House of Wax Review

For today’s horror movie, we are going back to 1953. A remake, but something that has been heralded as a classic by many people. Fans of Vincent Price are immediately going to perk up, because today we are going to be looking at “House of Wax”. The first ever 3D movie to come through in color, and something that has to be considered with the way the movie plays out. You’re going to notice the call outs to 3D in some of the film, and while I don’t have a 3D television or anything, it’s still somewhat noticeable. 

The plot of the film starts out fast, with a wax artist that learns his business partner plots to burn down the place to collect insurance money. As that goes down, the two fight, and things go horribly awry, with an explosive end to this plot starting line. Following that up, there are bodies disappearing from the morgue, and they start popping up in a new wax gallery, alongside a phantom looking dude stalking victims to murder and stock his new wax museum. This leads to quite the reveal in the third act, and of course a final confrontation as is the case for horror movies in general. 

The movie shows its age with a lack of gore, and a lack of horror elements that you get with modern movies. That is not to say that it’s bad, but you really have to set yourself up for something a bit more mild than you would today. That’s not to say that there aren’t horror themes in “House of Wax”,  but it definitely feels aged. To enjoy this movie, you have to set yourself up for the past, and set your expectations back some. If you approach this movie with the same kind of expectations that you would a modern horror movie, you’re going to be disappointed with the pacing, the features and the reveals that the movie has for you. 

While “House of Wax” has a good share of story telling, it definitely feels a bit slow at times. I didn’t like the pacing, but by the time I was getting tired of build, there would be a shocker, or a poignant effect to break up the slow and steady pacing. The final reveals are good, and you really get some shocking revelations with the course of the movie, even if they are predictable to modern audiences. Vincent Price shines in this movie, and definitely makes it a strong contender for a horror movie of the past. 

“House of Wax” shows its age in a lot of regards. However, you’re going to find that there are moments that are often used in modern movies too. The 3D is dated, but it’s cool to see a bit of history on the screen, and it’s definitely not a bad movie. In fact, I recommend it, horror buffs are going to want to see their roots, and Vincent Price is a classical actor in the horror genre and things of the macabre. 

Santa Jaws Review

And now we present a review by our new contributing writer, Lennie. Enjoy! 

Santa Jaws is coming to town with her eyes all aglow. Listen for the jingling in the water and watch out for her Santa hat situated atop her fin. And yes, this is a real movie. Real money went into making it.

The film opens with an intense fight scene on a dock that starts rather abruptly. I was unsure if I was even at the beginning of the film. A deranged looking Santa Claus has a woman tied up, and our hero is trying to save her. I lost it immediately when he kicked Santa in the jingle bells, and the sound effects were relative to my euphemism. I was more than intrigued at this point, but knew I was in for something very bizarre when I first saw her, Santa Jaws.

Suddenly we are transported to a comic book shop where two young boys are working on their own story. Our lead, Cody, is the artist, and his best friend Steven is the writer of Santa Jaws. We now realize that the opening to the movie was the story the boys were working on. The owner of the shop encourages the kids to keep working on it and invites them to the comic book Christmas Eve party the next night. Cody is sure he won’t be allowed to go, but he has his heart set on it.

With family coming into town and a big Christmas Eve dinner planned, Cody wanted to escape even more. On Christmas Eve morning, Cody’s grandpa, “Papa”, invites him to go fishing with him and promises to sneak him to the Christmas Eve comic book shop party later that night. Before this, Papa gives Cody an early present: a magical pen in an inscribed wooden box. Cody is especially fond of this gift as he realizes he can use it to finish his book. He starts drawing with it right away, unknowingly opening a world of chaos and death.

Without giving too much away, Cody’s family and friends start dying off one by one. The cause of death: Santa Jaws. The magic pen had brought this imaginary creature to life. Cody bands together with his older brother, aunt, best friend, and crush to try to stop the monster he created. When Georgia, Cody’s aunt, is almost attacked, she stabs Santa Jaws in the eye with a candy cane. It seems to be the only thing that has been able to injure her so far. The crew realizes that he can only be hurt by things from his world, the Christmas world. They fashion together multiple weapons wrapped in lights and garland and try to put an end to all of this.

The movie doesn’t have many twists or turns or surprises. The shark is bad CGI, but very festive. And overall, most of the characters are not very likable. However, for a horror Christmas shark tale, this is a win in my book. Don’t expect a masterpiece but expect to be entertained. It is definitely worth a watch during the holiday season.

For those with Amazon Prime, this is available streaming, enjoy! 

Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker Review

In 2009, I reviewed the original four Silent Night, Deadly Night movies. I did not review the fifth one, however, and it wasn’t until today that I was able to sit down and review it. I saw it last night. “Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker” came out in 1991 and stars Mickey Rooney, of all people, and the poster art is kind of cool. The series at this point was a joke, and this movie doesn’t necessarily follow along with the rest of the movies, with the sole exception of a somewhat killer Santa at one point, but it’s short lived. 

