Borderland (2007) Review

I’m usually up to par with all the latest and greatest horror movies that are released, but somehow along the way I missed this one. This movie is part of a series that comes out every year called “8 Films to Die For” which is a festival of horror. The movie is based on a true story that happened in 1989, and is an interesting story, until you realize that this has to be glorified since it’s a horror movie meant for entertainment, not a documentary of any kind. Borderland is a serious movie with another example of how tourists better beware when you’re not in your own country.

The movie doesn’t start like your traditional horror movie. It actually begins like a buddy cop film, with two detectives investigating what seems to be a haunted house. The two carefully move through the home until one of them is killed and decapitated. The other cop, known as Ulises, tries to fight back but is left to watch his partner tortured, which is one of the hardest gore scene I’ve seen in a long time. The horror here is unjustified and sick, and while the camera switches from POV to other points, this thing goes off the rails. Then the real story begins. (foreshadowing is great on this early set up)

The plot moves to three friends looking for a good time in Mexico and all things are going well until, well, you guessed it one of them falls for the wrong girl. He gets drunk and gets kidnapped into a weird cult where they sacrifice human beings! His friends chase after him, and after some insane moments, we get thrown into a hell of a movie that resembles “Hostel” in many ways. The brutality moves up and up until it’s at an all out war between the captured and the cult. When things don’t pan out well for the captured, the cult goes in for the kill.

By the time the friends show up, things are all over. The movie moves into a revenge plot, which is extreme. If you’re a fan of exploitation film from the 1970s here is where you’re going to start cheering. There is an awesome return, and things go over quite well, but not before we get to see some more brutality.

Borderland is a great horror flick, featuring a lot of brutal moments, some nifty story features, and good acting. I am a sucker for anything Rider Strong is in, so this was like watching Cabin Fever all over again. The star of “Rudy” is also in this one, so watch out for him, acting insane and making a go for the jugular. I highly recommend Borderland; it’s a horror film worth your time and is filled with lots of gore and violence, just right up your alley, or mine or whatever.



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5 Best Movies Dealing With Demon Possession

Today I was thinking about demonic possession. I used to belong to a church that was a cult, well it was a very strict kind of place, and once I broke free I got into a lot of studying. I read a lot about every religion, and ran into several books on the matter of demonic possession. It seemed like the movies had some things right and some things wrong, but more often than not, I found myself fascinated by the dark side. When I finally came to my own decisions as to what I wanted to believe and whether or not I was going to profess that, I realized that a lot of these things have no control over us. Is it possible to be possessed? Yes. Is it likely? No. Like I always say, the prince of darkness and his demons aren’t hanging out with a couple of fat Goth kids playing D&D in some basement, just saying.

With that in mind, consider this post, as a very scary post, the top 5 best movies dealing possession! You can purchase the movies from the links provided, and help a brotha pay the bills, otherwise, leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Remember, you could win a Kindle Fire 2.



Constantine (2005) Buy it Here – One of my favorite comic books is Hellblazer. However, at the time that this movie was released, I didn’t know that yet. I caught this movie as a very cool film that involved a character that was beyond repair broken, and knew it. The demonic moments here really outshine the rest of the movie, with some insane moments. It does get a bit “cartoony” but you have to read the comics to fully appreciate what they did with the movie, which is as good as you’re going to get when comparing source material to the end cinematic result.



Prince of Darkness (1987) Buy it Here – John Carpenter has made two of my favorite movies ever, and no one really talks about them when they make lists. This creepy investigative story involves all the things you could think of when thinking ghosts, demons, and possession. It has a lot more atmosphere than story at times, but it’s still worth checking out, especially for the awesome gore points and awesome liquid evil, as some would put it.



Night of the Demons (1988) Buy it Here – I remember this was a hard to find horror flick for a long time, and I finally got it because my girlfriend at the time saw it at a Fred Meyer in Anchorage, Alaska. This folks, is one of my favorite films as well. A Halloween party goes awry when a demon/witch possesses the group and makes them do evil things, causing all hell to break loose. One of the few movies to feature the “black guy” winning in the end, proves positive that there’s a reason why this is one of my personal favorites, and hopefully yours too.



The Amityville Horror (1979) Buy it Here – The novel might have been scary enough, but this piece of horror and demon possession really pushed the limits at the time. It takes a while to set up, but the rails fall off of this creepy mess in the end with some crazy moments of a true story. You got to believe that this could be the epitome of possession films, that is if another didn’t already win.



Demons (1985) Buy it Here – I had a hard time deciding where to finally land on this as my number one demon possession movie. The movie involves a theater going audience that unlocks a pseudo zombie possession mask and all hell breaks loose. This is an awesome movie featuring a lot of gore, fast paced action, and sickening violence that makes up the best of the Eurotrash genre.

I think the above are the best in terms of the pure demon possession category. Now, I do like Exorcism movies and the likes, but that’s a whole different genre if you sit to think about it.

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976-Evil 2 (1992) Review

Sometimes you have to look back to your own past to find movies to review, because there are just so many options out there. I have millions of choices, and I have to narrow down the selections each day, watch something, then write about it, and hope that someone out there will be inspired to purchase something from amazon or click an ad so that I can feed my hobby. Today, I picked a movie to review that reminded me of the old school rental shops. You know the ones, the one in your community that was run by the Asian guys, and they usually had a stack of vhs tapes behind them, all categorized by number. They let you rent whatever, age didn’t matter, and a lot of the times they would leave the porno section open for little kids to wander in and get an education in Snuff Film: Death On Camera
. I found this movie while in the horror section, often times called the “terror” section, and I thought it was a porno. The design of many horror vhs tapes, if you recall, often times resembled porn, and t hat was probably the intent so that people would rent the films. Man, I miss those days. The movie I’m reviewing today is a classic to me, maybe not to you, but it’s from 1992 and it’s a sequel to the Robert Englund directed film about a phone sex line from hell, it’s none other than 976-Evil 2!

