5 More Bad Horror Remakes

Hollywood can't seem to resist breathing new life into old ideas. Remakes are about as certain as death and taxes these days, and the horror genre has had it's fair share of hits and misses when it comes to that department. When they are good, they can be very, very good. But when they are bad? Lets just say sometimes, you need a bad movie night.

Here's five of the worst horror remakes to watch, lampoon, and parody.

Psycho (1998)

It's one thing to remake a film, another to do a shot-for-shot remake of the influential Hitchcock classic that was a precursor to the whole slasher film genre. Gus Van Stant's experiment in attempting to breathe new life into a classic falls flat with a lack of originality and bad casting choices. Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates sadly couldn't capture the boy-like sensitivity and disturbed innocence that Anthony Perkins portrayed on scene. In retrospect, this foray into remakes only highlights Hitchcocks brilliant capabilities.

One Missed Call (2008)

Of all the American remakes of Japanese horror films, this one definitely rates as the worst among them. This ghost story about a curse spread through cell phones seemed more plausible in the able hands of Takashi Miike, who directed the original. This version is blandly told with generic, pointless "scary images," and a groan-inducing ending that would make you wish that chick from The Ring would put you out of your misery.

The Wicker Man (2006)

This movie can best be summed up at this: watch a manic Nicolas Cage get stung by bees, manhandle children, yell at children, bike jack an elementary school teacher, go undercover in a bear suit, yell at some more people, sucker punch a woman in the face and then kick Leelee Sobieski into next week. Sometimes I think this was meant to be more of a dark comedy than a proper remake of the 1973 original, but we all have to admit: Nick Cage is good at parodying himself, and it's hilarious to watch.

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1996)

Meet Kenneth Branagh, perhaps one of the best Shakespearean actors of our time. See him as he directs this vanity piece interpretation of the 1818 novel that is manically paced, pretentious, and unintentionally hilarious as he wrestles a naked Robert DeNiro in baby oil while the titular monster skulks around like a master ninja against sweeping backdrops. Branagh's grandiose style of acting makes Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man look subtle and nuanced, and that's saying something.


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5 Horror Movies made into NES Games

Did you ever play the original Nintendo 8 Bit system? I spent day and night playing it. When I wasn’t in school, I was playing the games. You see, I was raised in rough areas in Los Angeles, and the safest thing to do was to stay inside and play video games. That felt right for me, since I was a very introverted person for many years. Looking back some of the games were good, some of them were terrible, but they are still a part of the horror and scary film genre in one way or another. So here we go, 5 horror movies made into NES games, and let me tell you, they weren’t exactly good.





Jaws – Jaws was a pretty scary movie when it came out, but what about a game based on it? Well, what you got was a boring romp colleting treasure and shooting down the giant shark, and that’s about it. It’s one of the worst games to play, but still worth owning to complete your NES game collection.





A Nightmare on Elm Street – Your small player has to go around trying to collect Freddy’s Bones and try to stay awake while doing it. It’s a hard game to master, but if you can get all the bones, you get to Freddy himself and the game really takes off. Some people hate it, I find it interesting, you should play it for yourself to find out what you think.





Friday the 13th – Now this game is my personal favorite to play. The game allows you to go to several cabins and light fireplaces, but after all that, you get to fight Jason in a very cool 3D rendered scenario. You also get to fight his mom, whom is a floating head in the dark forest. I like this game, many people hate on it.





Bram Stoker’s Dracula – Bram Stoker’s Dracula came to the NES system in the form of an awkward plat former. It’s adequate in its gameplay, dark in the tones, and pretty cool overall. You’ll find a lot of action here, even if it is a bit of a departure from the movie.





Total Recall – Ok, this is not a horror movie, but it was one of the adaptations that I’m reminded of right now, and it wasn’t half bad. Sure, Arnold’s character had a big head, and the timing takes some time to get used to, but overall, this game packs a great punch for those that were looking to get some fun on the NES system. I for one like it, and while most will ignore me, some might end up getting it and getting back to their nes roots.

