-speed hovercraft chases and lots of reaction shots. This makes for a somewhat boring movie, especially if you don’t have something like Imax to make you feel like you’re dropping with the characters. It relies heavily on this cat and mouse thing that worked in the first film because of Arnold’s constant shifts from running to calmly moving forward to the main plot points. This has two or three plot points and then the rest of the film is running.
The movie is fast paced, holds your attention, but when it comes to the original, it’s forgettable at best. I’d still recommend it for a movie night with your main squeeze, it was worthwhile.
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As a new month approaches, Scary Film Review will start to take some constructive criticism to heart. I will stop just titling things as reviews, and will try my hardest to post more often, and not just recommendations, lists, and things of that nature. Here we go, a new leaf, same design.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes came out to much dismay of yours truly, but it seemed to garner some significant praise from viewers, and after a lot of ducking and dodging, I managed to sit through it and was relatively impressed with how they made it all work. First and foremost, James Franco can really throw you into an emotional loop, and the computer graphics for once made me a believer in technology on film.
The movie starts slow, very slow, as we are taken into a prologue of how the other movies are or were to come. We are thrown into a lab for animal testing, where we see apes being tested, and their reactions. Throughout this process we are amidst science that is not too unlike what we are seeing around the world. Anyone that subscribes to Wired magazine can attest to that. The testing seems cruel, and after a while we get a reference to Congo, as one of the apes becomes a sort of pet to James Franco’s character.
There are always problems when you adopt a monkey as a friend, and we get this true to life “Curious George” style reaction to friendship, and when the monkey strikes a neighbor, the reality of what could happen turns out to be true to life. The story moves into a place where the authorities want to put down the monkey, but instead they move him into a warehouse full of others, and we see evolution play out.
The story moves fast after the initial 1-hour set up. That’s right, you have to wait an hour to set this story to where you’re going to end up. The science fiction elements get out of hand and the apes smarten up, but they don’t smarten up to a comedic standpoint like the first films from the 70’s. We do get that classic line “You damn dirty ape” but it’s not the same.
Overall the story is a bit slow, but when the action sets in, you really get a feel for what’s going on and it is a classic example of how science can really pose a threat to use. The story goes nuts in the third act, and the final act kind of drops the users off a proverbial cliff and you’re left with an opening that could make for a second film, if the producers want to move forward with the trilogy all over again.
I didn’t like the film too much, but it was entertaining enough. Rise of the Planet of the Apes is far better than the last time they tried to remake the film series, and it really does put a lot of drama and human emotion into the process. I didn’t hate it, and I think it will find many fans enjoying it on Blu Ray, as the visuals do deserve a second look. I won’t watch it again, but you animal lovers will love it and maybe even shed a tear like those that liked “War Horse”, which I didn’t.
The remake of the classic 1980’s film didn’t seem to get the reception that I thought it would get, specifically because I don’t’ recall it opening up to rave reviews when it was released in movie theaters last year. I wanted to go see it when it came out, but for whatever reason I didn’t get to go out and make it happen, so I had to worry about a lot of other things, and nearly forgot about this movie. The film is quite interesting, to say the least, and while it does take a few pages from the original, it is mostly a stand-alone film that should be warranted on its own. The film I’m speaking of is of course the remake of Fright Night.
Fright Night is one of my personal favorite movies from the 1980’s, so when I heard that it was going to be remade last year, I was skeptical because Hollywood has a way of ruining movies that were good in the past with their twists and turns into modernism. Despite my reservations, and the first act being somewhat boring, the movie started to gain steam with their obvious parody of Criss Angel. The movie moves quickly through the third and fourth act and starts to fight hard to keep your attention.
The plot revolves around a vampire that moves into a suburban area outside of Las Vegas and how teenagers are starting to vanish. This prompts one local nerd to investigate, only to get his friends into a skeptical point of view before finally realizing that the guy that is moving next door is not just another guy, he’s non other than the undead.
By the time the movie sets up the fake Criss Angel, and we get our antihero moving through to be the ultimate good guy, this movie starts to unravel. The rationale and the twists that made the first film (1980’s) so good, was left behind for some more action and killer special effects. The CG work is actually quite good, although you probably can see it coming a mile away. The detail on the flames, burning skin, and skeleton features at the end of the film is definitely something to write home about, even if it is only a small part of the overall picture.
The movie hits hard, it really is interesting to watch for the most part. However, I didn’t find it better than the original, and didn’t really care for the lackluster set design at times. I much prefer the original Fright Night to this one, but this is definitely a better movie in the genre that came out last year. It doesn’t rely on cheap jump scares, and pushes something interesting, unlike some other remakes that have really made me mad. This one definitely is worth checking out, so watch it now.
I've seen some bad movies, and this one has to be one of the worst sequels to a major release ever. Yes, it did manage to make some money, and yes it is reviewed positively by many that have fond memories of this film franchise, but let's just be clear, Poltergeist II is NOT anywhere near as good as the first film, it's seriously one of the worst attempts at cashing in on a good film, and really is embarrassing for everyone involved.