The cool thing about this movie, at least the first thing that you get are boobs. You get a full-blown shower scene with a hot coed, and for those that are looking for that sort of thing, you get it up front. If you wanted to wack it before you got through the film’s main plot, the director hooks you up fast. There’s something different about nude scenes from the last 20 years and how the bodies have changed. Even porn, the bodies are all weird, but that’s neither here nor there, we’re talking about a gift to all the teenagers that picked this movie up and thought it was a porno, congrats, you have entered puberty! Ladies, I’m sorry.

The movie is an odd one, it doesn’t follow the original’s plot in a way, in fact it steals from the “Nightmare on Elm Street” series quite a bit. A college professor gets in trouble for trying to rape and kill a student, and he starts to get his powers by calling the evil 976 number. When he asks for his release, the number tells him that there is someone greater that will replace him, and he starts to panic. But before that manifestation occurs he goes on a killing spree from jail, he gets into the minds of his victims and then takes them out ala Freddy, only with no glove. The deaths are pretty cool, including good gore here and there. At one point a mack truck completely obliterates a guy into a million pieces, which is kind of a cool effect for 1992.

The rest of the film is your classic chase and run final girl type of movie. However, there is a secondary hero here, his name being Spike. He’s a perfect foil and antihero but he too is evil as we find out, and well, the final girl is not so final, well she kind of is as she lives.

The movie is interesting, funny, and a classic homage to the 1980s slasher films
that we love so much. The deaths are funny, the town doesn’t believe what’s going on, and the villain is super natural. There’s also a cool twist at the end, which could provide a nice entry point into a third film! This movie is everything you want from horror that doesn’t necessarily scar you to death. There are a few jump scenes, and the movie doesn’t take itself too seriously, but it’s a good one. I liked it. I recommend checking out 976-Evil 2 today! No, really, I do.



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Dreamcatcher Review

Ah yes, 2003, the year I started college and found out that my future would be a mixed bag of technology, blogging, and whatever else I could do for money legally. This adaptation of Stephen King’s novel seemed to be an interesting thing, but since I didn’t read the novel, I assume that the two are polar opposites, and while some fans were all over this as a positive thing, I was not so receptive to the idea that this was the best that could be done with the source material. Dreamcatcher is the movie I’m going to try and talk about, even though my thoughts on the matter are relatively short, to say the least.

The movie’s plot starts with a group of kids getting telepathic powers from a young boy. They save the kid from a bully and their whole lives change for the future. The audience is then taken to the present where a hunting party has gone awry, and we get thrown into a full blown scary piece of film making. For most people it took a moment to realize what was going on, and then things really get out of control as the gore starts to turn up. Essentially we have an alien invasion on our hands, and things are not looking too good. Not just any aliens, cannibal aliens, making for an interesting turn of events.

By the time we get to the end of the movie, I got bored. Sure, I can buy into a lot of things, but worm aliens seemed to be far better in other movies. I liked the visuals, don’t get me wrong, the visuals were really nice. The library sequences were well placed, well done, and worth checking out. The action is broken up between military trying to stop the invasion, and the companions playing “Stand By Me” amidst possession by worms.

The most exciting things in the film are pushed forward swiftly, making for an entertaining piece, albeit tiring in the way it’s delivered at times. It feels like a shorter film than it is, and that’s the best thing about the movie overall.

I don’t recommend Dreamcatcher, but it fans of Stephen King might love it. It’s available now, so check it out and see if it’s better than I remember it.



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5 Horror Collectibles From Hell to Your Door

On this glorious Friday, I wanted to talk about some awesome adult horror collectibles that will have you thinking twice. I for one am a big fan of collectibles and have a cool shelf with a few of my favorites. I have the Saw puppet and Kevin Smith in full Silent Bob persona watching me post all the stupid blog posts that you are probably tired of seeing. The following are not for children, as they are more realistic, and not action figures. I ask this much, if you like any of them, click the links and purchase them from amazon.com, as they are my current sponsors, of sorts.

I can’t promise that the following horror collectibles will be worth a fortune for you to flip, but they will make your house so much more awesome than it is now.



The Simpsons Evil Krusty Talking Doll $149 Buy It Here – The Simpsons Evil Krusty doll is one of the more famous pieces from the “Treehouse of Horror” episodes of the Simpsons. If you don’t remember the episode, it’s the one where a krusty doll attacks homer and nearly kills him, until someone discovers that you have to set the doll to good instead of evil. Once set for good, Homer takes advantage of the doll and it becomes like the monkey butler that we saw several years prior. I think. Either way, this talking Evil Krusty doll is a classic horror piece to add to your collection and freak out your loved ones when they least expect it.



Michael Meyers Halloween 18” Action Figure $160 Buy It Here – This limited edition action figure is 18” tall and from the Halloween series. This one has fine points of articulation, full mask, and a knife that’s ready to strike fear in anyone that doesn’t escape his killing path. This is not your average figure, and it shows in the details once you get it in your grubby hands.