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Let the Right one In vs Let Me In

Every now and then, while perusing through the film section of a local media boutique, or hanging out at a hole-in-the-wall art hause coffee shop, a little known foreign film is recommended by the employees or a management attempting to appear trendy or hip. Sometimes those films are horrifically bad (like 2002's “Pinocchio”, written, directed, and starring Roberto Benigni) while others are unexpected cinematic journey's just waiting to be experienced.




Such is the case with “Let The Right One In”, a 2008 Swedish soul (and blood) sucking “romantic” horror film that leaves you breathless, wondering, and wanting more. Based on John Aivide Lindqvist's novel of the same name, it recounts the relationship of Oskar, a 12-year-old boy bullied by schoolmates and stuck in the middle of his divorced parents, who develops a dark friendship with Eli, a child-of indeterminate gender in a Stockholm Suburb.

Unbeknownst to Oskar in the beginning, Eli is a vampire and is protected by Håkan – a sort of guardian for the under-age appearing Eli. It is Håkan who is responsible for procuring nourishment for the reclusive Eli, who like Oskar, is very lonely. The entire gritty and dark photography in the film plays off of that sense of a foreboding loneliness that both Oskar and Eli share, though Eli moreso than Oskar.

Without spoiling too much of the plot, one failed attempt at bringing Eli's dinner begins a chain reaction of events that culminates in a very open-to-a-sequel ending.




The 2010 American remake of “Let The Right One In”, renamed to “Let Me In”, and starred Chloë Grace Moretz of “Kick-Ass” fame. While it follows the majority of the same story, there are a few key elements that were changed to make it more accessible to it's American audience: the Swedish names were changed to English ones, the location moved from a suburb of Stockholm to Los Alamos, New Mexico, and the lingering mystery of Eli's gender is thrown out entirely as Eli is now a more decidedly feminine sounding “Abby”.

But which is better: the original or the remake? It's so easy to hold the original as the gold-standard to compare all others against, but at the same time, you really can't. Especially not when both are merely interpretations of the same source material.

Both films are have great heart-caught-in-your-throat moments, often of the same scene, but the directors and the young actors involved in both the Swedish film and the American remake each bring their own interpretation to an intensely dark film, so much to the point that they need to be viewed as two separate entities rather than an original and a remake.

It is very rare to encounter two films like these that can stand side by side and not be entirely dwarfed by one or the other, and these two fine examples of macabre cinema do just that without sacrificing quality or story.

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5 Ghost Movies Haunting Your House Now

Horror films are always popular, especially in autumn right before Halloween when the air is crisp. There's just something about going into a cold, dark theater armed with your popcorn and soda while waiting for the final lights to go down and the screen to come alive with frightening images. And then...someone's cellphone goes off. Or the person behind you starts whispering spoilers to their friend who sits beside them, ruining the whole experience for you.

Bummer.

Maybe you should have just stayed home like all of those teenagers in movies past. At least at home, you know all the escape routes should a knife-wielding murderer comes after you and also know where your smudging sage and ouija board are in case of ghosts. Luckily for you, some of the best flicks are available on DVD and for live-streaming from services like Netflix.

So what to watch? Here are five good flicks to get your fear on in the comfort of your own home featuring the most supernatural of the supernatural: ghosts.




The Others (2011)

Starring Nicole Kidman, The Others implements the vintage gothic setting of a World War II-era mansion in this tale of a mother and her two young, photosensitive children stuck in their house as they await the return of their father who is off fighting in the war. Of course, the house just happens to be haunted. With excellent pacing and a twist ending that catches you off-guard, The Others is the kind of film that appeals to people who don't like horror or ghost films.




Ringu – The Ring (1998)

Skip the American remake of this classic Japanese ghost flick and go for the one that started it all. Considered the scariest film ever made in Japan, this film had people scared out of their minds any time their phone rang – and any time they put a VHS into their VCR player lest they be given “seven more days” to live. This film single-handedly revived the Japanese and Asian horror film genre and introduced the world to the phenomena of Japanese ghost stories, spawning multiple sequels, a prequel, and now a 3D revival that is sure to be the first modern ghost film to be given that treatment.




Paranormal Activity (2009)

What Blair Witch created, Paranormal Activity improved upon, making a name for itself as the most profitable horror film of all time. Using the same “found footage” style as it's spiritual predecessor but lacking an over-arching plot, Activity is a non-stop fright fest follows the haunting of suburban couples who are haunted by an evil presence that eventually set up cameras to film what occurs in their house on a nightly basis that lends to the films special brand of cinematography.




