Mom and Dad Review

Mom and Dad (2018) Poster 

Have you ever wanted to see Nicolas Cage go full blown Nic Cage? Well, then for that reason alone you have to take some time out of your oh so busy schedule to check out the psuedo-horror film, "Mom and Dad", which takes on a whole new meaning to the ideas of zombies, and technology as a whole.

The start of this movie is safe enough, the average home, and then things start to get a little odd. Nic Cage starts to have a bit of a problem in his ear, and there's an audible issue that no one is really sure why. Then we are taken to an average high school where the teachers are finding out that there's a problem. The problem? Parents are starting to kill their children, and that they should not be left out.

Of course, that doesn't stop a couple of kids from escaping, but all hell breaks loose as parents break down the gates and doors and start attacking. This is like zombies, but we don't see anyone getting eaten, as much as they are getting killed. We see a few notes of the parents, their problems, and the way that life was with backdrops that are interesting, but overall this is a showcase of horror for Nic Cage and Selma Blair, whom are middle-aged and having marital problems, blaming it on their kids.

The movie is fast paced, without a lot of filler, focusing on the larger story, then going back and forth to fill in the gaps for why Nic Cage and his Wife are feeling a bit down about being parents and in their 40s. There are call backs to the past, but there's a frequent focus on the frenetic pace afterwards, with a lot of shaking of the camera, and fast running with a zombie like frenzy at times. If you like the Italian zombie movies, then you'll like the way this is treated, as the parents are in a frenzy to kill their kids.

Meanwhile, the kids get the upper hand, and there's a lot of push back, and it all leads to some pretty gruesome sequences, and some hard hits, with great stunt work. I'm surprised at the quality of the cinematography, considering this wasn't a big budget movie at all. In fact, I was so impressed, that I ended up surprised by the ending, which doesn't really bring about closure. However, there's some serious fight here.

"Mom and Dad" is a movie that takes a zombie type of premise, and then shoves in a revenge plot and much more. It's hardcore, yet it's somewhat tame in certain areas. It's Nic Cage going full Nic Cage, to a laughable level at times. It's a fast paced, good working movie, and something that I doubt you're going to hate, unless you hate Nic Cage. I loved it. I am highly recommending this one.

Hey, hey, if you want to get this movie on Blu Ray, make sure that you click HERE and pick it up.

Mother! Review

Mother 2017 Poster

Darren Arnofsky once again pushes the limits of film making and has divided audiences. Even in my own house, things are divided when it comes to this movie. There is no “one” consensus that I’ve seen online from reviewers, and fans alike. Everyone has an opinion, and you can take this movie in two very different directions. It is a scary film in one way, but it is not a horror movie in the traditional sense. It’s a claustrophobic, pretentious art film with some incredible acting, and some very unique elements that keep you on your feet, even if it does drag a little through the middle of the movie.

The premise is simple enough, but the details are where things get really murky. The story follows a writer who is struggling to come up with his next hit book, and is having a hard time. He is living in the middle of nowhere, the woods, with his wife, and they are living a quaint lifestyle. But then a stranger shows up and throws a wrench into their world, only to have his wife come in and step all over their life, and ruin a set piece that is the life blood of the story. Things continually get out of hand, as the story unfolds and you find out that people are starting to discover that the famed artist and writer lives there, which then prompts chaos as the movie goes on. But if that’s not enough, the main characters go through a pregnancy, and delivery of a baby, only to have it worshiped by the followers of the poet, and beyond. But that’s only glossing over the surface, because this movie throws you into a centrifugal forced loop before dropping you off in another dimension, as only Arnofsky can do.

Javier Bardem was in this movie where he played a man dying of cancer in “Biutiful”. I loved that movie, and this felt a lot like that performance. He was brooding, emotional, and it seemed like he was dying again. Jennifer Lawrence was squarely in this movie, as the camera had her reactions, face, and much more for a lot of it. Even sequences that were meant to be blistering, and shocking, showcased her face and the transitional elements of computer graphics, alongside her face and aging process rather than stepping back. One reviewer said this was claustrophobic, and I tend to agree.

There’s no music. That threw me off. There’s a lot of Foley work, and a lot of scary moments with blood, cursing, and nightmarish situations that all pose to be alliteration to many tales of religious ceremony. I can count all of them, but you only get them if you are religious or are a scholar of any sort of divinity. If you’re not, then you’re going to think this movie is about the creative process, or about marriage, or about mother Earth. There’s so many symbolic elements, and yet nothing really prepares you for what seems like a lazy bit of writing at the end.

Like my review of “Time Crimes”, I think this is a good movie as a stand alone tale. However, it falters in that it is very pretentious, on the edge of preaching to the audience, while inserting so much symbolism that it loses connection with the audience many times. It’s a long movie to watch, and one that will grab your attention, but it is not horror, it’s not really scary, and you really have to be an intellectual to grab all of the things that Arnofsky is throwing you at you.

Mother! Will either bore you, or make you think long after it’s over. For me, it made me bored, then made me think, before I gave up on it again. It’s not a bad movie, it’s just not horror, and to me, felt a lot like an Italian Art House picture instead of a major film from the states. It’s not bad, it’s just not as good as some people think.