Chucky 14” Doll $149 Buy It Here – This ultra realistic doll has been made for posing just about anywhere and he is dressed in his good guy clothing. Add a knife and this one is still capturing the nightmares that Child’s Play originally sent when you first saw it. The points of articulation are quite nice, the joints in the arms, shoulders and hips means that this is the ultimate poseable doll to scare the children on Halloween or to sit and watch you type in the darkness.



Jason Voorhees Limited Edition 1 of 400 Crystal Lake Terror Collectible $699 Buy It Here – If you have serious money to spend, this is your ticket to something unique. Only 400 of these were made and most have sold out wherever they have been displayed at. You can still get a couple that amazon is selling, but they won’t last too long. This features Jason in all his glory fully casted in sculpture on a pile of death with machete in hand. This statue is insanely articulate and will rival any other collectible you might have in your home right now.



Freddy Krueger 18” Talking Action Figure $149 Buy It Here – Last, but certainly not least, this action figure of Freddy Krueger is the perfect combination of collectible and fully functioning evil villain. The articulation of Freddy’s face, hands, glove, and attire are fully rendered like the movies, and you’ll be delighted with the voice work as well. Combine this with the other 18” figures above and you have yourself a crew of evil that will reign over all your collection.

No matter what type of fan you are, investing in horror collectibles can be quite fun and rewarding. Take time to check out what’s available online via the amazon links and see if you can’t find something worth buying today. You can always take pics and I’ll post them up here, or you post them on your blog, I don’t know, I’m tired.

Remember to leave a comment, to be entered to win Total Recall on Blu Ray. Winners will be announced at the end of the month.

Introducing Son of Stephen King

Maybe I’m just late on finding out the news, or maybe I knew all along and didn’t want to say anything because I’m a jerk sometimes, but did you know that Stephen King had a literary son? Well, physically too, Stephen King has a son that is also a writer. However, instead of resting on his father’s name, he used a pen name to write his books and before you know it, the media is out and everyone knows.

If you aren’t familiar with the name Joe Hill, well you better get yourself familiar with his work. He is the biological son of Stephen King and his long time wife, and they raised quite the chip off the old macabre block. Other than his work on the comic book series “Locke & Key”, Hill wrote 3 acclaimed horror novels, and is working on another to be released in 2013.

I thought with all the Stephen King stuff I was writing lately, I might as well mentioned junior. The following are two novels that you should pick up today, and support this blog by doing some shopping.



Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill $10.19 Click here – This book haunts all the rockers that dare to read it. The premise of an aging rock star and his final collection piece, the dead man’s suit with the spirit of that which it belonged to, much like you might find in these modern times online. The premise sets up a nice haunting story that is deep in macabre after a set up that is not too unlike what you might consider someone like Rob Zombie to be. However, this doesn’t just sit well on the laurels of his father, he punches you in the gut late in the game and makes you understand that Joe Hill is all on his own and the taste of horror is not just subtle, it’s blatantly obvious.



Horns by Joe Hill $10.40 Click here – What if you had one of the wildest nights ever, and woke up with horns? What would you do? That’s the premise of this third novel from Joe Hill in which a man wakes up from debauchery and has to deal with what is going on in and outside of his head. A rare mix of comedy and horror makes this a romp worth checking out.

I know, this site is “Scary Film” review, but I thought it was appropriate to talk about Joe Hill for a moment before I got back on the movie train. I would like to ask anyone that uses amazon to patronize our links so that I can continue to pay for the lights to be on, and what not. If not, that’s ok, I’ll make it somehow.

Remember to leave a comment, to be entered to win Total Recall on Blu Ray. Winners will be announced at the end of the month.

3 Books to Scare Hell Into You

When it comes to scary films and movies, many times we forget that the cinema files are created from novels, books, articles, and other sources. Most importantly, many real life events shape the ideas that we see on screen both popular and not so popular. I was looking into The Exorcist and realized that the author had wrote several books on the matter and I wanted to share them with you guys as a post for those that read this site and also happen to read books. With that in mind, here are 3 books to scare hell right into you from the granddaddy of them all:



The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty – The 40th anniversary edition of this epic novel that spawned one killer movie is one of the absolute scariest pieces of literature. Whether you believe in the supernatural or not, Blatty has a way with describing the scenes that the reader is thrust into, that you will have to really hold onto something real to avoid getting sucked in. The book reads fast, and it doesn’t let up, all the way to the epic climax. You think you know the story, but you only got the Hollywood edition, here it is, the original format.



Legion by William Peter Blatty – Revisiting old ideas is rough for a writer, because often they are out of unique content, but that’s not the case here. While the movie adaptation really omitted a lot, the book goes deep into the mind of possession and cycles through some of the scariest moments that you can encounter with religious thoughts. Legion is a scary book that will leave your jaw on the floor with the epic conclusion.



Elsewhere by William Peter Blatty – The man who brought you the ultimate possession story brings to you an insane haunted house story that will leave you breath less. A realtor must sell a home but can’t, so he explores the ideas of out casting the devil, and well, things go awry. You owe it to yourself to check out this haunted house book before it’s too late.

There you have it, 3 books that will scare hell into you and maybe have you thinking twice before you reach for your dvd copy of the exorcist.

Extreme Measures Review

I’m not a big fan of romantic comedies, I just am not fit to watch a lot of those cheesy films where the boy meets the girl and the two fall in some sort of weird love and hooray, all is well with the world. However, that’s how the world was first introduced to one of the stars of today’s review, and his name is none other than Hugh Grant. The guy has been the main character in more romantic comedies than most other performers at this point in their career, but people also forget that before he was relegated to romantic comedy, he did dabble in a bit of horror. This thriller/scary movie was made in 1996 and based on a novel and it isn’t as bad as you might think. Today we will try to talk about Extreme Measures, the mid 90s classic.

