Friday, October 29, 2010

End of the Month Deathtoll End of October 2010 Edition

We are nearing 500 posts on this blog, and that's a triumph for me. I almost quit writing altogether a few years ago, but have somehow mustered up enough to keep writing horror movie reviews 3 days a week. Thank you kind readers, and those that comment.

First and foremost, I have created an ARCHIVAL LIST of EVERY SCARY FILM reviewed. You can click HERE to find it.

Every month I post a look back at the reviews, and here is this month's list:

Whatcha Gonna Que? Halloween Episode
End of the Month Mail Bag End of October 2010 Edit...
Stigmata Review
Christine Review
REWIND: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Reve...
Hannibal Review
The Silence of the Lambs Review
Hellphone Trailer
From the Mailbag Mid October 2010 Edition
REWIND: Planet Terror Review
REWIND: Ice Spiders Review
The Stuff Review
Scream 3 Review
Scream 2 Review

This weekend, I'm going to be seeing Saw 3D and will review it for the first of November on this site. So watch out for that. I'm glad to see the Saw series finally coming to an end, but am NOT a huge fan of 3d movies. I saved for months to get to go see this film in theaters, since I still have no job. Enjoy the archives for now...I'm off to sleep or something.

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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Whatcha Gonna Que? Halloween Episode

I received an email from some nerd that does a video show, and I liked the show enough to post it. This show is essentially a recommendation show, and this time around they did a "Halloween" episode.

So enjoy this, and rent or buy some horror.

As for me?

I'm going to watch Hostel again, cause I still have no job and am broke.



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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

End of the Month Mail Bag End of October 2010 Edition

Well, despite more than a year of not having a job, I've managed to keep my head above water thanks in part to that 1 person out there that bought Pumpkin Head on dvd. Yeah, you gave me 40 cents! I am kidding of course, well, only slightly. I still have no job, I'm fighting depression in a way, but am thankful that I've managed to eat ok and pay my student loans.

The month of October is almost done, and lots of comments came through, so here they are, with my replies, and such.

gatherparadise said in regards to my "Top 3 Camp Horror Movies":

Just watched The Burning today. Had never heard of this 1981 film, but after watching it, would highly recommend it!

Right on, The Burning is a classic. I discovered the film when my coworkers a few years back were debating this one sequence that we could never find. The sequence involved a pitchfork and a pregnant lady, we never found it, but in the process we found this gem of a horror film. I'm glad you liked it.

lenzy said in regards to my "REWIND: Planet Terror Review":

That was an aggressive film involving mounts of nudity..

I don't think there was a lot of nudity in this one, despite my clamoring for some. Maybe I need to see this film again, and I would, but I can't afford it right now...I'm broke.

**note**

The following comments are from the prolific commentator jervaise brooke hamster. References to "kee" and "yen" are still there, but I have deleted the comments from them. Simply put, they seemed "spammy" instead of quality, like jervaise brooke hamster. And now...a lot of comments from my favorite commenter...i've replied appropriately.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to "The Silence of the Lambs Review":

"The Silence Of The Lambs" is one of the most ludicrously over-rated films of all time (just like "Scream") i thought it was laughable, embarrassing, exploitative, amateurish, and almost completely unwatchable. I have genuinely never been able to understand why this film has been praised so much over the last 19 years because i think its total bull-shit and why did they have ruin it even more by having that worthless piece of British garbage Anthony Hopkins in it? that made it even worse.

and he replied again on the same post:

kee, (and Sir Jorge), if you haven`t done so already visit "The Pauline Hickey Fan Page" or "Pauline Hickey Vintage Porn" for dozens of naked images of one of the most incredible birds of all time. By the way kee, why cant you watch "Forbidden Planet" or "House On Haunted Hill" (1959) endlessly instead like everybody else? either of those movies would be much better for you!!!.


Come on! There are some distinct horror moments, tense and fully revealed. Yes, the movie might not be extreme, maybe it's dated, and by all means you're most likely right too. But given the tense moments towards the end, you've got to at least admit that fiction sometimes reflects reality, and the fictional characterizations and moments equal some of the elements that have been seen in "real" life crimes. Or not...maybe you're just right, and I'm wrong. I'll be willing to admit that easily.

Pauline Hickey eh? vintage adult material? you're on to something!!!!

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to "Hannibal Review":

kee, no it bloody-well isn`t, its a bloody unwatchable pile of dog-shit just like the first one. Sir Jorge, its good to see that you got the reveiw right this time its just a shame that you didn`t realise that the first movie was a "complete torpedo of crap" as well, perhaps it just took you two movies to finally realise that Anthony Hopkins is a worthless and talentless pile of british horse-shit.