Ghostbusters Review

The amount of hate that hit this movie before it was released was shocking. People apparently love to hate on anything and everything. The saddest part for me is that they make money off of this. I have been reviewing horror movies and culture on this site and others, and yet I don’t make a dime. I try, but no one buys anything, no ad companies are asking to help, and I can’t even find writers to help me write reviews. I forge on alone, and well, that’s not a bad thing, but it’s draining sometimes. So much negativity. Well, I put on my pants, and I went into see this travesty that some called it, and you know what? I didn’t know what to really expect. Ghostbusters opened this past weekend, and I got 2 tickets, a large soda, a large popcorn, and a very good Ecto Cooler cocktail at the AMC bar before the show.

Ghostbusters is a fun movie. It starts out really hard, and then softens up a little. The jokes are not insane, they are subtle at times, they are fun too. This is not the 1980s, and the pacing of this movie shows it. Things go by a little faster. The cinematography wasn’t terrible, the story wasn’t insane, but rather in line with a lot of the elements that you would expect from the series.

The acting was not bad, the movie heralded some good, overall moments. I didn’t hate anything I saw in this movie, and at times, I wanted to join in on throwing tomatoes. Instead, the plot of a few scientifically driven women to capture paranormal activity was done well. From the opening to the finale, I had a good amount of fun with Ghostbusters. I didn’t take it too seriously, and I viewed it with an open mind.

I am older than most of the idiots that are talking bad about this movie. I loved this. I really wished I had a daughter to share the amount of empowerment showcased in this movie. The standout for me was the interaction between the women. There’s a lot of little things, from hand gestures, to looks, to smiles, that make this movie fun. The plot is simple. Someone’s trying to open up portals to ghosts and become a super power. It’s up to these women to stop it. The movie then moves forward into a hero’s story with this team getting through some great visual effects, and some fun musical cues.

There’s a lot of cameos that you may not realize, and some that are absolutely obvious. Overall, Ghostbusters didn’t deserve the hate. Not even from the Angry Video Game Nerd, which has let the money go to his head. Must be nice to be rich. I’m not. I loved this movie, and am still impressed with some of the set designs and notes that made it into this movie. Look, if you love movies, you will love this. It’s a popcorn flick, simple as that. It’s not meant to be Oscar Award Winning cinema, and it never feels that way. So there you have it, go see it, disagree with me, and review it for yourself. Don’t let idiots sway you, this is a fun romp.

Love the original Ghostbusters? Then here's the complete box set for the originals, buy it before they change it for good:

They Live Skateboard Decks From Baker Skateboards - Out Now!

Ever see the movie "They Live"? of course you have! Well, every now and again I see skateboards put out in tribute of horror movies. This is one of them. Baker Skateboards just put out a series of skateboards in tribute of the movie "They Live" and they are featured below. They feature the same style of serious elements that you saw on screen when Roddy Piper would put on those special glasses.

If you're interested in purchasing these skateboards, you can do so by going to Amazon by Clicking Here. You will receive free shipping. I think these are worth putting up on a wall, personally.

Baker Skateboards Obey Series - Order Here

Baker Skateboards Obey Series - Order Here

Baker Skateboards Obey Series - Order Here

Baker Skateboards Obey Series - Order Here

9 Major Reasons Why Star Wars The Force Awakens Sucks

Face It, Star Wars Sucks

I’m not going to sit here and type that I’m a revered critic. I’m not. This page is not even on the radar. Even though I did manage to win 2 Golden Popcorn Awards, this page gets less views than an old Vicca VHS tape. The new Star Wars movie is here, and unless you’ve been living under a rock, you don’t know that. I for one am so sick and tired of the marketing. I don’t need Star Wars branded TACO shells! I’m so tired of getting hit with the super marketing push that has nothing to do with the movie, the franchise, or anything at all with cinema. I don’t need “dark side” oranges, or Yoda branded grapes!

Ok, I’ll digress.

There are a LOT of people praising the latest in the Star Wars movies. But I am not so quick to say that this is a great movie. Just like the Dark Knight Returns, I am calling it for what it is, a lackluster, crap shoot of a film. Simply put, this movie sucks.

I’m not that eloquent in writing sometimes, so instead of hashing out a diatribe, I’ll just give you 9 reviews that highlight what I’ve been saying since this movie started and it’s now on our proverbial tables. This movie sucks, and the franchise sucks. It’s overrated, and I’m tired of getting lambasted when I speak my opinion about it.

Here are 9 major reasons or rather reviews that showcase how much Stars Wars The Force Awakens sucks, and how the marketing can go to hell. I’m tired of it.

9 - It's The Same Movie?!

Whether Abrams’ obsessive-compulsive relationship to George Lucas’ 1977 original works for you is a subjective question, of course. You can choose to understand “The Force Awakens” as an embrace of the mythological tradition, in which the same stories recur over and over with minor variations. Or you can see it as the ultimate retreat into formula: “Let’s just make the same damn movie they loved so much the first time!” There are moments when it feels like both of those things, profound and cynical, deeply satisfying and oddly empty. This is the work of a talented mimic or ventriloquist who can just about cover for the fact that he has nothing much to say. He has made an adoring copy of “Star Wars,” seeking to correct its perceived flaws, without understanding that nothing about that movie’s context or meaning or enormous cultural impact can be duplicated.

- Salon.com 

8 - JJ Abrams Sucks As An Action Director (DUH!)

