Paranormal Activity 3 Review

(buy from amazon here)

I heard a lot about these movies and every year there are a lot of different ads being pushed about the movies. I’m not necessarily a big fan of scare tactics which is what the movie series is all about, well, that and shaking camera footage. If you guessed that I would be reviewing Paranormal Activity 3 than you are probably psychic or you read my post-it notes. I managed to sit through this sequel the other night instead of reading a book, and I am regretting it, but then again, I regret a lot of the movies that I end up watching for the main purpose of reviewing on this website. Sure, I’m a fan of horror, but some things are just awfully slow moving. With that in mind, here are my petty thoughts on this movie.

The movie is your classic haunting tale at first. A family goes into a house and bad things happened before. But that’s not how we are introduced, a box of videocassette tapes is delivered and through the footage strange things start to happen in the home. Is it a ghost? Is it an entity? I don’t know, but it sure is creepy when things start to happen.

You have to pay attention to what is going on throughout this movie. I turned away to stop my cats from killing each other and my girlfriend told me something crazy happened. I could’ve rewound the movie but why? This isn’t vhs era, man I miss those days. Remember the oversized porn boxes? They had cardboard trays inside, oh never mind. There are a lot of boring, things that you will find in this movie especially a lot of dead air. The camera moves left to right and no sound is heard, and at times only a sheet is seen. However, much like a “Where’s Waldo” book, you better be ready to notice what is going wrong, otherwise it’s very quiet.

By the time something really starts to happen, you don’t care, I know I didn’t. Sure there were some moments where evil seemed to takeover, but I didn’t really like it.

My main problem with this movie was that the entity in the movie focused at o ne point at harming a child. I always find that killing children, abusing them, and targeting them for the sake of horror or entertainment is just not something I want to enjoy. It bugs me. It’s odd because I have seen some sick stuff, including many graphic violent and rape scenes, but when you mess with a child, I start to lose interest. With the exception of “Who Can Kill a Child” in which the children were killing all adults and if it the sole survivor didn’t punch out a few children, he was a goner just like the rest of the party.

Paranormal Activity 3 is boring, yet effective. I can see why many people love it, but I don’t know if I loved it. No, I do know, I didn’t love it. It’s slow moving, it’s creepy, and well it’s boring. I did find the jump scares effective, but it really isn’t that great. Maybe you’ll disagree, and if so, drop me a line, otherwise, eh, it’s ok at best.



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Hellblazer Original Sins Book Review

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For fans of horror literature and comic books all the same there wasn’t a lot to love in the mainstream, although there were always graphic comics released in the underground. Then things started to unravel in the late 80s with a lot of super hero stuff getting dark, so some of the mighty comic companies put out a horror themed book that would change the face of one young reader’s mind (me), and that book was Hellblazer. We were introduced into a character that fascinates throughout the series and it all starts for new readers with Hellblazer: Original Sin a graphic novel for fans that haven’t picked up all the issues of this dying series from Vertigo.

Original Sins is the first 9 issues of the comic book series alongside Swamp Thing #76 and #77 towards the end. Readers get introduced to the series from the beginning and a little taste of where John Constantine first started out in another series, which is usually how these things work out. The character is a chain-smoking lad that comes from Liverpool and runs into demons, supernatural worlds, and gets into some dark subject matter that might offend youngsters and parents alike.

He’s a perfect portrait of an anti-hero, an ass of a man that is somehow cherished and dare I say loveable. He has flaws, but there is a good sense of caring written in to his mean streak as he looks into a variety of cases of the unreal. From the very first official issue of his series we find Constantine looking into the case of a demon possession through New York City much like many super hero characters before him. The demon in question jumps around and makes serious problems for our hero. He must get the help from a magic man named Papa Midnight who aligns himself from time to time with John to control demons and the likes. He got his own spinoff at one point.

As you continue to read Original Sins you start to go through the story of Constantine fighting demons in our world that are (for lack of a better word) yuppies by nature and are watching economic growth and the likes. Readers are introduced to a female character that saves the humanity of our antihero, her name is Zed and lets a bit of a foil come through when dealing with what is otherwise a solo project for Constantine. The book continues through story after story of religious and satanic entanglements and really poses to be an interesting arc of stories from the original issues before getting treated to a cool two-part Swam Thing story from the past.

Should You Buy John Constantine Hellblazer: Original Sins?

The short answer is YES.

The first volume of this fascinating series gives you a good taste of everything you’d want from a horror comic book. It includes original covers, sketches from the artists and if you’re a fan of Dave Mckeane than once again you will be treated to awesome artwork. Even though the series is going to be put to an end, you clearly see why it lasted so long with this first book collecting the first signs of life for the iconoclast. Vertigo does a great deal for fans of alternative graphic media, and I for one am a huge fan. John Constantine Hellblazer Original Sins is available by clicking here. It gets a 5 out of 5 rating in my humble opinion.

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If you want to support the efforts of this site, and me (sir jorge) you can do so by buying things on amazon through the links I provide, or you could donate some money via the link in the sidebar. If you would like to see LESS ads, you can subscribe to this website via the RSS feed link on the right. I am 100% freelance, and a pro-writer, I only write and go to grad school, so this site helps me get a cup of coffee and rent horror movies. Please help if you can, otherwise, enjoy the blog.

Texas Chainsaw 3D Review

Texas Chainsaw 3D Suckas!

True fans will love it; fake fans will call it stupid.

Last weekend I was excited, I took my girlfriend to see Texas Chainsaw 3D and was excited to see something horror related come to full release, and I was adamant about seeing it. I was reading early reviews on twitter and couldn’t believe how many people were trashing it, including a site that claims they review the “best horror movies” and I immediately went on a tirade to try and cajole people into having fun at the movies once again. I did get feedback from someone that listened to my cries for desperation and end up going through with it and they LOVED IT!

The movie follows up directly after where the first one ended, and it featured some of the same style of film making in the opening credits. The story follows a young girl that is the last female of the family that was killed after the original film concludes. The film features Tobe Hooper’s characters, Bill Moselely, and so many other original actors from the original, and I could’ve sworn that Tobe Hooper produced it according to the credits that rolled before the film, but I’m not 100% sure if that was the end result.