This one sucked, i hated the movie...ugh...what a waste.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to "GRIMM UP NORTH FESTIVAL CONTEST":

Its not just grim up north its grim all over Britain but the grimmest place of all is their film industry its absolutely appalling and should always be avoided like the plague.

You're right again...I've never been anywhere outside of the U.S...but if I ever were to venture out, I want you there to give me bloody commentary like that. I love it.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 Review":

I want to bugger Caroline Williams as she was in 1975 when she was 18, not as she is now obviously, although admittedly she was still pretty hot in this movie at the age of 29.

Oh yeah, I hear ya man, I hear yah!!!!

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to "The Nun Review":

The power of Linda Blair compels me to rip all her clothes off and bugger her senseless.

I'm speechless on this one.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to "Christine Review":

True, this is one of Carpenters weaker films (along with "Prince Of Darkness" and "Ghosts Of Mars") but its still 100 times better than anything the British film industry has ever produced.

Once again, you're probably right. Carpenter's fallen off....maybe he'll have a comeback film.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "Tales From the Crypt Review":

BLOODY BRITISH RUBBISH !!!.

Indeeeed!

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to "Stigmata Review":

Sir Jorge, just to put things into perspective again, the day the British film industry produces anything that is even 100th as good as "Stigmata" Richard Dawkins will convert to Islam !!!. By the way, i want to bugger Patricia Arquette (as she was in 1986 when she was 18, not as she is now obviously). I also want to bugger Heather Langenkamp and Penelope Sudrow (two of her co-stars from "Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors) as they were when they were both 18. One more item, Gabriel Byrne is a worthless piece of garbage.

Ok, Ok, I get it, British Film Industry sucks. I can't argue. I just can't argue. I like your passion for the anti-British Film Industry, that's for sure. If I ever see a British film, I'll let you know...or review it, but I don't think I will any time soon, as I don't even know any films from the BFI.

jervaise brooke hamster said in regards to my "Dead Clowns Review":

"DEAD CLOWNS", thats the perfect name for everyone involved in the British film industry.

Classic commentary.

kevin said in regards to my "Silent Night Bloody Night Review":

Shameful review of a much beloved, underrated horror film from 1972, though only released by '74. All video copies are difficult to view, but DVD releases feature much improved picture quality. My REEL CLASSIC FILMS DVD runs 85 minutes and appears to be the original theatrical print. If you cannot read the opening credits, you are viewing a poor quality print, my version has everything clear and distinctive. The plot involves insanity, rape, incest, bloody mayhem perpetrated by an escaped maniac, and nothing is as it appears to be. The nominal hero is played by Patrick O'Neal, who takes top billing. John Carradine is totally wasted as a mute newspaper editor, but his presence gives every low budget filmmaker some stature. Walter Abel plays the town mayor, while cult favorite Mary Woronov is his admiittedly "pushy" daughter, who tags along until all is revealed in a mysterious diary, from which the eerie black and white flashbacks reveal the evil that never really died. All negative reviews of this film cite the poor picture quality, not due to the original film stock, but the numerous home video releases, and these reviewers also fail to adequately explain any plot details. I first saw this cult classic in the 70's, and agree with others who viewed it then that it remains a neglected gem.

Well, I reviewed that film a while back, and I admit, I'm not the greatest reviewer. However, the dvd quality is terrible, and the whole film is just something I don't want to see often. Maybe your collector's edition is better, maybe the film deserves more, but alas, it won't get much here...unless I get a better quality version somewhere down the road.

Anonymous said in regards to my "Scream 3 Review":

scream 3 fuckin rocks fuck you all it owns with awesome death scenes and amazing ending

You're an idiot. Done and Done.

That's the end of the October 2010 end of the month comments. I'm always watching horror, always trying to do something...always sleeping at my desk, so keep commenting. Thanks to all that commented, especially jervaise brooke hamster, you're keeping this thing alive and well.

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Monday, October 25, 2010

Stigmata Review

stigmata

In college I wrote an essay on the ideas behind Stigmata. I read a few books on the subject, and even presented a quality power point. But I never saw this movie. Not then, but fast forward a few years later and here I am talking about the movie that was made about the idea...or rather loosely based on that.

This movie started out kind of creepy, then quickly derailed, and really lost track of any coherence at all. The plot of this movie revolves around a woman who has Stigmata all of a sudden. When a priest finds out that she is sending a message to the church, and that a new gospel is found, she is pursued. The church tries to do an exorcism on her, but she's not from "hell" she is the messenger....and oh man, this movie sucks.

I can't really reflect on the connotations at all because it's a silly film with a bad title that has NOTHING to do with the ideology of Stigmata, but rather tries to put together a story that reflects the history of the "Gospel of ST. Thomas"...and laughably at that.

