Wednesday, September 29, 2010

End of the Month Deathtoll September 2010 Edition

The month has came and went. This is month #12 that I haven't been able to find a job, not even washing dishes or anything. It's start to wear on me. I'm a college educated idiot, and I have 10+ years of experience, yet nothing. All I have in this world is this site and my constant ramblings on the horror movie topic.

I'll return on the first or so, with another rip roaring review for you. In the meantime, take a look at what was reviewed this month and October approaches.

End of the Month Mailbag September 2010 Edition
Scream Review
Child's Play 3 Review
Support SCARY FILM Blog
REWIND: Captivity Review
Halloween 5 The Revenge of Michael Myers Review
From the Mailbag Mid September 2010 Edition
BLACK DEVIL DOLL "Weird Wobbler" out now!
Machete Review
The Wolfman Review
Silent Hill Review
REWIND: Lifeforce Review
Ed Gein The Butcher of Plainfield Review

In case you were wondering what other crap I've reviewed, you can check out the last time I updated the "SUPER LONG MEGA POST OF CRAP" listings by clicking here.

Monday, September 27, 2010

End of the Month Mailbag September 2010 Edition

The end of the month brings us a lot of mail, or rather comments, to posts that I've managed to write, even though I'm sick, jobless, and dead tired. I appreciate all comments, so keep em coming, good or bad, I love em, and here's the end of the month mailbag...then in a couple of days, a recap of all the crap I did, and then all sorts of other crap in the October edition of this wonderful blog that all 3 of you read.

oliver syngen-mollusc said in regards to my "Child's Play 3 Review":

Those bloody British wankers couldn`t produce something as entertaining as "Childs Play 3" if their bloody lives depended on it.

Like one of my favorite singers once said..."you could be wrong you could be right".

simon zinc trumpet-harris said in regards to my "Scream Review":

"Scream" is one of the most ludicrously over-rated piles of garbage in the entire history of cinema.

That's a big thing to say. So big, that I can't come up with an equal response. Maybe you too are right.

Lana said in regards to my "Child's Play 3 Review":

You know, I was talking to my boyfriend a couple of nights ago about this film. I told him the same thing you've stated; Jack Bender and Don Macini should have stopped at the second movie.
You mentioned that the adults were getting killed left and right; where as the children were holding their own. I think that happened mainly because the movie was centered around kids, and during those times kids weren't really killed, (not like today's movies).
Child's play 3 is exactly that- childs' play.
Great review, keep up the good work.

Yes, the second one exploded chucky and everything, bringing him back was stupid. As for kids being killed? It wasn't until "Funny Games" where they really broke that rule. Sure there have been some kids in film getting the ax, but in Funny Games a kid takes a shotgun to the chest close range and bounces off a wall...that's a major taboo. In the film, "The Condemned" a man literally beats the crap out of a woman, which I found taboo for a long time as well. The two are related only because taboos in the 20th century are no longer taboo. Sure, there are foreign films that capitalize on that much more, but in recent years it seems that the shock value is no longer there, unless you're going to rape...and well..we all know that doesn't seem to be quite as unbearable as watching a kid get mopped up in a horror movie. No offense. I mean, does "Chaos" really have the same impact as say Child's Play? Probably not. Then again, I'm an adult male, so maybe I have the wrong perspective. Sorry for the tangent. The main point is, yes they should've stopped at 2. Thank you for your compliments, I'll keep reviewing :)

Cyberschizoid said in regards to my "Child's Play 3 Review":

Hmmm...this is the only Child's Play movie I haven't seen. Sounds like they definately improved after this one!

It's ok. It's better than "The Omen 3", just sayin.

Bleeding Dead said in regards to my "Child's Play 3 Review":

I personally think this is the worst out of the series (yeah I'm guilty of liking Bride and Seed). But I agree, the movie is just really bleak compared to it's ending.
Good review.

You're right on all accounts. The movie, to me, felt more like a "Fear Street" or "Goosebumps" novel than a horror movie, and that's not necessarily a great thing. I love R.L. Stine but this film should've been harder.

That concludes the end of the month commentary. I thought about doing a special thing for October and Halloween, but you know what? I don't care enough to do it. I am still looking for a job and just can't get anything, not even Mcdonald's has called me back. So once again I implore you to go to the amazon links and enjoy some horror movies and help me keep this site going, or rather, help me get another case of Ramen.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Scream Review


If you rewind time, and put your mind to remembering the mid-nineties you'll realize that the horror landscape was much the same like today. It was dull, it had been played out, and the 80's nostalgia thing was forcing many to hate the genre. Then a little move shook the foundations of horror and it was led by none other than Wes Craven. Looking back, the series isn't exactly a genre bender, but when it first came out, especially this original Scream film, it warranted everyone to take notice, and rightfully so. For some the genre of "slasher" was revitalized, while I just say that it was a nice jolt to the genre, not necessarily a revamping or anything along those lines.