The film's plot is once again about the spirit world and how it is out to get a little girl. There are some interesting points but mostly the film relies heavily on the tie in about Native American burial ground that was exposed in the first film. There is a great deal of detail given to the back story of the first film and why Carol Anne is getting targeted by evil spirits. A tie in into a cult leader hits the audience over the head, and eventually there are some visual effects to supplement the terrible, slow pacing, and over reactions of the family members.
There is no major gore, no blood, and the pacing is a problem. The movie does star Craig T. Nelson and some other quality actors, but they seem to be phoning it in. The visual effects are laughable, but there is one memorable scene. There is a sequence where a young boy is trapped and buried with his own braces! That's right, brace attack! The braces also attack his family as they try to save him, and that was a unique way to trap a kid, although like I always say...it's taboo to kill a child, so that's the end of that. (He's saved)
I tried to watch this straight through, and it sucked. I couldn't really get into it, there were jarring points with terrible terrible editing, over acting and so much more. You can't possibly like this film. Sure, the legacy of the original over shadows the attempts to cash in on it, and maybe there are some out there that really get into the nostalgia of this film. But it's not that great.
Poltergeist II: The Other Side is NOT a great film, it's not worth it. It's really not worth watching unless you're already familiar with the film and like it. If you're new to the horror genre, you're going to be sorely disappointed by the lack of truly scary things. If you're like me, and can suspend disbelief, maybe you'll enjoy it. I can't get behind this one, it's just not that fun to watch, and lacks a certain entertainment quality that you'd expect from something with Poltergeist in the name.
I've seen some stinkers and most of them are the fault of low budget, or just bad editing, and even bad writers. But this one came out of nowhere for me to be the worst mainstream horror remake ever made. Yes, I'm going to just flat out start by telling you that A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) is my pick for the worst remake ever made in the genre of horror. This trumps most of the reviews on this website, and it's laughable that they made this one.
The problems don't necessarily lie with Freddy this time. Englund might be out, but he is replaced by one scary mofo. Freddy is amazing and more creepy than ever before, and more psychotic then I've ever remembered. But the rest of the cast and the rest of the film sours the mood so easily.
The movie's plot revolves around repressed memories of molestation, and another rehashing of the original plot, only this time it's been updated. There's full flash back scenes, and dream sequences that not only aren't creepy, they are just sad attempts at creating scary moments where there are none. The teenagers in this film are completely void of any shred of emotion. The chaos that surrounds not being able to sleep is gone here, and you end up wanting the teenagers to get it, because they come across as snotty rich kids. In fact, that's all I saw in this film, a bunch of rich white people, and why should I care about them?
A Nightmare on elm Street in the 1980's had some genuinely scary moments. This update is just sad. When your main sinister villain is the reason to cheer, and not on a comedic level, you're doing something terribly wrong. Sadly, this type of film still garners remakes. Maybe they can can remake part 2 now, and make it less homo-erotic, or make it more, what do I care?
This film, does look good at times. I'll give it some credit. It visually represents a lot of what the series should come to be, but on a visceral level it's lacking a lot. In fact, I was terribly bored with this one.
First and foremost, I'm going to have to take this opportunity to apologize to the producers of Manhater. I unfortunately got backed up, and had to postpone the review of that film until June 2nd. The schedule got messed up and I've had to deal with personal issues. Next Wednesday, I'll have a full review of that film.
For today though, I'm going to be trying to review one remake that I never thought would be necessary. The Stepfather had a creepy trailer, cute teenagers that would most likely have sex, and one half of what made Nip/Tuck such an amazing show (except for the bs last season). I thought for sure, just maybe, this one would be worth while, but it's not it's just a big failure on a lot of levels.
The imagery is not robust. In fact, from the very beginning this film doesn't make a lot of sense, nor does it feature any gore or harsh tones that the original film did. For those of you that don't know, the Stepfather series was made in the 80's and featured a slasher plot line, mad villain, that was way creepier and at times more sex filled and horrific than this pg-13 piece of garbage.
The plot is simple. A random man is seducing single mothers and then killing them when they don't fit into his psychotic vision of what a perfect family is. By the time the women figure it out, he kills them, and moves to another city.
With today's modernity, and people not being as trusting(especially in the Portland area, where I think this film was based in or I heard Oregon, I think), the premise is lost on me. What made this series work in the 1980's was the lack of a modern police system with serial killers falling through the cracks due to enigmatic riddles, lack of dna evidence, digital cameras, surveillance footage and much more. This film does NOT work in the 21st century, where everyone has a camera, or a video phone.
On a separate, non related note, isn't it funny that although we have more modern recording equipment, the amount of documented UFO sightings has dropped? I'm just saying.
The Stepfather is NOT scary, nor is it worth thinking too much about. I actually had an abusive stepfather so while the original films creeped me out, this film doesn't creep me out, it's just stupid.
The only saving grace to the whole pile of drivel is the fact that the ending is kind of cool. Dylan Walsh looks kind of creepy as a hardware store worker, not bad.
As for the scary moments, there are very few. The film relies on jump scares and the old "killer comes back one last time" before escaping without a trace in a modern suburb card.
Here's the original poster artwork from the original trilogy, which is by far more creepy and more gore filled than this half-assed remake.
I recommend the original series far more than I would ever recommend even the Unrated Director's Cut of the remake. Man, I'm sick of bad horror movie remakes.