The movie followed a good overall story where the heir to the home of the original family of horror in Texas has a miserable time dealing with her cousin. When leather face realizes that she’s a family member he turns into a sort of antihero that punishes those that burned down his family’s home. The movie then leaves a gap open for subsequent sequels.

There are a lot of different pieces to this puzzle, but the most important parts are that we might get a new set of movies that are related to Tobe Hooper’s original characters. I thought the movie was fun, great, and full of good 3D jump-starts. I saw it in a sold out showing with a lot of African American teenagers and it was the most fun I’ve had in years. Not since Freddy vs. Jason have I fully endorsed seeing a movie in theaters with a crowd. I was rolling in my seat, enjoying myself, and just loved every minute.

Sure, there are dumb moments, sure there are parts that seem overly polished, and logic can easily be interjected to ruin the fun, but you know what?

This is NOT an Oscar movie; it’s a horror movie. If you didn’t like it, you don’t like the genre. It’s a fun romp, much different than the original, much more like the second movie with Dennis Hopper and a great continuation of the story. From what I read online Tobe Hooper loved it, and if anyone didn’t, screw you. I’m sick of all the negative reviews, people should see this if they are fans, and they did, #1 movie in American baby!

HELL YEAH!

Loved it. You will too.

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Top 5 Hardcore Revenge Horror Films

When it comes to certain genres of horror films, many people start to question their validity as pure entertainment. For instance, many people can’t stomach certain scenes in cinema that depict sexual situations that are of a “forced” nature. To put it bluntly, rape. There is nothing entertaining about that in the real world, yet the horror genre likes to put a spin on it, allowing viewers to see the atrocity in full view then come back with a punch to the balls of anyone that found it funny or even remotely entertaining. How do they do it? Simple. They introduce a revenge plot in which the raped woman or male in certain instances gets full revenge in the most cartoonish of ways, or in some cases the most atrocious of ways.

When thinking about hardcore revenge horror films, 5 stand out as some of the best and worst in many different ways. That’s why today we will be briefly spotlighting 5 of those movies that made me cringe or at least open my eyes wider as revenge is a dish best served piping hot full of shi……never mind.



#5 I Spit On Your Grave (1978) – This controversial movie came out with a brutal premise, but it doesn’t just go from bad times to bad times, there’s a reversal of roles and no sin is left unpunished. Well, unless you count the sin of low budget cinema and production flaws, but it was 1978, a different era in movie making, right? Anyways, this movie was remade, but lacked the substance and style of this original. If you are into genital mutilation revenge plots ala “Ricco The Mean Machine” then you have to look at t his one as one of the best examples of revenge!



#4 Last House on the Left (1972) – What was it with the 70s? Some of the most violent and disturbing images came out throughout those damn hippy years! Whatever the case is, Wes Craven proved to shock the movie world with a revenge kidnapping plot that had some more, well genital mutilation. This one is still worth checking out after all these years. Once again the remake doesn’t hold a candle to the original.



#3 Last House on the Beach (1978) – Eurotrash fans will love this classic tale that turns into a swift revenge plot. Teenage girls alone at a beach house are brutally messed up by thugs, and when one of the girls is skilled, our main heroine decides enough is enough and it’s time to get REVENGE!



#2 Northville Cemetery Massacre (1976) – Touted as one of the ultimate biker flicks of all time, this movie features a mix of all things exploitation film and all things revenge. You get a sense for violence where there are no heroes, and when the law rapes a young woman, it’s the lawless that have to man up and lay down, well….the LAW!



#1 Thriller: A Cruel Picture (1973) – This is the ultimate of all of the revenge films you’re going to see in regards to the premise of hardcore. This one takes the cake in a lot of ways. If you get the unrated version, this movie turns into a XXX romp; with a slow motion pop shot that is not only disturbing, but also very stimulating for those that like to see that sort of thing. One girl, one eye, one shotgun, and that’s all you need to know!

If you like revenge films, these are your #1 stunners, and they are definitely worth purchasing for your collection. If you’re going to buy anything from amazon, please click here to visit there and bookmark the page. It helps me keep writing about this stuff and it costs you nothing extra. Thank you.

5 Horror Movie Reviews You Missed

I’ve been hard at work writing this website for about 5 years now. It has lasted longer than most of my other attempts at writing on the web, with the exception of my WWE review website that I still have up and update from time to time. My love for horror movies started a young age and through my years I have made sure to write commentary, reviews, and all sorts of things online about them.

Since today I didn’t have time to review a full movie, I decided to talk about 5 horror movie reviews that you’re missing out on. With 750+ reviews done on this site, it can be a daunting task to read everything that I have posted. In order to compensate for that, here is a quick 5 horror movie reviews that you’re missing out on that you might want to look into.



#5 Jack Frost Review – It’s that time again for the wintertime, and you better believe I did reviews on a variety of holiday horror movies. I did it two years in a row looking for only that type of movie to talk about. Jack Frost is one of the better ones that I found, but that’s not saying a whole lot.



#4 LIfeforce – Today you can get this movie in a variety of different ways, but when I first wrote about it, that movie was hard to find and wasn’t going to be easy to get a hold of. Now, you can even find it through Netflix. Oh well, the review was up and is up rather, and my writing suffers when I am tired.



#3 Chaos (2005) – This rare out of print movie is the hardest movie I’ve ever seen at the time. However, a Serbian Film tips the scales because that movie is just pure evil. This one though, is hard to watch on a variety of levels. It’s probably one of the hardest non-pornographic movies I’ve seen ever.



#2 Basket Case 3 – I’m one of the few bloggers that wrote about this out of print movie long ago. I’m sure it’s now in print, but I remember having a poster on my wall of this film in High School, and always loved the premise of having a Siamese twin in a BASKET! This one is outlandish, and reminds me of a better time in horror movie history.



#1 Death Note – An under-appreciated film that really didn't live up to the hype, but maybe I should give it a second chance...I don't know.