This movie is not scary, not worth watching, and really puts a damper on my October. Just avoid this one, it's terrible. Terrible I tell you! It's not even British and it's terrible! (Ziiing!)

Friday, October 22, 2010

Christine Review

christine

They call him the master of Horror, and in some regards, he really is. He's one of the best horror writers, but his work doesn't necessarily make a great film adaptation. John Carpenter adapted the Stephen King's (i was referring to King in my opening sentences) Christine. The film was made in 1983 and it is well...today's topic of linear monologue.

The plot is easy to follow as it feels like a 1980's coming of age movie. The main characters are bullied in school and find that life is not so grand for the nerds and the geeks, even if you're friends with a jock. The movie moves forward and our main star Arnie Cunningham purchases an old beat up car, and as he fixes it up, he changes into a more suave and attractive guy, getting the hottest girl in the school and gaining a sense of envy from his former bullies. What he doesn't realize though, is that his car...it's supernatural and haunted!

The movie turns into a revenge flick as Arnie starts getting revenge on his antagonizers, but ultimately loses the battle when he is thrown through the car and impaled on glass. The car dies too...well...not really, it is turned into a cube, and then starts to regenerate and that's that.

The movie looks good, it's paced fine, but it's not an amazing flick. I read the book, and while there are some strange things in the book, the movie just doesn't make the text work well in visualization. There's no major nudity, which is missed in this 80's horror movie, but it manages to maintain a few moments, and some surreal scary points.

The scariest of points has to be when Arnie's new girl is being killed by Christine at the drive in theater, which was rad to see visually, but other than that? This movie is like watching a "Goosebumps" made for tv special (or tv show) and nothing more. Sure, it's got some gore,but overall, it's not as good as other adaptations of King's work.

Is Christine A Scary Film?: No.

This film is not scary. It's actually quite boring in the first half, but comes to fruition in the end, with some nice driving and explosions. I didn't hate the film, it's just not scary at all to me. The idea of a haunted car is ok, but the execution of the film just doesn't work well compared to the book.

I don't recommend multiple viewings of this film, but out of curiosity, check it out. It lacks a lot, and while it looks ok, it just is lacking something....that "it" factor that makes older horror films into classics. Christine has a few interesting points, but not nearly as good as 90% of the 80's horror classics.

John Carpenter has an impressive array of film credits, this isn't one of them, in my book.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

REWIND: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

Instead of my usually scheduled program, enjoy another blast from the past!

Freddy's Revenge Poster

Here we go, another classic that shaped my youth and many others. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge is sometimes referred to as the “gay” Freddy movie, and although many arguments have been made towards that direction, I fail to really see it on a bigger scale. Sure there are some homoerotic pieces, but nothing so extreme as to call the whole movie a gay movie at all. More on that later in this review.

The story follows a new family, moving into the old house that was featured in the first film, and things start to go bad immediately. Jesse Walsh starts having bad dreams featuring none other than our favorite antihero Freddy Krueger! The film follows his steady decline into a full fledged serial killer puppet, controlled solely by Krueger and his dreams.



There is a couple of intertwining side stories, but the major events that unfold all revolve around Jesse and his fight to not allow Freddy to control him completely.

The movie is plotted really slow, and it’s not too unlike the pacing found in Sleepaway Camp, with the first have showing very little action. The action really doesn’t develop until the third and fourth act of this movie. Initially, we only get a lot of forced dialogue between the characters, and a lot of speculation as to what is going on. Jesse seems to be dimwitted in a lot of this movie, and no one in the town seems to fear that the events that occurred in the first film could be happening again. The town is so stupid that no one seems to be in an uproar over any of the murders that occur in the film! This really bugs me, and as a kid I never noticed this sort of flawed logic, however, now that I’m older I see through the very thin plot points and see a vapid film.

Freddy 2

As for the big underlying gay tone, I don’t really think about it. I grew up watching professional wrestling and I never figured that it was homoerotic, nor that there was anything gay about it. Not until I went to college and some teacher told me that professional wrestling was inherently gay, which is ludicrous to me, but whatever. People like to compare the death scene of the coach, and the party that happens in this film with gay underground culture, and for the 80’s it does seem a little gay, however, I don’t think that calling this movie gay is a proper category for it. Apparently people really didn’t have this sort of problem with Sleepaway Camp, or the kink and S&M references that Clive Barker’s Hellraiser has. Furthermore, even if there are small, subtle, gay undertones, they are only put there by a society struggling to fit gay fascination and culture in movies that never were intended to have anything to do with that lifestyle. So no, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is NOT gay, nor should people categorize it as the “Gay” Freddy Krueger film, and if they do, than I don’t really believe that they are looking at this movie with the proper lens. However, that is just one man’s opinion on this subject, and not everyone’s. Apparently the director, Jack Sholder, even claimed that there was a gay subtext in the film, so maybe I’m just an idiot.