The plot of the film is a classic one, a killer is on the loose and he's targeting teenagers. Inside the film, they are smart teens, horror movie fans and there is a lot of tongue-in-cheek humor utilized to move the plot along. Standout performances from Jamie Kennedy, Henry Winkler, Courtney Cox Matthew Lillard and others made this film rise. Some people will immediately talk about the opening sequence being one of greatness, but I'd like to forward to the ending, or the last sequences. We have a classic dilemma with the main character torn between her boyfriend and the guy who likes her, but hasn't ever had a chance. Oh and of course the reveal of who the killer is.

The gore is here, alongside with sounds. The sounds of the knife slashing might not seem too realistic, looking back, but this was a time when CG blood was not utilized. There are plenty of moments that are sick, but none of the deaths are so outlandish that they don't seem impactful. Sure, one might argue that there are some comedic deaths, but I don't believe they are quite as comedic as some of Craven's other in Shocker.

There are no casual sex scenes (at least not like the major ones from the 80's), although there is some teasing. The movie moves fast, and you're never bored, especially with each moving piece getting closer to the climax. As the cliche's start mounting, the smart-ass characters realize that they are living a movie, and start to figure out how to survive...but by then, most are targeted and taken out.

Is Scream a Scary Film ?: Yes.

Yes, it's outlandish. Yes, it seems contrived now. However, in 1996 this film rocked the horror genre, and as a movie it holds up quite well. After watching a lot of Unsolved mysteries last night, I can really say that this film is not too far off. In fact, there are quite a bit of "copy cat" murderers and serial killers out there, and the story here is not too unlikely. Heck, the Columbine murders were blamed on Marilyn Manson's Music! So pop culture and cinema alongside real life slayings is not a far fetched thing.

The scary parts of this film are not found on whether or not it could really happen. It's more so the fact that the character seem to play it straight, at least for a good part. You being to question each one, although some claim they saw the ending coming, I'd beg to differ, you didn't see it coming and if you did, you're lying. The most scary points of this film involves being savvy yet not savvy enough to get away with murder or to survive.

Horror fans, including me, always talk about how ridiculous some of the plots in these horror films are. Yes, we should be running out the door and not up the stairs, we shouldn't have sex or drink when a killer's on the loose, but when you tear away our pride and our self-esteem you realize that in a panic, we'd probably react the same, and that notion is the scariest part of all.

Scream holds up really well. I saw the whole trilogy again and will review the other parts later, but I can say this much; Scream is a classic and is one of the better genre films of the mid-90's horror scene. It's not perfect, and there are points that you can trash, but overall? This is a great point of interest for horror movie fans, and guess what? It holds up really well, all things considered.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Child's Play 3 Review

childs play 3

1991, now that's a year I do not remember all that well. I was only 8 years old and the third and what should've been the final movie in the Child's Play series came out. Apparently, the film came under controversy when a real life murder was said to be inspired by this film shocked a UK community. I have to say, as far as the original three films, this was the worst....before the worst came through town.

The plot of this film is really bad. The story follows our hero "Andy" in military school meanwhile the chucky doll is being repackaged and sold all over again. When the spirit of chucky ends up in a new doll after the old factory restarts production, one is sent to the military school and guess what happens? CHUCKY goes nuts and starts killing kids, meanwhile he's trying get back into a real body.

The gore levels are here, but the film is slow. It has a slow plot and when the reveal occurs, you are already tired of needless interludes. Oh right, gore. Gore isn't really a major factor there isn't sickening amounts of blood being spilled, and kids aren't going down easily. The adults are the ones that are getting stabbed, mauled, and even bitten by the killer doll.

Andy and his friend end up saving the day inside what appears to be an amusement park. The final sequence of this film was cool, it completely obliterates Chucky, and that's why I feel this should've been the end. It apparently wasn' there is another one.

Child's Play 3 is kind of scary
, for those that are really young, but overall? It's not that fun to watch. It's a weak film and doesn't deserve to be looked at in traditional sense. Meaning, I'm not going to question whether or not this is a scary film or anything like that.

As far as killer dolls are concerned, Chucky is a classic. Child's Play 1 & 2 are far better than this film. Trilogies are rarely good, and maybe that's why there's far more Child's Play films than the 1991 end point. I don't recommend watching this unless you absolutely must. It's really not that good. I don't know why I even watch it...or own it.

