Monday, October 1, 2012

Holiday Horror Films


As the leaves turn, the weather gets chilly, the thoughts and minds of people turn to the December holidays. There's talk on the news about the “War on Christmas”, but they've got it all wrong. There's no war on Christmas, but there certainly can be gore on Christmas! Just because the holidays are all about peace on earth and goodwill towards men doesn't mean you can't enjoy some good ol' fashioned freak fests!

Here are some holiday-themed horror films to get your blood pumping, your hairs rising, and dreams free of sugar plum fairy dancing.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Imagine this: you're a little boy, you've told Santa what you wanted for Christmas, and the next thing you know, you're watching your parents get slaughtered by the hands of a psycho in a Santa Clause costume. All of this just moments after his catatonic grandpa explains that Santa Claus punishes the naughty. Better watch out, better not cry, or Serial Killer Santa will come after you. Years later when that little boy was forced to work as a Santa by nuns in a twist of fate.

Black Christmas (1974)

The opposite of everything Bing Crosby crooned for in “White Christmas”, Black Christmas takes the world's most mature group of sorority sisters and pits them against a killer in the attic that stalks them. The killer? Presumably a kid who saw his mother get murdered. The killer also giftwraps some chick in Saran Wrap and we never get closure about what the hell it was all about. Lesson: sorority girls have been getting killed in horror films since the beginning of time.

Gremlins (1984)

When I was a kid, I always asked for a puppy or a kitten for Christmas. A loveable ball of fur was the only thing I wanted. However, I'm pretty sure Gremlins played a strong role in why I never got a pet for Christmas. If anything, it teaches you to not bring exotic creatures illegally into the country – especially ones that turn into cracked out nightmare fuel. Gizmo's cuteness aside, maybe people should just buy their kid a Furby and call it good. At least they can't spawn, right?

Jack Frost (1996)

There's nothing more terrifying than a digitally altered Michael Keaton who appears as a jolly snowman not unlike Frosty the Snowman, right? Wrong. There's nothing more terrifying than going to a video store and picking up the slaughter-fest version of Jack Frost and popping it in for the kids only to realize that it wasn't the feel good family film you were hoping for. Pretty sure after this, all kids have a legitimate reason to be scared of carrots.

Tales from the Crypt (1972)

Not fully a Christmas movie, but one of the film's five vignettes “...And All Through the House” stands out if only to see Joan Collins murder her husband with a fireplace stoker because it's Christmas Eve. At the same time, a Santa-suited killer is on the loose whom Collin's 7-year-old lets into the house, and holiday horror hilarity ensues.

If you want more Christmas/Themed Horror click here for the archives of my past Holiday of Horrors Posts from Decembers past.

1 comment:

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Sir Jorge, the first four movies were good choices but then you ruined the selection by including that British made pile of garbage "Tales From The Crypt". I still think you should have included "Silent Night, Bloody Night" (1972), its a bit of a slow moving film but it does have a genuine Christmas magic and cosyness about it.