Nightmare 2 Poster

Why A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is scary: The scariest part of this film is not so much that the main character is going insane and no one believes anything he has to say about his dreams, it’s the fact that he is killing his friends and doesn’t even realize he’s awake. What’s worse is the fact that Freddy is the puppet master here and Jesse can’t control his own dreams. Furthermore, it’s scary to think that parents are so out of the loop that they miss what could be a chance to help their son by writing off the events that helped them get a house for so cheap.

Skepticism is easily found in today’s society, and these films are prime examples of a greater culture that is quick to dismiss psychosis on many levels, simply because they are occurring only in someone’s head and not manifesting themselves into real life. However, this film tries to change that by having Freddy seem real and appear to lots of different people, including the Father who grabs a shotgun in the third act and attempts to shoot his own son, who now has the appearance of Freddy!

It’s also scary to think that a super villain can be easily defeated by “love” and “kindness” an overtone that is not mirrored in real life at all. We do not hear of exorcisms being completed with love and kindness. Even pop culture like “Constantine” doesn’t have “love” as a vocal point in the matter of salvation of a loved one who is trapped by evil. This is scary for many reasons. We are often times told that love conquers all, and movies like “The Notebook” seem to project that image to many people and it really doesn’t always work to that effort. One might argue that this is only a movie and that love and romance films that portray the same sort of attitude are really just entertainment, but I would argue that these archetypes are to blame for a lot of different factions of our society’s marital problems, relationship problems, and many other social inconsistencies.

I know, I’m trying to draw in a huge emotional connection based on the ending of a horror film, but come on, consider how many people believe the notion that all you need is love. Think about how many love songs there are, how many romance novels, movies, and drama’s have been broadcast and permeated through the minds and eyes of people of all ages, and then think about how this film ends, with a girl’s love and admiration saving the main character, and defeating Freddy.

Some might argue that I’m reaching way too far, but if we are to consider horror films on a deeper level, than that is what I personally get from this film’s defeatist attitude towards Freddy. Freddy is dominant, but not when a young girl casts him out by loving Jesse? Sure, there is a major twist afterwards, and a jump scene to take us home and into a third film, but this sappy kind of final battle really makes me cringe. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge is scary. The dogs with faces on them are reminiscent to the dogs that are inside out in “Resident Evil”, and if you’re scared of jump scenes this one has many for you to jump at.

I recommend this film to fans of the series, however, many people will find this plot to be laughable, the ending to be stupid, and the jump scenes just hokey at best. This film might have scared a lot more people in 1985, especially with the conservatives in clear power of our nation, however, today it doesn’t hold up as well. While this film is scary if you think about it, it is not something that you’re going to have nightmares about. For a real nightmare inducing piece of entertainment, I suggest “Hell House” by Richard Matheson. Otherwise, check out A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge as a fitting sequel to a better initial film, as it usually is in horror cinema. This one shouldn’t be viewed with such thought provoking questions as I did here, so just get some popcorn and sit back and relax. I looked into this film way too much simply for the sake of this blog’s format, but it’s hard to really take any of this seriously, as the film isn’t exactly the most serious entry in the Nightmare on Elm Street series.

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Monday, October 18, 2010

Hannibal Review

Hannibal

After seeing Silence of The Lambs, I had to watch the sequel. I was hoping for big things, but instead, it was a complete torpedo of crap. Sure, the first film did manage to have a few scary moments, and a lot of nuance and clever points, regardless of what some critics might say.

Hannibal is the worst sequel I've seen. Yes, I said it, the worst sequel I've seen. It tries to follow suit with the original film, but it doesn't accomplish anything, and right from the beginning we lose the character of Clarise. We get Julianne Moore in the title role alongside Anthony Hopkins, and it just doesn't work for me.

The plot of the film is stupid too; Hannibal is an internationally wanted man and he's dealing antiquities in some European country, meanwhile plotting to kill anyone that tries to get in his way. Throughout the course we have Clarise becoming an icon of love for the evil man, and throughout we have a terrible score, and just bad acting.

The best and some might say worst of this film involves Hannibal feeding a detective his own cooked brain! Yep. Other than shock value, this film has nothing worth mentioning, as it is just a tedious romp through stupidity, and that's saying a lot, because it could've been so great.

I hated the film, and really don't think it is worth considering more than one viewing, just out of curiosity. But that is just one man's opinion.