The story’s main element relies heavily on the premise of a doctor conducting extreme experiments on homeless people that are going to die in the hospital. Instead of having them parish, a rogue doctor uses them to figure out how to cure certain diseases that affect the spine. So far, he hasn’t been able to succeed and much of his experiments have been proven disastrous. When Hugh Grant’s character gets a hold of what’s going on he wants it to stop, but you know that can’t happen, right?

Gene Hackman plays the rogue doctor and he has slipped by getting caught several times, and tries to convince the new doctor that what he is doing is finding a cure for paralysis, which would change the course of the future. When a rogue FBI agent gets involved, the two doctors fight for what they believe all the way into the last sequence in which the movie turns from horror/thriller into police drama.

Extreme Measures takes a horror premise, like that of Frankenstein and then turns it into a morality play more than anything else. Hugh Grant shows his range and Hackman is dead on with his stance on the matter of finding a cure at all costs. There are some sick and gorey moments in this film, with a taste of horror overall but you never truly feel like Hackman’s character is going to win out. The movie is fast paced and has more thrill than scare, but still fits firmly amidst the scary movie genre. If you want to scare yourself, just think about “what if”, and you’ll start to realize that these things could and are happening right under your nose.

Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies Review

It seems like everyone, no matter where they are in history, have to deal with some of the undead coming back to take over. That has to be interesting for those that are rewriting history with nonfiction, like this one, which poses one hell of a premise amidst the popularity of a novel in which our 16th president fights off an array of vampires. Before he was vampire killer, or rather after, I don’t know, he was fighting zombies, or so this film states. The film is entitled Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies and it is brought to you by The Asylum studios, which never sends me screeners so I have to buy or rent their pieces of shi….nevermind.

The movie starts off with a very young Abe watching his father commit suicide because his mother has turned into the undead and it’s only a matter of time before he has to become one. Abe is steadfast and he takes on his own mother by cutting her head off, and that starts us into a story that sees some badass fighting.

The actor that plays Abraham Lincoln, Bill Oberst Jr. and he knocks the hell out of this role. The 46-year-old actor impresses me so much that I was completely drawn into the film. He really poses himself to be as close of a replication to the president as you can get in cinema, and I for one admire that, considering the budget that this film is touting. He is a shining gem amongst B-Movie actors since he can definitely pull this off believably. He goes through the film and even has cliché lines that got a giggle out of me, but he manages to keep composure and goes through the film killing, maiming, and being the best president we’ve ever had.

The story revolves around the president and a select group of men that have to go off into confederate territory and try to squash an uprising of the undead kind, and he does so with such prowess that you’d swear he was superman. The movie takes 75% action and killing zombies, and mixes it with 25% boredom and talking as well as plot setup. Along the way he runs into some interesting characters like Stonewall Jackson, Teddy Roosevelt and the dastardly John Wilkes Boothe!

The film goes by fast enough, and even though Bill Oberst Jr. does a great job, it lackluster and starts to wear thin. The cinematography and direction is excellent, and for a mock buster, this is the best I’ve seen in a long time. It takes a simple premise and does a lot with a little, and though it’s far from my favorite, it’s better than say, “Gangs of the Dead”. Check out Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies today for a quick and fun romp through fake history.

Top 5 Horror Movies Based on Novels

The literary world is full of imagination and it’s no wonder that movies are based on books all the time. However, most epic films that are made from movies are not horror based, and therefore no one really thinks about the two colliding, with the exception of adaptations taken from famous authors like Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, Stephen King, and Clive Barker. Outside of a circle of authors, it seems that the horror novel is not the basis for many horror movies, or at least that’s how the public perceives it. I for one have noticed that a lot of horror novels and science fiction novels for that matter become major motion pictures and that’s why today I wanted to write this list. This is a list that should give you something to watch and read, so here you go, the top 5 horror movies based on novels as presented to you by Sir Jorge (me).

#5 Interview With The Vampire – Oh yes, a vampire movie that was full of innuendo, amazing costumes, and the world that was very unlike the traditional setting that you’d see from say, Bram Stoker. Anne Rice’s vampire novel made for quite the stir starring Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and a very young actress that some refer to as snaggletooth.

#4 The Silence of the Lambs – The book trilogy came out swinging with some disturbing violence and that translated to an amazing movie that garnered some critical acclaim. The movies based on Hannibal would be well received, even if Jody Foster’s role was replaced in the latter movies, the films kept movie viewers stunned, especially when in one scene Ray Liotta eats his own brains, while still alive. Thomas Harris’s novel really was great source material and made for one of the creepiest movies of all time.

#3 The Amityville Horror – Long before it became a series of films, one of which was in 3-D and one of which starred Van Wilder, this book set the genre on its head. The idea of a true story of a house that made the dwellers go insane and then remain haunted for years to come translated well enough on film, but the book goes into far more detail, as only books can. Jay Anson’s novel really puts up a standard on which all haunted houses should be measured; even if the movies are well, lackluster at best.

#2 The Shining – Stephen King might not like it, some people might think the movie is borderline boring, but Kubrick sure knocked out one hell of a movie when he based his film off of King’s work. The work of Stephen King is hard enough to shove into a full 2-hour film, but somehow Kubrick takes certain elements and makes for one freaky and scary ride, the ultimate haunted house flick turns out to be a psychotic nightmare, or is it?