In 2006 a remake of The Omen was made and was released on 6/6/06 which was scary, right? Not really. Unfortunately The Omen came and went and it wasn’t all that thrilling, although completely updated with all new contemporary style and film grain. I still think there is a creep value to the Omen Ramake, and it has some visual qualities that you can’t deny, but overall, it’s not nearly as creepy as the original, nor is it even on par with the lackluster sequels that made the film series a cult favorite; which is a shame if you ask me.
This film is interesting, at least in the way it starts. I really find the visual style is well done, and I find that there is a certain creepy factor about having a child surrounded by Catholism. The very beginnings of this film involve the Vatican, the pope, and the end of the world, slicing in images of what is to be the end of the world, and it is somewhat interesting to see, but if you’re not religiously inclined, you’ll most likely pass it off as something not really all that interesting. Here is where the visual qualities of the film trump a lot of other films in the horror genre.
The film goes through the same sort of motions that the original does, and we start to see the blossoming of the devil, Damien, or rather the son of the devil on earth. While most of the film deals with the beginnings, the second half starts to get really creepy as the story unfolds and the main character, Robert Thorn starts to figure out what is truly going on with his son.
One of the best parts of the film is the journey that Robert takes to meet with a scary monk that has been burned alive. The rowing of the boat, the snow that is being dropped, the fog, and the white robes makes for one of the most spooky and clever relationships between metaphor and visual sound you’ll see in horror. That doesn’t save the film, but I loved the way it looked.
As the movie continues, people start getting killed left and right as Damien wants to take over. As the scenes start to fade and the death toll rises, the film starts to erupt with a sense of “ending” and collapse, but the story doesn’t truly manifest until the very closing moments, where the camera, much like the original film captures a smiling evil boy, ready for the sequel to continue the story.
Is The Omen: 666 a Scary Film: No.
While I’m a Christian and I like to think that the devil incarnate will spark the end of the world, I don’t find this film too scary. It’s an interesting narrative, but it doesn’t fit the horror theme that the original held. I like how the visual style tried to tell a story, but it is nothing like Dario Argento’s work in terms of visual language.
While the soundtrack had some major key moments that can even rival The Dark Knight at times, it didn’t really make the film all that better to talk about or explore on a whole.
The Omen remake is ok at best, but it falls short of being as creepy as the first. It doesn’t deliver in terms of nudity, gore, or even pacing and leaves a lot to be desired. While I did find the visual language appealing, it’s really not something I’m going to recommended.
On a sidenote, I used to think Julia Stiles was hot. And this movie made me think something else, I guess that's what happens when you grow up.
I do admit, her bath tub scene was quite sexy, despite the creep factor involved.
I'm a big fan of Rob Zombie, despite what a lot of people have said in the past about his film, and career. I thought his previous films were amazing, well, the first one was amazing, and well the second started to ask too much then things got fumbled and I thought for sure this sequel would redeem his work to a better place. He did raise the bar in some areas, but in other areas completely missed the mark.
Halloween 2 came out in the summer, if I recall correctly, completely missing the opportunity to compete with the Saw franchise and make sure that people actually had a good scary movie to see. I use the term "good" loosely for the sake of the release date. From what I've heard, the studio was scared to release this film head to head with Saw VI and therefore pulled it out early, to mediocre fan fare and disappointing box office returns.
Halloween 2 has some key elements going for it. It upholds that Rob Zombie look and feel. The throwback style is impressive, and you'll swear at times that you're watching an Argento movie, as the hospital scenes use light and shadow mixed with vivid colors to muted scales at times, in order to present a creepy state of mind and being. There are also long shots shown, edited together with close shots, and mind numbing circular shots that are really well done, and if you're not paying attention, you'll miss them. This sort of "horror" genre style is definitely one of the better things that Rob Zombie does in his film making, and while Tarantino gets praised for literally stealing sequencing from grindhouse films and kung fu films, Zombie is not praised for his work in framing some of the better shots of this film. Maybe that honor goes to the DP instead.
The first half of this film is brutal. It is beyond brutal and I think that's the best part of this film. The brutality in this film is bar none, and rivals many other films and overpasses a majority of high end films in the way it features the brtuality. I'm reminded of "Irreversible" at one point when a man's face is stomped into hamburger. It's really a sight for sore eyes, considering pg-13 films are not nearly as brutal. This is where Rob Zombie really shined in making this second edition of Halloween.
The pacing also thrives, as this film runs on rails into a rollercoaster style ride with lots of thrills, shocks, and bumps leading to slow down thoughts that really seem to come out of left field. The ending leaves you with something to be desired, but not before showcasing a rise of brutality the likes we're not accustomed to come out of major studios.
This film really falls apart with the story. There are several tying stories going through the film all based on the first film, then there is some supernatural elements and weird "mother" ghost story told that really frustrates the hell out of me. The way they made it work seemed like a music video concept for a Rob Zombie song (Living Dead Girl) or something of that nature, not a Halloween film. It was so bad that when I mentioned this film to friends, they completely trashed it. I don't think this film deserves a complete thrashing, but it's definitely lacking in the story department, and that's where this falls out of favor with me and most of the audience.
