Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Jurassic World Review

I just moved to a new city, a new state, and hit the reset button on this website. I was told that Amazon links aren’t going to work within the frames, so the archives are going to get a little bit of a shift. However, from what I know about these things, most of you aren’t clicking on anything, or buying from the links, so who gives a flying you know what. This weekend, as I settled into a new city, I went to the movies to see what the hype was all about with the new Jurassic World movie. It turns out, it’s a big pile of trash.

Nonsensical Decision Making

First and foremost, the characters all make and say the most asinine things, without any form of continuity. Sure, there are some that may argue about duality, or split personality or rationale, but there are some concrete elements that aren’t very good. For instance, the owner of the park wants to push the legacy of Hammond (the old guy in the original), but later doesn’t want to kill a serious threat to the safety of the park’s visitors because they’ve invested far too much money. This sort of dichotomy doesn’t make any sense, considering the character’s role. Oh, and of course, he dies by his own foreshadowing. This is not just him, there are several rash decisions. Not only that, why are villains just villains? There’s no storytelling, no reasoning, no greed, no back story, just stupidity. At one point the hero punches another for NO reason, none at all. Just because? Why? No explanation, we just have to accept it.

A Monster Movie None The Less

Let’s not fool ourselves. This is not an epic movie. The sweeping, and empathetic elements of Jurassic Park, the original are gone. This is a void piece of garbage. The cash grabs for Starbucks, Mercedes, Jamba Juice, Dairy Queen, and lots of other sponsors blatantly in the film doesn’t add up for me. The sweeping shots of the Mercedes emblem is far pushier than the original. Not to mention, the characters play absolutely dumb one minute, than smart the next, and even genius level when two kids miraculously know how to put an old Jeep Wrangler together after it’s been sitting idle for at least 20 years.

See Carnosaur Instead

Overall, Jurassic World has a good premise, but it’s a far cry from the intelligence of the original novel, and even the movie. If you hated Jurassic Park 2 and 3, then this is going to be right there with them. This movie was NOT needed, and plays with your logic worse than any horror movie I’ve seen in a long time. I would not recommend spending $34 to see this. That’s my total and I struggled to stay awake with this terribly plotted, ridiculous movie.

Then again, dinosaurs are cool? At least Carnosaur didn’t have the pretense. Jurassic World is the “hipster” of dino-monster movies. Yeah, I said it.

3 comments:

  1. Ha, I totally agree. This film was a total cash grab. And oh what a grab it was. I did notice all of the product placements. It was so overt.I'm surprised they didn't put a pack of camel cigarettes in the kids pockets. I love your reference to Carnosaur. I thought I was the only one who saw that movie.

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  2. Thank you for your comment. It's rare to see anyone drop me a line in the comments. As such, you're right on all fronts too. Had this come out in the late 80s or early 90s, Chris Pratt would be smoking on screen. There may have been a sex scene too, as the tension was definitely shoved in our faces in this movie. They are making sequels now too...more of the same.

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  3. Totally agree.

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