#1 The Exorcist – The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty really didn’t shake things up until the film based on his work really shattered the realms of horror and perception there of. If you have yet to check out this film or book, you are in for one horrific ride into what drives most religious people to hide underneath their beds at night. This one is not for the faint of heart, even though the movies that came after the original became lackluster and dare I say trite. Or maybe the proper word is tripe, whatever.

There you have it folks, 5 books/movies that you need to check out, because you’re cool and I’m not.

The Baby Review

There are a lot of movies that make me cringe, but they are usually labeled as something horrific or have a lot of brutality. This 1973 horror film did nothing of that nature to me, until the final reveal in which I wanted to punch the television as hard as I could. Not too many things bug me, and most horror films I can figure out, but this film had me second guessing, talking to my girlfriend back and forth and wondering what in the world was happening and whether or not this film was a serious contender for an instant classic, and it sure played with me like, well, a baby. The film I’m going to try and ramble about today is The Baby.

The movie seems weird at first and continues in very awkward stages. The plot revolves around a social worker that has to deal with a very strange family that has a “baby”. The twist here is that the baby is full grown, an adult, and acts completely like a baby. When the social worker finds out that the family is abusing the child, a whole new world opens up and she fights hard to get him the help she believes he needs. However, there is a switch in plot points where psychosis sets in and the well to do worker becomes a serial killer, and before that ends something big happens, something so big that you’re going to probably laugh. During the film there is a point where one of the baby’s sisters breast feeds him, breaking yet another taboo in horror.

Now, the plot thickens and logic gets thrown out the window as we start to ask a lot of questions….for instance:

Is the child faking?

Is the child playing a fetish?

Is the child just mentally retarded?

Those questions and so much more start to take shape and I started to realize that no matter what I thought was right, it was wrong. The ending plays out like a modern Hitchcock tale with some extremes that you just can’t predict. If you called the ending before it happens, I commend you, otherwise get ready for something to punch you in the gut.

The Baby is not a scary movie, necessarily, but it has its moments. There’s no gore, no major sex scene, but it has enough horror elements to make this something to watch at least once. I wouldn’t watch it over and over again, and it is not a favorite, but it is something worth checking out, especially for what happens, in the end!

The First Movie To Scare Me in a Long Time: S&Man

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that most movies don’t scare me anymore. In fact, it’s hard to find a movie that makes me cringe, or think that there’s something sinister about life in general. Well, I have finally found such a movie, and it is a documentary/mockumentary entitled S&Man. The movie is pronounced Sandman, and the director is J.T. Petty. I admit, I didn't expect a whole lot from this movie, as I never really expect a whole lot from straight to dvd looking movies, nor anything that I can get on netflix streaming that I haven't already heard of. But, today, I was bored, and finally finished a semester of grad school, so I decided to try my luck at something new, something sinister, something that wasn't necessarily in the mainstream, and here it is, a nifty documentary of sorts, and something that interests me greatly. For those of you that work from home, you know what the urges to watch others might feel like, especially if you're as fascinated by people, then this movie sheds light on something even further...and that's where things take a nasty turn.On the surface this movie is just a fascinating look into voyeurism and underground filmmaking. The underground movies are quite interesting, and they are true to life. There are real people making low budget, near snuff films that they sell at a variety of trade shows and beyond. The films that the movie refers to are worst than those that are put out by Troma and others. Although, if you ever saw “THE TAINT” then you know what bad can be made in terms of gore and sickness.

This film is straightforward documentary style and is not at all scary. Until the crew run into a very real looking voyeur that tracks women and kills them on film. The movies that he produces are sinister, and they are true to life stalker footage films with pseudo death at the end of each episode. The character played by a real actor really gets into your head, and by act 3 you’re starting to believe that there are stalkers out there that do this and trade tapes on a regular basis.

It’s sick. Then you realize that you’re not watching something real, and that’s when you start to examine why you watch horror to begin with, and what your limits are as a voyeur into the inappropriate world of scary film. I for one don’t have a limit, and have seen the worst of the worst, but this film made me think that there is something even more terrible. S&Man is a very fascinating film, it is truly terrifying when you start to realize that this really is a true to life subculture, even if the film doesn’t fit into only one genre. I recommend this film, it scared me in many ways, especially because of the opening statements by the director about his neighbor, the voyeur….next time you see a camera, you’ll start to think of the characters in this film, and what might be…and what isn’t really there.

Rise of the Planet of The Apes Makes You Care About Monkeys

As a new month approaches, Scary Film Review will start to take some constructive criticism to heart. I will stop just titling things as reviews, and will try my hardest to post more often, and not just recommendations, lists, and things of that nature. Here we go, a new leaf, same design.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes came out to much dismay of yours truly, but it seemed to garner some significant praise from viewers, and after a lot of ducking and dodging, I managed to sit through it and was relatively impressed with how they made it all work. First and foremost, James Franco can really throw you into an emotional loop, and the computer graphics for once made me a believer in technology on film.

The movie starts slow, very slow, as we are taken into a prologue of how the other movies are or were to come. We are thrown into a lab for animal testing, where we see apes being tested, and their reactions. Throughout this process we are amidst science that is not too unlike what we are seeing around the world. Anyone that subscribes to Wired magazine can attest to that. The testing seems cruel, and after a while we get a reference to Congo, as one of the apes becomes a sort of pet to James Franco’s character.

There are always problems when you adopt a monkey as a friend, and we get this true to life “Curious George” style reaction to friendship, and when the monkey strikes a neighbor, the reality of what could happen turns out to be true to life. The story moves into a place where the authorities want to put down the monkey, but instead they move him into a warehouse full of others, and we see evolution play out.