Support SCARY FILM Blog

Hello Readers!

I know, I don't exactly evoke a great sense of writing most of the time, but I want to thank you for your support. Yes, I appreciate all the readers of this site, even if you never comment or suggest movies.

I would like to take this moment in time to ask you to support this site. I have been struggling to find a job here in this crap town I live in and it's been nearly 13 months with out as much as a job interview. I've tried everything to get a job, short of begging, and it's just not working.

If you have a job, or want to support the site, or simply are bored, please do me a favor and check out these two sites below:

The MACABRE DVD STORE (powered by Amazon) - This astore/amazon store is all about horror for you. You don't need to pay extra for your horror dvd's, it is simply a site that uses the Amazon search engine to harness all things horror. It's also easy on the eyes.


You can also simply to AMAZON.COM by clicking here, and I'll get a kick back.

I know, I know. I'm asking a lot here, but if you are going to buy on amazon anyways, please help me out.

If you would like to advertise on this site email me at sirjorge AT gmail dot com. I don't have set prices...or anything, and am open to all offers.

Once again, thank you for reading.

I have a review going up later today.

Monday, September 20, 2010

REWIND: Captivity Review

I am not in the offices, or at home this monday, but i wanted to post alt and shift keys are broken on my computer, so excuse the punctuation and what not. I'll return wednesday with a new review...until then enjoy this flashback.

Captivity Poster

Captivity is a straight forward horror film, with a lot of elements relying on the swerve of plot structure in the middle. The story is about a celebrity that is growing tired of being famous, who is targeted for kidnapping. She is confined to a room with some odd traps, and it is a little bit like Saw in this presentation, however it finds it’s own feet sure enough. Jennifer, our main character, finds out that there is someone in the room next to her and the two start to form a bond. The two then find a way to enter the same room, and through desperation they have sex.

This is where the plot thickens as we find out that our captive male isn’t exactly captive after all.

Here is a trailer for the film Captivity:

If I were famous and had a chance to get actresses to sleep with me, or if I just were able to get into some sort of situation with famous people I’d like to somehow meet Elisha Cuthbert. At least that’s what I thought when I was watching this movie, because I guess she’s like my on screen crush. I don’t think she’s that great of an actress, but she has that “it” factor that gets me riled up inside. So I immediately threw logic out the window in favor for her character in this film.

Elisha Cuthbert

The first half of the movie involves the kidnapping and the love scene ZING! However, the real meat of the film is in the second half where we get nosey police investigators chopped into pieces, and gore, blood, and disaster all tied in. We also find out that Jennifer isn’t the first girl to get kidnapped, bedded, photographed, video taped and ultimately killed. This collection of “snuff” material, really relies heavily on the audience being a little smarter than usual, and maybe even a fan of the film “Vacancy” among other notable “snuff” references.

The movie seems a little slow in the beginning, as it is trying to set up the desperation of being kidnapped and being alone. However, the movie really takes things to the next level in the third quarter, and never lets up. You get really emotionally involved at times, and the blood effects are well done. The whole thing really starts to get the main characters into a panic, as we get revealed the plot twist, that you probably didn’t see coming.

To say that Captivity is just torture porn, is to give a discredit to how deeply engaging some of the underlying aspects are. In fact, this film says a lot about celebrity worship and society in general. It even rails against the porn industry, although all this could be just how I interpret the film, and it is not based on anything concrete. Take that with a grain of salt of course. As a stand alone horror film, Captivity does a good job of creeping you out, without showing you a whole lot of skin. I won’t reveal what I necessarily mean by that, because if I do, I’ll mess the twist up for you. I recommend Captivity in the same manner that I recommended the movie Vacancy in an earlier review. The two seem to rely on the same sort of desperation and action, however, where Vacancy was straight forward and relentless, this film is more subtle at times and you really have to pay attention or you might miss the turns. Captivity is an above average horror film, although it still gets lumped into the torture porn category due to its overt marketing of…well…torture.

Looking for grindhouse, horror, or sci-fi films? Please check out our amazon astore featuring all things horror. Don't trust astore? Check out, surprisingly they have more grindhouse,horror,and rare sci-fi than you may not have thought possible.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Halloween 5 The Revenge of Michael Myers Review

halloween 5

In 1989 a new movie came out to once again bring forth Michael Myers into the mainstream, and while it wasn't a completely terrible film, it wasn't exactly a blockbuster smash. The fourth sequel to be directly related to the original featured a lot of creepy points and really stood out amongst the other sequels in that it had some quality visuals, while not completely abandoning the slasher formula.