As in his other movies (including Super 8 and Star Trek films), Abrams doesn’t seem to know how to frame the action, dramatically or visually, to maximize the good and minimize the bad. The setup for the climactic set piece, which echoes the three friends in The Wizard of Oz sneaking into the witch’s castle to rescue Dorothy, is almost embarrassingly perfunctory, and the security for all First Order facilities appears set at pre-9/11 levels. The film’s strokes of visual panache include the funereal throne room of Supreme Leader Snoke (Andy Serkis), who looks like an enormous version of Edward Munch’s “Scream.” But Abrams can’t pull off a Triumph of the Will extravaganza, whether with his sub–Albert Speer architecture or Domhnall Gleeson’s glazed face and frozen rabble-rousing as General Hax.

- Filmcomment.com

7 - It Is Just Paying Fan Service (Nostalgia)

But The Force Awakens is still more or less a fetish object, a film that exists to inspire phrases like “It feels like Star Wars again” ad nauseam from a fanbase that equates the lasting impact of Lucas's prequels as something akin to PTSD. Its analog grain, practical effects work (shrewdly augmented with CGI), and the impression, at least, of a new story in this universe being told, rather than the predetermined one we were subjected to last time, lend Abrams's effort a baseline rejuvenation, one he and returning screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan stoke throughout with the kind of nostalgia this series has been exploiting since it first co-opted John Fordian vistas and plot points from Akira Kurosawa films.

- Slantmagazine.com

6 - It's Just The Same Movie (and the same as #9 on this list)

He hasn’t made a terrible picture—just a safe one, where the farthest reaches of fantasy feel merely routine. Every crisis or moment of drama turns out to be a rehash of one that has gone before. Even Luke’s pivotal discovery from The Empire Strikes Back, in which he finds out that his greatest enemy is also his closest relative, is repeated here in a different form, with two characters unexpectedly occupying branches of the same family tree. 

- Newstatesman.com

5 - People Are Willing To Pay Money No Matter What The Movie Is Like (lame)

Some things are the same but updated, an orphan in the desert with a mysterious heritage, a swashbuckling pilot, a plucky droid. And some things are simply the same: C-3PO and R2-D2, the Millennium Falcon, and oh yes, the Force. The unkind view — the cynical view, the greedminded view — is that there is no need for new ideas when people will line up to pay for old ones. 2015.

- Sandiegoreader.com

4 - Either Abrams Doesn't Know How To Pace Himself Or He Doesn't Know The Audience

And yet The Force Awakens adds up to something less than the sum of its parts. The early scenes have a relaxed, assured pace. But as the story moves forward, Abrams becomes more mired in the task of keeping the plot mechanics in gear. There’s the expected climactic battle between X-wing starfighters and TIE fighters, which is mildly exciting and nothing more—the fact that it’s punctuated with dumb dialogue like “General! Their shields are down!” “Prepare to fire!” and even the classic, “It would take a miracle to save us now,” surely doesn’t help. And the movie’s big twist, clearly intended to be a moment of Shakespearean grandeur, is handled clumsily: Instead of allowing a significant figure to have his grand moment, Abrams cuts to other characters expressing shock and dismay, as if he didn’t trust the audience to know what to feel.

- Time.com

3 - It's A Boring Rehash of The Same Ideas As The Original, emphasis on BORING. 

 Pero me fui deshinchando progresivamente, me aburría el más de lo mismo y me resultó francamente pesarosa la segunda parte de la saga.

- Cultura.elpais.com

2 - We Have Already Seen The Same Gags and Tricks For 30 Years! 

But we have had 30+ years of movies aping A New Hope, with some (Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl) being better than others (Pan, Lucas’s own Willow). So it is a little disheartening to see the former champion playing the same game as would-be pretenders.

You can make the case that I was hoping to get “the Star Wars movie,” promised in the grandly mythic trailers but instead got merely “a Star Wars movie.” 

- Forbes.com

1 - It's Not Well Made, It's Clunky, and Abrams Doesn't Know How To Handle Visual Style

The picture feels a bit clunky, as if on stilts, until the action takes place. Roger Ebert had a cynical observation about whom the Oscars rewards, to paraphrase, “He who acts most acts best.”  Though not as acrimonious as Lucas’ prequels, which aren’t even worth consideration if we’re to be serious about any kind of analysis, Abrams feels off balance when he’s not running.  I can relate, but I have poor motor coordination because of my cerebral palsy. What’s J.J.’s excuse?

THE FORCE AWAKENS also suffers from Abrams’ lack of a visual style.  It’s not due to technology.  He insisted on real locations and a film medium as opposed to digital cinematography. RAIDERS’ cinematographer Douglas Slocombe, like Peter Suschitzky on EMPIRE, had an easily deconstructed style that was consistent and appropriate for the tone Spielberg wanted for his homage to b-movie serials.

- Cinemalogue.com

There you have 9 reasons why Star Wars: The Force Awakens sucks. I used these sites as quotes because they didn't just go for nostalgia and say this was a great opus. It's not. It's another pull to make money, and while I don't care if people make money in a business, I do find that some things aren't worth their salt, and this again is not worthwhile. I'll save my 30 bucks and pay some bills, get a coffee, and go back to whatever it is I do. But if you're honest with yourself, and you read these things, as well as see the movie, you will see that it's nothing grand. Heck, it's about as exciting as a 70 year old man kicking an up and coming WWE superstar. I suck at writing, which is why I linked you to 9 good writers. I'm done. This sucks. 

Archives From Kung Fu Corner Now Available For 99 Cents On Kindle

For those of you that know me, you may already know that I’m a huge fan of kung fu movies and writing. I helped a friend edit a release for Kindle, it’s from the blogs Kung Fu Corner and other areas that he was publishing. Well, here they are for you to pick up for 99 cents. A portion of these sales will go to help with Scary Film Review, so that I can start a podcast. If you like Kung Fu movies, or just want to help, you can do so for 99 cents for by picking these up.