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Silence of the Lambs Review

the silence of the lambs

I was way too young to understand this film when I first saw it. I saw it as a young boy, because my parents didn't have a filter for what I was watching, and I LOVED horror/thrillers. Don't ask why.

So I was 8 years old when I was this in theaters, of all places, and it didn't have the effect it should've had. If nothing else, I remember being bored. This film completely went over my head, and I didn't understand any of the things it was pushing forward. The movie I'm talking about today is none other than, The Silence of the Lambs.

The movie is based on a novel, and is done with such care that it seriously one of the best horror movies of all time, even if there are a lot of arguments for and against the argument. The movie is about a young FBI trainee that is called in to help track down a serial killer they are calling "Buffalo Bill". In order to figure out how to catch him, she seeks the council of Hannibal Lecter, a sociopath larger and more notorious than the serial killer they are hunting.

The film visually is interesting, utilizing a lot of cuts, and sweeping cinematography that wouldn't be seen for at least a decade. There were some very interested moments visually, that made the atmosphere "tingle" in a sense with the unknown. The movie didn't even seem that good for a good portion, and it's not until you dissect the words that are spoken about the victims, alongside the re-enactments, you really start to get an unsettling feeling, and invest yourself into the story as Clarice Starling starts to realize that she's closer to the killer than she might be comfortable with.

Meanwhile, there's another storyline playing out, the story of Hannibal Lecter being given a plea bargain for information leading to the capture of Buffalo Bill. That second story line is where you get a lot of the horror, gore, and sickening points that have been parodied to death throughout pop culture including The Simpsons, The Critic, Family Guy, and so many others. In fact, I'm sick of the parodies at this point, considering how astronomically scary the character is in this film (not the sequels).

Is The Silence of the Lambs A Scary Film?:
Yes.

This film is scary on a lot of levels. It's not so much the story on its own, but the fact that these things have happened! There have been both old school killers and modern era serial killers that have torn through families, people, and psyches of many detectives on the hunt. It's sad.

That being said, this film is fictional, and based on a crime novel. The fact that people don't read is a whole different argument, but it pains me to know that these stories are locked away in library books around the country and yet we only have so many film adaptations. I'm not saying that we should saturate the market with these types of films, but consider, that these things you are watching in this film can and have happened on many different levels.

When you break down the illusion of fiction, and the comfort of safety, you start to usher in a certain uneasy, scary feeling in your gut. Now, with that fear inside, consider the closing moments of this film, not the absolute closing, but when Clarise realizes who's house she is in, and then the darkness, and the fear, and the realization that she knows "too much". That point of exhaling is the scariest point in this film, and while I didn't like the closure of the case, I did appreciate the last sequence of Hannibal walking free.

The silence of the lambs is a scary movie, and the best in the series. I can't believe that it has been reduced to parody by others. I enjoyed this film and recommend it on many levels. I'm sure that it lives on with many. Sure, it has some comedic spots if you watch it with the wrong pretense, or you just don't think about it, and I admit it can be boring for some, but if you sit down and really pay attention you'll notice that it's not just visually stunning, it sounds great, and has a lot of deep characterizations that you don't get with traditional horror films.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Hellphone Trailer

For those of you looking for quality independent horror, you must check out HELL PHONE!



Hellphone, an independent feature length horror movie, will premier on Tuesday, November 16 at 7:30 p.m. at Carousel Luxury Cinemas, 1305 Battleground Avenue, Greensboro, NC 27408. This is the first feature length collaboration between award winning, local filmmakers Jason Marc Pierce and Stephen van Vuuren. Tickets are $9.00 or $8.00 with a college / military ID at www.Hellphone.com.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

From the Mailbag Mid October 2010 Edition

Once again, here we go, another post of comments. This should be interesting, or rather filler until I review another film. Enjoy!

goodoldparanoia said in regarsd to my "Scream Review":

Well the first one was definitely the best...of the series anyways. Mmm and at least it unleashed the "Scary Movie" rampage that would come afterwards...although now that's pretty crappy too with all those movies like "not another hero movie"...etc

Yes, you're right. The first one was great, and that's about it. The first "Scary Movie" was also great, but then...bad. It's true, sequels rarely do better or even are worth watching.

Bleeding Dead said in regards to my "Scream 3 Review":

What I don't like about the last two Scream films is that they try to connect the copy cat killer back to the orignial killers in the first film. I don' know, I think the idea of a copy cat killer is scarier than so and so's relative seeking revenge on Sidney because he's one of the few people she's killed over the past decade.

Yes, a copy cat killer with "NO" connection to the originals is far more scary than anything they created after the fact. Spot on, you're right.

jervaise brooke hamster said quite a bit in regards to my, "REWIND: Planet Terror Review", Scream 2 Review, Scream 3 Review, Ice Spiders Review, and that's it.