While watching the film, it became painfully obvious that this film was rushed. Upon reading more into it, I realized that the film was in fact rushed into production, and wasn't even ready for the final print, but the studio really wanted a film and they sure got one.

The film starts with the end of Halloween 4, and continues in an odd state. A little girl is seeing dreams and she's scared, her dreams are of a killer stalking his victims, and she is seeing it in first person. It's first person film making at its finest, and that isn't a good thing. Halloween 5 really starts out slow, and NO one is killed for a good portion of the film, although there are a lot of near deaths.

About the time when you want to throw in the towel, out comes our villain and things really get bad, and the movie starts kicking it into high gear. The second half of the film is way better than the first half, and the killings start to pile up, but of course, that's not all. There are your average subplots, with shower scenes, and much more, but they aren't so good that you'll remember them, as I'm having a hard time remembering the exact side points.

The best part of the film is towards the end, and has a great cliffhanger. The film utilizes a lot of bad movements to get to the ending, but man, is it a visual feast. I absolutely loved the ending, despite watching this film and hoping for the end.

Is Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers a scary film: No.

For children, this film might have some scary moments. The whole "boogie man" thing is interesting, as it's definitely there, and moves the plot forward with ease. You're not really sure if you're even dealing with Michael Myers until you actually see his slow moving killing spree, which makes the film a little scary, but not nearly as much as you'd hope for from a franchise picture from the 1980's.

The ending is about the best part of the film, and the only part that I really thought was worthwhile. The rest of the picture is a slow burning piece of trash. Is it worth watching? Yeah. I definitely enjoyed the movie as a whole, even though the ending was the best part. There's an interesting quote in regards to the film, with Moustapha Akkad saying, that they were drunk off the success of part 4, so they rushed the 5th film and it didn't turn out so well.

Some might be quick to try and compare the new Rob Zombie films to this one, but they truly aren't the same. The newer films have a far better brutality and story compared to this one. People will wax nostalgic, but when you actually sit down and watch these late 1980's horror franchise films, you realize that they weren't all that great, even if nostalgia is high. I recommend this film to complete your journey through horror, but not necessarily to go out of your way to watch, if you're not interested in the series as a whole. The franchise would rebound in the 90's and then get more pictures throughout the decades, some better than others. I really liked the poster.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

From the Mailbag Mid September 2010 Edition

Once again, the middle of the month brings forth a great deal of comments to reply and talk about. So here we go.

Trick or Treat Pete said in regards to my "Ed Gein The Butcher of Plainfield Review":

I've never seen this one, but I did see the 2000 Ed Gein with Steve Railsback as Gein. Very much enjoyed that one.
Dreaded Dreams
Petunia Scareum

This one is not worth it. If you have time on your hands, and absolutely must get it, I guess so.

Anonymous said in regards to "Sleepaway Camp Review":

I thought the ending was horrendous and horriffing and the cast and producers should be arrested,i mean i support people having a Imagination,But this film was Perverse and Disgusting,i bet kids go to sleep and wake up screaming after seeing the ending and thats wrong,i hope that this Movie gets good treatment from the Canadian and US Goverment and gets Banned for Life( No Apology)Banned for Eternity,StepDad pluto nash Seven should get banned Too,Kevin Spencer Rules though,At Least that show got real good reviews,good for you Greg Lawrence.

Well. I don't know what to tell you. The ending was classic, just classic. I loved it. Banned? That's too harsh.

Flor said in regards to my "REWIND: Lifeforce Review":

Lovely, I didn't want to comment in an old post, but since you just dust it out....
I wanna see this movie because of the zombie like creatures, and bad acting, sounds perfect for my frinds and myself. (We love old bad movies, and this one sounds sooo ODD. Interestng note: Last weekend we watched Killer Clowns From Outer Space, I didnt remember that the music was pretty good...)
So! I'm going to see if I find this movie thanks to your review. =)
(Ok, In true, I REALLY wanna see that 10 minutes with Stewart because... *WTF?!* Is to good not to see it.)

Yes, comment on anything! This one is cool, most people haven't even seen it. Killer Clowns is more "chiq" these days, but yeah, this was cool. Oh and yes, Stewart makes this one a "must see" for sure. The video game is fun too, make no mistake.

Anonymous said in regards to "Rob Zombie’s Halloween Review":

hell yeah

I agree!

Well that's the end of the comments for the middle of the month, keep checking back for more updates, and more random crap from yours truly..sir jorge.

