Predators Review

Predators seemed rushed when it was released. I didn't know if the 80's film could get a good reboot, and my fears were confirmed when the opening scene showed Adrien Brody's character falling out of the sky into an alien planet.

The film directed by Robert Rodriguez felt like a grindhouse film at some points, and had me interested for a good 40 minutes, but then just fell off in terms of plot and pacing. The slow moving movie really didn't go to well, even if Topher Grace, Danny Trejo, and others rounded out the cast and made things interesting. At the 50 minute mark I threw in the towel, and just grew tired of this terrible movie.

The plot revolves around a group of random strangers dropped onto an alien planet to survive. That's literally, how the plot revolves, seriously. There are a few nuances and points, but overall, it's as simple as you can make it, and as it should be.

Predators isn't a great film, and is just a bad rehashing of the 80's. The 1980's version is far superior, and normally, I wouldn't say that in terms of pacing or technology, but this one just lackluster on all fronts. I'm not sure what was worst about the film, the second half, or the terrible use of CG and more. I've seen bad movies before, but this is one of the worst mainstream full releases that I've seen in a long time.

I lost interest mid-way through the film, as the ludicrous film continued to beat me in the brain with bad logic, bad computer graphics, and random deaths and attempts at gore. It seemed like every time I was ready to throw in the towel, they found a way to wake me up, but there seemed to be no purpose. I know, I might be in the minority with thinking that Arnold Schwarzenegger's Predator was far superior, this film just made me hate remakes that much more.

Adrien Brody has been really hit or miss lately. I think I might have lost a little hope for the guy when he stopped the release or rather the continued release of "Gialo" before I could see it. Not even he could save this turd of a film.

But some people liked it. That's fine. You can purchase Predators on dvd here, and high definition blu ray here. Maybe I need to watch it again, but after the movie was over, I just wanted to watch the original within 20 - 30 minutes of this film. The slow pace, the terrible over acting, and even worse death scenes make this movie one of the worst excuses for science fiction. I'm so tired of these lackluster mainstream horror releases.

Enter The Dark Review

This week I've been blessed to review not one but 2 independent horror movies. I thoroughly enjoyed "The Taint" and therefore, I had high hopes for "Enter the Dark" just because I'm growing to love more and more indie horror.

Enter The Dark is a film about two friends that find a very scary situation in their home. The premise seemed a bit light, but the execution is so good, it's a shame this type of film making isn't getting more attention from those that have a lot of money. (I for one don't have any)

The look of the film took me aback. I'm not a film maker, so I can't tell you what cameras are being used, whether or not these guys are utilizing high technology, but I can say this much, it's better than most straight to dvd fare. The edits, the sequencing, the frame, everything here is done to perfection, and you'll swear that this film is made by a major studio. I'm not just paying lip service either, there is a combination of professional sequencing and editing placed here that makes the film work on a visual level, far better than 90% of the straight to dvd films I've seen in recent years from places like "Lionsgate" for example.

The acting is done well. You actually get a performance that isn't too "forced". Horror has a way of making actors look like cartoons, but in this film you get the notion that the characters are NOT acting but rather are just two guys going around a house looking for weird noises. Even the dialogue seems natural, and you never get stupid one liners, you actually start to feel as though you're there, especially with the pov style edits that puts you behind the lens of a handheld.

Get Scared in 17 Minutes

17 Minutes doesn't seem like enough time to set up a narrative, but it works. I didn't feel like I needed a lengthy back story to appreciate this scary short, in the 17 minutes that this film takes to showcase a scary movie, it does a great job in offering a scary feeling. In fact, the impact of the turns and the final sequences get the heart racing much faster than many films that take 90 minutes and longer to get the same effect.

The idea of darkness and sound alongside paranormal elements really do play on natural fears. I found myself a bit nervous at one point in particular, as one of the sounds in the film seemed to be coming from my neighbor's apartment...but alas, it was just my headphones.