Click through those 5 reviews from the past, and remember leave a comment anywhere and you can win The Walking Dead Season 1 and 2 on Blu Ray.

One last thing, if you’re gong to shop on Amazon.com please click here to visit that site and support the writing, blogging and career of yours truly. At the time of this writing I do nothing else but write for a living. I would prefer not to go back to the 9 to 5 world, but might have to if I can’t make these things work. So if you are going to shop at amazon click here, or visit the Best Horror Movie site here. Thank you.

The Best Horror Movies in 3D

The third dimension, that place that allows you to jump into the movies and be a part of the action, at least if your eyes don’t automatically correct everything you’re watching. I wear glasses, so every time I see a 3D movie, I end up seeing things from a 2D perspective. Damn you genes! Oh and damn you jeans! I like Dickies, but that’s neither here nor there, or underwear! SCORE!

Sorry.

The Best Horror Movies in 3D definitely has a lot of people arguing, and if you search the online world, you’ll find all sorts of opinions on the matter. I find that my top 5 list that will be found here will also bring about a lot of arguments. But let’s be civil and see what my personal pick of the best 5 horror movies in 3D are! (Make sure to comment if you want to win the prize this month)

#5 – Friday the 13th Part 3 in 3D



One year before I was born the people that made Jason a household name though that they could top the box office records set by their slasher film by throwing logic out of the window and selling those nifty paper and plastic lenses (the red and blue ones, those were rad) and what ensued was a maddening entrance of horror and slasher glory! This is by far one of my (5th actually) favorite movies in 3D! You can tell things were done for “cheese” factor because if it weren’t, someone would’ve been fired.

#4 – Saw VII: The Final Saw 3D



I still think that they can do “Son of Saw” or something, but whatever. The seventh film in the series, and the seventh movie that I plopped $12 to go see was done in 3D and I for one enjoyed myself. I loved the way the guts and stuff flew through the camera while I was trying to cut a hole in my popcorn…err…I didn’t really do that. I am not that smooth, and I don’t even remember seeing this with anyone. Saw VII is one of those movies that you either love or hate, and I for one didn’t hate it.

#3 – Amityville 3D



This movie came out and blew open the doors of the third dimension and made me as fall asleep. It was a remake that really wasn’t half bad, and even though I feel that the whole Amityville thing is overrated, they most certainly created a pretty cool landscape worth checking out again and again.

#2 – House of Wax 3D



It was the 1950s and while many chicks and dudes were making out in the backseat of their fancy cars, I’d like to think that there were some brave people watching House of Wax in 3D! Yep, this is a pretty cool upgrade to the original film, and it featured that classic Vincent Price take on horror. I might have said he was overrated in the past, but it’s pretty cool to see how this was part of the 3D horror landscape. It still holds up pretty well, and the music, well that’s the key to the thrills, right? Right?

#1 – Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare



I was 8 years old when this movie came out and was excited! My dad took me to see this awesome 3D movie and I bought into the whole 3D thing wearing my glasses through the whole thing. Even though the movie wasn’t amazing, it still had enough gusto to make my 8-year-old heart skip a beat here and there. It holds up ok, and the Iggy Pop song is still cool overall.

There you have it, my top 5 best 3D Horror Movies, what do you think? Leave me a comment and you could win The Walking Dead Season 1 & 2 on Blu Ray. Oh and please shop on amazon.com here, it will help me stay away from working a 9 to 5 and get more prizes for the months to come!

I Know What You Did Last Summer and It was Full of Innuendo but no Boobs

In 1997 a movie came out that was so scary, so violent, that no one saw it and it sits on a shelf somewhere ready to die a lonesome death. However, in the mainstream horror field, a film starring up and coming Hollywood stars was getting ready to takeover the summer and made insane amounts of money. The name of that film is the subject of this review, “I Know What You Did Last Summer”. My high school friends and I were really excited to see this one, even though we were young and idiotic, because somewhere around the rumor mill we were told that Jennifer Love Hewitt was going to show her boobs in this one. Of course, the film was marketed right for us, with her boobs on camera making a nice contrast to the killing that would become the highlight of the film.

The plot of the movie was and is simple. The movie features a group of teenagers having fun and driving crazy through some back roads, and they run over a man on the road. They then dump the body in the ocean and promise to never ever speak of the situation again. Fast forward to a new point of interest and strange things are happening, alongside someone etching off each person that was at the event, dying at the hands of a fishhook. The fish hook killer goes one by one fighting off the teenagers and we are treated to death sequences that range from sinister to just idiotic.

The film hits every slasher genre button, complete with idiotic decisions, the dumb jocks, the final girl, and more. The mystery surrounding whom the villain is works well with this film, and when the end comes through, we are treated with a shock ending that really makes you antsy for a sequel. Too bad the sequels are just dumb.

For those that are looking to see Jennifer Love Hewitt’s breasts, too bad, they aren’t here. What about Sarah Michelle Gellar’s hot sexy body? Nope. Too bad, no dice. In fact, in this film you get little to no sexiness, just a lot of tease with Hewitt in some tight tops, but alas, no dice gentleman.

I Know What You Did Last Summer is a standard slasher film. The best thing here though, for those that like the movie industry, is that for 17 million dollars invested, the gross take was hundreds of millions of dollars! That’s right, triple digit hundreds of millions in return! So you better believe sequels were in order.

REWIND: Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives Review

The sixth film in the Friday the 13th series is one of my personal favorites. The film is about Tommy (made famous in the previous effort “A New Beginning” by Corey Feldman), who wants to incinerate Jason’s body so that he can never be brought back again. In the process a lightning bolt hits the grave and resurrects Jason!

Tommy runs to the police and tries to convince them that Jason is at it again, but they don’t believe him and they try to run him out of town. Meanwhile, a new camp is being set up by a bunch of inexperienced people and Jason is on the loose. He starts to kill people left and right, meanwhile Tommy is put into jail and things get out of control fast in this slasher film from 1986.

