Synchronic Review

A drama turns into something a bit more sinister as you navigate the set pieces of “Synchronic”. The movie details a few story lines leading to an interesting concept, and one that is deserving of mention, time travel. Those long time readers of mine know that time travel fascinates me from a scientific stand point, and really that’s what the movie is about, but not in the traditional scope. In fact, it comes with a little bit more nuance, and that’s what makes this movie a little more than meets the eye.

You get started in the movie with a simple premise, a couple of EMTS are dealing with constant overdoses. They are dealing with overdoses with a designer drug. This drug is starting to show up at all the calls the EMT crew gets, and they are starting to cause deaths. When one of the calls finds an EMT’s daughter missing, things go off the rails and the search goes on for them, meanwhile our main hero is diagnosed with a specific form of cancer in the brain. This all ties together somehow, but I won’t reveal how.

Through the course of the film we discover that the drug of choice is really a mechanism for time travel, but with a limited scope of resonance and time. This introduces our hero to a whole new set of possibilities, and lends itself into a rescue mission concerning time travel, limited resources, and of course past and present colliding.

Overall “Synchronic” is going to either bore you to death or it is going to intrigue you with some above average acting, and set pieces that are really well done. While this is not a movie that gained a lot of attention upon release, it is definitely one that holds up well in the chronicles of time travel movies. It’s slow paced, but it draws you in with every larger set piece, and eventually gives you something to cheer for and doesn’t let go of the tension. It’s nuanced, it’s cinema worthy, and definitely a movie you don’t want to miss if you’re a fan of time travel.

Great White Review

I’m always down to see a creature feature, and while some may argue that this doesn’t count, I argue that it does because we are facing off against mother nature. The movie “Great White” is simple, to the point, and draws you in immediately. The Australian horror movie was released earlier in 2021 and is now available through Shudder as it is an exclusive. We are going to dive into this one, and see whether or not it’s worth your time, especially as we are awash with Christmas horror on the streaming platforms. Could this be worthy of better than other shark movies? Is it going to be as good as Jaws? Let’s take a look at “Great White”, now streaming. 

The first thing that you’re going to notice is that the film’s cinematography is good. It’s an Australian horror movie and it has a decent visual budget to it. The natural splendor is shot nicely, and you really are treated to the wild, giving you a decent sense of adventure overall. If you have an HD tv, of course this is going to show. This seems like a straight to DVD movie, but the cinematography lends itself well to something a bit higher than that bar. 

The plot of the movie is simple, a group of tourists and their guides get stuck when their plane is attacked by a shark. The crew ventures out after they see a dead body wash ashore, which is why their plane is out in the waters to begin with. After the initial search shows up another dead body, the plane sinking, and the characters trying to get away, we are in full throttle survival mode. This becomes a full creature survival horror movie, and the scares are definitely put in with the shark’s motions and biting. 

The movie is slowly paced, has a good deal of horror moments, and is isolated in the way the presentation goes. If you’re a fan of shark movies, then you’ll know what to expect here, and you won’t be surprised by how the filmmakers handle the shark, the attacks, and whether there are survivors or note. It’s not too gorey, it’s not going to trump “Jaws” but “Great White” has a little something to offer most audiences, with a tense score, a tight script, and good overall acting. I didn’t hate it, and feel it’s a welcome addition to creature features, shark movies, and of course horror as a genre. 

“Great White” is now streaming as a Shudder release, at least at the time of this review. 

Slumber Party Massacre 2 Review

Once again, I’m drawn to a movie with the poster in mind. I reviewed the original Slumber Party Massacre before, and I finally sit down to watch the sequel. The poster features a greaser with a drill guitar and it’s the ultimate weapon in slasher films if you ask me. The movie follows the events of the first, and you even get a little bit of a flash back to start things. We move forward with the final girl from the past, and we are moving forward to a new day, putting the past behind us. 

The plot of the movie seems simple enough, a group of teenagers have a sleepover, and are stalked by a greaser with a killer guitar, no pun intended. The movie is a slice from the 1980s and it shows, with musical queues that are very specific, and of course the wardrobe that screams the date out a bit. In a way you will have to put yourself back into the past, and watch this as someone who’s not living in modern times, but rather in the 1980s or 90s, as there are moments that throw you back into the era. 