21 Kung Fu Movies To See Before You Die 0.99 on Kindle

Kung Fu Corner Archives 0.99 on Kindle

Sharknado 3 Oh Hell No Review

There’s nothing quite like the overblown media coverage of Sharknado. I finally sat down to watch the third installment, and while I managed to like the other two in the series, this was definitely the weakest one. Then again, I think that’s the point. How can we go insane with the plot and the whole concept of Sharknado? Well, we can make fun of it all and even leave it all with a cliffhanger too. Overall, this is one hell of a movie, but not in a good way, as there are some serious points of contention.

First and foremost, the acting has completely taken a backseat. I know, the other ones haven’t been great either, but there is a special kind of terrible that is sewn throughout this movie. So much that I had a hard time enjoying it, as everyone just phoned it in. If that’s not bad enough, the effects and the deaths are all even worse than ever. Then again, the cameos were kind of cool. I can’t deny that it was cool to see so many celebrities get involved. My favorite of course was none other than Chris Jericho.

Ok, so the acting is bad, so what? Well, the movie is plotted really slow. Slower than the other ones at times, but right when I thought I was going to give up on it, I decided to give it another shot. Simply put, the movie is just boring. I was bored by the time The Hoff showed up. Now that was ok, I liked the notion of going into space to send off missiles, but leaving The Hoff on the moon? (I Kid You Not)

Perhaps the biggest hit to my intelligence was the baseball bat that was Tara Reid giving birth to a baby in the belly of a shark. It was enough for me to walk out of my own living room. Then the cliffhanger, does she live or die? Oh and there will be a Sharknado 4! Come on! Come on! This is just bad. I don’t have fun with these any more. I give up. I’m just done. Instead of investing in the terrible movie that this was, take a moment to reflect on anything better. Ugh, this Halloween season is ruined by another lame movie.

Then again, maybe I’m looking for diamonds in sacks of poop. I know, I’m wrong. I just can’t watch anymore Sharknado movies. I can’t. Yet, I will probably see the fourth one when it comes out. I’m a sucker. Enjoy Halloween tomorrow, I’m going back to watching horror movies and trying to keep this site from dying a slower death than it already has.

Things I'm Tired of Seeing in Horror Movies

Maddox x Mission came out with quite possibly the best video I've seen from him in a long time. What he pushes here is what I've been saying for a long time. Yes, I love horror, but come on, sometimes it's just too much stupidity. Ok, here's Maddox, I'm Sir Jorge, I have to fold laundry.

American Horror Story Freak Show Made Me Tear Up A Little

I hate the term binge watching, but I did it recently. I once again fell for the Netflix plan. I picked it up and it was fine, but I don’t love Netflix. That’s for another day. I did manage to have it in time to see all of American Horror story Freak Show. I won’t go into a lot of details or try to review every single episode. Instead, I’m going to talk about 5 major points that I liked and possibly didn’t like about it. It’s not a perfect showcase, and it’s not my favorite of the series. My favorite so far was “Coven”, but this time around there were a lot of elements to like about it. I would even go as far as to say that I wouldn’t mind getting it on blu ray, and that’s very rare for me. I don’t buy a lot of blu ray, but I do admire those that have good collections. I’m just not a collector any more, at least not like I once was.

The Characters

The characters involved with “Freak Show” are amazing. I loved them all in their own unique ways. I even loved Jessica Lange. I loved her portrayal, and the compassion that she had at times for her “freaks”. I thought Sarah Paulson was absolutely amazing too. Every character and actor that was in this show was grand, and I loved every little nuance about it. The characters had charm, they had a sense of belonging, and just held a lot of great elements overall. I liked the way each one was portrayed, and each one had something to love about them.

The Costume and Lighting

The visual design flow of “American Horror Story Freak Show” is bar none some of my favorite design ever. The design flow that was done here was fabulous. From the lighting changes, to the fish eye lens changes, the colors used, and the prominent changeover of lighting and set pieces. I loved the costumes, I thought each puzzle piece fit the theme very well and that’s something that I don’t usually pay attention to.

The Overall Horror Themes

There are some stark themes here. The homosexual “Strong Man” story really hit hard. The “lobster boy” connection was heavy handed too. I loved the killer clown concept, and I love the throwback to “Houdini” at one point. The overall horror themes here run all over the place. They pick up on all sorts of fears, and just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, the ending wraps up the insanity of the show. I loved it. I loved the pieces and the continual storytelling.

Neil Patrick Harris

There was a lot of hype about this. I read a lot about Neil Patrick Harris jumping into the show. I didn’t see it air, but when he showed up for 2 episodes, holy crap. This guy can really act, and the creep factor that was involved with his character rose to all new levels. I loved the sensuality of the story he was in, and the overall colors, themes, and psychosis involved is absolutely brilliant. That made the show for me, and they certainly chose a great point to throw him into, in my opinion.

The Tipping Point (Crying)

Few shows get me. Few movies get me. However, when the ending started to showcase the true nature of the larger story line, I teared up a lot. I teared up with the connections to the “Asylum”, and I teared up when the “Freaks” were treated as disposable figures. I couldn’t help it. Maybe I’m a freak? I don’t know. It was heavy handed. But the revenge angle and the finale was great in my view, and I liked how it was all wrapped up. I also loved the musical cues from Lana Del Rey to David Bowie, the sound design was absolutely great in the series.