Monday, September 13, 2010


I guess it's press release day over at Scary Film Blog. I was informed of this cool contest for you guys in the UK, and of course it's part of Grimm Up North Horror and Sci-Fi Festival! I wish I could go and check it out, but as you readers know, I'm broke...have no job or life, and just watch horror movies all the time. Anyways, check out the contest, check out the fest site, and good luck!


GRIMM UP NORTH horror and Sci-fi festival is back in Manchester this Halloween. Were screening over 30 films and bringing you exclusive horror gaming, exhibitions and seminars.

To celebrate the release of our early bird festival passes, we thought we'd give fans a chance to win some exclusive goodies. We have two copies of RESIDENT EVIL: THE DARKSIDE CHRONICLES for the Wii up for grabs and four exclusive DARKSIDE CHRONICLES t-shirts as runners up prizes (not available in the shops!)

To be in with a chance of winning, all you have to do is go to our website: and answer this question: How many films from this year’s festival line up have been announced so far and what are they? Please email all answers to

The deadline is 5pm, Friday 17th Sept, winners will be announced on the week of the 20th Sept. And remember to check out our fantastic early bird festival passes while you are there!

BLACK DEVIL DOLL "Weird Wobbler" out now!

You guys are in for it now! Over the weekend I received news that the Black Devil doll "Weird Wobbler" is now officially out! Horror fans, and Devil Doll fans alike have to be thrilled about this. I've been talking about it for a while now, but the time is now! These are limited edition, and will most likely sell out before I can get my grubby paws on one. If I had money, I'd buy one right now...and I'm not just saying that.

For those of you that are new to the film, you're really missing out. Talk about exploitation cinema, with a good measure of comedy. Here's the official press-release about the epic Wobbler!!!! Don't wait, or else you'll have to spend triple digits on ebay to get yourself one.



Cult Collectibles is proud to announce the release of its first "Weird Wobbler" bobblehead style figure from one of the most outrageous underground films ever made: BLACK DEVIL DOLL! In stock and shipping now!

Fans are already taking time to praise its detail online ( and share their photos and comments.

Cult Collectibles’ owner, Mark Jason Murray, posted a video of the official unveiling of the figure as he opened the first box:

And a previously posted “making of” video showed the process and evolution of the figure from concept to completion:

The figure is based on the 2008 film of the same name and is the story of an executed Black militant who is reincarnated into a vicious ventriloquist’s puppet, causing endless mayhem and murder (to put it mildly). Widely hailed by cult film aficionados and simultaneously condemned for its overt (yet completely tongue-in-cheek) offensiveness, Art Ettinger of Ultra Violent magazine stated, "Black Devil Doll is a triumph, seamlessly blending crass un-PC humor with cerebral artistry. The Lewis Brothers deliver one of the most original exploitation films of the new millennium, a singularly unique mix of brain and brawn."

Murray comments, “I became a tremendous fan of the film even before I saw it and when I started brainstorming what would be the perfect license to launch my toy company, BLACK DEVIL DOLL seemed to be the best fit. Thinking as a collector and fan, this is something that I would love to have in my own collection and since the film character is essentially a “toy” it was an easy choice. From a business perspective, I know the film already has a rabid fan following and that the film’s creators would be able to provide an incredible amount of publicity for it right out of the gate. I am also very keen to work with people who I considered friends.”

The figure was created with great attention to detail while still allowing it to have an identity of its own. "A lot of time was spent getting the details of the figure just right," states Murray. "It was still important for the figure to appear as a characature, which the bobblehead format is famous for, but only slightly as anything "cute" would have gone against the character in the film. It's really very accurate, from the subtleties of the facial expression down to its boots."

Besides holding a knife in one hand, even further details were included to help bring out the spirit of the film character and one of the film’s biggest jokes. “What started as a simple afterthought during the initial planning of the figure turned out to be one of the figure’s best features and one of the most difficult to obtain. We wanted the figure to be holding a bucket of “Oakland Fried Chicken” and initially it came back looking like Colonel Sanders on the bucket which was the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to look like so after multiple design revisions it finally got to where it needed to be and it brings a whole new level of hilarity to the figure that I am sure fans of the movie will really enjoy. I am very happy with everything about this figure. It was great to work with the creators of the character and film and perhaps we can collaborate on something else in the future.”

Murray’s company strategy is simple. “I really want to do figures that put Cult Collectibles in a category of its own and this provided me with the ability to do just that. I anticipate the figure will sell out quickly.”

Cult Collectibles is already at work on three future limited edition “Weird Wobbler” figures scheduled for release late 2010/early 2011:

- The “Demon Doll” will pay tribute to the Italian horror films of actress Geretta Geretta (Lamberto Bava’s DEMONS, Lucio Fulci’s MURDEROCK, RATS: NIGHTS OF TERROR, etc.)

