Monday, March 26, 2012

The Girl With The Dragon tattoo and The Mortician Reviews

This weekend I saw a lot of movies, but I only remember a couple standing out. In order to bring life to what I saw, I wanted to review both films, on this blog. Both of them were marketed as thrillers, and both have scary elements. For those that remember the original premise of this website, you’ll remember that my intentions were to explore horror and recognize why things are scary, and not necessarily just for “entertainment” purposes. With that in mind, I thought it would be fitting to review certain aspects of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and The Mortician in that manner. If you’re a fan of double features, consider this a two shot feature for today.

Up first, David Fincher’s boredom movement:

The premise is interesting, a very introverted hacker helps police solve crimes with her investigative skills, and we are treated to seeing her life in juxtaposition a magazine owner that has been bested in a libel suit. He gets the assistant of the hacker, named Lisbeth to help get information on the crooked businessman that has triumphed in a court case and help with the pursuit of a serial killer. The set up takes a while, and the slow moving daydream we are presented is dark, moody, and right up Fincher’s alley. He knows how to throw you into a very tight and suspenseful mood, but it’s a boring one. Fincher knows how to bore me, and he has done so in the last 5 movies that he’s made. People argue with me that I’m just jaded, but will not admit that his movies are slow moving and BORING. I was so bored, and then something snapped.

There is an abuse scene in this film that is beyond insane. I’m not sure why a rape, a very sick rape still warrants an R rating, because this is graphic. It’s really bad, but apparently it’s not worth a harder rating? Whatever the case is, the abuse creates a monster woman who will take out her revenge. Meanwhile Daniel Craig’s boredom shows through even when having love scenes with Rooney. By the way, is it bad that I find Rooney to be beautiful and hot? Probably.

The scary thing here is that there are real life hackers out there. They show up at all sorts of opportune times. They create havoc on a digital level, and continue to push through boundaries that are placed by web hosts throughout the world. Meanwhile, you have an interesting point of how money and power can create a monstrous element. A serial killer can in fact rise through the world and slip away free. With money, you can do anything, but there is a price to pay later down the road, if there are elements that are better, or more savvy than you are. We see that exhibited in the film a few times, and well, money seems to be a great foil, even for Lisbeth.

This movie is boring. It’s long, it’s dark, there are sequences where you see the characters READING a book, and watching someone play solitaire. You get the full depth of how boring investigative reporting can be, and although there are a few break through in the film, the majority of it is just slow moving and leads to no major impact. The “love story” subplot is just beyond me, and wanted to just fall asleep. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo might be an amazing book, but in the hands of David Fincher, bores the average viewer and someone like me to death. It sucks.

The Mortician

The Mortician is a movie that I thought was going to be a horror film. It turns out it was not a horror film at all, as it is just a thriller/drama. The movie introduces the audience to an introverted taxidermist and mortician at an urban morgue. The film moves slowly to show the boring life of a lonely death care worker. He gets involved in an odd situation when he sees a child’s mother get killed and thrown in a river. He wants to protect the child, but runs head to head with a gang leader who is out to shut the kid up.

The movie is shot in an “amber” lens throughout, and while there is a compelling plot line throughout this film, I found it boring and tired. There’s just not enough to thrill here and no wonder it’s something that most people haven’t even seen. Lionsgate once again throws up a brick with this film, and while I saw the whole thing, it was just boring.

Method Man, the famed rapper, makes an interesting character study here as he acts his way past his previous acting roles. He creates a classic element to the film that most people won’t see. Despite the flaws, he does do a good job playing the character.

It’s slow moving, and while the dramatic elements are kind of cool, it just doesn’t have that satisfying ending or thrilling/horror that you expect from the poster. The Mortician is not recommended. The reality of the things you se in this film is definitely something that is scary, and something that happens more often than not in our world, just watch the news to confirm.


  1. jervaise brooke hamsterMarch 26, 2012 at 4:52 PM

    Daniel Craig is a pile of garbage simply because he is British.

  2. Haha your taste in movies is quite pathetic, one day you will appreciate long "boring" movies.

  3. You're wrong. I love certain long "boring" movies. Thanks for your "brave" comment. Anonymity is a great mask.


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A writer first, cat lover second, and some other stuff too. Human, with lots of faults, and terrible communication.
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