“American Horror Story Freak Show” is perhaps the best of the series. I am now watching “Hotel” and I am not as fascinated. I don’t care about vampirism. I don’t care about Lady Gaga, and I sure as hell do not care about Los Angeles. I highly recommend “Freak Show” however. I can’t wait to dive into the Blu Ray and see it again.

If you're going to pick up "American Horror Story: Freak Show" do so HERE. 

A Good Marriage Review

I admit, I haven’t read nearly as much Stephen King as I’d like to pretend that I have. I have worked on several of his novels, and listened to a lot of different audio books. This is a movie that I didn’t really search out until now. I had some free time and wanted to see what it was all about. While I cannot speak to the collection of “Full Dark, No Stars”, I can at least talk about the movie as a whole, and well, it wasn’t what I thought. The marketing made it seem far more sinister than it really was, and while this is classified as a “psychological thriller”, I wanted it to be a full-fledged horror movie.

The lines are blurred in regards to horror movies today. “A Good Marriage” was marketed as something of a horror movie, but it’s ridiculous how neutered this movie seemed. The movie is a tightly wound film that really is fascinating at first glance. I tried to give it a lot of attention, and some serious thought, but it was a slow moving train that led to nowhere.

The premise is interesting enough. A wife finds out that her husband has a creepy secret. She figures out that he’s a serial killer and now must do one of two things. Tell the authorities or keep it in and just roll with it. The movie moves slowly into a psychological push, and eventually the climax reveals so much more. The most interesting part of this movie was the private eye that is on to the wife’s secret, or rather the husband’s secret.

The movie parts of this movie are slow. The processing seems a lot like a “lifetime” movie, rather than something that is supposed to be for theaters. Even though this was released to movie theaters, it isn’t really on par with the best in the business. This is NOT Stephen King’s best adaptation. “A Good Marriage” has some good moments, but more than ever, this seems like cash grab.

You can take your chances with “A Good Marriage” blu ray, or you could pick up “Full Dark, No Stars” for cheap. Either way, you can figure this one out on your own. I’m not a big fan of this movie. It just didn’t hit me like I thought it would. Joan Allen, Anthony LaPaglia, and Kristen Connolly do well enough, but there just seems to be something missing, and I can’t really put my finger on it. It happens from time to time.

Why Watch Movies Then?

Recently I had a conversation with a so called movie fan. It reminded me of the time I made fun of Vincent Price and someone decided not to be my friend over it. There’s a lot of movie fans out there, and then there are some that deliberately want to make you feel as though you’re wrong for liking something. Furthermore, they want you to know that they are SO sure that the director and the cast are “blow hards” and are trying too hard.

They say that they are “bored” and they keep watching. They want you to join in their misery and try to shoehorn the notion that you’re an idiot if you disagree. But they do so in a passive aggressive manner, to the point where you ask yourself:

“Why watch movies then?”

Seriously. If you’re bored, if you hate the director, if you’re going to call someone pretentious, why not look in the mirror? Where is your movie? Honestly, if you’re such a grand critic, where is the movie you made?

Oh? You didn’t ever make one? You’re an entitled viewer aka a consumer? I hate movie buffs. Those that don’t even know what they are talking about because they haven’t seen half of the things that they think they have, or should. They’ll wax poetic about nonsense, and then when you ask if they have seen anything remotely interesting, they clam up or move onto something that they are an expert. Obscure television movies? Yeah, I can’t see them, but you have? And you’re an expert so you want to make the world feel bad for not doing so?

Screw you.

I’m glad I have this blog, and I’ve made some claims. But at least I back them up with a lot of effort. I have been in the business, I have made movies, I have ghost written, and I have spoken with so called “blow hard” directors. I have tried my best to see past the idea of pretense. But I’m wrong, right? I’m just a dude, that is supposed to let it go.

My apologies for the rant. I’ll get back to watching and reviewing horror movies, of course, I’m a critic but at least I’ve tried my hand at movie making. My apologies for the negativity I’ve shown in the past, I try to watch and love everything, sometimes it’s just hard to sit through the latest schlock fest, though. You can, you can love it, but don’t trash the efforts of the artists, maybe they are trying really hard because it’s their passion. Why piss on the passion of others and call people out personally? You don’t even know them?

Sorry. I’ll shut up now.

Simmer Down!

The Leprechaun Is Coming

Just when you think I left, I come back with a slew of reviews. First up, Tusk, then I’m coming to hit you guys with the Leprechaun series. If you have been following my website for some time, you will know that I only reviewed 1 Leprechaun movie, and therefore we’re going to have to take a trip back in time to first look at that. Then come back with a compelling slew of reviews for all 2 of you that remember this site.

In the meantime, please visit this link here to ensure you catch my review of the only Leprechaun movie I reviewed on this site. I’m coming with more reviews shortly. Tonight I may catch “Unfriended” that’s for sure.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

5 Novels Scarier Than Most Horror Movies

As I type this a molar is fighting my gums, and trying to get out of the burial of my jaw. Why are wisdom teeth extractions cosmetic? It hurts, but what hurts more is the fact that “Covered California” should’ve helped me get this taken care of, but instead, nope, they have frozen me out of getting coverage. That’s ok, I’m here with another illuminating post about scary stuff. Here are 5 novels that are scarier than most horror movies, but then again, I’ve read the Bible so that ranks top in my view. What? You don’t like non-fiction? What? It’s fiction too? Allegory maybe, but that’s not for debate here, what is for debate is whether or not these novels are scarier than hell or rather just another sad sack list of horror movies or rather books to ignore.

