Monday, September 10, 2012

5 Boring Horror Movies to Watch

When it comes to watching everything, I am the one and only person that I’ve ever met that takes that to heart. I’ve seen movies starring celebrities you don’t care about, I’ve seen handheld footage of perverse things, including “The Hotty and the Notty”, so when people come up to me and ask for my favorites, I usually start with the worst of the pile. There are a lot of bad movies out there, and I’ve seen most if not all of them. Today, instead of a review, let me tell you 5 boring horror movies to watch and then see if you are one of the chosen few, the few that will watch just about anything.

blair witch project

The Blair Witch Project (1999) – One of the most boring movies to ever be marketed as the scariest film ever has to be this one. This movie was all shot on handhelds, long before shaking the camera became a fad. This movie featured a lot of dialogue, and a lot of suspense, before you got hit with something so boring and menial, that it would become parodied by just about anyone that was in the comedic industry. From the Wayans’s Brothers to Pauly Shore, everyone made fun of this movie, because it was that bad and boring. The sequel is better, but that’s not saying much.

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Paranormal Activity (2007) – If you want to write a script of jump scares, go for it, because you can make some serious money. I for one can’t stand these movies, they are fluff, they are boring, they are stupid. Then again, the jump scares are ok, and I’m always down to see a ghost story, but does it have to be so tedious?

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A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) – When they announced a remake of this cult classic, and they weren’t going to use Robert Englund, I nearly lost it. How could you make a movie without the icon? The guy they cast to play him was sinister, ugly, and made the character stand out, but the movie was so tedious and boring that most people I saw in the theater walked away near the halfway point. This movie has some problems, and despite a polished look, it’s well…boring.

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Drag Me To Hell (2009) – Everyone kept telling me how great this one was, and the hype was not and is not good. I don’t like it. It’s a boring, tedious movie that is so predictable it hurts. Sam Raimi is a good director, don’t get me wrong, but this movie was just boring. I didn’t like the CG and I thought the story was just too simple, then again, so are many of the horror movies I revere. It’s not that great, and it’s rated pg-13…no horror movie rated that is worth its salt.

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Cursed (2005) – How can Wes Craven screw up his legacy? By making half-assed cash grab with werewolves. This fast paced horror flick is one of the worst examples you can get in regards to wolf movies. I thought for sure this would at least be appealing, it has a good overall cast, and I’m a sucker for a good werewolf pick, but nope, this one is mighty boring. Although, there are some moments worth noting, like Joshua Jackson’s reveal…but I won’t get into that.

The above 5 are still worth checking out, even if they are boring pieces of horror cinema. You might actually like them, but from what I remember, they weren’t that good, and aren’t that good, but if they are on at midnight on a Friday night, I’m fair game.

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3 comments:

Jonny Metro said...

Personally I love Blair Witch (although I thought the sequel was shit), and Paranormal Activity. I'm a sucker for found footage movies when they're done right, and for me, these were done right. Drag Me To Hell was good, I thought, not great. The Elm Street remake was watchable...but just barely. And the less said about Cursed, the better.

I think just about all of us will watch just about anything. But we all have differing opinions on which ones were worthwhile.

--J/Metro

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Its true that all the above movies were indeed atrocious garbage but they were still infinitely better than anything the British industry has ever produced.

Sonja said...

I have seen and recommended all of the above movies myself.

As I am writing this comment I am subjecting my boyfriend to a AWFUL B-movie called Remains (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1870527/) about a bunch of ppl who get stuck in a casino when the zombie apocalypse happens. I am a horror B-movie junky! The more awful it is, the more I love it. Last night it was Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1465522/) which was actually, suprisingly good and tomorrow it's Troll (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092115/). However most of the stuff I watch ppl have never heard of. One of the easiest (and best) fall-back gifts ppl buy me (and I LOVE) are those box sets of 50 horror movies for like $5.00 ant your local FYE or other media store. I can't get enough. I still love the good movies and the classics too, but there is nothing like popping in some 1070's B rated slasher flick with some bare chested honey running away from the house/killer/ghost/etc. and MST3K-ing that thing. I spend all October doing it. Netflix isn't helping my obsession any either. Lol.