The story moves fast after the initial 1-hour set up. That’s right, you have to wait an hour to set this story to where you’re going to end up. The science fiction elements get out of hand and the apes smarten up, but they don’t smarten up to a comedic standpoint like the first films from the 70’s. We do get that classic line “You damn dirty ape” but it’s not the same.

Overall the story is a bit slow, but when the action sets in, you really get a feel for what’s going on and it is a classic example of how science can really pose a threat to use. The story goes nuts in the third act, and the final act kind of drops the users off a proverbial cliff and you’re left with an opening that could make for a second film, if the producers want to move forward with the trilogy all over again.

I didn’t like the film too much, but it was entertaining enough. Rise of the Planet of the Apes is far better than the last time they tried to remake the film series, and it really does put a lot of drama and human emotion into the process. I didn’t hate it, and I think it will find many fans enjoying it on Blu Ray, as the visuals do deserve a second look. I won’t watch it again, but you animal lovers will love it and maybe even shed a tear like those that liked “War Horse”, which I didn’t.

Nude Nuns with Big Guns Review

If you have been following my website for some time, you know that I love exploitation cinema, and of course the genre of Nunsploitation. When the two meet it is a marvelous thing, and when the modern era of movies seem to appoint themselves to making another film with the premise of revenge, nudity, and more, I’m in. That’s why I had to jump at the chance to see the film Nude Nuns with Big Guns. Now, before I move forward, I must say that this film is not for everyone. There is a lot of nudity, a lot of violence, and several, well, rape scenes for lack of a better turn. If you’re offended by the nunsploitation genre, this one is going to really make you mad as they do a lot of piss you off.

The film is about a nun that is abused and beat up by priests that are working in the drug trade. When she is nearly killed in a trade, she is placed in the hands of a brothel and is pimped out and drugged. Take the ideas that you usually get with these types of movies, and put in a “nun” and you have the premise and beginning quite easily met. When she escapes, with the help of one of her captor’s helpers, she begins a rampage of killing all the members of the Catholic Church that did her wrong. But she doesn’t just do that, she makes sure to have a little lesbian sex with another nun that she’s sweet on.

She takes her mission from God seriously, and we get to see several stages of throw down with some sick weapons. Anyone that is involved with the biker gang that the church is trading with, and priests all get it. There isn’t much more to t his film than blasting bullets, nude scenes, and references to the Lord. It’s really a twisted romp through the world of revenge cinema with the guise of nuns and boy are they hot. If you’re into this genre, this is going to be met with open arms, otherwise, I wouldn’t recommend watching this film. The film is really harsh, features a lot of sick and twisted moments, and is right up the alley of horror fans that already like the genre. This is a perfect companion to any type of grindhouse film fest you’re throwing. I loved Nude Nuns with Big Guns, even though it wasn’t the right choice for a “date’ night at all.

Top 5 Fan Favorite Horror Movies

Horror movies are a delicate topic, especially when you have to talk about things such as rape, strangling, and other things that happen in film that really aren’t for everybody. I’ve been banned from some venues, and advertisers have pulled their ads because I refuse to censor my viewing habits or anything along those lines. I have been writing this site for quite sometime, and despite the fact that I only have around 5 or 6 readers, I still continue to move forward. One thing that has gotten my attention is the fact that there are 5 fan favorite horror movies that get the most attention on this website. I’ve posed over 600 reviews, and despite all t hose posts, these 5 films are the number one draws. They continue to get publicity, and while no one comments on them, they still get a lot of hits.

Here are top 5 fan favorite horror movies as per the Scary Film Review Website logs:

5. Chaos – Chaos takes Wes Craven’s notion of sickness and slasher horror from the 80’s and makes it completely extreme. You will not see a more brutal film that has been released in the United States before or after this one. This film features one of the worst examples of violence on women ever seen, but still manages to have a sense of interesting story. It’s not a gorefest, even though it’s sick and twisted. I feel that it tops Craven and tops most other revenge flicks by ten fold. Too bad more people haven’t seen it.

4. Lifeforce – Space vampires and a video game? This is an amazing piece of film making and Tobe Hooper doesn’t get enough credit. I’m not sure why everyone seems to find it on my site, but I’m glad they do. Space and vampires done quite well is hard to imagine, but it’s done here with such valor that you’ll never see this film on regular tv, there’s just too much nudity. It’s well worth checking out.

3. Pinocchio’s Revenge – This movie is a hard reality about how a Disney and fairy tale idea can get terribly twisted. I liked the Simpsons notion far better, but this one takes it to an all new murderous page. You probably haven’t seen this one, but it’s worth checking out for sure.

2. Ted Bundy – Ted Bundy is an insane romp with a legit scary part of history. This film is sick, only because it’s true to life in many ways. Ted Bundy is an insane killer and wow, perfect subject matter for the Slasher genre, and it’s hard to balance the two. Some of it is in fact fictional, but still, it’s rapidly true in many ways.

1. Basket Case 3 – This film is the third installment in the Basket Case series and quite possibly the most sought after. It’s sick, twisted, and just extreme. The first was awesome, the second was laughable, but this one? Wow, gore and oddities are taken to the utmost degree. You’ll find it humorous and boring, but it will be worth your time.

So there you have it, you have 5 favorites on this blog. You gotta check them out, and possibly buy a dvd.