The Shining (1980)

Heeeeeeerrrrreeee's Johnny! You can't think horror and fright without Stephen King, and this nail-biting classic starring Jack Nicholson directed by Stanley Kubrick, you can't go wrong. The scenery is iconic, the script a pop-culture treasure, and the experience one that induces nightmares and cold sweats even if you haven't seen it in years. Come play with us!

The next time you want to experience an encounter with the supernatural, take a pick out of this top five, and you’ll definitely be in for a thrill!

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Casting Out Demons: Real Life Movie Inspirations

Once again, I bring in some scholarly thought to this site, instead of writing a review, I hope you enjoy it. Please patronize the sponsors and help me build towards a podcast and dot com.

The sacred, the profane, and the downright demonic have always made for blockbuster and controversial movie fare, and when it comes to it, you can never go wrong with a good ol' exorcism or spirit possession story. The mysterious spiritual rite, performed across several different religions but most associated with Catholicism, has thrilled and horrified movie goers for decades.

Not all of these movies are the brain-child of over-creative writers, but come from the accounts of real life exorcisms. Do the Hollywood films take creative license to fill the theater seats, or do they stay true to the real life tale?

The Exorcist (1973)




The Film: A classic by any other name, this film is about a pair of priests that attempt to exorcise a demon out of a head-rotating and green pea soup-spitting Linda Blair in the Georgetown suburb of Washington D.C. The grotesque imagery and some of the films scenes easily made it one of the scariest movies made at the time. Even by today's standards, it's still pretty creepy.




The Real Story: The man who wrote the novel of the same name, William Peter Blatty, said he was inspired by a newspaper article while studying at Georgetown University about an exorcism performed on a 13-year-old boy. Most of the details were muddled, likely to protect the boy and his family, but evidence points to boy's behavior not being as outrageous as Regan's in the film.

Audrey Rose (1977)




The Film: A classic by any other name, this film is about a pair of priests that attempt to exorcise a demon out of a head-rotating and green pea soup-spitting Linda Blair in the Georgetown suburb of Washington D.C. The grotesque imagery and some of the films scenes easily made it one of the scariest movies made at the time. Even by today's standards, it's still pretty creepy.




The Real Story: The man who wrote the novel of the same name, William Peter Blatty, said he was inspired by a newspaper article while studying at Georgetown University about an exorcism performed on a 13-year-old boy. Most of the details were muddled, likely to protect the boy and his family, but evidence points to boy's behavior not being as outrageous as Regan's in the film.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005)




The Film: On trial for negligent homicide due to the death of a young woman, a parish priest recounts the events of an exorcism which reveal the horrifying tribulations the woman experienced via flashback.




The Real Story: Anneliese Michel was a 16-year-old German girl who began to display signs of demonic possession in 1968. For years she was plagued with bouts of paralysis, self-abuse, starvation, and demonic visions until 1975, when two priests performed the rites of exorcism on what was believed to be several demons over the course of ten months. During that time, Anneliese refused to eat, and she died of starvation in the July of 1976. Both her parents and the priests were found guilty of manslaughter and served six months in jail.

As with any story, there will always be an amount of embellishment, though more recently it would seem that Hollywood and film-goers are enjoying movies that have their roots in reality. As information becomes more wired and the ability to fact-check “true” stories increases, we will no doubt be seeing movies that keep factual accuracy in mind.

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Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror

And now, a guest post, about a movie that I find to be amazing. Enjoy, while I set up more movies and what not to review in the near future.

When it comes to scary movies, there are plenty to choose from given their long history. Going as far back as 1922 with the release of “Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror”, starring Max Schreck as the vampire Count Orlok, this German Expressionist horror film truly gave rise to the scary movie genre through director F.W. Murnau's inventive use of the German Expressionist film ideals and chiaroscuro lighting effects – the former now defunct and the latter used rarely in film.

The film opens with an idyllic scene between Thomas Hutter and his wife, Ellen. Interspersed with narrative cards, it isn't long before Thomas is off to go and seek out his client, the good Count Orlok, whom resides in Transylvania.