The majority of the plot comes through with simplicity, pacing being fast, and going through the motions of setting up the rest of the film. Courtney, our main hero, starts having bad dreams and the killer shows up without much of a forewarning. As with many sequels, the killer shows up and terrorizes the group without much of a backstory, considering the first movie already did that. That way the slasher runs through and starts to cause a shake up for the teens. Of course cliches abound, including those that are having sex and get killed, and of course a wrench is thrown into things with the third act, as well as the final act. I won’t spoil the movie, but suffice to say there is a psychological twist to the movie that definitely makes me mad as a reviewer. Long time readers will know what I mean when they get to the end, knowing how much I loath certain aspects of horror. 

There is some insane rockabilly moments, including a song and dance that you're going to laugh at. There's a mix of horror, gore, comedy, and more, and honestly, I can appreciate that overall. The movie takes a few weird turns, and you can't take it too seriously. 

Visually the movie isn’t going to win any awards, it is straightforward, with some blood splatter here and there. It’s definitely a slasher flick, so you don’t have to worry about it being tame in that regard. It follows the original film trope with slashing, the guitar, and the evil greaser. It’s a fun movie that really doesn’t cause you think too much and honestly, what do you expect from a late 1980s slasher? I found it to be good, and definitely worth checking out as part of the series. The poster, however, is what really sold it for me, and will probably sell it for you too. It’s within that poster framework that makes this movie interesting for me, as I’m a sucker for a good poster. Check out “Slumber Party Massacre 2” on dvd while you can. 

The Loved Ones Review

A good revenge flick needs a hook. “The Loved Ones” did not have that initial hook, but it certainly carried itself away in the revenge horror category, albeit with a twist. The plot of the movie is simple, and ramps up heavy with gore, and more. The story simply puts you in a “what if” world, that is kind of scary to say the least, and then drives the point home. 

The plot of the film features a simple premise. A young woman asks a young man to the dance, and he declines. She gets mad, and instead of just blowing it off, she decides to seek out revenge by kidnapping him and forcing him into a somewhat deadly twist of events. 

This is an Australian horror movie, and it is fast paced. It starts swift, and continues to throw you through the revenge plot and fight to get out. You don’t have a lot of time to breathe, especially once our main hero is trapped and being held against his will. By the time you get through the first two acts, you are treated with a twist that definitely didn’t get broadcasted at first. I won’t reveal it, but it’s definitely something that I liked and thought was clever to say the least. 

The movie is shot well, it has some good overall direction, acting, and hits all the right buttons for a horror movie. The drawback may be the accents for some, but other than that, you’ll find that there are some cliché moments overall. “The Loved Ones” brings about a good sense of dread, revenge plot, and even feels like a grindhouse picture at times. You root for the hero, you jeer the villain, and you hope for the best, until you get more dread than you bargained for overall. In the end, this is a horror flick you want to check out, and possibly add it to your collection. 

Underwater Review

Modern horror isn’t always on my radar, no matter how hard I try to stay in the loop, I feel like I’m a few steps behind. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just the truth. “Underwater” is one of those movies that I completely blanked on when it was released, and a lot of people probably didn’t catch it, though it is a tightly wound science fiction horror film. Those that are fans of deep sea movies will find that this has a bit of a twist that is definitely appreciated in horror circles, and while there is some comedic relief, it delivers on a lot of levels, without being too self-aware.

A research facility is rocked when an earthquake hits and destroys a great bit of the structure. That leaves our heroine played by Kristen Stewart and a group of people left behind without damage. It’s up to them to escape the ruins of the facility, but in doing so, they start to encounter something awry. There are creatures that are deep within the sea, and they must fight them off in order to escape and see a new day. With that, there are moments of dread, horror, and a nod to Cthulhu and Deep Ones, as the facility is miles and miles beneath the sea.

The movie has a claustrophobic feel to it. You are thrown into the main issues that the survivors have, and are given little to no backstory. That’s one thing, you get nothing in the way of the past, nor a reason to care about the people involved. If you’re looking for anything regarding the past, you’re not going to find it really, with a few exceptions here and there where you get introduced to family through pictures, found and tried to salvage. The under water sequences, and the suits utilized all have a very closed off feel to them, and the camera cuts cause you to lost a little bit of equilibrium overall.