The whole "selling" of a serial killer is odd to me. There are many books based on Dahmer, Gacy and more, and yet they don't get protested like the book in this film. You really have to throw logic out of the window. I mean, come one, people still read books? HAHAHAH This isn't a comedy!
Is Halloween 2 Scary: Yes.
This film has a lot of scary moments. The scary parts to me really fell with the hospital sequencing. The way that our victim goes through safety to insecurity and has to find a way out, has always been a scary thing to me. I've never liked hospitals, and here's another good reason why. Is it believable? It could be, I really let belief be suspended for the sake of this film because these sequences were just unnatural to say the least. They offered such a scary notion.
Another scary point was when our victim leaves the hospital to find a rainy desolate parking lot. That to me is also scary, the point of being alone, after escaping certain doom, and not having a plan, wow, that just is something you can't really take for granted in horror.
In the end, Halloween 2 does not offer enough good story to back it's brutality up front. I liked the way this one was a hard edged R rated feature and the unrated film was also worth checking out, however the story suffers so much that it's not worth me recommending outside of hardcore fans. I thought it was good for the brutal aspects, the artwork involved, but the story was just so disjointed to me and really an after thought.
Make sure you start leaving comments, thoughts, suggestions. We will be giving away a horror dvd every couple of weeks based on the best comments, so have at it. This upcoming giveaway will be for a Bride of Chucky dvd, so keep the comments coming!
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Another day, another Christmas horror film to watch and review. I’m actually already tired of the genre, as it seems so obvious that these things are lackluster by all measures. However, this 2006 remake was more than just a throwaway remake, they paid for some talent and they spent some time making the film and editing it to good measure. I know, these remakes have a tendency to put a damper on things, and if you’re one of those people that just hate remakes and won’t even see them, then this film is obviously not for you. However, for the more discerning of you that are just junkies here we go, another film to look at.
As with the previous incarnation of Black Christmas, this film is a rated R slasher fest. However, where the other film left you thinking and imagining things, this film not only sexes it up, it also makes sure you see gore for all it’s bloody glory. That’s where we start our first point, this film has gore with no apologies. From eyes being severed and pulled out, to blood gushing from the neck, to a candy cane well placed in the jugular, they do not hold back on your senses. You hear it, the choking, the coughing, and you see it, the red darkness of life slip out of these actors as if there is no tomorrow! Black Christmas is not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.
The film starts off relatively slow, and moves through a lot of different points to create an atmosphere much denser than the original film. My problems with the original film were addressed here. The pacing is sped up, but the characters lack that substance that makes you care about them. While I cared about the characters in the original film, this film didn’t really make me care for any of the sorority sisters.
If you get creeped out by old ladies, weird sounds, and gore. This one is not going to be for you. There is a sickening amount of attention given to such details as decapitation, bludgeoning, and at one point the serial killer eats an eyeball! Yep.
Is Black Xmas Scary? Yes.
This is the first film I’ve seen that not only plays with my fear of being invaded at my home, but the unyielding fear that someone is going to not only eat my eyeball, but is also going to cook my skin in cookie cutter form into angels. Yep, I’m scared.
Seriously, this is what horror films should always amount to. A good source for violence, horror, brutality, and of course sex. There’s so much in this film in such a short time, as if the film borrows from a lot of different genres. It even borrows from cannibal movies as the main character eats cookies made out of human skin.
The flashbacks lead to the current story, and the current story blends seamlessly through the transitional stages. That being said, this film looks great. It’s usage of red, yellow, green, and so many other colors really sparks an interest in the motif’s that are set by the director of photography. It’s little details like this that make this film a bit better than many other remakes on the same time line and dare I say genre format.
The camera angles are great in this film. You don’t just get voyeurism for the sake of voyeurism. You get nudity, and disgust, as well as point of view shots similar to the first one. There’s just so much done in this film to try a little more than the previous incarnation of this film. The clarity and focus mixed with the gore effects and the updated story make for a great time. While I don’t think this is the greatest of the holiday horror movies, I appreciate the way this one was constructed. Much like I enjoyed Rob Zombie’s Halloween remakes, I really dug the way this one tried to dive more into the greater story that could be created with the same style of characters. This is far more brutal both in focus and out of focus, and adds spice where it needs spice. Black Xmas is going to be in the upper tiers of your holiday horror collection, bank on it.
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Well, no time to beat on the old drum to ask you guys for money, because it hasn't been working. In fact no one buys crap from this site, so that's always nice. Anyways, there's more to life than my problems and therefore you should come with me on this new journey. Quarantine is a film that is a shot for shot after a Spanish Horror movie named Rec. REC couldn't get here in time so US film makers did what they always do, they remade this one...another remake, and not that great overall.
I'd post a trailer, but guess what, YOUTUBE WILL NOT LET ME EMBED! That's right, once again they screw me on this site...man...oh well...pretend that I put a trailer here.
The film is shot in the worst style ever. It's shot first person view in what some call "cinema verite" in which the camera is constantly moving and faster than hell. I hate that. Other films that I hate in this style aren't really coming to mind, but I know I hated "Miami Vice" for doing the same stupid thing with the cameras.
As for this film it stars Jennifer Carpenter, and Jay Hernandez. The film is about a news anchor and her camera man, they are filming some highlights at a fire station for television when they are called into a fire.