The Human Centipede Review

I don’t know why I take so long to review major movies, but it just happens. I guess that’s the good thing about owning a blog of your own, you get to decide whatever you write and the schedule as well. This independent film had a lot of critics talking, and most people thought the idea was horrendous and sick. I found it quite fascinating, and found the best thing to do is just watch and see how it all plays out, and I for one was disgusted, but at the same time, enjoyed the cycle of torture that comes through in this pseudo science fiction film. What am I talking about? The #1 requested film, The Human Centipede (First Sequence).

The film has been given all sorts of media coverage, and by this point; you already know what the film is about. A mad scientist tries to create a centipede like creature out of humans, and he attacks at will. We first get introduced the main villain through a stop truck killing, and we move forward with two young ladies trapped by the vices of European travel. Mix a little “Hostel” with “High Tension” and you get the feeling that something is going to go seriously wrong for these two American sounding ladies.

The film moves fast through the scenarios, and by the time we get to the actual science, it sounds real and fascinating. The marketing said that this film was 100% medically accurate, which is just a marketing ploy that we used to see often in the 1980’s. The movie gets sick when the two women are placed face to ass and are fed through fecal matter of the first person’s body. The film pulls punches, it doesn’t let you see the actual surgeries and for the most part there’s a lot of make up to cover up what would otherwise be the sickest thing you’ve probably ever seen.

You get sick nudity, and you get some very disturbing images, but you don’t get the gore that you probably thought was involved with making a film of this type. There is a bit of comedic unbalance by the time you watch it, if you haven’t seen it yet, and you really start to wonder what all the hype was all about. Sure there are some sick points, but you have to really use your imagination to get there, otherwise you’re going to be flooded with the notions that were presented by Tosh.0 and South Park, rather than accepting the film as it is shown. I wouldn’t recommend The Human Centipede, it’s not something that you’re really missing, but then again, there’s a trilogy afoot, so maybe you should start our quest with this first release.

The Girl Next Door Review

Just when you think I’ve seen it all, reviewed it all, or at least stooped to the lowest form of entertainment, out comes this horror film that has a similar name to a 2004 comedy and knocks the hell out of my mind. The Girl Next Door is a portrayal of the worst type of crime that can be committed in modern times and is loosely based on a true story, making this more than just another slasher or torture film, it makes it unbearable at times.

The film takes us back 1958 and goes through some changes within a family gathering. A normal community is rocked by a bad situation where an aunt takes care of a couple of kids and slowly dives into abuse and chaos. The abuse gets worst and worst, starting off physical and ending up with a girl hung by her wrists in the basement, where a few neighborhood boys have their way as more torture happens.

I’ve heard and read the term “torture porn” and I hate that term, but if there were such a real term that would be used to describe this film. This movie doesn’t appear to be fake, it makes it look so real at times, that the loss of innocence is shocking and scary. To think that there are atrocities that happen in this manner and that there is a film that chronicles it in such an unnerving and real way, speaks volumes about the genre as a whole.

I had a hard time sitting through this one, but eventually was satisfied with the ending, which I won’t spoil for you. I found the film to be hard to watch, and will not watch it again, as it just doesn’t entertain like it should. There is just something wrong with the idea of torturing a young child, and this film really does break a lot of taboos in society. I don’t recommend The Girl Next Door, unless you’re a sick sick person.

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The Girl With The Dragon tattoo and The Mortician Reviews

This weekend I saw a lot of movies, but I only remember a couple standing out. In order to bring life to what I saw, I wanted to review both films, on this blog. Both of them were marketed as thrillers, and both have scary elements. For those that remember the original premise of this website, you’ll remember that my intentions were to explore horror and recognize why things are scary, and not necessarily just for “entertainment” purposes. With that in mind, I thought it would be fitting to review certain aspects of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and The Mortician in that manner. If you’re a fan of double features, consider this a two shot feature for today.

Up first, David Fincher’s boredom movement:

The premise is interesting, a very introverted hacker helps police solve crimes with her investigative skills, and we are treated to seeing her life in juxtaposition a magazine owner that has been bested in a libel suit. He gets the assistant of the hacker, named Lisbeth to help get information on the crooked businessman that has triumphed in a court case and help with the pursuit of a serial killer. The set up takes a while, and the slow moving daydream we are presented is dark, moody, and right up Fincher’s alley. He knows how to throw you into a very tight and suspenseful mood, but it’s a boring one. Fincher knows how to bore me, and he has done so in the last 5 movies that he’s made. People argue with me that I’m just jaded, but will not admit that his movies are slow moving and BORING. I was so bored, and then something snapped.

There is an abuse scene in this film that is beyond insane. I’m not sure why a rape, a very sick rape still warrants an R rating, because this is graphic. It’s really bad, but apparently it’s not worth a harder rating? Whatever the case is, the abuse creates a monster woman who will take out her revenge. Meanwhile Daniel Craig’s boredom shows through even when having love scenes with Rooney. By the way, is it bad that I find Rooney to be beautiful and hot? Probably.

The scary thing here is that there are real life hackers out there. They show up at all sorts of opportune times. They create havoc on a digital level, and continue to push through boundaries that are placed by web hosts throughout the world. Meanwhile, you have an interesting point of how money and power can create a monstrous element. A serial killer can in fact rise through the world and slip away free. With money, you can do anything, but there is a price to pay later down the road, if there are elements that are better, or more savvy than you are. We see that exhibited in the film a few times, and well, money seems to be a great foil, even for Lisbeth.