For the comic relief we have T.J. Miller, and he does a good job of not interjecting too much. The biggest complaint people might have is in regard to Kristen Stewart’s acting. She’s a polarizing actress, and someone that many people will be turned off by in regards to the movie. She’s the star, and goes through the whole movie, so if you’re not a fan, you’re going to have to deal with her for 95 minutes.

As the movie unfolds, there are moments of shock and awe, with a little bit of gore here and there. It’s a fast paced movie that isn’t too long, and really sews up fast. The claustrophobic feel lends itself well to the type of movie it is, but you’re left asking a few questions here and there. By the time you start asking questions, you’ll find that the monsters are well in view, and while there is a lot of CGI to fill the screen, it never becomes so much that it’s laughable. There’s a deep sense of dread found in “Underwater” and an isolation aspect that you are no doubt going to find pairs well with the larger horror of outside monsters. In that regard the movie succeeds, giving you just enough dread to balance out the optimism that the final act presents.

“Underwater” is a fast paced science fiction horror movie. It’s well crafted, dark, and feels good throughout. You’re going to either love it or hate based on the actors involved, but it is definitely a nightmare scenario that gets even worse as the story unfolds. It’s definitely recommended for science fiction and of course horror fans. I just wish it had a little more backstory to the characters, but in a way, that makes it seem more like a television show than a movie, so perhaps it is not needed. I recommend “Underwater”.

"Underwater" is available streaming here, and the blu-ray is scarce, so good luck. 

Press Release: BREAKING GLASS SET TO RELEASE GONZALO CALZADA'S DOUBLE BILL "NOCTURNA" THIS JANUARY

"So emotionally charged that it's hard to control the tears from a very early point" 

- Martin Unsworth, 'Nocturna': Frightfest 2021 Review (STARBURST)

"Falling somewhere between Michael Haneke's Amour (2012) and Florian Zeller's The Father (2020)" 

- Anton Bitel, Ten picks from FrightFest 2021 (SIGHT AND SOUND)

"Few horror thrillers have struck an emotional chord like Nocturna has" 

- Andrew Mack, 'Nocturna': Fantaspoa Review (SCREEN ANARCHY)

Breaking Glass Pictures is set to release Argentine writer-director Gonzalo Calzada's (Resurrection, Lucifernia) double bill Nocturna: Side A - The Great Old Man's Night and Nocturna: Side B - Where the Elephants Go to Die on DVD and Digital on January 18.

“Nocturna: Side A – The Great Old Man’s Night” follows a nearly 100-year-old man who, on his final night on earth, fights for redemption from his life’s misdeeds. In “Nocturna: Side B – Where Elephants Go to Die,” Calzada embarks on an aesthetically opposite experimental twist of the same story. 

Nocturna: Side A garnered the Best Actor and Best Actress awards at Brazil’s Fantaspoa 2021, screened at FrightFest Film Festival as well as in the midnight section of the 24th Shanghai Film Festival, and in competition for Best Ibero-American feature at the 20th Macabro Film Festival where it won Best Feature. The film premiered at Screamfest Film Festival 2021, where it won multiple awards, including Best Film, Best Director, Best Actor & Best Editing.

"Nocturna" is headlined by Argentine actor and playwright Pepe Soriano, a 50-year industry veteran, three-time Argentine Critics Association Award-winner, Spanish Academy Goya Award nominee for his role as Franco's double in "Wait for Me in Heaven," and Valladolid best actor winner for his work in "El ultimo tren." 

Marilu Marini, a star of French genre films from the '70s and '80s, plays opposite Soriano in a continuation of her career renaissance which includes 2017's "Los Que Aman Odian," Argentina's 2020 Oscar submission "The Sleepwalkers" and Netflix's French series "Vampires." 

Nocturna: Side A - The Great Old Man's Night and Nocturna: Side B - Where the Elephants Go to Die will be released January 18 on iTunes/Apple TV, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play, Xbox, Vudu, Vimeo, DirecTv, local cable & satellite providers, and on DVD.