The fire is non existent, and upon arriving in an apartment complex, they end up finding out something incredible...for us. They find zombie like creature, just like the ones that are found in 28 Days Later, or 28 Weeks Later, and things go awry fast. The complex is locked down and the future is uncertain for our crew and anyone else locked inside.
What makes this movie insane, is the fact that the outside world has trapped the people in the complex inside. There are times when they are about to get out, but to no avail, at one point in the film a sniper shoots out someone that is trying to get out of the building and hysteria goes nuts.
Is Quarantine Scary?: NO.
This movie is not scary to me. It actually is on rails, like a first person shooter. It's a sad story with a feeble ending, but to get there you have to go through the most predictable turns.
I heard REC was amazing. This film isn't that, and I'd much rather see this film in spanish. Sure the film has a few moments, but mixing "The Blair Witch Project" and "28 Weeks Later" inside an apartment complex doesn't really do it for me.
Quarantine doesn't even look rated R to me. This thing was boring. I don't recommend Quarantine, as it is a frigid piece of remake history that once again fails to capture the buzz that got REC into many screens.
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We're into an all new summer, and we've gone through some movies left and right. So to kick things off right I decided to get back to something even more modern than my traditional reviews, and I got a hold of My Bloody Valentine 3-D on dvd. I wasn't expecting a whole lot out of this film, but it surprised me in a lot of ways, and then ruined it all with a flick of the wrist. Overall, this piece of horror film history is not going to erase the past, it will only make people more nostalgic of the latter slasher era from the 1980's. Join me today, for a classy review of My Bloody Valentine 3-D!
The story is simple, a mine shaft massacre leaves a small town ravaged and in fear. However, ten years later a mysterious prodigal son comes back to warn of a return of the killer. Our main character comes to find out that his old love is now married with a child with the town Sheriff. You will immediately notice that the gay friend of Jen from Dawson's Creek is the psuedo-villain and protagonist through three acts of this film.
First and foremost the story is convoluted. However, you can pass that by because there's plenty of blood and spills. There's a lot of gore in this film, some of which is purposely flying at the screen for the 3-d effect on your television. These gore scenes rival "The Midnight Meat Train" gore effects and at some points the CG gets in the way of the gore. I didn't like how it was turning out towards the end, but the body count is great for a horror movie.
This film is not rated pg-13 it's rated R and a strong R at that. To prove the points there is an extended sex scene that looks spot on with some 90's porno films, or Spice Network fare. There is even a scene where you see full frontal top and bottom nudity, which is quite odd for me. If you're smart, you might notice that the same girl that had the whipped cream bikini in "Varsity Blues" is the same girl in this raucous sex scene and fully nude in the first half of the film. No cream needed, wow....that's all I'm saying.
The film really tries to make you care about the characters by way of interaction between the prodigal and his former love. She, being married, really starts to fall for him after all these years and her husband can't control his jealousy at times. You really start to hate the sheriff, and you start to side with this stranger and then the train derails and you realize what's going on.
The sound design of this film can get annoying. Too many times the film relies on jump scares with new people showing up to a window, or a door or showing up off screen with a loud noise as if you startle you after a main character is searching in the dark. This happens in ALL pg-13 and J-Horror movies, and I personally hate that.
The CG really complicates things in a lot of scenes. In the driving scenes it's painfully obvious that they are not really driving on a highway. I also found it distracting that most dialogue had camera changes and edits every 4 to 8 seconds! It was hard to really get into this film with the edits being so fast, and the CG backgrounds looking like they were from the 1960's Hammer Horror horse riding, repeating background piece of crap.
This film gives you a nice twist and some nice turns right into the third act, however, things really start to buckle under the weight and you realize that you've been had, and that you've just seen another infamous movie that features a cop out ending of IDENTITY CRISIS!
Is My Bloody Valentine 3D Scary ? : No. This movie is not scary. There are some scary moments, the but the illusion really unravels towards the end. You also have to really wonder about the relationship that is set up in the film between the Sheriff and his wife. They have been married 10 years and have a son, and yet he's really jealous? That is a really weird motif, and I didn't really buy it. There was also some elaborate slasher moments, that just don't seem likely with the way this movie is unfolded. The all knowing killer stereotype works in the 80's because of franchises, but in this film it almost seems to tired and ridiculous.
What really made me not like this film was the ending. The film turns into an identity crisis film, much like many other films that I've reviewed before, and I really can't stand that about horror as a genre. The villain is having a duality issue yet can be all knowing and powerful in his slashing of people? Even smarter than a veteran detective, now retired? This just doesn't make sense to me.
If that doesn't really do it for you, if you still think this movie holds some serious weight, consider the fact that at the end of the film there is a scene where the camera's zoom in on a bullet that has been fired from a chamber, and slowly moves around it in 360 degrees, much like the movie "Wanted" and then follows it right to it's access point and outside of a body! That's some BS and you know it!
Bad CG, terrible pacing, lackluster performances, and terrible relationship circumstances really screw up this film. The beginning and first half was pretty cool, especially when considering that nude scene bringing me full circle from the days when "Varsity Blues" was almost taboo. I would recommend seeing this film, but don't hold your breath, it's not the best of the best at all. I give this movie a lot of credit for being rated R, using the 3-d in several spots, and really not pretending to be anything more than a classic throwback to the slasher genre. It just isn't as good as the original slasher era, it's just not.
