Friday, September 28, 2012

5 More Bad Horror Remakes

Hollywood can't seem to resist breathing new life into old ideas. Remakes are about as certain as death and taxes these days, and the horror genre has had it's fair share of hits and misses when it comes to that department. When they are good, they can be very, very good. But when they are bad? Lets just say sometimes, you need a bad movie night.

Here's five of the worst horror remakes to watch, lampoon, and parody.

Psycho (1998)

It's one thing to remake a film, another to do a shot-for-shot remake of the influential Hitchcock classic that was a precursor to the whole slasher film genre. Gus Van Stant's experiment in attempting to breathe new life into a classic falls flat with a lack of originality and bad casting choices. Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates sadly couldn't capture the boy-like sensitivity and disturbed innocence that Anthony Perkins portrayed on scene. In retrospect, this foray into remakes only highlights Hitchcocks brilliant capabilities.

One Missed Call (2008)

Of all the American remakes of Japanese horror films, this one definitely rates as the worst among them. This ghost story about a curse spread through cell phones seemed more plausible in the able hands of Takashi Miike, who directed the original. This version is blandly told with generic, pointless "scary images," and a groan-inducing ending that would make you wish that chick from The Ring would put you out of your misery.

The Wicker Man (2006)

This movie can best be summed up at this: watch a manic Nicolas Cage get stung by bees, manhandle children, yell at children, bike jack an elementary school teacher, go undercover in a bear suit, yell at some more people, sucker punch a woman in the face and then kick Leelee Sobieski into next week. Sometimes I think this was meant to be more of a dark comedy than a proper remake of the 1973 original, but we all have to admit: Nick Cage is good at parodying himself, and it's hilarious to watch.

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1996)

Meet Kenneth Branagh, perhaps one of the best Shakespearean actors of our time. See him as he directs this vanity piece interpretation of the 1818 novel that is manically paced, pretentious, and unintentionally hilarious as he wrestles a naked Robert DeNiro in baby oil while the titular monster skulks around like a master ninja against sweeping backdrops. Branagh's grandiose style of acting makes Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man look subtle and nuanced, and that's saying something.

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  1. jervaise brooke hamsterSeptember 28, 2012 at 5:47 PM

    Kenneth Branagh is a load of old rubbish simply because he is British.

  2. jervaise brooke hamsterSeptember 28, 2012 at 5:52 PM

    I could never understand why the 2008 remake of "One Missed Call" has been trashed to the levels that it has been over the last four years, i`ve always regarded it as a very good little horror movie.

  3. jervaise brooke hamsterSeptember 28, 2012 at 5:58 PM

    The Nicolas Cage version of "The Wicker Girl" (sorry, thats my murderous homo-phobia getting the better of me again) is a very under-rated movie and certainly much better than the ludicrously over-rated British made original.

  4. the sneering (homo-phobic) snobSeptember 28, 2012 at 6:37 PM

    The problem i have with Gus Van Sant is not being certain about his sexual orientation, if he is straight then the remake of Psycho is quite a good film, however if he is a pansy queer it is a pile of garbage.

  5. ...and a groan-inducing ending that would make you wish that chick from The Ring would put you out of your misery.

    I totally agree.


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