House of Wax Review

For today’s horror movie, we are going back to 1953. A remake, but something that has been heralded as a classic by many people. Fans of Vincent Price are immediately going to perk up, because today we are going to be looking at “House of Wax”. The first ever 3D movie to come through in color, and something that has to be considered with the way the movie plays out. You’re going to notice the call outs to 3D in some of the film, and while I don’t have a 3D television or anything, it’s still somewhat noticeable. 

The plot of the film starts out fast, with a wax artist that learns his business partner plots to burn down the place to collect insurance money. As that goes down, the two fight, and things go horribly awry, with an explosive end to this plot starting line. Following that up, there are bodies disappearing from the morgue, and they start popping up in a new wax gallery, alongside a phantom looking dude stalking victims to murder and stock his new wax museum. This leads to quite the reveal in the third act, and of course a final confrontation as is the case for horror movies in general. 

The movie shows its age with a lack of gore, and a lack of horror elements that you get with modern movies. That is not to say that it’s bad, but you really have to set yourself up for something a bit more mild than you would today. That’s not to say that there aren’t horror themes in “House of Wax”,  but it definitely feels aged. To enjoy this movie, you have to set yourself up for the past, and set your expectations back some. If you approach this movie with the same kind of expectations that you would a modern horror movie, you’re going to be disappointed with the pacing, the features and the reveals that the movie has for you. 

While “House of Wax” has a good share of story telling, it definitely feels a bit slow at times. I didn’t like the pacing, but by the time I was getting tired of build, there would be a shocker, or a poignant effect to break up the slow and steady pacing. The final reveals are good, and you really get some shocking revelations with the course of the movie, even if they are predictable to modern audiences. Vincent Price shines in this movie, and definitely makes it a strong contender for a horror movie of the past. 

“House of Wax” shows its age in a lot of regards. However, you’re going to find that there are moments that are often used in modern movies too. The 3D is dated, but it’s cool to see a bit of history on the screen, and it’s definitely not a bad movie. In fact, I recommend it, horror buffs are going to want to see their roots, and Vincent Price is a classical actor in the horror genre and things of the macabre. 

Santa Jaws Review

And now we present a review by our new contributing writer, Lennie. Enjoy! 

Santa Jaws is coming to town with her eyes all aglow. Listen for the jingling in the water and watch out for her Santa hat situated atop her fin. And yes, this is a real movie. Real money went into making it.

The film opens with an intense fight scene on a dock that starts rather abruptly. I was unsure if I was even at the beginning of the film. A deranged looking Santa Claus has a woman tied up, and our hero is trying to save her. I lost it immediately when he kicked Santa in the jingle bells, and the sound effects were relative to my euphemism. I was more than intrigued at this point, but knew I was in for something very bizarre when I first saw her, Santa Jaws.

Suddenly we are transported to a comic book shop where two young boys are working on their own story. Our lead, Cody, is the artist, and his best friend Steven is the writer of Santa Jaws. We now realize that the opening to the movie was the story the boys were working on. The owner of the shop encourages the kids to keep working on it and invites them to the comic book Christmas Eve party the next night. Cody is sure he won’t be allowed to go, but he has his heart set on it.

With family coming into town and a big Christmas Eve dinner planned, Cody wanted to escape even more. On Christmas Eve morning, Cody’s grandpa, “Papa”, invites him to go fishing with him and promises to sneak him to the Christmas Eve comic book shop party later that night. Before this, Papa gives Cody an early present: a magical pen in an inscribed wooden box. Cody is especially fond of this gift as he realizes he can use it to finish his book. He starts drawing with it right away, unknowingly opening a world of chaos and death.

Without giving too much away, Cody’s family and friends start dying off one by one. The cause of death: Santa Jaws. The magic pen had brought this imaginary creature to life. Cody bands together with his older brother, aunt, best friend, and crush to try to stop the monster he created. When Georgia, Cody’s aunt, is almost attacked, she stabs Santa Jaws in the eye with a candy cane. It seems to be the only thing that has been able to injure her so far. The crew realizes that he can only be hurt by things from his world, the Christmas world. They fashion together multiple weapons wrapped in lights and garland and try to put an end to all of this.