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What's this? A remake? A reboot? Something? I'm not sure why there was so much hype surrounding this film in the negative arenas. There were a lot of people talking trash about this film, and while I was a little skeptical at first, it all melted away when this film started going forward. Friday the 13th has a long standing tradition of films, however, many people haven't gone back and actually revisited those films. Seriously, those films weren't all that stellar. I mean for me, it took 6 films to get some bearings into it. Then four more films to destry the credibility, then a mash up between Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street before we finally got to this step, a new Friday the 13th film.
Here is a trailer for Friday the 13th "remake":
I read this morning that it was the #1 movie in America this weekend, so maybe things weren't as bad as people hoped for, but you know what? They were never truly that good to begin with. Seriously, they just weren't that good to begin with, and if you go back and watch the series, you will notice that there were a lot of missteps in regards to this series.
So what's the consensus on this one? I saw it on my birthday, Saturday, and it wasn't half bad. The movie is straightforward and to the point. This film is NOT a remake or a reboot, it kind of comes along before "Jason Goes to Hell" and falls in line with the rest of the Jason films. He shows up, he kills, and then shocks you yet again. It's a solid formula and the story is the same, so why is everyone freaking out?
I liked it. I thought it was good.
If you didn't, then you didn't see the rest of the 10 or 11 films that preceded it.
There's not much of a cerebral story or review for this film. Especially since my memory of this film is a little fuzzy. This movie is pretty cool, I liked it. It's not really scary as much as it is in your face and rightfully so. This movie is Rated R and it has everything you could want in a straight slasher film. It has boobs, sex, horror, and people getting punished for their sins! Well, maybe not sins so much as they are getting killed left and right.
If you saw it, you liked it, admit it. I know I did. Solid, no nonsense 80's style slasher cinema with all the bells and whistles that is provided to them via the 21st century.
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I’m back again, but due to two weeks of company at my house, I wasn’t able to sneak away too often to watch holiday horror films. I tried unsuccessfully to watch a few but I did manage to get some news sent my way about holiday horror that you’re going to enjoy how awesome these things are.
First and foremost, Rob Zombie (House of 1,000 Corpses, Halloween) has confirmed that he’s going to be directing a direct sequel to his Halloween reboot, and will continue the storyline from the moments after the last one ended! That’s right, Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2 is coming out sooner than later. I like his work, despite the differences, and am looking forward to this one.
Second, here’s an awesome video clip from two idiots that got paid to review films! These guys are complete morons and stupid. I can’t believe the comments that are said, and how Roger Ebert ends this segment. It shows how stupid movie critics are when reviewing horror films. Here’s the clip:
Finally, I have my grubby hands on Silent Night Deadly Night 4: Initiation. Well, it hasn’t come in the mail yet, and ordering it this late in December is going to be a dumb move, but I’m hoping to cap off the Holiday Horror month with a review of that epic movie. It’s a vhs tape, but hey, I collect them. I have been a fan of the first 2 films for so long that it’s time for me to finally see the rest of the 5 part series. Here’s a trailer for Silent Night Deadly Night 4: Initiation:
That’s it, a little news post to hold you guys over, I’m sorry that there’s no review today. I will have one on Friday of a holiday classic, well sci-fi holiday movie review, I’m tired. If you’re feeling generous, check out my amazon links or a link from the “text links” in the sidebar and up above, and help me keep trying to view the most obscure holiday and regular horror movies.
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Taking a break from the holiday horror films for a moment, I took the time to watch this film that no one really seems to be giving any credit. In fact a lot of people hate this film and I’ve listened to some podcasts where the producers refuse to watch this one. You know what? They’re wrong and if you don’t give this movie a shot, you’re not a real horror fan either, because you are completely missing something interesting and relevant to the Sleepaway Camp series. So I now present for your reading consideration, Return To Sleepaway Camp.
The film quality is straight to dvd, however, the shots are very good and at times I swear that this film is from the 1980’s because it has a certain flair to it. It’s really a good an interesting tone, it feels new but the shots are old. It actually parallels the original film in a lot of ways and if you are keen to noticing the original film in this series, than you’re going to see a complete update to the original in such a clear way.
The gore levels are elevated, and you see the kill and the result. In the first film we only saw the initial kill and the results, never really over doing the gore levels to anything overall crazy. The sequels were way more graphic sexually and violent. This film was just too close to the original in a lot of aspects and then I realized that the original writer and director and also some of the major cast members that were in the first film are in this film too! That’s right, we get a lot of the original cast reprising their roles in an updated version of this cult classic.
The movie follows a kid that is being picked on like crazy. As the story unfolds we see the campers punishing this kid much worse and worse, eventually a revenge is seen and all fingers point to the victim. Meanwhile our original counselor “Ronnie” thinks that Angela is back and after a visit to the original camper “Ricky” the audience starts to point fingers all sorts of different directions. We get a shocking turn of events, although some might be quick to say that they knew it all along.