- The “head wound girl” from Lucio Fulci’s THE BEYOND (in association with GRINDHOUSE RELEASEING)

- Lucio Fulci from his film CAT IN THE BRAIN (in association with GRINDHOUSE RELEASING)

BLACK DEVIL DOLL “Weird Wobbler” details:

-Limited edition of 1,000 hand numbered figures

-7 inches of lightweight polyresin

-housed in a full color retail box designed by BLACK DEVIL DOLL poster artist, Stephen Romano

For more information on Cult Collectibles visit:

For more information on Black Devil Doll visit:

Friday, September 10, 2010

Machete Review

Machete Review

For those of us that love Grindhouse, and not just the Tarantino/Rodriguez 4 hour epic, this movie seems like it would fit right in. Machete first came on the screen throught the trailer of the aforementioned opus, and was given so much fan fare that someone decided to make it a real movie. The movie has a plot that is laughable, and a leading man that is quite good; Danny Trejo.

Machete opens up in classic grindhosue style, two men trying to fight the bad guys only to get crossed and nearly get killed. The most impressive thing about the first 10 minutes is not so much the explosive action, but that we see the big screen return of none other than Steven Seagal. Dare I say, this is the best role I've seen Seagal in since um...ever! Michelle Rodriguez shows up here and actually acts! Oh and I didn't hate Jessica Alba or Lindsay Lohan in this film! Lohan gets nake! WOOO!

The plot revolves around outcast federal agent, Machete. He becomes a day laborer who is coerced into an assassination plot and that goes wrong, so he swears revenge on those that killed his wife and partner, and the story moves into revenge mode, just like the 70's.

The movie has a lot of gore. There is so much gore that it's ridiculous, and there is a ton of cg effects, but done in a nice way. Can you do blood in a nice way? I don't know. Trejo isn't relied upon to say a lot, but rather he plays a super man type role and he does it to full effect.

The story feels a little long. I got tired of it after a while. There is an overt immigration message, that I didn't care for, and there was a lot of nonsense to fill the screen.

All in all, Machete is an interesting throwback, but the highly polished visuals and overt immigration story line, alongside copious amounts of gore, didn't make this film a sure fire hit for me. Sure, I liked a lot of it, but it's not that great to me.

People forget, the grindhouse era films were TERRIBLE! This whole nostalgia thing about them is stupid in a lot of ways. Yes, we grew up with them, but they are so bad they are good. This film is halfway decent and not terrible, therefore I can't really feel nostalgic. I liked it enough, but like I said, I wished it was more...and I'm not sure how to really illustrate that.

Machete will live on on dvd, and blu ray I'm sure. It was nice to see such a film...but sitting in stadium seating and nice air conditioning, just really took away from the experience for me.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Wolfman Review

The Wolfman

2010 is NOT the year of good quality horror movies. Sure there are some movies out there, but it's just not a great year in horror film. I'm not going to say that there are NO horror movies, but let's just say there's not a long line up of films that have gotten me excited. Then again, no one cares.

Werewolf movies, what can be said? I've reviewed a lot of movies in my day, and some of my favorites are werewolf movies. Heck, HOWLING! COME ON HOWLING! One of my favorites. There's a lot of movies about this type of character, and it begs to question whether or not another one can be made, and happened. Before I dive into this film, considering that Geraldine Chaplin is in this...Chaplin comes full circle, just saying.

The plot of The Wolfman is interesting at first, even if some call it formulaic. There is nothing new to the werewolf myth here, except the transferring of power if you survive a bite from the wolf. The film is not really a "township" vs the animal, and is really more about the wolf and his father. Yep. This film is a metaphor about sons and fathers, and if you missed that, you missed the grand majority of the plot. There are some great lines that explain that as well, and it's interesting. Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins work well together and I have to say that Hopkins out acts everyone in this film, without even trying. That's not to say that the acting is all that great, but man, Hopkins has a presence that is hard to forget.

I loved the costumes. I absolutely love 19th century Victorian costuming, and there are some great ones here. There are some absolutely beautiful dark dresses that are juxtaposed with pale white faces...sorry, I love pale skin and...uh...nevermind. So I loved the details, and characterizations of the clothing.

I also loved the photography and cinematography. There are some beautiful shots of the forest, and faraway shots of horse drawn carriages. There is such a beauty found in scenes of death here, with an old school hearse, glass and all, and there are some amazing lighting choices. I loved the ambiance.