This movie is an easy one to watch. The film quality is not half bad, and the movie doesn’t pretend to be anything more than it is; a slasher film featuring Jason Voorhees. The budget on this film was 3 million dollars and it grossed 19 million dollars, so it was a great success for Paramount films back in the mid 80’s and rightfully so. The actors in this film actually try harder than most films that land straight to dvd these days. There are laughable situations, however there are moments where you really believe the emotion that is thrown at you via the actor’s portrayals of different characters.

On an interesting sidenote, this film was produced by Don Behrns. You might not know him very well and to tell you the truth, I don’t know him all that well either. However, I was in high school and on the Varsity Football team and we had a football party of sorts, where at the end of the season we has a bbq. It was held at the house of Don Behrns in Santa Monica, California. He was very nice and I told him I loved horror in which case he showed me the original script for this film alongside an original Jason Mask. It was surreal indeed, and he told me all kinds of cool stuff about movies and the making of this film. He’s a strange dude, that’s all I can say about that. His house was nice though. Maybe that’s why I have an affinity for this film. I don’t know.

Here is a trailer for Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives:



This movie still holds up and with 86 minutes, goes through standard Friday the 13th fare without complicated the script with odds and ends. That might be it’s ultimate failure, it seems like a rehashing of other Friday the 13th films and really doesn’t do a whole lot to separate itself from the 5 other films that have already made its way into American screens at this point. Even with a horrible storyline, and laughable sex crazed people, this movie still finds a way to entertain and it’s relegated to a notch above a popcorn flick in my opinion.



Why it’s scary: The movie itself is somewhat laughable now. I don’t even know anyone that sends their kids to sleepaway camp of sorts. I don’t know any person that goes camping with cabins and other kids and counselors. However, when I was a kid, my parents let me go to a camp with other kids and church leaders. It was NOT like Jesus Camp, just to make that clear. However, the camp eerily looked like the one in the Friday the 13th films. The idea of a slasher attacking people in a revenge scheme or just as a punisher of the wicked appeals to me in a sense, however, as an adult I’m not necessarily scared. While the film offers plenty of gore, and that in itself can scare many fragile minds (my mom for instance can’t see a horror movie cause she gets nightmares easily). However, the scary part of this film and all Friday the 13th films is two fold.

1) No one believes the truth. Tommy in this film knows Jason is alive and is killing again, however the police and those in charge of the camp do not believe it until it is too late to stop him. They then rely on Tommy to save them, and rightfully so. (Naturally you should remember that Tommy, played by Corey Feldman, killed Jason in part 5 of the series) This piece of the puzzle is the first and foremost scary notion in these films. While many might argue that the dumb police and dumb people have it coming, you might also consider that if you saw a similar act of violence set to the backdrop of an urban legend in your city, the police might not jump at the chance to hunt them down. Furthermore, it is scary to think that such hysteria is not treated with even an ounce of credibility and that to me is scary. To think that someday, maybe (even though I believe it’s farfetched), I might need to count on authorities for help, there is a chance that they won’t believe me, is scary. That portion of these films is far scarier than the slashing of so called “innocent” victims.

2)The second part of the horror of this film and therefore throwing a “scary” title on it, is the unstoppable nature of Jason Voorhees. They shoot him, they try to maim him, they even drown him and cut him with the propeller of a boat, and he doesn’t go down. I’m reminded of a Sam Raimi film called “The Quick and The Dead” in which one of the characters is a Native American that claims he can not be shot with bullets. He shows up for a gun fight and then is riddled with bullets and keeps on coming. You might also consider “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” and how much offense it takes to bring the villain down. This is a recurring theme in horror, having a villain seem nearly impossible to kill, and it lends itself well to video games too. This sort of reanimation is scary on a lot of levels. What if you can’t kill something that is attacking you? I was bit by a dog once, and I tried to beat it up to let go of my arm and it didn’t help. Eventually the owner got the dog away from my arm but the damage was done. I know that it’s hard to compare an animal to a horror movie villain, but Jason has no speech, has no real conscious, he’s just for the lack of a better word, a killing machine. To fight an evil and/or killer that just doesn’t die is insane and scary. This is true on the microscopic level too, imagine a disease you can not kill? (I’d say aids, but Magic Johnson seems to be fine)

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives is a scary movie, but not unless you think about it. Sure, over thinking such a “laughable” movie is not exactly why many people watch movies. However, I’m not the average movie watcher, and therefore I think about these things when watching stuff like this, or else why even watch it? If logic is applied to Jason Lives, then there’s no reason to even watch. Logically, this movie makes little sense, and even if you’re a believer in the supernatural or re-animation (which I don’t believe, unless you consider the Bible, which I’m not going reference right now, at least not more than I’ve already done by mentioning it), it still won’t work well for you.

I highly recommend Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives if you’re a fan of the series, however, do one of two things. Consider why this is a scary film, or simply grab some popcorn and turn off your brain because if you do not do either one of these things you will most likely hate seeing Jason Lives and you’ll end up thinking I’m a complete moron, which maybe the case.



Bonus Points: The film's main song was done by none other than Alice Cooper! That's right, the end credits roll and this infectious tune roles through and it's Alice Cooper! He's at his 80's best and it's funny to listen to, if you can find it. I wouldn't recommend the soundtrack to this film, but it's nice to see that the budget for the film at least garnered them with some new music from the legend of macabre theater music Alice Cooper. Make sure you take note of this, because you can use it for trivia down the road.

and here you go kiddies...the song I speak of:



Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives will never look the same to you again, now will it? I still like this film, dang, it's 22 years old.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

REWIND: Constantine Review

Thanks to my morning being filled with calls to Bank of America, fighting malware on sirjorge.com and venting my frustrations at the casket salesman blog, I have decided to get another blast from the past for today's update.

Enjoy.



Hellblazer, the epic comic book series from Vertigo comics, gets a full film translation in this Keanu Reeves’ science fiction horror film. Constantine is somewhat scary, but is more science fiction than true horror picture, but it does share some horrific scene’s and therefore it deserves a closer look.

Constantine follows an anti-hero by the name of John Constantine, he’s a supernatural exorcist of sorts, and is trapped between heaven and hell. The movie follows a story arc of a suicide and Constantine is called in to find out whether or not it is in fact true. Along the way we meet a slew of uncanny characters, and face death and hell.