The movie doesn’t have many twists or turns or surprises. The shark is bad CGI, but very festive. And overall, most of the characters are not very likable. However, for a horror Christmas shark tale, this is a win in my book. Don’t expect a masterpiece but expect to be entertained. It is definitely worth a watch during the holiday season.

For those with Amazon Prime, this is available streaming, enjoy! 

Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker Review

In 2009, I reviewed the original four Silent Night, Deadly Night movies. I did not review the fifth one, however, and it wasn’t until today that I was able to sit down and review it. I saw it last night. “Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker” came out in 1991 and stars Mickey Rooney, of all people, and the poster art is kind of cool. The series at this point was a joke, and this movie doesn’t necessarily follow along with the rest of the movies, with the sole exception of a somewhat killer Santa at one point, but it’s short lived. 

The plot of the movie is a bit all over the place. We are introduced to Joe Petto (get it, eh, eh), and his son Pino (again, get it, eh, eh), and they are toy sellers. These will be the villains, but not at first, at first we get a kill with a crazy toy orb that suffocates the father of our lead kid. The kid says very little for the rest of the movie after that. In that regard, this pays homage to the first movie since there’s a death sequence in the first act. The movie goes along with Pino breaking into the home of the kid, setting up booby-trapped toys, and then moving along to worse. That’s the simplest way I can explain this plot, but even then, there’s so much in between that doesn’t push the plot forward, including a near pornographic sex scene with a babysitter. 

The pacing of this movie is horrible. I had to pause the film at one point because it seemed to be epicly long, but it was only 50 minutes in. Suffice to say that 50 minutes into this one, you’re not going to miss much, with the sole exception of introduction to characters. There’s a lot of downtime to set up the third act, and then the final act. 

Things go off the rails in “Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker” when Pino is discovered to have a secret, and changes the course of the movie completely. I won’t give away the twist, but that’s enough to spoil this movie I’m sure. It’s almost as though the writers threw their hands up and just went with a science fiction nod, more than a horror one, and well there are some awkward moments. I cannot express how awkward it is to see Pino dry humping a lady and calling her mommy, or maybe that’s it, the expression. Whatever the case may be, the final act goes off the rails and you are treated to the best part of the entire movie, which isn’t saying a whole lot as this thing really is slow. 

“Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker” is not going to be one of those movies you go back to a lot. The first film in the series is a classic, the second one is laughable, and then things really go bad with the sequels. The posters aren’t half bad, the movie does stick with you for the ending, I will give it that much credit. However, other than a few jump scares, some creepy toys, and a moment of a killer Santa, this movie is awful. I only recommend it for those that are wanting to complete the series, collect the dvds, or just want something in the Christmas Horror genre.  

The Green Inferno Review

Eli Roth really put himself on the map with his first few films, and then hit a wall when “The Green Inferno” came out. I don’t know why, but I feel like he didn’t do as much afterwards, but maybe that’s because his movies were all profitable and he wanted to do other things. I’m not a journalist, so I’m not going to dive too much into that, but instead focus on the task at hand, reviewing “The Green Inferno”. I heard about it previously, but didn’t really want to watch it as I was battling depression and didn’t really want to watch any horror movies for a while. That explains the gap on this blog, by the way. 

“The Green Inferno” has a simple plot, a group of college students aim to save the rainforest and run into more than they could handle. Well, not initially. They initially win, and there’s something kind of endearing about it, as they lock themselves up to a tree, get the bad guys on film, and celebrate on a private plane out of the jungle.

Until the plane’s engine blows and they get trapped in the jungles of Peru. 

The gore in “Green Inferno” is turned up, and it's not just from the cannibal element. The villagers are cannibals, and you immediately see the throwback to “Cannibal Holocaust” and other movies that were meant to scare you and gross you out all the same. Despite the gore, the pacing of this movie is really done well, and you never feel like you’re dulled into the next plot point overall. 