The original film shocked people with it’s incredible ending, and creepy factors that pushed the film into cult status. This film really doesn’t do the same, however it is is a gift to the original fans. This movie follows the same tone and presence, the performances are similar and the death scenes are updated to current standards. There is even cgi effects shown in this one, but the scary portions of the film are still there.
There are two different scary tones in this film that people miss each time. The first is that teenagers are very cruel and they seem to never learn. The teens treat one camper so terribly, that when the victim reacts by being mean back they go to near blows creating a deeper emotional wound that won’t be easy to get over. Anyone who’s been bullied before will be quick to understand the protagonists plight in this film, as he is misunderstood and reacts to the bullying in the same way that anyone would, with desperation and ill fated schemes. It’s sad that the counselors and authority at the camp don’t do much more than verbally warn the campers to stop picking on the kid. Man, if I had a kid and he was getting treated like the kid getting bullied, I would be mad at the authorities for not stopping it.
The second scary notion is that the various deaths to the campers doesn’t shut down the camp at all. They keep going, and the only major authority around is the sheriff! Seriously? In the movie they know about the original killings and for whatever reasons they don’t shut things down they just keep going and more and more bad things happen.
If you strip the deeper meanings and obvious scary notions of this film, you then realize that if you’re away from home and your friends and/or fellow campers are getting killed in horrific deaths and you haven’t been sent home or are still at the camp, then you are going to be pissing your pants. Consider for a moment that in the original films the campers didn’t know that others were killed, yet in this one they know, everyone knows and everyone has their pick to who’s behind the slayings.
Admittedly it’s tough to get scared by these things, however the death sequences are scarier than you might think. Each individual is scared to death and then killed by a sneaky killer. The deaths are also very scarring. For instance, one of the better scares is throwing a cook into a deep fryer head first! And unlike the original, these sequences are horrific and ridiculous.
Sure, I’m waxing poetic on this film because I’m a huge fan of the original. However, the original had major flaws, including a real life baseball game with multiple innings in the middle of the film. We also had a lot of set up before that final reveal in the end of that film, and overall the tone and film quality was terrible. This film, although updated, is definitely fitting in the style and sequence of the original film and is actually enjoyable. I’d even dare to say that it’s on par with the original and one of my favorite films that went straight to dvd this year. Return to Sleepaway Camp is a highly recommended horror film for those of you that loved the original. I liked it a lot, and you probably will too.
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The year was 1972 and a young Wes Craven put out a film that was deemed very scary for the times. It’s true, it was insanely scary for the time. So if we all jump into our time machine and visit 1972. Last House on the Left is a scary movie but at times it doesn’t hold up that well. However, for this review I’m really going to try and fit my mind into the 1970’s rather than reviewing it in modern tone. It’s a very hard thing for me to do, but I’m going to give it a shot, since everyone has either already seen it, read reviews of it, or holds it up to a mantle as a classic.
The Last House on the Left is a movie about a couple of college girls that go out for a party and end up meeting up with escaped convicts who kill them. The plot thickens when they show up at a house where the girl’s parents live, and the parents find out who’s in their house. Last House on the Left becomes an epic revenge film, and despite it’s hokey ending and stupid song structure, it is revered.
Like I said in the initial paragraph of this review, we are going to have to use our imagination a little and head to the 1970’s. 1972 to be exact, and while some of us weren’t born yet, we know enough about the early 70’s to know what its like. Forget Freddy, forget Jason, forget a lot of the movies that have molded modern horror. Horror before 1972 is not too gruesome, and is not as extreme, so with that in mind lets consider the film.
We know from looking back that the film quality could be huge, but for this film the budget wasn’t very high. The acting was also subpar, and while I liked David Hess as our villain, I couldn’t help but note his striking resemblance to several pornographic stars from the same era. Especially looking a lot like a guy from the epic film “Debbie Does Dallas”, I digress. The movie is still higher quality than a lot of the modern straight to dvd movies that we are being sold these days, and the actual execution of the parts to make a whole are well done and feel like a real movie, at times.
The themes in this movie are harsh. We see urination, humiliation, presumed under age molestation and overall exploitation, and for the time this was severely taboo. For a mainstream film to have these themes was a major no-no and Craven paid for it; the film went on to be pawned off by critics as “exploitative trash” and presumably neglected by mainstream audiences. It’s funny, considering that in 1972, the biggest box office draw was “The Godfather”, which was not light on heavy themes. (like a horse head in a bed) For 1972, the imagination of your average adult and teenager was most likely not as desensitized as 36 years later, and the idea of someone molested and killed in the fashion of this film would be downright appalling.
While some might argue that smut was being sold in those days, you will have to remember that Hustler (one of the harder magazines of the 70’s) didn’t come out until July of 1974. But Jorge, some of you might be pushed to interject, didn’t Penthouse come out in 1965? Yes. You’re right, nice observation, Penthouse did start in the 60’s but while it showed genitalia and pubic hair, it did not show penetration, and it did not exploit its models through humiliation, urination, or forced lesbian sexual themes. Nor did it really flirt with bondage, as Craven does towards the end of this film. In fact, the themes in Last House on the Left and hardcore pornography the likes that we are seeing today didn’t even happen until the early 80’s at the very earliest. So these sexual exploitative scenarios are rough on the 1972 through 1980’s modern man. Remember also that home video is not general common place, so if you didn’t see The Last House on the Left in its theatrical run, you probably didn’t get a second or first shot at watching this film until 1975 when Betamax became a feasible way to watch films. Once again derailing the desensitization of culture and allowing bias to reign on what is and what isn’t exploitation and taboo.