There is gore. I saw the unrated version and boy do they have gore. There is CG blood effects, but there are a LOT of close up shots with latex and gore effects that are a throwback to the 1980's. The gore is not comedic, it's straight up, with severed arms, legs, and all sorts of other harsh moments that will leave some a bit sick. I liked it.

The transformation scenes are terrible, and I didn't like it. I also didn't like the obvious throwbacks and CG. It was terrible...I'm sorry. I'd rather get the slow moving Howling stuff back...sorry.

Oh and in case anyone was wondering, there are more bestiality references than Disney's Beauty and the Beast...ok, so it might not be like that, but there are some moments that make you scratch your head. I mean, do women really like "beasts"? No wonder I can't get laid...geeks/nerds that love horror just never get any love :(

Is The Wolfman a scary film?: No.

I loved the ambiance, and loved the costumes and scenery, but the story? Nope. this movie isn't scary at all. I just don't think anyone is scared by werewolf's anymore. Yes, early on in this blog, I gave a huge comparison of good vs evil for Silver Bullet, and tried to balance the current nature of religion and animal rage, but this film doesn't let me do that.

Yes, there are some great moments in The Wolfman, moreover, the film tries to create a "good guy" role for the Wolf rather than making it a complete villain. So you're rooting for the anti-hero, yet there are points when you're suppose to hate him, and it's hard to balance what to think and whether or not to be scared.

I absolutely loved certain aspects of this film. I thought there were some great shots, and amazing stills, but overall? This movie kind of bored me with some serious identity crisis moments, and dream sequences, that just led nowhere. The pay off isn't even there, and there is a great point at the end of the film where we can jump off to a sequel. In the annals of werewolf history, this film is NOT one of the top draws. Is it the worst? No. But it's far from the best.

Those that loved the original, and love werewolf films in general, will NOT love this film. I admit. There is some slow moving sequences, and there are some points that were boring. However, some might find this to be quite good, specifically those that catch the metaphors and underlining story about "fathers and sons" etc. As a man who is the son of a broken man, and in some ways a broken man, I find that appealing about the film. Will you? I dunno. Check out this film, but owning it might not necessarily be a positive thing.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Silent Hill Review

Silent Hill Poster

I never played the Silent Hill games. I start by saying that because the movie I watched for review, is none other than the movie adaptation to the very popular video game, Silent Hill. Since I didn't play the video game, although I knew of the video game, I can't comment on whether or not it's a faithful adaptation. On the other hand, I am a horror movie fan, and one that can hate on a film better than the Angry Video Game Nerd can sum up his hatred of bad video games...or not.

In 2006, video game fans wer treated with a great deal of creature design, CGI and dare I say horror when Silent HIll hit theaters like a freight train hitting...I dunno...a puppy?

The plot?

What plot?

This movie moves so fast trying to explain things and showing you visual horror cues that by the time you realize what's going on, you just don't care. There are character popping up and moving the plot along that really makes no sens, and that's being generous. Maybe the reason why the film's plot is hard to follow is because I never played the video games. For those that absolutely need an explanation, the movie comes down to a simple kidnapping/dream plot about a family going to "Silent Hill" and finding out what happened there. Repressed memory? Identity crisis? Dream sequence? It's all here in a variety of metaphors.

I usually ask or question the validity of film being scary, and this one is not worth it. I just couldn't get behind any of the plot points and can not believe that this movie was made with such a terrible pace.

The only thing this film has going for it is the visual style. Despite being heavily CG, there is a nice touch to it, however, it is not worth saving the whole film over. I'd much rather have latex and rubber suits than to seeing CG only film. This movie sucks. I didn't like it, and despite the fact that I own it, I'll just remain one of the negative reviewers to talk about this film.

On a larger scope, I recommend it to those that are looking to see "EVERYTHING" like I am. I'm a man of great longing to see everything, and at one point wanted to own every horror film, but now? I am broke, and just don't care nearly as much to own it all. See it all?

I'm game.

Silent Hill is not great, but maybe if you're high or drunk you'll enjoy it. I don't advocate either....but eh...what are ya going to do?

Friday, September 3, 2010

REWIND: Lifeforce Review

I've been so dead tired lately that I didn't have time to watch or review an all new film. I get up at around 4:30 am so please excuse my tired updates. This review was originally written after my coworkers and I watched Lifeforce at work! This film is a good one, although I don't remember it being that good when I first saw it. It's one of those films that people have "heard of" but never saw. Mainly because it isn't played on syndicated television due to the nudity, and you know what? Despite the increase in popularity of Vampires, this movie isn't recommended often or even mentioned in "top 5" or "top 10" lists.