No Gore, No Boobs, No Problem

Despite the fact that this horror film has NO major gratuitous shower scenes, no major sexual situations, and no major gross out effects, it still is very effective at what it does have. It has a very surreal, scary and realistic depiction of a universal fear that all of us have, even if we suppress it far below.

Todd Miro and his crew really make quite a unique journey, albeit short. It's a sonic achievement of style and horror, but in a very psychological way. The chaos of the final scenes melt away the set up and leave you wanting more. Enter the Dark is a very tight film, a short film, but a very tight film where nothing is wasted, and everything comes crashing in at the end. I liked it.

Here is a trailer for Enter The Dark:

Enter The Dark Trailer from Todd Miro on Vimeo.

You can learn more and watch Enter The Dark here.

The Taint Review

The Taint is a movie I knew nothing about, and really wasn't sure what I was in for, but man, it won me over in the first 5 minutes. The title sequence music and juxtopozitioning was awesome. The music was great, the credits were hot pink, I bought in, and had to pay more attention.

This movie has a lot of parts to it, if not to sum up the plot, just to throw a wrench in your conventional horror movie and even comedy. The plot loosely has to do with a zombie apocalypse, but not nearly as large scale as your traditional zombie flick, but there's definitely a sickness going on, and it seems t obe transmitted through water and zombie biting, eating. Although, there doesn't appear to be a lot of that, at least not at first, as the gore levels rise to obscene levels.

The Gore

Let's talk gore. Most rated R films have some levels, some independents have more, but the gore in horror is one of those topics that I try to mention as a passing review point, but not here. The gore gets a whole category on its own because there is a gratuitous amount of it, to the point where there are scenes dedicated to just throwing a bucket of blood on someone to prove how bloody this movie is. I kid you not, there are edits where off camera someone is throwing a bucket of blood on someone as a direct result of a gunshot wound or something of the likes. That just makes the film so much cooler, and it's a testament to creativity. I love it.

The Music

The music moves through both classical pieces to action movie levels. There is a great deal of jump and the music fits each setting and scene. I enjoyed it greatly.

The Whole Picture

The whole movie is good. I liked the transitions and the flashbacks, as well as the absurdity of the whole thing. The Taint really is odd, the dialogue isn't great, but I'm sure this film wasn't meant to be a true horror film, as it is far more comedic than horrific.

That being said, I was taken aback at the amount of penises that I had to see, even if they weren't overtly sexual, as there were some sick ones shown, usually oozing out substance.

I recommend The Taint, I think it's a great little piece of independent horror comedy, and is going to be hard to top. It is my #1 comedy horror film of the year, and that's saying a lot...or not saying a lot...I liked this movie. You might like it too. The Taint was produced and directed by Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson and boy oh boy did they make something cool. I wish I could be involved with film on this level, but alas...I'm stuck writing and reviewing film for no money...it's been 15 months since I had a job....I hate life...but I love this movie! The Taint RULES!!!!

Here is a trailer for THE TAINT:

The Taint Trailer (NSFW) from Dan Nelson on Vimeo.

It's offensive, it's brash, it's the most creative horror comedy I've seen since Meet The Deedles or Bad Taste or Dracula xxx!

You can learn more from Taint Movie's Website here. In the words of Ric Flair, WOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! I'm surprised how good this one is, I didn't expect it.

REWIND: The Complete Silent Night Deadly Night

I was fully ready to review a new film today, but unfortunately I had something come up. I wish it were a job, but instead it was just busy work at home, you know, washing dishes etc etc. So enjoy this piece of crap rewind, while I write up a review for Wednesday...ugh...life sucks when you have no job during the holidays...seriously.



I had spent a pretty penny in November on ebay trying to get good quality versions of Silent Night Deadly Night 3, 4, and 5. Then two weeks later, guess what happened? The studios decided to release a box set to complete the 5 set of films onto dvd. That's right, you can not get the whole set on dvd, and that really ticked me off.

However, instead of sitting around and moping, I decided to go ahead with my reviews as scheduled. But before I get into the world of Silent Night Deadly Night sequels, you might want to check out my previous commentaries on the film set. Silent Night Deadly Night on dvd and part 2, as well as a second look at the iconic series.