Why The Last House on the Left is scary: Some movies are easy to define as scary, and some others aren’t. This falls into the easy category. However, I am going to go a little left of the bulls eye on the scary notion of this film. Yes, it is scary to get abducted by criminals and abused. Yes it is scary to find that your daughter has been killed and yes it is scary to plot revenge. However, the scariest moments of this film are found in the set up.
People fear a police state right now. I am constantly hit by the media about fear. If it is not the media saying that our economy sucks, it’s the leftist idiot next to me saying that Orwell’s 1984 is correct and Big Brother is going to get us. I don’t believe that, I believe more on the side of Huxley’s argument from Brave New World, that we are not going to get taken over, we are going to willingly give up our freedoms. Don’t believe me? Think about the Iphone, the biggest selling phone. It has gps, it has internet, and it’s easily tracked. You willingly give up your freedom for the phone…and no one gives it second thought. That said, consider the police in this film. The police see a weird looking car broken down on the side of the road, and they know that there are criminals on the loose. However, instead of investigating the situation, one officer calmly says “We have better things to do”. Oh really? Police negligence is now a standard in horror films. It seems that the Police never believe that anything is wrong, and it becomes the crux of 80’s horror. (Jason Series, Nightmare on Elm Street Series, Halloween) and of course tribute films: Cabin Fever, Death Sentence, Saw, Dead Silence, and of course House of 1,000 Corpses, each present a familiar stench of police carelessness or disbelief of sorts. None greater than this film’s stupid cops letting escapees go without a warning; the scariest thing to me is not police brutality, but more over the fact that the police might get so tired of people calling them out on things that they won’t help us when we need them, even if it doesn’t look like we need help initially. Sure, some might say that the small move at the beginning of this film isn’t scary, the bigger picture of cops not caring is something that is scary. The subtle negligence of the cops leads to a far scarier world for the women involved and even at the end…a scary moment in film cinema and oftentimes unnoticed by callous reviewers.
The second scary thing in this film is much more subtle then the first. I would like to call this part the “what now” part of the film. The parents exact their revenge, things get out of hand and the police finally show up, but are way too late and stupid anyways, but the parents are left with the “what now” stare as the film closes. What now is right! You got your revenge, you have avenged your daughter’s death, you are a big man right? You’re big, right? NO. You dumb idiot, you are just like them, sadistic in your revenge, horrible in your return of violence to those that harmed you, and that is scary. Human emotional response is so hard to swallow if the implied reaction to losing a loved one is to kill the villain! Seriously, think about that for a moment. If you lose someone to a tragic murder, and actually get them back, you don’t feel justified, you don’t feel good. Do you? I don’t know. The look on the parents faces at the end of the film tell it all, and Craven could’ve done a great deed with allowing the camera to fade and give us a sad musical number at the end. Instead, we get some hokey country song and stupid television show credits. The scary part of the film is how extreme the revenge is. We’re talking about gore, and extreme chainsaw action! This is pre-Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974 by the way) and while we don’t see the overtly gorey situation, your imagination runs forward and you imagine the gore take flight; which is a scary thing on its own. What’s scarier, the gore effects of the actions? Or the fact that these people are so quick to react in this fashion; at no point do they call the cops, they just go for the gusto, and win! But nobody wins, and maybe that’s the broader message.
Now let’s get back to our own time.
Looking back this film is not overtly extreme. It doesn’t show you a lot of gore, it doesn’t give you the whole enchilada (mmmmMMmmm) right away. Seriously, it’s not that bad. We’ve seen far more gore in our recent years than ever before, and by today’s standard this film isn’t that good. It has it’s moments. It gets extremely scary when the lights go out and you have the dad with a shotgun trying to kill the captors! The lighting and shadows of that scene are still stirring after you finish watching the film, and it’s more scary to not see the sequence, then to have it well lit.
The Last House on the Left is going to get a remake, and after seeing the original again, maybe it’s not so bad to get it remade. The film quality is not all there and it really can use an update, assuming they don’t change the script. I wouldn’t mind a frame for frame update like Gus Van Sant’s “Psycho” is. It might not go down like that, but it wouldn’t be so bad if it did. I highly recommend The Last House on the Left. View it twice, once with the mindset of someone that isn’t desensitized by horror, and then again with your modern eyes.
As a bonus, check out the VHS cover of this film. The director of Friday the 13th was a produce on Last House on the Left, just to clear that up. Not bad huh?
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Alright folks, I've talked about Asian Horror films and the idea that kids are always victims in their movies, but now it's getting ridiculous. The new movie "The Unborn" seems to be pulling a fast one on us and it features a scary looking kid. This is more than just "Hide and Seek" or "The Omen", it seems to be coming out of the Michael Bay camp, and if you watch this trailer closely you'll see shades of "The Ring" or "The Grudge" and I'm not sure that I like it. It seems to be relying heavily on atmosphere, and shock/scare points featuring loud noises. You decide what's what with the official trailer for "The Unborn".
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