A straightforward plot meets you, the group gets lost in the jungle only to be found by a cannibalistic tribe, and they have to try to escape, if they can. That’s the break down to the twists and turns, and though you don’t know the individuals or their back story, you start to root for them as the tension builds with the turns that come along. There’s a clear cut villain here, and it isn’t just the cannibals, there’s a good bit of character modeling and acting, making this more fruitful than your average gorefest. 

“The Green Inferno” plays on a lot of fears, and it does so with gusto. There are moments where you swear the movie can’t get any more graphic, and there are times where the movie gives you a sense of hope, only to pull the rug. It’s a rollercoaster at times, and yet it eases you into the ending. It is a cannibal movie, but it has some wit, sense, and overall pacing that makes it far better than what you may think. It’s too easy to say that this is just another cannibal movie, especially the way it is shot, and the transitional pieces that lead you to start to cheer for the final girl. I’m not going to be watching this movie a lot, but I would definitely show it to someone new, a horror fan, and those that are tired of run of the mill slashers. This is a pretty good showcase of horror for the modern age. 

Gaia Review

A good poster always gets me. "Gaia" has a very cool poster, and it immediately drew me in to watch it. This is a South African horror movie, and it has a lot going for it. The premise is simple, and starts with a couple of park rangers that get their drone broken in the forest. One of them goes out to get it, and the other stays back. Simple start to a story, right? Well, things go off the rails when they encounter a couple of locals, and we have to figure out if they are friend or foe. 

While the horror of getting trapped by locals is definitely a horror film on its own, this one doesn't rely on that, as there's monsters afoot. These monsters are blind, and are ecologically based. I know that ruins it for some, but it's part of the bigger picture found in this movie. As the movie progresses there is an ecological bent to it. The ecological aspect of it really plays with the mind, and you start to second guess what is going on. 

Overall, there's only a few actors in this movie. There's just four overall, and the majority of the horror comes from the unknown, the monsters, and whether or not one can trust the locals. There's also a cabin in the woods, so there's that aspect too. The horror is trumpeted at times with traps, monsters, and of course an ecological twist that I won't reveal here. 

The pacing leaves something to be desired. There are no jump scares, there's not a lot to speak of in terms of traditional modern horror, but that is not a bad thing. The slow burn movement of this film leads to some shocking moments, and some clever plot pieces, only to finish off with an interesting premise. There were moments that I swore I had it figured out, but then the movie takes a turn for something else. It never strays too far from ecological horror at times, and there is a built in love story that seems to progress slowly, only to get changed up in the final act. 

"Gaia" is a slow moving horror movie. It's an interesting one, even though it leaves a bit much to be desired. There's not a lot of gore, but the premise and the plot movements keep you second guessing. The monsters are cool, the ecological aspect is interesting, but in the end, the pacing is going to cause you to either love it or hate it. Visually it's good, it's well acted, and has some good overall points of contention for horror fans. However, I don't think I'd watch it again, unless it was to show someone an example of  ecological horror, as it serves that genre well. 

The Resort Review

I’m usually behind when it comes to the latest and greatest releases, but one recent option caught my eye because of the poster. They say never judge a book by the cover, and well, a good poster will get me to watch just about anything. That’s what happened with “The Resort” a movie that has akiller poster, and the one thing that drew me in. Now, I like movies like “A Perfect Getaway” and “The Ruins”, so I figured this was going to be along those lines. What I found instead was something that played more to a television romp than a full-length feature, and that’s not necessarily bad, but it’s far from good too.

The plot of “The Resort” is simple enough, a group of friends are traveling to an abandoned resort and want to see what paranormal elements are there. The search for the “half-faced girl” is in the plot as well, and it honestly features just a handful of people.

What should be a slam dunk, turns into a movie of privileged people walking around debating topics that are not critical to the plot. There’s a lot of this, so much so that you are left wondering if this is a horror movie at all. Things go off the rail in the third and fourth act, and the real horror comes through, but by that point the majority of the audience has thrown in the towel.

“The Resort” has pacing issues. It’s slow, and without a formidable amount of jump scares, you’re left asking why the plot works. There are moments when you’ll even ask yourself why things are happening, and why decisions are made the way they are. Heck, you’ll just throw the rule book out the window by the time the real horror comes through, and you’re left with a possession element.

