Monday, January 27, 2014

5 Best Killer Dolls in Horror Guaranteed To Give You The Creeps

Or the willies, or the heeby jeebies, or whatever it is you want to call it. I’m not tremendously freaked out by a lot of things, but I know a lot of people that can’t stand any sort of puppet, muppet, or variation on the classic marionette. I like “Pinocchio” specifically the tale of a father searching for his son, to the point of risking his life in the high seas. My father didn’t do anything like that, and for all I know he’s forgotten about me and my little cozy life I’ve made for myself. That’s neither here nor there, but I don’t find these things to be that scary.

However, I am not the measuring stick. You and the millions of other fans of horror are, and with that in mind, we are going to look into the absolute sickest, twisted, and most intrepid dolls that want to kill anything that moves and practically gets away with it in each film. For the sake of argument I picked from a serious list, exhaustive even, and narrowed down what I find are my top 5. If you have a differing opinion, bring it, and drop a comment, it’s why there’s a comments section, even though it is lacking in a lot of ways.

Magic (1978)

The 1970s were insane. Some of the best horror movies came through in those years and this one from 1978 pushes the envelope in a lot of ways. It stars Anthony Hopkins, which means that the acting is top notch. It is a psychological horror film with a lot of moments that are going to completely stun. The best thing here is that the dummy here is the real crazy piece. Called “FATS” he is the catalyst of the horror, even though it seems as though Corky is really in control. Every little element here is made to stun, and it’s not necessarily what you think. Burgess Meredith does well here, and the horror comes from the mind and the doll, even if the doll is not possessed. Magic is creepy, and this movie really does well to scare anyone that doesn’t like a dummy. Even Hank Hill would hate Fats, or should I say Bobby Hill…remember that episode? Never mind.

Doll Master (2004)

Why is Hollywood so afraid of doing good horror movies? South Korea once again pushes the envelope of horror with this one. Doll Master takes on a whole new meaning in this terror filled entry. The mix of religious themes, dummy movements, and possession all make for a hectic story that fuels a lot of suspense. Piece by piece you will start to completely become afraid of porcelain dolls, and making a woman mad. Or rather, making an artist mad, because it’s here that you start to get thrown into a cycle of terror featuring some elaborate set pieces. South Korea is hard to mess with when it comes to scary movies, and they prove this point yet again with this one. It’s beyond creepy.

Saw (2004)

This tricycle riding doll is the mouthpiece for what we now know as Jigsaw. In the original film, he didn’t have a cool slasher name, and this doll was simply known as Billy. This little creepy doll is an interesting take on the whole robotic ventriloquist angle that many 1980s movies touched on but never used it in such a macabre way. It got a lot of parodies, but it’s still one of the more creepy options that you’re going to find in today’s frenzied horror world. Is the name really Billy? I don’t know, someone behind the scenes apparently called it that, but I don’t recall. I just remember that this little tricycle and suit with bowtie is beyond creepy. The doll isn’t killing, but it’s most certainly scary, and scared audiences upon first seeing it come into frame in the original Saw film.

Dead Silence (2007)

Saw was such a hit that the director and writer got another shot at making horror movie magic. They came up with a tale about an old lady that didn’t have any children at all. She just had dolls and they were her children. It was an incredible story with some serious prop pieces that will stun and amaze even the hardest of critics. The main doll “Billy” really pushed the envelope, and was very much like you would expect from a serious adaptation of the “Goosebumps” book series. R.L. Stine must’ve loved this, because it was most definitely a grown up version of his story. Dead Silence is an underrated movie with a doll that is not only killer, but he definitely possesses an epic secret and can creep out with just one eye roll. Go back and watch this one.

Child’s Play 2 (1990)

For my money, the Child’s Play franchise peaked with the second film. This movie had a lot more to offer than the first, it had better pacing, and Brad Dourif as Chucky once again creeped the crap out of everyone. I saw it in movie theaters, and this one had a lot of moments that continues to creep people out. The reason why this film takes a better note than the first, and the sequels is simple, BAFTA award winning actors and veterans of the industry. They do a good job acting here, and the story flows naturally through the final epic scene. The final sequence is one of my favorites and definitely didn’t allow for a sequel, even though we got one with Child’s Play 3. A dumb move, but hey, that’s horror for ya.

There you have 5 of the best killer doll movies, even though it seems as though they are more dummy’s than dolls. Perhaps I should’ve talked about Dollman, Killer Dolls, Puppet Master, or others, but then again, those were just puppets, right? No? Wait. Oh who cares, I’m going to go find some Cap’n, yeah I said Cap’n Crunch and tear the skin out of the roof of mouth and gums. Why? Because it’s on sale right now and it’s all I can afford to eat. So there.

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  1. Admittedly, 'Magic' freaked me the heck out.

  2. Hopkins makes that movie great, it's his acting that really shines.

  3. jervaise brooke hamsterJanuary 30, 2014 at 8:39 PM

    Sir Jorge, "Magic" is British made garbage, why is it besmirching and polluting an otherwise marvellous list ?.


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