Silent Night Deadly Night Review
Silent Night Deadly Night 2 Review
A Real Santa Claus Killer
Second Look: Silent Night Deadly Night

Stay tuned for the next three pieces of the film series, reviewed the way they should've been seen; on vhs! That's right, on vhs, so you're in for a treat...well I'm in for a treat. You'll just be bored to death, as is the norm on this site.

Don't forget to check out Silent Night Deadly Night 3-5 on dvd now in a box set.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Sodomatik Mixtape Review

I get a lot of emails from people wanting me to review their films, and for the most part, they aren't half bad. I've yet to receive something terrible, and I was afraid that this was going to be the first one. On the surface, the Sodomatik Mixtape video is nothing more than a porno movie for gore/horror fans, but once I sat down to see the whole thing, I realized, it's probably one of the best non-nonsense splatter mash ups I've ever seen, and therefore, it gets my thumbs up.

Sodomatik is a mix tape of horror and gore scenes froma wide variety of exploitation and horror films from around the years. It's 70 some odd minutes of all the best scenes that you've probably remembered, but don't necessarily remember much else. I mean, some of the scenes are taken from movies that are 90 minutes long, and feature long diatribes of stupid dialogue and random tomfoolery.

If you're a fan of gore, you owe it to yourself to check out this thing, as it is literally 70 some odd minutes of pure gore. If you're not into that sort of thing, well, then you're probably not a hardcore horror movie fan, but if you are, then this is for you. It's no-nonsense, no plot point, music and visualizations that will have you dropping the fork and holding your stomach, and that's a good thing. You can check out Sodomatik dvd and downloads here.

I for one, couldn't eat lunch after watching it. It's not a bad movie, if you can call it that, and it should get more eyeballs...er...nevermind. Some of the best sequences are found here, no need to fast forward your old vhs tape or try to use the clumsy forwarding mechanism on your dvd player, it's all here!

There are trailers floating around, but I decided not to post it, because it's THAT gorey...so you'll have to just take my word for it.

End of the Month Deathtoll November 2010 Edition

The end of the month/beginning, is usually meant for posts where I give you fine readers a quick link back to the reviews I did this month. This month is no different. I have the next 3 reviews in the chamber and ready to roll. If you're not familiar with the blog, I only post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, simply because there hasn't been a lot of fan fare for me to accelerate the posting.

In fact, we're nearing 500 posts and the hits, sales, and ad revenue is non-existent. That's not to say that I'm doing this only for the money, or that I started this site solely on the basis of earning a dime, but as a reflection of readership, subscribers and that sort of thing, I'm barely scraping by.

I guess it sucks when you're in my position. It's month #15 that I do not have a job, no major prospects (including applications to fast food places), and can barely pay the rent thanks to my wife. It's easy to see that I'm a failure, and getting a college education paid by student loans was NOT the right way for me, but alas, enough of that. Here are the past month's reviews/posts, enjoy.

From The Mailbag End of November 2010 Edition
The Black Guy Dies Last
REWIND: Santa's Slay Review
REWIND: Masters of Horror: We All Scream For Ice C...
An American Werewolf in London Review
Final Stab Review
From The Mailbag Mid November 2010 Edition
Return To Cabin By The Lake Review
Cabin By The Lake Review
REWIND: Thankskilling Review
REWIND: Constantine Review
Wait Until Dark Review
Hellphone Full Official Movie Trailer
Saw 3D Review

If you're not sure where the rest of the reviews are, you can find the big list of reviews/posts by clicking here.

Support this blog by visiting the Scary Film Web Store here.

From The Mailbag End of November 2010 Edition

From the mailbag is back once again, only because we're a couple of posts away from the end of the month. Before I dive into your feedback, I want to make sure you guys were aware of a couple of quick things.

First and foremost, this December I will NOT be doing a "holiday of horrors" like I did last year. If you have forgotten, last year I wrote reviews specifically in the "holiday horror" category, and this year I'm not going to do that. But I will be doing reviews, so stay tuned.