This movie is boring. It’s long, it’s dark, there are sequences where you see the characters READING a book, and watching someone play solitaire. You get the full depth of how boring investigative reporting can be, and although there are a few break through in the film, the majority of it is just slow moving and leads to no major impact. The “love story” subplot is just beyond me, and wanted to just fall asleep. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo might be an amazing book, but in the hands of David Fincher, bores the average viewer and someone like me to death. It sucks.



The Mortician

The Mortician is a movie that I thought was going to be a horror film. It turns out it was not a horror film at all, as it is just a thriller/drama. The movie introduces the audience to an introverted taxidermist and mortician at an urban morgue. The film moves slowly to show the boring life of a lonely death care worker. He gets involved in an odd situation when he sees a child’s mother get killed and thrown in a river. He wants to protect the child, but runs head to head with a gang leader who is out to shut the kid up.

The movie is shot in an “amber” lens throughout, and while there is a compelling plot line throughout this film, I found it boring and tired. There’s just not enough to thrill here and no wonder it’s something that most people haven’t even seen. Lionsgate once again throws up a brick with this film, and while I saw the whole thing, it was just boring.

Method Man, the famed rapper, makes an interesting character study here as he acts his way past his previous acting roles. He creates a classic element to the film that most people won’t see. Despite the flaws, he does do a good job playing the character.

It’s slow moving, and while the dramatic elements are kind of cool, it just doesn’t have that satisfying ending or thrilling/horror that you expect from the poster. The Mortician is not recommended. The reality of the things you se in this film is definitely something that is scary, and something that happens more often than not in our world, just watch the news to confirm.

Creepshow 2 Review

Just when you thought anthology horror couldn’t get any creepier out comes a few tales of horror from the masters of horror that will shake you a little. Creepshow was a movie that was first released to relatively low fan fare, but the sequel got me all sorts of excited as a kid. The giant poster of the creeper pointing towards the screen really got me, and when I finally rented it on vhs all those years ago, I was completely blown away. I recently revisited Creepshow 2, and wow, it’s still as good as I remember, although questions are raised during the second film that I can’t really get my head around.

The stories are interesting enough, so instead of trying to fill out a longwinded paragraph of things, I decided to simply review each story on its own.

Old Chief Wood’nhead

This story tells a tale of a poor town of Native Americans and local shop owners that are friendly to them. The two exchange a deal for debt, and we are treated to what seems like an ok tale of honor and respect. However, things go awry when a young Indian comes through the store guns blazing, and robs the place. On his way out though, he awakens the wooden chief that guards the store, and the chief goes on a rampage of revenge for the tribe and the shop owner! This scary tale really has major impact and is great for a short ride, not really a long-winded affair. Then again, it’s a short, so don’t worry, it hits hard then finishes itself nicely.

The Raft

The blob comes to life in this short, and it’s really scary to think that there are bogs and marshes out there that have these types of blobs full of dirt, oil, and much more. The sickening display of garbage here is alive and traps some vacationers within its gooey grasp. The weird part of this short is that there is an apparent attempted rape scene, which is just awkward and slow to watch. If you saw Cabin Fever, a similar thing happens near the beginning of the film, only this one has a full black blob to contend with.

The Hitchhiker

A cheating wife has to get home fast and ends up getting involved in a hit and run that would haunt her unto death. This story, I feel, has been told before, but I couldn’t really remember where I saw it. It’s nothing like the HBO series, but it still packs a good punch.

In between the films there are interludes of cartoon mayhem featuring the creeper and a comic book. A group of bullies have to deal with a flesh eating plant, but I won’t give too much away.

Creepshow 2 is a great piece of anthology horror. You’ll enjoy it for sure, and it really does flow well, even though it’s quite old. This one was released in 1987, so you can imagine that it hasn’t aged completely well, but it still has enough creep factor to be recommended. Check it out, especially if you like Stephen King and George A. Romero.

The Slumber Party Massacre Review

I’m not sure how things happen in horror sometimes. When I was 11 years old I first started seeing advertisements for this movie and the subsequent sequels. I always thought the posers were cool, especially the sequel material. I thought these movies were porno films, then one fateful night, I watched one, and was impressed greatly at the time. Fast forward 20 years and I sat down to watch The Slumber Party Massacre with my old eyes and was not exactly thrilled with how this film puts up a brick, but at the same time, slashes through several mediums to make one hell of a slasher film.

The movie is about a young woman and her friends throwing a slumber party. They have a full house to themselves but the neighbor is constantly checking in on them. They are all plotting different things, mainly to try and get some action from guys, but instead end up having to deal with a crazed mad man that is killing with a power drill. That’s it; the majority of the film is a dark grained film with lots of low lighting, nighttime terror and a crazed mad man who remains behind the camera until the end. This was very much like an Argento film in many ways, only with less laughable moments and no Goblin soundtrack.

I enjoyed the music; it really ramped up the tension from time to time and made for great moments during the serial knock offs. The visuals aren’t that great, lots of grain, low budget, and it’s evident there wasn’t any care in regards to lighting placed, and that’s just a genre thing more than anything else. The killer gets his way until the end, and showcases a spree of mayhem that should’ve made a franchise player, but instead, we just get a solitary storyline. The guy on the covers for the posters in the sequels are unlike this killer, which is interesting to note.

The Slumber Party Massacre is a good representation of what the genre films were at the time. It’s not a great movie, it’s not going to change your views, and it’s hard to watch at times. The violence on women is trumped up high on this one, and the comedic points are not at all what was originally intended. In fact, the writer’s were trying to make a parody instead of a pure genre film, but we see here presented a slasher. I don’t recommend it, but if you must own everything, go for the box set.