Here is a trailer for the film Constantine:



Constantine features a lot of computer animation, but it’s done fairly well and is faithful in a lot of ways to the source material. The movie follows a good pacing between straight action and horror elements. The initial sequences of exorcism are definitely poignant in their creepiness. The fear in the eyes of what I can only assume are Latino immigrants seems genuine, and the effects and textures involved are top notch, creating a very surreal and horrific situation that rivals any of the “Exorcist” films. The demon in the mirror takes away from the dramatic scene, but up to that point it’s quite the frantic exorcism.

The trip to hell is another great piece of technical green screen work. Constantine’s trip to hell leaves him smoky and ridiculous. This part of the film is like reading Dante’s Inferno all over again, as your imagination can’t dream up this sort of thing easily.

Constantine differentiates himself from other comic book hero’s by drinking hard liquor, smoking cigarettes, and driven into deep depression. With the “hero” moniker give to him thanks to Vertigo Comics, he has a slew of cool weapons that help him combat the evil that passes through hell onto earth.



Constantine is not without its own faults. Keanu is not a glorious actor, and while I think he does a fine job portraying John Constantine, he isn’t that great in my opinion. The comic book character lends himself more to that of “Fight Club’s” Tyler Durden and even appears to look like Brad Pitt to me. The movie has some dry spots, and some of the action sequences are really stupid. There are some physics related problems that rival some other ghost movies like “White Noise” or “Pulse”. Shia LaBeouf is in this film and while I enjoy his work here, he’s not that great in this role and that might be due in large part to Keanu’s laid back portrayal of Constantine. It seems a bit more reserved than I would expect from the Comics, which show a little more emotion.

Why Constantine is Scary: Constantine is hard to categorize as a horror film. I admit, this isn’t straight forward horror, but it has horror elements. These elements deal with the supernatural more than physical slashing and killing. At this point I will talk about a couple of scary situations that come up in this film, and finish off with the overall bigger picture. So stay with me, as I’m sure I’ll go somewhere with this, sooner than later.

The message that is sent via Constantine, is that religion and religious leanings do not protect you from demonic oppression. We see this in bold with the Priest who tries to drink himself into a stupor to avoid seeing the demons that are attacking him. His cross does not help him at all, and he eventually is killed in a liquor store as the demon doesn’t allow him to drink any of the liquor he is grabbing at. For those of you out there that are religious, or believe that religion or spirituality can help you at all, this should scare you a little bit. It is unnerving to consider that even someone who is esteemed “holy” can not thwart demonic oppression. This is far worse than an exorcist who can not exorcise a demon, because possession doesn’t necessarily infringe on the body of the priest. I know I’m reaching here, but consider the thought. The scenario I speak of for this point is directly related to the liquor store death sequence of the priest who struggles through to his death and his precious alcohol can not save him this time. Is this to also say that alcoholism is not a crutch that can save you from death? Is there subliminal messages being sent through this scenario? No. Constantine chain smokes, drinks heavy liquor and is unharmed. Is this because he’s got a higher purpose? Maybe. However, that is too far away from the initial thought that I’m trying to send across, the focal point of my initial argument is that it is scary to consider that even after you pray, read your bible, and try to seek God, the oppression of demons or even hell can come upon you and end your life, regardless of your commitment. That folks, is a scary notion.



The second scary part of Constantine, is that there are people that can not go to heaven and are rejected by hell. Constantine’s back story isn’t explained too much in this film, and those that aren’t comic book readers won’t really understand why John Constantine is doing what he does. The subplot of the film aside, we are really looking at a bigger picture. Constantine is thwarting the possession of the “Spear of Destiny” from getting into the wrong hands. If the spear gets into the wrong hands, evil will dominate the Earth and bring on hell. I like that subtle and I do mean very subtle reference to Doom 2: Hell on Earth. I’m sure it was unintentional. Back to the scary part, what if you couldn’t go to heaven and couldn’t go to hell? Rather you were stuck in between, fighting evil in hopes of someday being allowed back into heaven, that my friends, sucks and is scary.

At this point, you are probably ready to throw in the towel on this. I don’t blame you. Seriously, I’m trying hard to get this seemingly harmless film into a better light than it gets. Most people pawn this film off as a horrible comic book adaptation. It’s not so, it’s actually quite faithful to the source material, it’s just a little over the top at times. I admit, this movie isn’t for everyone, but if you think about the things that are being proposed here, your imagination can create quite a big amount of fear. That fear is probably not on the forefront of viewers that are watching Constantine, but for the sake of this site I think that Constantine is a scary film.

However, the reason that it doesn’t get a lot of credit is because our society is so jaded on religious and horror themes that this films overall dark tone just becomes another piece of the ubiquitous nature of Christianity in America. I recommend Constantine as a good piece of science fiction with a religious tone, however, I don’t think it’s that great of a film. I think it is interesting on a lot of levels, if you are open to what it has to offer. However as a horror and/or science fiction film it is tough for many viewers. If you’re an avid comic book reader, maybe consider picking up Hellblazer Volume 1 and read some good adult comic book stories with some stellar artwork.

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REWIND: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

Instead of my usually scheduled program, enjoy another blast from the past!



Here we go, another classic that shaped my youth and many others. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge is sometimes referred to as the “gay” Freddy movie, and although many arguments have been made towards that direction, I fail to really see it on a bigger scale. Sure there are some homoerotic pieces, but nothing so extreme as to call the whole movie a gay movie at all. More on that later in this review.

The story follows a new family, moving into the old house that was featured in the first film, and things start to go bad immediately. Jesse Walsh starts having bad dreams featuring none other than our favorite antihero Freddy Krueger! The film follows his steady decline into a full fledged serial killer puppet, controlled solely by Krueger and his dreams.



There is a couple of intertwining side stories, but the major events that unfold all revolve around Jesse and his fight to not allow Freddy to control him completely.