I want to bugger Rose McGowan (as she was in 1991 when she was 18, not as she is now obviously).

I want to bugger Neve campbell and unload a massive wad of spunk up her incredible arse-hole (as she was in 1991 when she was 18, not as she is now obviously).

I also want to sodomize Neve Campbell and unload another massive wad of spunk down her lushious young throat (once again, as she was in 1991 when she was 18, not as she is now obviously).

Sorry but its still 100 times better than anything the British film industry has ever produced. Remember all you have to do to have a happy life is stay away from British films.


I agree on most of your points. As a male, I love those chicks, and would love to get a chance...but as an unemployed idiot, I probably don't have much of a chance of anything. As for the British Film Industry? I'm destined to prove you wrong someday, I'm just not going out of my way to watch anything.

Lana said in regards to my Uncle Sam Review:

According to imdb.com, it's not. Although, It kind of resembles him, so maybe IMDB is wrong, and maybe it is! Who knows? But him.

That's it so far. Keep the comments coming, it's much appreciated. As for me? After 13+ months of looking for a job, I still have no job. I am at wits end, and am currently updating this site from the library computers. FML.

Monday, October 11, 2010

REWIND: Planet Terror Review

I was busy this weekend, so I missed out on a new horror movie to review, but don't fear, here is a little post from way back to hold you over until Wednesday.

Planet Terror Dvd Cover

What can I say about Planet Terror that most likely hasn’t been already said? I’m not really sure, but one thing is for sure, this movie kicks a lot of ass.

At first glance you’re not really sure what the movie is about, as we are treated to a go-go dance with Rose McGowan that will steam up your glasses really fast. The movie foreshadows the inevitable, but with a subtle touch of class and b-movie glory that only a seasoned veteran of the genre would notice.

Planet Terror2

The movie surrounds a group of people that realize zombies are taking over and must band together to get out and fight. Along the way the characters are introduced with differentiating storylines. Some feature absurdities like being a strip club owner, mad scientist, rogue army general, angry sheriff, convicted felon, angry lesbian wife, and mad doctor, to a bbq chef gas station owner. These characters get introduced through a cris-cross of storylines that don’t intrude on the overall “zombie” plotline.

Planet Terror2x

You get treated like an adult, with the storyline trying to be serious, until the hospital starts filling up with zombies, and eventually crisis hits and the panic button is pushed.

Planet Terror3

Rose’s character also loses a leg, and isn’t outfitted with the signature gun at first, but rather a wooden leg, ala pirate. Freddy Rodgriguez (who played my favorite character in Six Feet Under for HBO) does a fantastic job in this film playing the antihero, with a pension for guns and gunplay.

Planet Terror4

The movie is fast loading, and unleashes a lot of gore, similar to the House of The Dead video games, but with a much more “b-movie” level scenario.

The film also gets down and dirty with one of the hottest sex scenes ever made, but without showing you a lot of skin…if you can imagine that. Right when you think you’re going to see the deed and this film turns for a triple x rating….the film burns up and a reel is missing….

To exemplify that, for this review we’re going to take a minute away from the review to talk about the trailer that was played before the film.

The trailer for MACHETE was played and boy was it awesome! I love the classic Grindhouse films of my childhood and this was no exception! Although this is not really a film it spiked my interest and showed a flashback to the classic 2 for 1 or even 3 for 1 cinema movies that my dad used to take me to see.

Here’s the trailer for Machete:



And we’re back to the review.

The movie goes through some plot scenarios similar to all Zombie movies, but there are some nuances that make this one superior. Besides the gore, the acting is really well done at times and makes you believe that this is more than just some b-level horror flick.

You also get an awesome cameo, which I won’t spoil for you, and an awesome array of weapons, explosions, gore, and even cleavage! The cleavage is really good, man…this film has it alls, but doesn’t cross the line into the X rating. It’s great. I liked this one better than Deathproof, and together these two films are truly grindhouse delights, I recommend it.

Check out the trailer for Planet Terror below, and pick up the Planet Terror dvd as soon as you can.



Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

REWIND: Ice Spiders Review

Ice Spiders

Oh yeah, the movie club’s first post is here and only one lucky participant came through with a review. My fault, since I didn’t really post much about it after the initial posting. It’s ok though, here is the review for Ice Spiders that I promised.

