The Black Phone Review

There are a lot of modern horror movies coming through the woodwork, but none of them have garnered as much attention as some of the ones coming from Blumhouse Productions, and once again they put out a film that is getting a lot of attention. This time around it’s an adaptation of the story from Joe Hill, son of Stephen King. Adapted and made into a full length could very well mean trouble as there have been some misses in the past when adapting stories, ala “Thinner” for example. But here we are, the movie “The Black Phone” has come out and it garnered quite a bit of attention and movie goers went to see it, including myself and my girl Lynette.

The plot of the film revolves around a mysterious psychopath that is abducting and killing children. When he targets a kid named Finney, and puts him in a basement, a broken phone starts to ring, and a supernatural element comes through when the dead begin to talk. Meanwhile, there’s a secondary character having dreams about The Grabber (the psycho), and we get that thrown into the mix for good measure.

“The Black Phone” was slowly paced, and difficult to stay awake in if you’re not ready for it. I was beginning to get bored during the movie, but I stuck with it and throughout the movie there are moments that speak volumes to the ending, which is satisfying. I won’t reveal it, but it takes you on a slow moving trip, and then punishes your senses with some stellar moments. The acting is good, the movie tightens up a lot, slowing the pace just when you think things are going to speed up, and then brings forth quite the impact in the end.

While I didn’t like the pacing of “The Black Phone” I appreciated the villain, the pay off, and the overall cinematography. It is a well made film, and something that is going to haunt some for sure. If you can get past the slow moving process, you’re in for a treat, as this movie does well as a whole, not in pieces. I thought it was good, and well worth price of admission, albeit lacking in gore. That’s just a nitpick of course, otherwise this is a tight thriller of a horror picture that is sure to delight horror fans of all backgrounds.

Halloween (2018) Review

Halloween (2018) Poster

I waited for this movie to settle in my guts, and well, I finally saw it.

I took my sister to see this movie in a nice theater in Culver City, California and what I found was a trope that was very much in tune with the original movie, although with a lot of elements that are just, normal, in many ways. This takes on the idea of a sequel to the original movie, and it’s a testament to how creative people are today at times, but it also feels like a safe entry into the movie world that features one, Michael Myers.

You get a lot of people coming back to the series in this movie, and the plot revolves around a break out from the insane asylum, as per usual, and Michael shows up to his old haunts to look for Laurie and her kid. We catch up with Laurie, her kid, and the revenge that is going to be waiting Myers, if he shows up, and he does.

To say that Halloween is “safe” is an understatement. Every nook and cranny of this movie is predictable. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t entertaining, but in the course of horror movie sequels and attempts to revive narratives, this does nothing for me. Sure, it has a lot of nostalgia with the way it’s filmed, with some of the slow moving, cut away death sequences, but it also throws some notes to all the rest of the world of Halloween, including Season of the Witch. It’s easy on the eyes, but in the third act, it starts to get a little boring, and by the time you get to the end, you realize that you’ve been swindled into seeing the same movie again, only updated a few decades.

This is a movie that features what you want, death, mayhem, and of course, a nod to the past, without changing the future. It’s a solid entry, and it works for what it is, but let’s not look at this with rose colored glasses, because it’s not that great. The performances are good, Jamie Lee Curtis is great, and the rest is good, but the story suffers from formulas that are nothing short of paint by numbers. I don’t recommend spending money on this one, but hey, it’s part of a larger framework, so I guess it works to a certain degree. I didn’t think it trumped the others, and I don’t think it’s the best horror movie I’ve seen this year, or any year for that matter.

I could definitely wait for Blu Ray on this one, it’s that underwhelming and overrated for me. This, of course, after reviewing more than 900 movies for this blog.

Jurassic World Review

I just moved to a new city, a new state, and hit the reset button on this website. I was told that Amazon links aren’t going to work within the frames, so the archives are going to get a little bit of a shift. However, from what I know about these things, most of you aren’t clicking on anything, or buying from the links, so who gives a flying you know what. This weekend, as I settled into a new city, I went to the movies to see what the hype was all about with the new Jurassic World movie. It turns out, it’s a big pile of trash.

Nonsensical Decision Making

First and foremost, the characters all make and say the most asinine things, without any form of continuity. Sure, there are some that may argue about duality, or split personality or rationale, but there are some concrete elements that aren’t very good. For instance, the owner of the park wants to push the legacy of Hammond (the old guy in the original), but later doesn’t want to kill a serious threat to the safety of the park’s visitors because they’ve invested far too much money. This sort of dichotomy doesn’t make any sense, considering the character’s role. Oh, and of course, he dies by his own foreshadowing. This is not just him, there are several rash decisions. Not only that, why are villains just villains? There’s no storytelling, no reasoning, no greed, no back story, just stupidity. At one point the hero punches another for NO reason, none at all. Just because? Why? No explanation, we just have to accept it.

A Monster Movie None The Less

Let’s not fool ourselves. This is not an epic movie. The sweeping, and empathetic elements of Jurassic Park, the original are gone. This is a void piece of garbage. The cash grabs for Starbucks, Mercedes, Jamba Juice, Dairy Queen, and lots of other sponsors blatantly in the film doesn’t add up for me. The sweeping shots of the Mercedes emblem is far pushier than the original. Not to mention, the characters play absolutely dumb one minute, than smart the next, and even genius level when two kids miraculously know how to put an old Jeep Wrangler together after it’s been sitting idle for at least 20 years.

See Carnosaur Instead

Overall, Jurassic World has a good premise, but it’s a far cry from the intelligence of the original novel, and even the movie. If you hated Jurassic Park 2 and 3, then this is going to be right there with them. This movie was NOT needed, and plays with your logic worse than any horror movie I’ve seen in a long time. I would not recommend spending $34 to see this. That’s my total and I struggled to stay awake with this terribly plotted, ridiculous movie.

Then again, dinosaurs are cool? At least Carnosaur didn’t have the pretense. Jurassic World is the “hipster” of dino-monster movies. Yeah, I said it.