Terror by Dan Simmons

It was negative 8 degrees in Moscow, Idaho. I mention that because that was during the winter before my divorce in which I read this book. This is a dense historical fiction, and it is one of the toughest books to read when you’re freezing to death. I was so cold my bones hurt, and I didn’t find enough warm clothing to help, which made for a great deal of ambience amidst the 1845 Franklin Expedition that this book talks about. Going to the Arctic Circle 2 ships get stuck, and what they find is that it isn’t just space where no one can hear you scream, it’s here on earth, in the coldest of weather. Great horror fiction and historical fiction done right, but again, this is a dense book full of description up front. If you can pass the slow parts, you are going to get hit with a horrific story that will definitely pair well in cold weather.

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

For some reason I was thinking of Wanda Jackson, but this is not the same person or the same genre at all. The Haunting of Hill House runs up a grand story of, well, a haunted hose. Better than the movie adaptations, this is a creepy book that peels away your skin slowly. It ramps up the horror in a very nuanced manner, and you are not going to get all the answers as something bad happens at every turn of the page. Jackson’s novel still bears more horror than the latest in cinema, that’s for sure.


The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty

To this day, a modern tale of horror has enough gusto to pull your guts out. Forget what you’ve seen in the movies, this novel still gets a lot of people scared. If you’re a religious person, then there are going to be pages that you are going to absolutely be afraid of, but as you progress through this somewhat detective horror story, you are going to definitely enjoy yourself. It’s stronger than the original film, and your imagination can work wonders to scare you during the day and the night.

John Dies At The End by David Wong

David Wong has found a way to make absurd horror stories, and yet still pull you into the 1980s splatterpunk genre. Wong’s book was translated into a pretty cool movie, but as you turn the page, it’s incredibly different and dare I say harder hitting than the movie. There’s just so much going on here, as if R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps series grew up and married Barker’s nightmare landscapes. Wong has a way of shoving you into a seriously comedic romp, while still tugging at the gore levels and horror elements that made movies like “Nightmare on Elm Street” famous. This may have a mixed bag, but at the core of the book and Wong’s second book, horror reigns.

The Shining by Stephen King

Sure, Stephen King may think of himself as the “Big Mac and Fries” of literature, but this is not afternoon picnic. “The Shining” translates well to supernatural horror, madness, and isolation. It speaks volumes through prose that the movie failed to capture. At the same time, it creates enduring characterizations, fights demons, and aspires to be the greatest horror novel ever written, and does so by throwing Bram Stoker and Mary Shelley into a closet and setting them on fire. Not a vampire tale, not a monster lurking, but rather the human mind, spirituality, and a cold snap that will break your fingers as you turn the page. The “King” of horror definitely pulled your eyelids off when this book was released and it still gets praised for it.

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The Most Underrated Horror Movie Series Ever

As a horror fan, I've seen many horror movies go unwatched, untouched, and generally panned by critics and so called "fans" alike. These movies are not as bad as people think they are, and they are generally below the radar, and/or mistaken for something else. This is exactly the case with a series of films from the 1980's that rivaled any camp movie out there to date. The series in mind is none other than the infamous: Sleepaway Camp series!

First and foremost, the original film can be a little annoying, with its slow pacing, and its lack of clear cut gore or explanation for some of the dream sequences. The film follows a hard line of boredom, until after the turning point that is marked surprisingly enough by a long winded game of baseball! That's right, in the middle of the film, to mark the turning point, the director decided to have a full three or four innings of baseball! This was a bad idea, but it did make the movie a little longer, and therefore a full length release at the time of showcase. The movie followed along a mysterious plot of killings in the camp grounds, and it all came down to a shocker of an ending that is still talked about to this day. The reason why this film didn't make it to most homes and horror fans is because it was panned as a knockoff of a similar film at the time: Friday the 13th, which also featured a killer in the midst of a camp setting. It also boasted a young Kevin Bacon, and that doesn't seem to hurt.

The second film, had a grown up serial killer that was played by Pamela Springsteen, in another romp through the campgrounds. This time around, more people seemed to take notice, but the comparisons to similar films was rampant at time of release. The vhs cover featured the Freddy glove, and the Jason Mask, so the film makers and distributors saw a potential revival on vhs, and it did quite well in video rental circles.

The third installment of the film featured some cleavage on the cover, and a more distinct artist rendering that took horror fans by surprise, considering that by the time of its release more established brands had already begun to use full character models for their covers. One might make the argument that there was a saturation of horror sequels flooding the market in the late 80's and this one fell by the wayside in the midst of more prominent, household names. The film quality on the third one was surprisingly good, but the story and plot were so thin that the gore made up for any sort of length problems.

Underrated films exist in all genres. This is just one series that seems to be seeing a lot of recent press, but more on the lines of a remake and restructuring of the original story. We have seen this done recently by Rob Zombie and the Halloween franchise, and it's a winning formula in many senses. The most underrated films in my opinion usually revolve around similar stories in the genre. Sleepaway Camp could not get away from the constant comparisons to Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, even if the series was making a good attempt at breaking ground with a woman as the main killer. It just didn't sit well with the over saturated market. Underrated films usually don't get much attention until years and years after the release.