Secondly, on a personal note, I still haven't found any type of employment. With that being said, if you deem it necessary to purchase movies and media this holiday season, please utilize the amazon links found on this page, to do so. Thank you.

Now, for the comments, and a few of my own zingers, but mostly you guys. Jervaise, some of your comments don't really require my response, as there is nothing more to say.

Anonymous said in regards to my "Silent Hill Review":

You're crazy! I Love silent hill!

Nope. You're wrong.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "Wind Chill Review":

I want to bugger Emily Blunt in her arse not her cunt...HA..HA..HA..(as she was in 2001 when she was 18, not as she is now obviously) its just such a shame thats shes British rubbish. By the way, i actually thought that "Wind Chill" was rather cosy, soothing and even perhaps kinda` charming in certain ways and i think it might achieve a cult following or even become a Christmas favorite for those reasons.

I highly doubt it will be a cult following induced film, in fact, but I'm usually wrong.

Anonymous said in regards to my "Silent Hill Review":

I don't like your opinion on silent hill. You must be really boring.

I am boring, that's why I write a blog and you leave "anonymous" comments.

Anonymous said in regards to my "Silent Hill Review":

The first time i saw this movie, i was sitting alone. what i wasnt excpecting was the town being silent hill. however, this wovie inspired me to write my own silent novel based on a young boy. Silent hill is an amzaazzzzzing movie! ~16 year old girl~

When I was 16, I had already seen all the British film industries finest, and therefore my taste was terrible. Apparently, yours is too.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "REWIND: Take Me Down To Nightmare City Where The G...":

The thing i like most about Italian horror films is that they`re not British.

Hahah, come on man, come on! There's more to like than just that.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "Final Stab Review":

Sir Jorge, google "Lisa Phillips Vintage Porn" as well, she was pretty amazing too (although not as incredible as the astonishing Miss Hickey obviously) its just a shame she is British. By the way, i think Pauline is Irish so thats not quite as bad thankfully.

I see...I see.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my American Werewolf in London review:

I`ve always regarded "An American Werewolf In London" as one of the most ludicrously over-rated horror movies in the history of cinema (and not just because it was shot in England, although that doesn`t help things either obviously). "The Howling" (released around the same time) is 100 times better. Why couldn`t the werewolf have been in New York or Tokyo or Berlin or Los Angeles or..or..any-fucking-where except fucking London? then it would have been a much better movie.

Sir Jorge, i was just looking at the cast list of the latest Harry Potter movie and seeing the names of all that British filth literally made me want to vomit, BLOODY BRITISH GARBAGE. By the way, i want to bugger Emma Watson even if she is British rubbish.

Your consistency on the topic of anti-London and all this British is astounding. I still want to visit the place.

The World of Lurlene Mcdaniel said in regards to my "Return To Cabin By The Lake Review":

I hate this movie for the fact that once again that creepy fucker is still alive.

i mean wtf.

i love judd nelson though, idk why but i guess it was because he was so awesome in that tales from the crypt episode "what's cookin" where he played that sidekick cook named gaston, who would slaughter people and cook them. Disturbing, but i liked the character he played in that film.

Hmm...Nelson in Tales from the Crypt? I'll have to check it out. This movie though, terrible, I can't believe I sat through it and the sequel.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "Silent Hill Review":

"Silent Hill" was a real surprise to me because i genuinely thought it was one of the best films i`ve ever seen (literally). By the way, i want to bugger Radha Mitchell (as she was in 1991 when she was 18, not as she is now obviously). I just realised Jodelle Ferland just turned 16 so 2 years from now i`ll be desperately wanting to get my knob up her bum as well.