The movie is plotted really slow, and it’s not too unlike the pacing found in Sleepaway Camp, with the first have showing very little action. The action really doesn’t develop until the third and fourth act of this movie. Initially, we only get a lot of forced dialogue between the characters, and a lot of speculation as to what is going on. Jesse seems to be dimwitted in a lot of this movie, and no one in the town seems to fear that the events that occurred in the first film could be happening again. The town is so stupid that no one seems to be in an uproar over any of the murders that occur in the film! This really bugs me, and as a kid I never noticed this sort of flawed logic, however, now that I’m older I see through the very thin plot points and see a vapid film.



As for the big underlying gay tone, I don’t really think about it. I grew up watching professional wrestling and I never figured that it was homoerotic, nor that there was anything gay about it. Not until I went to college and some teacher told me that professional wrestling was inherently gay, which is ludicrous to me, but whatever. People like to compare the death scene of the coach, and the party that happens in this film with gay underground culture, and for the 80’s it does seem a little gay, however, I don’t think that calling this movie gay is a proper category for it. Apparently people really didn’t have this sort of problem with Sleepaway Camp, or the kink and S&M references that Clive Barker’s Hellraiser has. Furthermore, even if there are small, subtle, gay undertones, they are only put there by a society struggling to fit gay fascination and culture in movies that never were intended to have anything to do with that lifestyle. So no, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is NOT gay, nor should people categorize it as the “Gay” Freddy Krueger film, and if they do, than I don’t really believe that they are looking at this movie with the proper lens. However, that is just one man’s opinion on this subject, and not everyone’s. Apparently the director, Jack Sholder, even claimed that there was a gay subtext in the film, so maybe I’m just an idiot.



Why A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is scary: The scariest part of this film is not so much that the main character is going insane and no one believes anything he has to say about his dreams, it’s the fact that he is killing his friends and doesn’t even realize he’s awake. What’s worse is the fact that Freddy is the puppet master here and Jesse can’t control his own dreams. Furthermore, it’s scary to think that parents are so out of the loop that they miss what could be a chance to help their son by writing off the events that helped them get a house for so cheap.

Skepticism is easily found in today’s society, and these films are prime examples of a greater culture that is quick to dismiss psychosis on many levels, simply because they are occurring only in someone’s head and not manifesting themselves into real life. However, this film tries to change that by having Freddy seem real and appear to lots of different people, including the Father who grabs a shotgun in the third act and attempts to shoot his own son, who now has the appearance of Freddy!

It’s also scary to think that a super villain can be easily defeated by “love” and “kindness” an overtone that is not mirrored in real life at all. We do not hear of exorcisms being completed with love and kindness. Even pop culture like “Constantine” doesn’t have “love” as a vocal point in the matter of salvation of a loved one who is trapped by evil. This is scary for many reasons. We are often times told that love conquers all, and movies like “The Notebook” seem to project that image to many people and it really doesn’t always work to that effort. One might argue that this is only a movie and that love and romance films that portray the same sort of attitude are really just entertainment, but I would argue that these archetypes are to blame for a lot of different factions of our society’s marital problems, relationship problems, and many other social inconsistencies.

I know, I’m trying to draw in a huge emotional connection based on the ending of a horror film, but come on, consider how many people believe the notion that all you need is love. Think about how many love songs there are, how many romance novels, movies, and drama’s have been broadcast and permeated through the minds and eyes of people of all ages, and then think about how this film ends, with a girl’s love and admiration saving the main character, and defeating Freddy.

Some might argue that I’m reaching way too far, but if we are to consider horror films on a deeper level, than that is what I personally get from this film’s defeatist attitude towards Freddy. Freddy is dominant, but not when a young girl casts him out by loving Jesse? Sure, there is a major twist afterwards, and a jump scene to take us home and into a third film, but this sappy kind of final battle really makes me cringe. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge is scary. The dogs with faces on them are reminiscent to the dogs that are inside out in “Resident Evil”, and if you’re scared of jump scenes this one has many for you to jump at.

I recommend this film to fans of the series, however, many people will find this plot to be laughable, the ending to be stupid, and the jump scenes just hokey at best. This film might have scared a lot more people in 1985, especially with the conservatives in clear power of our nation, however, today it doesn’t hold up as well. While this film is scary if you think about it, it is not something that you’re going to have nightmares about. For a real nightmare inducing piece of entertainment, I suggest “Hell House” by Richard Matheson. Otherwise, check out A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge as a fitting sequel to a better initial film, as it usually is in horror cinema. This one shouldn’t be viewed with such thought provoking questions as I did here, so just get some popcorn and sit back and relax. I looked into this film way too much simply for the sake of this blog’s format, but it’s hard to really take any of this seriously, as the film isn’t exactly the most serious entry in the Nightmare on Elm Street series.

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REWIND: Ice Spiders Review

Oh yeah, the movie club’s first post is here and only one lucky participant came through with a review. My fault, since I didn’t really post much about it after the initial posting. It’s ok though, here is the review for Ice Spiders that I promised.

The movie starts off slow but picks up immediately with killer Spiders! This movie has cg spiders and they aren’t very good. These spiders are HUGE but they aren’t that scary. Furthermore the movie makes it seem that the spiders have been there a while and the sizes vary depending on how far away from the camera they are. I know, that seems like a standard thing in regards to optics, however, if you notice the scale of the spiders compared to the trees that are in the background, they are completely disproportionate! But I let it go, since this was made for the Sci-Fi channel and we’re not dealing with a million dollar budget.

The spider effects are horrible, and the initial death sequences are lame. I kept thinking that if I were there I’d sock out a spider since their mouths aren’t located in a position to eat me straight up. I guess I was over thinking this film from the get go, and why not? It’s not like I’m getting paid for this.

The movie’s plot is basic; a group of young skiers are attacked when a group of genetically modified spiders escape from a local laboratory. I don’t know why they don’t just run away, but instead of running the group must defend themselves before the spiders eat everyone!

Here’s a trailer for Ice Spiders:



This movie has ok acting and I don’t really expect a lot out of the Sci-Fi channel. However, this type of film reminds me of something that I’d like to share with you, my loyal 3 readers:

I worked as a Video Store Clerk for many years and the weekend day guy was named Justin Paul Ritter. Justin made a film called “Katie Bird” which was a low budget and well received horror slasher flick. It was awesome! He once told me that these sci-fi channel movies have budgets of $125,000 to $500,000 and they usually spend most of their money on the lead actor or actors. So keep that in mind when you watch these made for tv horror films.



