Monday, September 21, 2009

Teeth Review


Like a lot of different myths out there, there is one about a killer vagina. Well, it's not exactly "The Killer Condom" but it's a myth none the less. So here is an ineresting premise for a movie, a woman has a killer vagina. Yep, that's the entire premise o this film.

While horror movie fans jumped at the chance to understand this movie, many people ended up seeing something different, with no real intentions of that happening. What I am referring to is the fact that Teeth is not so much a horror movie as it is a black comedy.

So here I am trying to make sense of the film, Teeth.

The movie as you might know is a movie about a young woman that finds out she has a violent, flesh eating vagina. There's not much else out there to explain.

Oh and if you're not happy with my synopsis, here's the official one:

Dawn is her chastity group's most active participant. But she discovers she has a toothed vagina when she becomes the object of violence and experiences both the pitfalls and power of living the vagina dentata myth.

Here's a trailer for the independent film Teeth:

The horror elements of this film are done alright. The build up is tricky, but it works out and the gore is enough to make you cringe. However, the gore and horror of this film is only a few moments in time overall and really an after thought in regards to the film.

The movie does an ok job in setting up a lot of things. I love the way things are set up, the sounds, the build up in regards to the scenes, and of course the slayings of sorts were quite interesting for sure.

The greatest part of this film is the doctor sequence in which a doctor is molesting our main star instead of testing her, and he gets his fingers cut off. If that, not even a kill, is the best part of this film you know you have problems.

There is a sequence in this film that threw me for a loop...which really made me hate this movie, and that was definitely the sex scene where the killer vagina didn't just enjoyed the pleasure. So odd....whatever.

Teeth is a novelty that hooked me on the premise, than expressed greatness with full frontal nudity, an R rating, and more gratuitous nudity, before finally going balls t the wall for a second round of gore, but not really winning the race.

I'm telling you, shave away the premise and this is nothing more than a coming of age film with a killer vagina.

You think I'm wrong?

There's teenagers, there's a bet, there's a vow, there's someone losing their virginity, what other cliches could you ask for?

Oh yeah, and then there is plenty of penile gore...oh yes...and it goes towards the incest button...yep.

Is Teeth Scary? : No.

This movie is not a scary movie and I'm not sure it was supposed to be scary. In fact it was meant as a comedic endeavor, and that's where you find this film, in more comedic lights not necessarily serious lights.

Sure there are horror comedies out there, but in regards to this site and horror purists, this film is lack luster. It's actually an interesting dramatic take on sexuality, lust, sex, and just being a teenager going through puberty. That's about it, nothing more and nothing really less than that. If the main character didn't have Vagina Dentata, then this film is an awkward coming of age film set in the suburbs, like many other films.

This movie had the premise of having a killer vagina to make sure things were going smoothly, but outside of that, this movie is not much in the way of horror at all. In fact, it's actually quite tame and really just boring at times. It's a novelty act in a lot of ways, much like "The Killer Condom" was a novelty act. In fact, I found the alligator vagina in Tokyo Gore Police to be far scarier. At least in that scene it was only a few moments and minutes long. This movie was full length...odd.

The penile gore was awesome, I admit that. But the rest? It's just a slow moving day dream of a film, and not really that recommended. Teeth is interesting, but not in the regular horror tradition. I did like it, and there's a ton of nudity to balance out the boredom, but overall this one is not horror and therefore not necessarily worthy of diehard horror fans time....unless you're into gratuitous nudity, cause then this one wins. It's an independent film and it slaps you in the face with that at every chance.

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A writer first, cat lover second, and some other stuff too. Human, with lots of faults, and terrible communication.
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