The movie starts off slow but picks up immediately with killer Spiders! This movie has cg spiders and they aren’t very good. These spiders are HUGE but they aren’t that scary. Furthermore the movie makes it seem that the spiders have been there a while and the sizes vary depending on how far away from the camera they are. I know, that seems like a standard thing in regards to optics, however, if you notice the scale of the spiders compared to the trees that are in the background, they are completely disproportionate! But I let it go, since this was made for the Sci-Fi channel and we’re not dealing with a million dollar budget.

The spider effects are horrible, and the initial death sequences are lame. I kept thinking that if I were there I’d sock out a spider since their mouths aren’t located in a position to eat me straight up. I guess I was over thinking this film from the get go, and why not? It’s not like I’m getting paid for this.

The movie’s plot is basic; a group of young skiers are attacked when a group of genetically modified spiders escape from a local laboratory. I don’t know why they don’t just run away, but instead of running the group must defend themselves before the spiders eat everyone!

Here’s a trailer for Ice Spiders:



This movie has ok acting and I don’t really expect a lot out of the Sci-Fi channel. However, this type of film reminds me of something that I’d like to share with you, my loyal 3 readers:

I worked as a Video Store Clerk for many years and the weekend day guy was named Justin Paul Ritter. Justin made a film called “Katie Bird” which was a low budget and well received horror slasher flick. It was awesome! He once told me that these sci-fi channel movies have budgets of $125,000 to $500,000 and they usually spend most of their money on the lead actor or actors. So keep that in mind when you watch these made for tv horror films.

Ice Spiders

Back to the review, Vanessa A. Williams in this movie alongside Patrick Muldoon and those two would most likely take most of the budget given the name recognition. These two provide the bulk of the acting work, and they actually put on a good, entertaining distraction to the horrible effects and stupid decisions that the characters make.

The gore is fake. Yep, there are parts in this film that use fake cg gore effects instead of real blood or make up effects. So when things are really going bad, you can totally tell that the blood on the floors and on people are not real! I hate when they skimp on this part, and it really shows lack of creativity among the people producing the film. If the blood and gore effects aren’t enough, we get first person view points from the spiders but when you’re supposedly seeing things from their point of view it isn’t always blurred. Sometimes the first person camera is blurred and at other times it’s clear.

Now, all real Spider facts aside, and logic getting thrown right outside of the window, this movie isn’t all that bad. I have seen far worse and have reviewed terrible movies on this site. This film, if I can call it that, would have been a steady renter if it didn’t premiere on cable. Thanks to the ubiquitous nature of basic cable in todays society, films like this are usually horrible and never do quite well on dvd. However, for those small niche markets that have a large population that doesn’t subscribe to cable, this movie is actually not bad and probably gets rented a lot of the time.

If this film does nothing else it makes me question how secure our government labs are. I mean, how can these spiders really escape? They are not that threatening, they do not have super strength, they are just big and well…big. I really have a hard time with the logic of this film, especially since the Spiders want to attack humans at will with no real strategy. It’s like all animals, as soon as they are unleashed into the wild or are smart enough to escape laboratories, are somehow relegated to killing off mankind in some sort of revenge plot that makes the movie’s title make sense. Ice Spiders is not horrible, but it’s definitely not on my top ten list of movies to watch. In fact, Ice Spiders doesn’t make my top 100 list of films to watch.

There are pluses to this film. I think the production value, outside of the cg inserts, isn’t all that bad. There are some scene’s that even look like mainstream Hollywood. Compare the scene’s in Doom or Resident Evil with some of the exploration scenes in this film and you can see seamless transition between photography and direction. I don’t recommend Ice Spiders to anyone that doesn’t already enjoy Sci-Fi channels line up. In fact if you’re comfortable with straight to dvd horror or science fiction in general, you might see past the flaws of logic found in this film. It is after all a movie, and well, it’s science fiction, not well made science fiction, but good enough to scare little na├»ve kids. Ice Spiders serves up a chilly movie to watch, and I can’t believe I watched it.

Thanks goes out to YUMMY! for posting a review of Ice Spiders! Thank you so much for participating in the comments and reviewing this bad horror movie. We'll have to do it again sometime! Check out Yummydown.com and leave a comment on the review.


Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out amazon.com, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Stuff Review

The Stuff

Sometimes horror movies aren't really scary, or filled with gore and sex. They are filled with dark comedy and satire. Such is the case for this Larry Cohen classic film. Is it a classic? I might be over stating The Stuff.

The Stuff is a film about a world where everyone starts eating this mayonaise looking ice cream yogurt thing and it starts to kill them slowly...or quickly...I'm not sure. As the plot thickens, there are some cool death scenes, and if it weren't for an industrial saboteur "Mo", The Stuff would take over....

This film is NOT scary, in fact it's a slow moving, light weight horror movie that would probably or should get played on television, not cable mind you, but regular broadcast television. The movie feels like a "Goosebumps" made for tv or made for dvd film, rather than a full theatrical release. The quality isn't always there, and there is only some windows into the gore scenes.