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The Lost Boys Review

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Late in the 1980s there were a slew of vampire movies that came out. One of them featured younger stars, and had a cool soundtrack, that became iconic and even though it has some hilarious moments, it still stands tall amidst the “Twilight” movies. The Lost Boys is of course the film I’m talking about and it came out in 1987. Before Joel Schumacher ruined the “Batman” franchise, he was putting together passable horror movies in the late 1980s, and this is one that worth checking out after all this time. It stars Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, and of course Kiefer Sutherland.

The movie tries to make the iconic vampire lore look hip, or cool. It does so through the introduction of characters that are very much in the sub culture of the hardcore scene. They look more like punk rock metal heads than anything else, but that’s just my two cents on the costume design. The movie features a cast of characters that are exploring a new world. What starts like another edition of Jackass, turns into a vampire flick with one person drinking blood and joining the brood, and his friends trying to stop it.

Even though this was the 1980s equivalent of a teen movie, it had enough gusto to make it more. The horror elements are well placed, and feature some great set design, make up and transitional moments. It’s done with a romanticism that you would get with the Bram Stoker 90s remake, and definitely in “The Hunger”. The two Corey’s do a good duality thing, and the movie doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously, despite the fact that it probably should.

The sets aside, this is a fast paced vampire movie with a lot to offer. From a good soundtrack to decent acting, and a clever story, The Lost Boys is a classic. I probably won’t watch it millions of times, but gathering a group together and sipping fizzy drinks while watching this is light fair. It’s not going to win awards for best gore or anything, but it definitely scores points with me on many levels. Go back and check it out, and see why it ended up spawning several terrible sequels. Or don’t, I don’t mind. The Lost Boys gets my recommendation, although, don’t go too out of your way.

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6 Houses in Horror That Scared Audiences To Death

I make fun of the idea all the time. Or rather, I tell my girlfriend (more like ask) that we’re moving into the Amityville House. It was most recently on sale, and you know your pal Sir Jorge talked to a real estate agent. Not only do I not qualify, I have the worst credit you’ve ever seen. Divorces will do that to you.

Regardless, of my efforts to move into one of the most haunted places in the world, haunted houses are a staple in the horror genre. I’ve written about scary movies, hauntings, and a lot of other topics in the past, but have not posted a list of the houses that scared audiences the most. A Haunted House movie doesn’t necessarily need to scare you, which is the traditional measuring stick. However, for this list I wanted to highlight movies in which bad things happen in a house, whether ghost or otherwise. So with that in mind, here are the houses that scared audiences, or maybe just me to death.

The Amityville Horror

For goodness sakes, get out the house! Brolin’s portrayal is great in this one and was far spookier than when Van Wilder tried to do it. His porno hair and beard was definitely a highlight for this one. Oh, it wasn’t a porno? Oh, yeah, I forgot. The 1979 release of Amityville Horror stunned audiences and is a staple for horror fans. It’s not that great looking back, but it still holds enough power to scare the average viewer. You’ll also have to remember that it’s kind of based on a true story. It’s a creepy movie, especially with the steady pace, and ultimate ending. The Lutz’s account is shocking regardless of the credibility and the movie still remains one of the better haunted house films you’re going to want to see. If you want to see it in 3-D, the franchise when there…sadly.

Poltergeist

It was 1982 and Tobe Hooper got Steven Spielberg on board to showcase a haunted house movie that is still talked about today. There is a serious creep factor in this one, and the television plays a cool roll. No, it’s not as scary as Videodrome, and of course it’s not as sexualized, but this one is definitely an instant classic. Proving that you should never build your house on ancient burial grounds, and you shouldn’t watch too much television, this scared audiences even with a PG rating. Carol Ann is a memorable role, and one that should never be remade. What? They’re remaking it? Son of a….

The Legend of Hell House

We’re going back to 1973, and this time around the movie is The Legend of Hell House. This is a cool movie with a lot of interesting moments. When I studied this film in college, and read the book that Matheson wrote with a similar name, I was convinced that this was the best haunted house movie and story ever created. Of course, it does have a bit of cheese involved in the making of this, but who cares, it’s awesome. The Belasco House is awesome, spooky, and the 1970s stylized horror moments create some serious scares. Even though some people claim it’s hokey, I think it’s awesome and you should too. Then after all is said and done, go and read the Matheson book of a similar name, because that was a classic. No, it is a classic.

1408

Stephen King has the best stories. You can criticize them all you want, but the dude continues to scare people young and old. 1408 didn’t grab me at first, and I found it boring until the whole thing was turned upside down. Right when I thought it was over, it wasn’t, and John Cusack’s acting really does a great job here. He pulls out his acting chops and isn’t lamenting the loss of a woman to the point where he turns into a big dufus. I loved the way this adaptation takes the character of Mike Enslin and turns a little more believable moments than your average horror movie character. The thoughts, ideas, and notions of an author’s struggle to write and create compelling signatures creeps me out as a writer, especially when fantasy becomes reality. There are forces at work with this one, and they work out quite well.

House of the Devil

That 1980s babysitter in peril card is played with House of the Devil. Not only that, it goes for the gusto in the third act, and finishes things off in a sweet emotional drop that you’ll swear comes from years past. Even though this is a newer entry point on this list, and it’s not a ghost story at all, it still stuns. Satanic ritual, creepy houses, and hot pizza all make for a great film. Oh, there’s more to it than that? Well maybe I want some pizza, ever thought of that? A guy has to eat. Especially when no one is buying dvd’s or paying me to write this site. How about donating some cash for a slice? Pick up a dvd via the amazon links or visit my other sites and click on an ad, I’d appreciate it. I mean, come on, a slice of pizza for a dvd that you’re going to enjoy millions of times? Whatever. House of the Devil is not only a great entry into a scary house, it reminds me of the Motley Crue song that has nothing to do with the movie.