Doesn't this sound a tad familiar? It should, as “Nosferatu” is adapted from Bram Stoker's “Dracula”, with Thomas and Ellen Hutter as analogues to Johnathon and Mina Harker, and Orlok to Dracula himself. Now imitation is the surest form of flattery, but as there was no film version of “Dracula” prior to this release, one can hardly accuse the German filmmakers of rehashing something that had already been done. The same cannot be said for Hollywood today, which is filled with remakes of classics such as “The Exorcist”, “The Amityville Horror”, and “Halloween”.

In 1922, when “Nosferatu” was released, supernatural horror, and scary movies in general, were not commonplace. Instead of relying on the tried and true gimmicky tactics of today's films; blood-soaked jaunts consisting of thrilling chases and virginal teens running away from their tormentor, this unauthorized version of Bram Stoker's “Dracula” relied on a live symphony playing the score for this silent film gem.

The original score to the film was composed by Hans Erdmann, but due the majority of it being lost, what is heard during recent runs of the film is only a reconstruction of the score as it was played in 1922. Despite that fact, what begins as a light film in terms of the musical score, quickly descends into the macabre. The music and the visual scenery combine to fill viewers with stomach-dropping dread, putting you into a perpetual state of anxiety, wondering what the next scene will bring.

This is a film that doesn't scare as so much haunts with its atmospheric visuals and music. While by today's standards, “Nosferatu” might not stand out as the forefather of the scary movie due to it's unique and dated style, it is nonetheless a film that has endured the test of time and has been widely praised by film critics far and wide as one of the most influential masterpieces ever made.

“Nosferatu” is an undisputed classic of the scary film catalog that paved the way for other classics like 1932's “Freaks”, 1935's “The Bride of Frankenstein”, and of course 1960's “Psycho”. Without Murnau's vision, or Schrek's gaunt and creepy Orlok, the film landscape would not have been the same.

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Sometimes They Come Back (1991) Review

The year was 1991, I was only 8 years old, and a made for television movie came through the screen and it completely derailed many people’s view of scary movies on tv. Ok, maybe it didn’t hit as hard as I would have liked it to, but the 1978 short story became an awesome television movie, and I for one was completely caught off guard by how good this movie was. Today, we will talk about “Sometimes They Come Back” from the master of horror, Stephen King.

The plot is an easy one to manage, and something that I had a few doubts about at first. Two kids walking in their hometown are roughed up, one of which dies, and that sets up the future. In the future, the surviving kid has to deal with something that is happening in his past, and is haunted by the memory of his fallen brother. All this and something odd begins to happen, the original villains are back, this time they are killing off students at a high school where the surviving teacher works, and are coming back to haunt the other kid (now an adult) in order to finish him off too!

What’s Good?

The acting is above par for a made for television movie. The greasers that are coming back from the dead are not just random zombies that they put make up on, they are done up quite well. I was surprised how well they acted and how the reaction of the teacher was in contrast. Tim Matheson is not a great actor, but given this role he actually does it well, making you believe that he is in legit fear and trouble, determined to make it to the final scene.

The car, the camera angles, and the music all do a great job in showcasing the terror here. I loved the phantom car chase sequencing, as the camera angles changed dramatically, and were more “artful” than much better movies that would come out even a decade later. The small attention to details on such things, makes this movie stand out against other made for television movies.

What’s Bad?

The movie has a very “light” tone. This is not a gore fest, it is not a rated R scary movie, and feels like you’re watching an episode of Goosebumps. Don’t get me wrong, I love toned down horror, but there were points here that really made you question whether or not this was even a scary movie. Things turn out well in the third act, as you start to get far more reveal, and you eventually get the pay off, which is definitely a Stephen King classic moment.

Lots to Love

This movie really did strike me, as I used to live in a small town, and sometimes wonder what it would be like to go back there to become a High School teacher. There are things that would haunt me, nothing like that in the movie, but still, it makes me think. Sometimes the best horror movies are not the ones that have exploding guts, but rather the ones that make us think about our own lives, and careers. That “What if” moment happens often, and when we see it, those movies become our favorites. This is definitely one of mine. I highly recommend “Sometimes They Come Back”; it’s an awesome adaptation of a short story. You will like it, I hope.

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