Overall, this film is NOT very good. I didn't like it. I think it's an important film to see once, but repeated viewings? I'm not into it. I also don't think that The Stuff deserves a whole essay for a review, so I'll just say it was worth a once over. I don't know what else to say, The Stuff didn't really grip me like I thought it would. Yep.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Scream 3 Review

Scream poster

A new month, a new set of posts for me to whine to you, the unsuspecting audience. For those looking to be friendly, hit me up on aim: thecorporatehero, or email me with your comments and suggestions at sirjorge AT gmail dot com.

For those of you that have a few pennies, please utilize the amazon links on the site, I really need money, since I've still haven't landed a steady job...or any job for that matter. This economy (which I hate complaining about) has me eating lunch meat.

But that's not what we are here, we are here to once again talk about horror film. The latest of which I saw is none other than the 3rd installment of Scream. Scream 3 should've been amazing, and with a good overall premise, you'd think it would work out well. I for one, hate it.

THe plot of this film is another "film within a film" and we get a good amount of returning characters, Wes Craven directing, and lots of crazy murders. As they are "filming" yet another "Stab" sequel, hearkening back to the original, we get to catch up with all the characters that are still alive and how they are doing these days.

Visually, it's terrible. This is the worst looking of the series, the least suspenseful, and the one that is filled with the most annoying characters. If the purpose of the film was to annoy me, it has done that quite well. All the cliche's that abound in trilogies, horror films from the 1980's and just low budget crap is found here, only it's polished.

Sidney, Dewey, and Gale are all here, but not before Cotton gets a taste of of the killer, in a hilarious opening kill. This movie seriously sucks.

I won't even get into whether or not this film is scary, because it's not. It's so dumb. It's true, sequels usually suck compared to the originals, but man, this is just beyond terrible. Yes, it's watchable, and yes, it's part of the trilogy which will get a 4th film in the coming year, but other than nostalgia or curiosity, this film is NOT recommended. I can't believe I even sat through the whole thing, because after 2 Scream films, I just couldn't handle a 3rd one. I'm tired of Neve Campbell at this point. Scream 3 is the worst third film in a series...there I said it.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Scream 2 Review

scream 2

A new month a new batch of movies to talk about. We start things off with a 1997 horror film that aimed to be the best sequel in history but really landed somewhere near the bottom. While the opening sequences were quite good and the parody and horror comedy mixed well, the rest of the film fell apart, especially the last piece of the puzzle. Scream 2 hit you right up front, then left you for dead, and well...it wasn't all that good when the lights came back on.

The second film takes place around 1 year after the original film and all survivors are in this film again. This time around the characters have either exploited the murders or have tried to hide away from them. As people that were around to experience the first film start dying off, another conspiracy is afoot and everyone is suspect. In succession all the suspects are cornered and proven not to be the killer, and you suspect there might be more, considering the plot of the first film, and it all leads to one final showdown, so you'd hope.

There are a lot of different points of view in this film, and you get to look at things through all lenses. From the reporter trying to get a scoop, the former deputy trying to reprove himself, to the main character "Sidney" who is just trying to get away from the murderous rampage. ALl in all it's not a terrible film, and like I said in the opening paragraph, it works well for what it is; a parody of horror not necessarily pure horror.

The classic cliche lines from Jamie Kennedy are here, and the body count is higher, the rules are a bit shaken, and the killer is a lot tougher to kill. But when the movie ends up in a theater where art is imitating life, you get bored and tired. The killer is stupid, you end up hating the film because of the lame ending, but hey, it's an ending none the less.

There's not a lot in the way of gore, although there are some points of interest, but not too gruesome. There are no major sex scenes that I can remember, and well, the whole film plays off as a comedy rather than a horror gem. It really doesn't do the first film justice at all.

Is Scream 2 a Scary Film?: No.

This movie failed to move me. The only cool part of the film is the beginning. Jada Pinkett and Omar Epps getting mopped up while a major movie premiere is going on is classic. I loved it. Other than that? I didn't really think this film had the credibility or the prowess that the first film had. Sure it has the name, but it fails to rise to the level of the first and is once again one of those terrible second films in a trilogy...but then again, they're making a fourth film...ouch.

Wes Craven does a good enough job with the pacing, and I wasn't completely bored with the film. I've seen better sequels, and while this film felt more like a "tales from the crypt" episode, it still manages to pack a punch, then again, the ending comes back to haunt me. I hated that part. I am not going to say this is complete garbage, but it's not exactly that great either. I'm torn, maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. It's no original, that's for sure.