The Shining

My old professor said this was the “Mother” of all haunted house stories. If that’s the case, he definitely picked one of the strongest entry points. The Shining may not be Stephen King’s ultimate vision, but Kubrick was able to frame something so spectacular, that it became all new in many ways. The creep factor really is elevated here, and every single moment is well thought out. Kubrick has a way of making art out of horror and Jack Torrance is a daring character that goes insane. Performance heavy, lengthy, moody, and full of color, this is definitely a stunning display of art and film mixed with horror. You don’t get a lot of movies pushing the envelope like this in the horror genre.

Ok, so this is an oddly written piece. It has terrible infrastructure, and it is more about what happens in the houses than about the houses themselves. But then again, maybe it’s on point. These movies are examples of scary things going on in scary houses.

6 Revenge Movies You Have To See Again

Revenge. It’s best served cold. I’ve always wanted revenge, especially for certain times in my life that I was completely screwed over. However, I allow vengeance to go by without incident, but that’s not what happens in the movies. When you start to look at cinema, you will find that there are a lot of movies that have one thing in mind, revenge.

In my question to see every single movie possible, I have turned my attention to the notion of getting revenge. It may not be a complete genre, but it’s definitely one of the many branches that connects horror movie and scary film aficionados alike. All my lists are a matter of opinion and if you have a differing one, then by all means voice it. If you have such a strong opinion that you absolutely have to let me have it, then write it out in word, and send it to me. I’ll post it. I don’t mind getting hit hard with a differing opinion, just make sure it’s somewhat good.

The best revenge movies are hard to quantify into a simple list, so instead of trying to make a comprehensive option, here are 5 of the best that I could think of off the top of my head. They run through the horror, science fiction, and thriller categories, so don’t throw stones, and see where your favorite lands on my list.

Scream 4

I can already hear the groans and bemoans from fans. However, go back and watch this one. You’ll find that the revenge plot that is sewn up throughout the first 3 movies gets stabbed in the back in this one. Our dear friend Sidney Prescott (the namesake for my cat), is back after ten years. She goes back to her home town for a book signing and all hell breaks loose. The ultimate revenge may not be as cold blooded as the 1970s torture films, but it’s powerful enough to get you involved. I for one loved it, but only after I saw it twice. Perhaps you need to watch it again, and see Sidney take on a new foe in this nice tie up from Wes Craven.

Irreversible

This French thrill ride is one of the best movies in the category. The revenge for a sexual assault is insanity. Showcased backwards, this movie made a lot of people cringe because of the sexual situation inside a tunnel where the camera doesn’t flinch or turn away. It feels real, it makes your heart pound, and the real married couple did one hell of a job “faking” the most brutal sexual assault on camera. There is no clapping here, so don’t get me wrong. The director, Gaspar Noe filmed the revenge sequence in a way to make theater goers sick and disoriented. It doesn’t work that well on dvd, but it is still a heavy movie to watch.

Old Boy

Chan-wook Park blew me away when I first got a shot at seeing this. With several twists and turns, the movie that seemed like it was on rails, fell apart in the third act. A visual display of sick and twisted iconography, the film flows with a certain poetry that Spike Lee can’t possibly top. It’s a hard hitting example of how you can make cinema that hurts your senses, and causes you to think, “what if” more than it should. It’s hard to top Old Boy, so go watch it. If not for the story, than for the incredible fight choreography that happens in the movie.

Death Proof

Quentin Tarantino sure knows how to pay tribute to everything that made the 1970s cool. Sex, violence, revenge, and fast cars. The way the camera moves here, the dialogue, the framing of feet, breasts, lips, and everything that can be sexualized is done with such a swift manner. It’s that type of tight framing that makes Death Proof one of the better revenge flicks you’re going to want to see again. Kurt Russell is badass in this role, and he creates havoc with that stunt car of his. The ending is a bit odd to some, but it’s that iconic 1970s low budget schlock that made guys like Sid Haig famous.

The Punisher

Tom Jane created an iconic caricature in his portrayal of The Punisher. The movie was exactly what you’d expect from a revenge flick, and it was done right. Even though I think the modern day Ennis run made the character look more like Scott Hall. This brutal take on it may get lukewarm reviews, but it had enough gusto to get on my list. Jane loved the character so much he even did a short called “Dirty Laundry”. Easily one of my favorite Marvel Superheroes, The Punisher is no one you want to mess with.

Nightmare on Elm Street

The time is now for the ultimate revenge horror movie you need to throw into your blu ray player one more time, and that’s A Nightmare on Elm Street. You burned the guy alive, and now he’s coming back and he’s not taking any prisoners. As the series kept moving forward it got more comedic, but the roots of the story was about a pedophile that got his revenge after the community burned the guy. Sick huh? Watch it again for the first time and see how Wes Craven came into an iconic series and made Robert Englund filthy rich.

What about your picks? Get on a computer and leave me a comment, buy a movie via the links, subscribe to the feed, and tell a friend, tell your mom, whatever. Jervaise where you at?

What do you mean I missed some?

Django Unchained, I Spit on Your Grave, Serbian Film, Run Bitch Run, Last House on The Left, Deathwish and so many others are easily going to fit here, but this is my blog so I picked some to talk about today. You pick your own and then link me, I’ll comment. Until next time, go watch some movies.