The plot of the movie is a bit all over the place. We are introduced to Joe Petto (get it, eh, eh), and his son Pino (again, get it, eh, eh), and they are toy sellers. These will be the villains, but not at first, at first we get a kill with a crazy toy orb that suffocates the father of our lead kid. The kid says very little for the rest of the movie after that. In that regard, this pays homage to the first movie since there’s a death sequence in the first act. The movie goes along with Pino breaking into the home of the kid, setting up booby-trapped toys, and then moving along to worse. That’s the simplest way I can explain this plot, but even then, there’s so much in between that doesn’t push the plot forward, including a near pornographic sex scene with a babysitter. 

The pacing of this movie is horrible. I had to pause the film at one point because it seemed to be epicly long, but it was only 50 minutes in. Suffice to say that 50 minutes into this one, you’re not going to miss much, with the sole exception of introduction to characters. There’s a lot of downtime to set up the third act, and then the final act. 

Things go off the rails in “Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker” when Pino is discovered to have a secret, and changes the course of the movie completely. I won’t give away the twist, but that’s enough to spoil this movie I’m sure. It’s almost as though the writers threw their hands up and just went with a science fiction nod, more than a horror one, and well there are some awkward moments. I cannot express how awkward it is to see Pino dry humping a lady and calling her mommy, or maybe that’s it, the expression. Whatever the case may be, the final act goes off the rails and you are treated to the best part of the entire movie, which isn’t saying a whole lot as this thing really is slow. 

“Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker” is not going to be one of those movies you go back to a lot. The first film in the series is a classic, the second one is laughable, and then things really go bad with the sequels. The posters aren’t half bad, the movie does stick with you for the ending, I will give it that much credit. However, other than a few jump scares, some creepy toys, and a moment of a killer Santa, this movie is awful. I only recommend it for those that are wanting to complete the series, collect the dvds, or just want something in the Christmas Horror genre.  

The Green Inferno Review

Eli Roth really put himself on the map with his first few films, and then hit a wall when “The Green Inferno” came out. I don’t know why, but I feel like he didn’t do as much afterwards, but maybe that’s because his movies were all profitable and he wanted to do other things. I’m not a journalist, so I’m not going to dive too much into that, but instead focus on the task at hand, reviewing “The Green Inferno”. I heard about it previously, but didn’t really want to watch it as I was battling depression and didn’t really want to watch any horror movies for a while. That explains the gap on this blog, by the way. 

“The Green Inferno” has a simple plot, a group of college students aim to save the rainforest and run into more than they could handle. Well, not initially. They initially win, and there’s something kind of endearing about it, as they lock themselves up to a tree, get the bad guys on film, and celebrate on a private plane out of the jungle.

Until the plane’s engine blows and they get trapped in the jungles of Peru. 

The gore in “Green Inferno” is turned up, and it's not just from the cannibal element. The villagers are cannibals, and you immediately see the throwback to “Cannibal Holocaust” and other movies that were meant to scare you and gross you out all the same. Despite the gore, the pacing of this movie is really done well, and you never feel like you’re dulled into the next plot point overall. 

A straightforward plot meets you, the group gets lost in the jungle only to be found by a cannibalistic tribe, and they have to try to escape, if they can. That’s the break down to the twists and turns, and though you don’t know the individuals or their back story, you start to root for them as the tension builds with the turns that come along. There’s a clear cut villain here, and it isn’t just the cannibals, there’s a good bit of character modeling and acting, making this more fruitful than your average gorefest. 

“The Green Inferno” plays on a lot of fears, and it does so with gusto. There are moments where you swear the movie can’t get any more graphic, and there are times where the movie gives you a sense of hope, only to pull the rug. It’s a rollercoaster at times, and yet it eases you into the ending. It is a cannibal movie, but it has some wit, sense, and overall pacing that makes it far better than what you may think. It’s too easy to say that this is just another cannibal movie, especially the way it is shot, and the transitional pieces that lead you to start to cheer for the final girl. I’m not going to be watching this movie a lot, but I would definitely show it to someone new, a horror fan, and those that are tired of run of the mill slashers. This is a pretty good showcase of horror for the modern age. 

Gaia Review

A good poster always gets me. "Gaia" has a very cool poster, and it immediately drew me in to watch it. This is a South African horror movie, and it has a lot going for it. The premise is simple, and starts with a couple of park rangers that get their drone broken in the forest. One of them goes out to get it, and the other stays back. Simple start to a story, right? Well, things go off the rails when they encounter a couple of locals, and we have to figure out if they are friend or foe. 

While the horror of getting trapped by locals is definitely a horror film on its own, this one doesn't rely on that, as there's monsters afoot. These monsters are blind, and are ecologically based. I know that ruins it for some, but it's part of the bigger picture found in this movie. As the movie progresses there is an ecological bent to it. The ecological aspect of it really plays with the mind, and you start to second guess what is going on. 