If there’s anything to praise about this movie it’s the practical effects that are utilized in horror elements of the movie. They are not CGI from what I can tell, and that’s a plus in my book. However, getting to that aspect of the movie takes you a long time, and by that point you’re either in or you’re out. I was definitely on my way out, but I stuck with it, and it turned out to be ok at best. I don’t recommend “The Resort” but hey, if you’re a horror addict, you may want to pick up the dvd.

Horror Noire Review

I love anthology horror movies. I’m a big fan of them, and always will be, but there are some that are better than others. Of course, there are classics like the “Twilight Zone Movie”, “Creepshow”, and others, and I thought for sure Shudder was going to bring to light another instant classic. I mean, the channel is one of the premier options for streaming horror movies today. With the release of “Horror Noire”, you get a bit of confusion up front. 

Search for the movie “Horror Noire”, and you get a lot of listings about the documentary of the same name. This review is not of the documentary, as it is a review of the movie “Horror Noire”, which is something that you should know going forward. If you’re confused, don’t worry, the poster above should tell you all you need to know about whether or not you’re reading a review on a documentary or not. 

There are six segments that are presented in the movie, and they each have a story to tell from the experience of Black America. That’s not to say that it is all political or current events, but rather it features voices from the Black Community. There is a blend of supernatural, creature feature, and xenophobia all rolled into one, and the pieces all fit together to showcase the unique horror elements that you would expect from shudder. The horror elements are done well, the supernatural especially done well, but there is a lack here and there of gore, and timing. 

Put away your jump scares, there’s not a lot to be found here, and there’s not a sufficient amount of gore to make you shutter. Instead, you get lengthy stories that really seem too long for their own good, with the exception of a few here and there. That being said, the main problem I had with “Horror Noire” is the running time of each one, and how it just kept lagging. Furthermore, I did not like the way they abruptly ended, which was also my problem with this years “American Horror Story” double feature. 

This is an underwhelming anthology. It is a good thought, it’s interesting on paper, but in the full run time, and constant slowdown of pacing, I found myself wondering what was next, because I certainly wasn’t drawn into the stories as much as I wished. “The Lake”, “Daddy”, and “Brand of Evil” are my favorite of the six that are out, and while it is definitely an interesting premise, it doesn’t hold weight throughout the more than 2 hours of feature film. 

“Horror Noire” isn’t going to win any awards, and while it is not a terrible anthology, it’s a bit slower than I’d liked it to be, and therefore doesn’t get my full recommendation. However, since it was made for streaming, it gets a higher review point than I would give other movies. I say you should check it out, just remember that it is a little slow, but still worth checking out. It reminds me a little of the blaxplotation era.

Python Review

One of my favorite genres of horror is the horror comedy. When it’s done right, it can be a captivating piece of cinema. Done wrong, and it can be a labor to get through. I first caught “Python” advertised online and didn’t think much of it, so it took me a long time to finally sit down and watch it. This is a made for television movie, that has a small following on dvd. 

An airplane carrying a large box is disrupted when the crew decides to open a crate. That crate holds an enormous monster, but of course we don’t see the monster at first. The opening is tense, I give it that, and then the movie slows down to a crawl, before we start to figure out that there’s an experimental serpent like creature on the loose. Through the course of the film, we are treated to some terrible CGI, and some interesting plot points that have nothing to do with the snake. In fact, the subplot will have you laughing, especially the focus on mountain bike riding. 

William Zabka, Casper Van Dien, Robert Englund, Wil Wheaton, and others cannot save this movie from being a boredom fest for 99 minutes. There are few redeeming factors found in this one, and something that I hate having to say. But why did I watch the whole thing? Curiosity, especially to see the deaths of so many unlikable characters. 

Here’s the thing, “Python” is not a highly recommended film, but it’s a guilty pleasure. Zabka and Englund are my two main reasons to rewatch this one, and the creature is insane, with modern day “creature feature” written all over it. I’ve seen worse. I don’t think a lot of people are going to love this one, but as far as a snake movie, I give it a mediocre rating, three out of five stars. It doesn’t pretend to be more than it is, and it certainly leaves you feeling good at various points, especially with Robert Englund and Zabka doing the heavy lifting.