Back to the review, Vanessa A. Williams in this movie alongside Patrick Muldoon and those two would most likely take most of the budget given the name recognition. These two provide the bulk of the acting work, and they actually put on a good, entertaining distraction to the horrible effects and stupid decisions that the characters make.

The gore is fake. Yep, there are parts in this film that use fake cg gore effects instead of real blood or make up effects. So when things are really going bad, you can totally tell that the blood on the floors and on people are not real! I hate when they skimp on this part, and it really shows lack of creativity among the people producing the film. If the blood and gore effects aren’t enough, we get first person view points from the spiders but when you’re supposedly seeing things from their point of view it isn’t always blurred. Sometimes the first person camera is blurred and at other times it’s clear.

Now, all real Spider facts aside, and logic getting thrown right outside of the window, this movie isn’t all that bad. I have seen far worse and have reviewed terrible movies on this site. This film, if I can call it that, would have been a steady renter if it didn’t premiere on cable. Thanks to the ubiquitous nature of basic cable in todays society, films like this are usually horrible and never do quite well on dvd. However, for those small niche markets that have a large population that doesn’t subscribe to cable, this movie is actually not bad and probably gets rented a lot of the time.

If this film does nothing else it makes me question how secure our government labs are. I mean, how can these spiders really escape? They are not that threatening, they do not have super strength, they are just big and well…big. I really have a hard time with the logic of this film, especially since the Spiders want to attack humans at will with no real strategy. It’s like all animals, as soon as they are unleashed into the wild or are smart enough to escape laboratories, are somehow relegated to killing off mankind in some sort of revenge plot that makes the movie’s title make sense. Ice Spiders is not horrible, but it’s definitely not on my top ten list of movies to watch. In fact, Ice Spiders doesn’t make my top 100 list of films to watch.

There are pluses to this film. I think the production value, outside of the cg inserts, isn’t all that bad. There are some scene’s that even look like mainstream Hollywood. Compare the scene’s in Doom or Resident Evil with some of the exploration scenes in this film and you can see seamless transition between photography and direction. I don’t recommend Ice Spiders to anyone that doesn’t already enjoy Sci-Fi channels line up. In fact if you’re comfortable with straight to dvd horror or science fiction in general, you might see past the flaws of logic found in this film. It is after all a movie, and well, it’s science fiction, not well made science fiction, but good enough to scare little naïve kids. Ice Spiders serves up a chilly movie to watch, and I can’t believe I watched it.

Thanks goes out to YUMMY! for posting a review of Ice Spiders! Thank you so much for participating in the comments and reviewing this bad horror movie. We'll have to do it again sometime! Check out Yummydown.com and leave a comment on the review.


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REWIND: Captivity Review

I am not in the offices, or at home this monday, but i wanted to post something...my alt and shift keys are broken on my computer, so excuse the punctuation and what not. I'll return wednesday with a new review...until then enjoy this flashback.



Captivity is a straight forward horror film, with a lot of elements relying on the swerve of plot structure in the middle. The story is about a celebrity that is growing tired of being famous, who is targeted for kidnapping. She is confined to a room with some odd traps, and it is a little bit like Saw in this presentation, however it finds it’s own feet sure enough. Jennifer, our main character, finds out that there is someone in the room next to her and the two start to form a bond. The two then find a way to enter the same room, and through desperation they have sex.

This is where the plot thickens as we find out that our captive male isn’t exactly captive after all.

Here is a trailer for the film Captivity:



If I were famous and had a chance to get actresses to sleep with me, or if I just were able to get into some sort of situation with famous people I’d like to somehow meet Elisha Cuthbert. At least that’s what I thought when I was watching this movie, because I guess she’s like my on screen crush. I don’t think she’s that great of an actress, but she has that “it” factor that gets me riled up inside. So I immediately threw logic out the window in favor for her character in this film.



The first half of the movie involves the kidnapping and the love scene ZING! However, the real meat of the film is in the second half where we get nosey police investigators chopped into pieces, and gore, blood, and disaster all tied in. We also find out that Jennifer isn’t the first girl to get kidnapped, bedded, photographed, video taped and ultimately killed. This collection of “snuff” material, really relies heavily on the audience being a little smarter than usual, and maybe even a fan of the film “Vacancy” among other notable “snuff” references.

The movie seems a little slow in the beginning, as it is trying to set up the desperation of being kidnapped and being alone. However, the movie really takes things to the next level in the third quarter, and never lets up. You get really emotionally involved at times, and the blood effects are well done. The whole thing really starts to get the main characters into a panic, as we get revealed the plot twist, that you probably didn’t see coming.

To say that Captivity is just torture porn, is to give a discredit to how deeply engaging some of the underlying aspects are. In fact, this film says a lot about celebrity worship and society in general. It even rails against the porn industry, although all this could be just how I interpret the film, and it is not based on anything concrete. Take that with a grain of salt of course. As a stand alone horror film, Captivity does a good job of creeping you out, without showing you a whole lot of skin. I won’t reveal what I necessarily mean by that, because if I do, I’ll mess the twist up for you. I recommend Captivity in the same manner that I recommended the movie Vacancy in an earlier review. The two seem to rely on the same sort of desperation and action, however, where Vacancy was straight forward and relentless, this film is more subtle at times and you really have to pay attention or you might miss the turns. Captivity is an above average horror film, although it still gets lumped into the torture porn category due to its overt marketing of…well…torture.


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REWIND: Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives Review

The worst thing, well a bad thing happened. I caught a cold over the weekend, and didn't get a chance to sit down and pound out a review. I'll try to get back in time for a Wednesday update, but for now, you'll have to relish in another classic review. This time around it's FRIDAY THE 13th 6!

A classic.

I'm going to go lay down and get more rest, I feel like crap.