The best? Wow, that's a new low.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "REWIND: Ghoulies II Review":

Sir Jorge, i wonder if the British film industry could ever produce anything as good as "Ghoulies II"?, i very much doubt it !!!.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to "Return To Cabin By The Lake Review":

I just visited lurlene`s site and although she obviously isn`t 18 i`d still love to bugger her senseless.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my"An American Werewolf in London Review":

So that Potter garbage made $125 million dollars in its opening week-end, the American movie going public should be absolutely ashamed of themselves for encouraging this British made celluloid dog-shit (and for 10 years now as well), you`d have thought that they would have realised what a pile of shit Harry Potter was 20 minutes into the first movie but here they are 10 years later still buying into what is the most pathetic and laughable franchise of all time, its beyond my comprehension how such a vast number of people can allow themselves to be conned for so long by such unwatchable rubbish.

It might be unwatchable for us, but apparently 100+ millions of dollars worth of tickets were sold.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my"Final Stab Review":

Sir Jorge, have you seen that incredible bird who runs that horror movie reveiw site called "Mermaid Heather"?, the birds called Heather Santrous and i think the bird is one of the most gorgeous little darlin`s i`ve ever seen.

I see...hmm...It's on my radar.

The World of Lurlene Mcdaniel said in regards to my "REWIND: Santa's Slay Review":

dude, I love Santa's slay. That movie was awesome.

i remember first watching it on fear net all the way and ever since then, I immediately fell in love with the movie. Everything you said is true, and i gotta say, bill goldberg was great playing evil santa claus.

don't forget, the chick who played the female protagonist also played evil bitchy Chris farguson in the remake of carrie (2002).

Yes, it's one of the rare Holiday Horror film gems. I'll have to rewatch Carrie from 2002.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "REWIND: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Reve...":

The pansy queer bullshit in this movie completely spoilt it for me, dirty faggots they always spoil every film they`re involved with. By the way, i hate Robert Englunds surname (for obvious reasons).

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "REWIND: Silver Bullet Review":

2 things i like about Stephen King: Hes heterosexual and he isn`t British.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "They Call Her One Eye Review":

I want to bugger Christina Lindberg (as she was at the time this movie was made, not as she is now obviously).

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "Puppet Master Review":

Have you seen that episode of the old T.V. show "Night Gallery" called "The Doll" (originally shown in 1970)?, its ludicrously and laughably primitive by todays standards but i still find it strangely unnerveing whenever i watch it.

Yes! I love Night Gallery, it's one of my favorite shows from that era, or any era for that matter.

The World of Lurlene Mcdaniel said in regards to my post "The Black Guy Dies Last":

it's been a while since i've last seen this film. Luckily i recorded it on tape while fear net was playing it. I miss the slasher films of the 80's and before.

Night of the demons was a good film. And i don't think your racist at all and you do have a point there.

I have the remake screener I need to review, I'll get to it in December.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "The Black Guy Dies Last":

Sir Jorge, is your fiancee a hot chick?, maybe you could post a picture of her.

My fiancee was so hot, I married her in 2006. No pics will be posted, sorry.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "Brotherhood of Blood Review":

Sir Jorge, i dont care how bad it supposedly is "Brotherhood of Blood" is still 100 times better than anything the British film industry has ever produced (or could ever dream of producing), just another reminder to keep you well away from British garbage.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "REWIND: The Omen IV: The Awakening Review":

It may have been made for television but i`d rather watch "O-girl IV: The Awakening" in a cinema than any of that British made Harry Potter garbage any day of the week, just to put into perspective again what a laughable pathetic joke the British film industry really is.

I'm right there with you.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "REWIND: Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives Revie...":

Alice Cooper is a bloody load of old rubbish although what redeems him slightly is his rampaging heterosexuality and the fact that he isn`t British.

I like him none the less.

Anonymous said in regards to my "Peacock Review":

i think this movie good, how cillian play his role as 2 different person, its interesting and i think not every actor can do that, anyway he look goods as woman or man and i like it both lol

It was ok at best.

That's the end of this months comments. I'm broke, and well broke. I'll review more in the coming month, including some interesting independent film a UK screener, and much more coming your way. If you have a few extra pennies, support the blog and me by visiting amazon links I post.

Support this blog by visiting the Scary Film Web Store here.