If you remember Cannon Films, you'll most likely remember this logo. It is the original company that released this film. I recall the original logo on the vhs tape that we rented at the video store I worked at, and it was this one. It was well polished and awesome to say the least. The Cannon films were great, and usually featured more graphic violence and terror themes than any other company out there. I even have a Cannon t-shirt...but enough of that.

Lifeforce combines two genres into one hell of a classic romp. Tobe Hooper directs this intense attempt at combining vampire movies with science fiction, and fails miserably to do justice to either side of the coin. This movie is plagued from the beginning, but has a lot of nudity to suffice the fact that there is not a lot of gore to satisfy diehard fans.

I mention gore solely on the premise that Hooper did The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (and part two as well). However, the nudity almost saves this film at times, and is one of the main reasons that I followed through the whole film. The film is based on a 1976 novel entitled; “The Space Vampires” by Colin Wilson.

The movie follows a group of astronauts exploring Haley’s Comet. As the team explores the comet they find a spaceship deep inside and upon entering they discover three beings in a state of suspended animation. The majority of the crew dies, but two guys survive and save these beings, and brings them to earth.

It turns out that these beings are “space vampires” and suck the water out of people, turning the victims into flesh eating zombies. They all answer to one queen bee, who answers to some synapse looking space ship right outside of earth’s orbit.

Here’s a trailer for Lifeforce:

This movie had some horrible effects, but only compared to what we have now. In 1985 these were most likely top notch. There are a lot of lightning effects. The coolest of all are the time lapse effects on the bodies, which explode into dust. These are awesome, and don’t look amateur at all, so I’d recommend this movie just for those brief instances of explosive zombie dust.

Other than that, there is a lot of topless scenes, which is most likely why this film isn’t always rotating on the Sci-Fi Channel. There are no real sex scenes, however, featuring just boobs for about half an hour, with the female vampire 90% of the time nude. However, the director really turns off the sexuality in the latter half of the film, relying on more interaction with the characters.

A major flaw that I found was definitely the short lived character played by Patrick Stewart. In a funny moment, he is paralyzed and is forced to sit in a wheelchair. (X-men) He is only in the film for about 10 minutes, and then is transformed into the female vampire…once again nude!

My personal favorite moments in this film are the exploration of the space ship early on in the film. It really looked surreal, and the astronauts floating through the dead ship was cool.

The ending of this film is horrible, and really just leaves you hanging. If you like King Arthur, you’re going to love this ending, because it’s just like slaying a dragon. It’s horrible, and Excalibur is shown piercing through the alien/vampires and well…closes off the gates.

Not before the city is over run with vampire zombie looking creatures. They die really easy…just wanted to throw that out there.

I don’t recommend Lifeforce to everyone, but it’s not half bad after you get passed the very convoluted plot, the horrible acting on the parts of most of the actors, and the hilarious lightning effects. If you like old school boobs, you’re going to love this film as the nudity is done quite well and is not “fake” as the majority of films these days have.

Oh and….I apologize to any female readers that might find this post a bit too much.

Lifeforce is available on dvd via
or your local retailer…maybe.

If you liked Lifeforce check out:

Event Horizon via
Aliens via
Re-Animator via
The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires via

As a bonus, check out the awesome international poster for Lifeforce:

As a second Bonus, here's the official Nintendo Game Lifeforce, which as no relation to the movie, except for the fact that it takes place in Space! Click image to play the ultimate game.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Ed Gein The Butcher of Plainfield Review

Ed Gein DVD

Ed Gein is one of the most notorious serial killers of all time. It has been said that his character and life has inspired many a horror movie villain including a major source for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. With so many films coming across my desk for review, it's hard to pick which one is high quality and which one is going to make me mad. I've seen some higher quality biographical pictures, and this is NOT one of them.

Ed Gein The Butcher of Plainfield is one of the worst biopics I've seen in a long time. Sure, it has a very good amount of gore, some decent acting at times, but overall it's just soft. There are a lot of scenes where there is a fade away cut, and then fade in to a new scene. I understand, independent film doesn't always have a lot of money, but this is not a glowing example of quality film work.

Take away the fact that this film is independent, and you at least should get a quality film right? Not really. The movie focuses on Ed Gein in a passive way and doesn't really go forward with ease.

It's not scary.

It's not worth a long evaluation.

There is a saving grace.

I will commend the producers and film makers for making a film with not a ton of CG blood or effects. I liked the gore, the blood and the brutality, but it wasn't that extreme. I liked that there was some creativity given to the film, and even though the Ed Gein character doesn't resemble the original guy much, it still had some good shots at trying to piece together a horror film.

I just didn't find it all that good.