The sixth film in the Friday the 13th series is one of my personal favorites. The film is about Tommy (made famous in the previous effort “A New Beginning” by Corey Feldman), who wants to incinerate Jason’s body so that he can never be brought back again. In the process a lightning bolt hits the grave and resurrects Jason!

Tommy runs to the police and tries to convince them that Jason is at it again, but they don’t believe him and they try to run him out of town. Meanwhile, a new camp is being set up by a bunch of inexperienced people and Jason is on the loose. He starts to kill people left and right, meanwhile Tommy is put into jail and things get out of control fast in this slasher film from 1986.

This movie is an easy one to watch. The film quality is not half bad, and the movie doesn’t pretend to be anything more than it is; a slasher film featuring Jason Voorhees. The budget on this film was 3 million dollars and it grossed 19 million dollars, so it was a great success for Paramount films back in the mid 80’s and rightfully so. The actors in this film actually try harder than most films that land straight to dvd these days. There are laughable situations, however there are moments where you really believe the emotion that is thrown at you via the actor’s portrayals of different characters.

On an interesting sidenote, this film was produced by Don Behrns. You might not know him very well and to tell you the truth, I don’t know him all that well either. However, I was in high school and on the Varsity Football team and we had a football party of sorts, where at the end of the season we has a bbq. It was held at the house of Don Behrns in Santa Monica, California. He was very nice and I told him I loved horror in which case he showed me the original script for this film alongside an original Jason Mask. It was surreal indeed, and he told me all kinds of cool stuff about movies and the making of this film. He’s a strange dude, that’s all I can say about that. His house was nice though. Maybe that’s why I have an affinity for this film. I don’t know.

Here is a trailer for Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives:



This movie still holds up and with 86 minutes, goes through standard Friday the 13th fare without complicated the script with odds and ends. That might be it’s ultimate failure, it seems like a rehashing of other Friday the 13th films and really doesn’t do a whole lot to separate itself from the 5 other films that have already made its way into American screens at this point. Even with a horrible storyline, and laughable sex crazed people, this movie still finds a way to entertain and it’s relegated to a notch above a popcorn flick in my opinion.



Why it’s scary: The movie itself is somewhat laughable now. I don’t even know anyone that sends their kids to sleepaway camp of sorts. I don’t know any person that goes camping with cabins and other kids and counselors. However, when I was a kid, my parents let me go to a camp with other kids and church leaders. It was NOT like Jesus Camp, just to make that clear. However, the camp eerily looked like the one in the Friday the 13th films. The idea of a slasher attacking people in a revenge scheme or just as a punisher of the wicked appeals to me in a sense, however, as an adult I’m not necessarily scared. While the film offers plenty of gore, and that in itself can scare many fragile minds (my mom for instance can’t see a horror movie cause she gets nightmares easily). However, the scary part of this film and all Friday the 13th films is two fold.

1) No one believes the truth. Tommy in this film knows Jason is alive and is killing again, however the police and those in charge of the camp do not believe it until it is too late to stop him. They then rely on Tommy to save them, and rightfully so. (Naturally you should remember that Tommy, played by Corey Feldman, killed Jason in part 5 of the series) This piece of the puzzle is the first and foremost scary notion in these films. While many might argue that the dumb police and dumb people have it coming, you might also consider that if you saw a similar act of violence set to the backdrop of an urban legend in your city, the police might not jump at the chance to hunt them down. Furthermore, it is scary to think that such hysteria is not treated with even an ounce of credibility and that to me is scary. To think that someday, maybe (even though I believe it’s farfetched), I might need to count on authorities for help, there is a chance that they won’t believe me, is scary. That portion of these films is far scarier than the slashing of so called “innocent” victims.

2)The second part of the horror of this film and therefore throwing a “scary” title on it, is the unstoppable nature of Jason Voorhees. They shoot him, they try to maim him, they even drown him and cut him with the propeller of a boat, and he doesn’t go down. I’m reminded of a Sam Raimi film called “The Quick and The Dead” in which one of the characters is a Native American that claims he can not be shot with bullets. He shows up for a gun fight and then is riddled with bullets and keeps on coming. You might also consider “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” and how much offense it takes to bring the villain down. This is a recurring theme in horror, having a villain seem nearly impossible to kill, and it lends itself well to video games too. This sort of reanimation is scary on a lot of levels. What if you can’t kill something that is attacking you? I was bit by a dog once, and I tried to beat it up to let go of my arm and it didn’t help. Eventually the owner got the dog away from my arm but the damage was done. I know that it’s hard to compare an animal to a horror movie villain, but Jason has no speech, has no real conscious, he’s just for the lack of a better word, a killing machine. To fight an evil and/or killer that just doesn’t die is insane and scary. This is true on the microscopic level too, imagine a disease you can not kill? (I’d say aids, but Magic Johnson seems to be fine)

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives is a scary movie, but not unless you think about it. Sure, over thinking such a “laughable” movie is not exactly why many people watch movies. However, I’m not the average movie watcher, and therefore I think about these things when watching stuff like this, or else why even watch it? If logic is applied to Jason Lives, then there’s no reason to even watch. Logically, this movie makes little sense, and even if you’re a believer in the supernatural or re-animation (which I don’t believe, unless you consider the Bible, which I’m not going reference right now, at least not more than I’ve already done by mentioning it), it still won’t work well for you.

I highly recommend Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives if you’re a fan of the series, however, do one of two things. Consider why this is a scary film, or simply grab some popcorn and turn off your brain because if you do not do either one of these things you will most likely hate seeing Jason Lives and you’ll end up thinking I’m a complete moron, which maybe the case.



Bonus Points: The film's main song was done by none other than Alice Cooper! That's right, the end credits roll and this infectious tune roles through and it's Alice Cooper! He's at his 80's best and it's funny to listen to, if you can find it. I wouldn't recommend the soundtrack to this film, but it's nice to see that the budget for the film at least garnered them with some new music from the legend of macabre theater music Alice Cooper. Make sure you take note of this, because you can use it for trivia down the road.

and here you go kiddies...the song I speak of:



Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives will never look the same to you again, now will it? I still like this film, dang, it's 22 years old.

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