Overall, there's only a few actors in this movie. There's just four overall, and the majority of the horror comes from the unknown, the monsters, and whether or not one can trust the locals. There's also a cabin in the woods, so there's that aspect too. The horror is trumpeted at times with traps, monsters, and of course an ecological twist that I won't reveal here. 

The pacing leaves something to be desired. There are no jump scares, there's not a lot to speak of in terms of traditional modern horror, but that is not a bad thing. The slow burn movement of this film leads to some shocking moments, and some clever plot pieces, only to finish off with an interesting premise. There were moments that I swore I had it figured out, but then the movie takes a turn for something else. It never strays too far from ecological horror at times, and there is a built in love story that seems to progress slowly, only to get changed up in the final act. 

"Gaia" is a slow moving horror movie. It's an interesting one, even though it leaves a bit much to be desired. There's not a lot of gore, but the premise and the plot movements keep you second guessing. The monsters are cool, the ecological aspect is interesting, but in the end, the pacing is going to cause you to either love it or hate it. Visually it's good, it's well acted, and has some good overall points of contention for horror fans. However, I don't think I'd watch it again, unless it was to show someone an example of  ecological horror, as it serves that genre well. 

The Resort Review

I’m usually behind when it comes to the latest and greatest releases, but one recent option caught my eye because of the poster. They say never judge a book by the cover, and well, a good poster will get me to watch just about anything. That’s what happened with “The Resort” a movie that has akiller poster, and the one thing that drew me in. Now, I like movies like “A Perfect Getaway” and “The Ruins”, so I figured this was going to be along those lines. What I found instead was something that played more to a television romp than a full-length feature, and that’s not necessarily bad, but it’s far from good too.

The plot of “The Resort” is simple enough, a group of friends are traveling to an abandoned resort and want to see what paranormal elements are there. The search for the “half-faced girl” is in the plot as well, and it honestly features just a handful of people.

What should be a slam dunk, turns into a movie of privileged people walking around debating topics that are not critical to the plot. There’s a lot of this, so much so that you are left wondering if this is a horror movie at all. Things go off the rail in the third and fourth act, and the real horror comes through, but by that point the majority of the audience has thrown in the towel.

“The Resort” has pacing issues. It’s slow, and without a formidable amount of jump scares, you’re left asking why the plot works. There are moments when you’ll even ask yourself why things are happening, and why decisions are made the way they are. Heck, you’ll just throw the rule book out the window by the time the real horror comes through, and you’re left with a possession element.

If there’s anything to praise about this movie it’s the practical effects that are utilized in horror elements of the movie. They are not CGI from what I can tell, and that’s a plus in my book. However, getting to that aspect of the movie takes you a long time, and by that point you’re either in or you’re out. I was definitely on my way out, but I stuck with it, and it turned out to be ok at best. I don’t recommend “The Resort” but hey, if you’re a horror addict, you may want to pick up the dvd.

Horror Noire Review

I love anthology horror movies. I’m a big fan of them, and always will be, but there are some that are better than others. Of course, there are classics like the “Twilight Zone Movie”, “Creepshow”, and others, and I thought for sure Shudder was going to bring to light another instant classic. I mean, the channel is one of the premier options for streaming horror movies today. With the release of “Horror Noire”, you get a bit of confusion up front. 

Search for the movie “Horror Noire”, and you get a lot of listings about the documentary of the same name. This review is not of the documentary, as it is a review of the movie “Horror Noire”, which is something that you should know going forward. If you’re confused, don’t worry, the poster above should tell you all you need to know about whether or not you’re reading a review on a documentary or not. 

There are six segments that are presented in the movie, and they each have a story to tell from the experience of Black America. That’s not to say that it is all political or current events, but rather it features voices from the Black Community. There is a blend of supernatural, creature feature, and xenophobia all rolled into one, and the pieces all fit together to showcase the unique horror elements that you would expect from shudder. The horror elements are done well, the supernatural especially done well, but there is a lack here and there of gore, and timing. 

Put away your jump scares, there’s not a lot to be found here, and there’s not a sufficient amount of gore to make you shutter. Instead, you get lengthy stories that really seem too long for their own good, with the exception of a few here and there. That being said, the main problem I had with “Horror Noire” is the running time of each one, and how it just kept lagging. Furthermore, I did not like the way they abruptly ended, which was also my problem with this years “American Horror Story” double feature. 

This is an underwhelming anthology. It is a good thought, it’s interesting on paper, but in the full run time, and constant slowdown of pacing, I found myself wondering what was next, because I certainly wasn’t drawn into the stories as much as I wished. “The Lake”, “Daddy”, and “Brand of Evil” are my favorite of the six that are out, and while it is definitely an interesting premise, it doesn’t hold weight throughout the more than 2 hours of feature film. 

“Horror Noire” isn’t going to win any awards, and while it is not a terrible anthology, it’s a bit slower than I’d liked it to be, and therefore doesn’t get my full recommendation. However, since it was made for streaming, it gets a higher review point than I would give other movies. I say you should check it out, just remember that it is a little slow, but still worth checking out. It reminds me a little of the blaxplotation era.